Part 6
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John gathered her underneath him and buried his face in her hair.

"I can't give you what you want."

Natalie froze as she lost it all. Then she pushed against him with all her might. She scrambled out of the bed and gathered up her clothing and pulled them. She found her purse and pulled out his room key. She held it in her hand as she remembered when he had given it to her. It had still be warm from Evangeline's hand right after she had returned it to him, unwillingly.

Natalie had tried not to make it mean anything that he had given it to her instead. She had to admit now that she failed.

John pulled on his pants and stood in the entry from the bedroom to the living room and watched her.

Natalie put the key on the coffee table, stepped over the spill of beer and walked out the door.

John closed his eyes and rubbed his hand over his heart.

>>>>>

Natalie walked into the Diner prepared for battle.

It had been five days since she had returned John's key and walked out of his hotel room. Since then, he had avoided her as much as possible at work and had escaped for a couple of days to go with Evangeline to a family funeral. She refused to let him know how much the family trip and his avoidance bothered her and went on like nothing had ever happened.

She knew how to make herself look undaunted, growing up with a volatile Roxy and the mean streets of AC had taught her that much, even if she had mostly given that up since becoming part of the Buchanan clan. John, she noticed with glee, was not having as easy a time.

She could see the lust and the love he wouldn't acknowledge in his eyes every time he saw her. Like this afternoon at Llanfair when he had shown up unexpectedly to talk about their dormant affair and to try and rekindle their platonic friendship.

Dormant was the correct word, she admitted. She still loved and wanted him beyond reason. It was only her pride that had her stand her ground and refuse to go back to anything they had before – be it as lovers or friends. She had kissed him just to prove a point and watched him slink out at Evangeline's beck and call fairly hobbled by his desire for Natalie.

Of course, pride was not keeping her company at night or making it any easier to be apart from him.

As she walked in John got up from the table he was sitting at with Evangeline and took a phone call. Natalie made sure to walk past him and was rewarded when he mouthed an unthinking "hi" at her chest. She didn't bother suppressing a smirk as she walked past Evangeline and went to make herself available to Carlota.

"Natalie to the rescue!"

"Oh, look at you -- always a sight for sore eyes." Carlotta put her hands on Natalie's arms.

"Well, Roxy told me about your Cinco de Mayo celebration."

"Yes?"

"And I thought maybe I could help you in some way. I know I'm a lousy cook."

"I will find plenty for you to do, believe me. You're an angel."

"Good, good. Well, I'm glad I could help out in any way. I'll be in the kitchen in just a minute."

"Oh, yeah. Whenever you're ready."

"Thanks. Ahem. Evangeline? Ahem. I need to apologize. I feel I may have offended you -- which I didn't mean to -- when I asked you about the funeral. "

"Don't sweat it."

"Is everything okay?" Natalie couldn't suppress a flare of hope in her stomach.

"Why wouldn't it be?"

God, Natalie hated it when Evangeline tilted her head and bugged her eyes out to look innocent. Her classmates had taken to calling her the "bug eyed monster". They definitely got it partially right. She was actually a whole lot more than just a monster. Natalie was kind of regretting letting John go so easily at this exact moment, just so she could secretly gloat about it. Not very admirable, but Natalie could live with that.

"I don't know, but, when you and John got back, John -- he just seemed so mad at the world, losing his temper left and right, and I've never seen him in such a bad mood." Which had made Natalie's day so much sweeter really, especially since she suspected it wasn't entirely about Evangeline and a lot to do with Natalie herself.

"Well, maybe he missed me."

"He did spend two very long days with you." Very, very long, Natalie finished the sentence in her head.

"Are you meeting someone here?"

"Why do you ask?" Natalie could tell that John was deliberately prolonging his phone conversation to avoid walking into the middle of the two women's conversation. The image brought a slight smile to her lips. Oh, she was so not going to make it easy for him.

"Well, you have become somewhat ubiquitous, haven't you? Wherever John is, there you are."

"Ubiquitous? Wow. Some vocabulary you got there."

"Sorry. Is it over your head?"

"That's why you said it -- to make me feel inferior." Natalie barely managed to not roll her eyes at Evangeline's amateur tactics.

"I don't need big words for that. Your inferiority has nothing to do with me."

This time Natalie couldn't quite suppress a giggle. "Actually, Evangeline, the more obnoxious you are, the more it's making me realize that you're the insecure one, not me. Oh, yeah, and for the record -- about me always being where John is? He came to see me at Llanfair, not the other way around."

"Yeah. He told me all about what happened at Llanfair, Natalie. How humiliating for you."

"F.Y.I. -- No, I am not meeting anyone here. I am here to help my former mother-in-law in the kitchen because being close to her makes me feel closer to Cristian, thank you. Oh -- and I'll stop being ubiquitous now."

Bitch. The unspoken word hung between them.

With that, Natalie turned on her heel and went to see Carlotta in the kitchen.

>>>>>

"I found the can we were looking…"

The can dropped from Natalie's bloodless fingers as her brain tried to take in what she was seeing. What she was smelling. She didn't even hear her own screams. She backed up, hitting her hip on the work table, and like an animal looked for somewhere to hide.

"Natalie? Natalie!"

John's voice sounded like it was coming from far away.

She saw him, gun drawn, slamming the back door closed. How did that get open?

"Natalie? Hey! Come here. Oh! Oh, God. I thought it was you. I thought it was you. You okay? Come on. You okay?"

Natalie felt his hand slipping around her and pulling her towards her warmth. Cold. She was so cold. She hung on for dear life.

"Easy. It's okay. It's okay."

His grip was bruising her body, causing blood to rush back and warm her as he guided her out of the kitchen. She had to hide her eyes.

But then the horror had only begun.

"Oh, my God! John, what happened?" Evangeline was there and speaking. And tilting her head.

Natalie shuddered against John. She felt a bit seasick.

>>>>>

Natalie smoothed her sweaty hands on her pants. John had run out there without back-up and everyone just wanted to sit around and wait.

Any thought of their affair and breakup ceased to matter. John was alone and could be in trouble and she was never one to wait.

When she heard the 1013 (and only fleetingly recognizing it as Mulder and Chris Carter's birthday) she knew she had to get to him.

She found him in the park gasping for breath, even in the dim lighting she could see the red welt forming on his neck and she reached out without thought to soothe it.

"What are you doing here?" He grabbed her hand.

"Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. You shouldn't be here. Hey -- don't ever put yourself on the line for me, Natalie!"

"Well, I couldn't just stay there." She wasn't rattled by his anger, she knew it was just worry.

"I don't care. You know what that did to me seeing you, thinking that was you there in kitchen?"

Wordlessly, Natalie shook her head. They just looked at each other, waiting. She saw the moment John locked his emotions behind the iron wall he used to hold himself distant from her, except when he was loving her body.

"Come on. I'll take you back to the diner."

Tentatively he put his arm around her shoulder. Suddenly exhausted from it all, Natalie acquiesced and let him silently lead her away.