Matchmaker

Disclaimer: Oh, sorry, didn't you realise? J K Rowling often uses my account to post her fanfiction. See, she just loves writing slash, and for some reason hasn't put it in the books. I've asked her why not, but she hasn't told me.

Recognise a giant wind-up whe you see one, please!

It was Boxing day, the night it happened.

We were all just fooling about, having a drink or two and being generally friendly. Mum was visiting Dad in hospital again, and Sirius and Fred were getting totally, all-out drunk on Firewhisky. I could tell that this would be one of those nights when I had to drag Fred up to bed before Mum found us, just like he'd done for me.

Tonks and Remus were sitting opposite one another, Tonks next to Fred and Remus next to Sirius. I'd noticed what they hadn't: they were in love. AN: Awwwwwww The way they just sat and stared at each other was a big clue.

So, I'd had this great idea, of course. I'd slip a love potion into Remus' drink and Fred would slip one into Tonks'. Unfortunately, Fred, at the moment, was in no state to slip a potion into a six-mile wide cauldron. It would probably take him about half an hour, if he kept on at this rate, to reach unconsciousness.

That meant that I had to fill up everyone's glasses, so I made my rounds of the table, having filled up Remus' and Tonks' glasses. Fred got a refill too, as did Sirius. By the time I got back to my seat, Fred had already finished his and was absently reaching for Tonks' glass. That was when things really started to go wrong.

Then Remus suddenly stood up, and, muttering some vague explanation that no-one could hear, made for the door.

"C'n I finish yer Fire… who-wha-thingy?" Sirius slurred. "I mean, like, it'd be a shaaame t'let it go to… w.. w... whatsit."

Remus nodded absently and left the room. Tonks followed hurriedly, and I wondered whether they actually needed a love potion to get them started at all.

With a curse, I realised what was happening. Fred and Sirius were drinking the love potions! And, as if that wasn't bad enough, they were sitting opposite each other, so guess who they were going to fall in love with? You got it. I was scared to interfere in case they fell in love with me, but by the time I whirled round in shock they had already professed eternal love to each other.

Oops.

Everyone else just laughed, and thankfully Mum wasn't there to faint in shock when Fred leaned over the table and planted a lovely big smooch on Sirius' grinning lips. Sirius clambered over the table to get to Fred and everyone started leaving very hurriedly. Snape passed me with a look of horror eliminating any possible doubt as to what he thought.

Kingsley actually looked amused, and Mad-Eye just looked exasperated. I counted my blessings and looked back at my twin kissing an apparent mass murderer.

No, not kissing. They'd passed that stage long ago. They were now at the-

OH MY GOD! WHAT DID THEY THINK THEY WERE DOING?

I decided that I was probably unwelcome too when they started stripping each other.

I was s glad that Mum and Dad didn't know. I mean, Dad wouldn't have been as bad as Mum – nobody could possibly have been as bad as Mum would have – but the situation would still have been horrific. Apart from the fact that neither of them had ever seen either of us drunk.

Hopefully, no-one would tell them what was happening in the kitchen.

Hopefully, everyone would think they were drunk.

Hopefully, they really were drunk, and wouldn't anything about it the next morning.

I thought that through again.

No. Hopefully, they weren't really drunk, and would remember everything in the morning. I would have one up on my brother and for all I knew I might be starting a lifelong relationship. I cringed at that thought. No.I didn't want that.

It took me a while efore I realised I'd been spoken to. By Mad-Eye Moody, no less.

"What did you put in the drinks, boy?"

Oh, great. He knew. I was dead.

AN: Yeah. Another of the draw-the-names-out-of-the-hat and see what you come up with. So…

REVIEW! …please?