You and My Ranch Tooth
Chapter Three
A/N: Once again, I return with another chapter!
Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon, Wendy's or the Ranch Tooth (If I owned them, I'd be really rich, but I don't own them).
A frigid autumn breeze chilled the air Friday afternoon as Takuya and Izumi were having a picnic in the park. Nearly a week had passed since the Ranch Tooth had tried to disrupt their romantic dinner together. For Takuya a picnic was a nice change, Shinya had dropped a cow's heart in Takuya's pants a few days ago as payback for his brother beating him up a week before.
Takuya was dressed in a white shirt and khaki pants; his regular outfit was in the wash because of the cow heart incident. Izumi was dressed in a wide-brimmed white hat (Takuya felt that it eerily looked like the Ranch Tooth's hat) with pink ribbon tied around the middle, a light pink shirt and matching pants.
"This sure is relaxing," said Izumi, "The autumn air makes the food taste even better!" "Yeah, it sure beats being hassled by that Ranch Tooth," said Takuya, eating a grilled cheese sandwhich. "Hey Izumi, remember that time you and Kouji were going out a while back and he broke up with you by faking his death?" "How could I forget?" said the girl, rolling her eyes.
FLASHBACK:
"Izumi!" shouted Izumi's mother, "That Minamoto boy's brother is at the door!" "Coming Mom!" shouted Izumi as she ran down the stairs.
Izumi ran to the front door and saw Kouichi standing on the porch. "Um, Izumi?" began the boy. "Uh, Kouji was eaten by a pack of mangy dogs last night." He held up a tattered jacket with the words 'WXNM 104.6: Home of Madman Matsuda and the Toilet Trio' printed on the back. "This is the only thing left of him, I'm really sorry." Tears welled up in Izumi's eyes; Kouichi tossed the jacket on the porch and ran away. His brother leapt out of the bushes, laughing his head off. Izumi was too busy sobbing to notice.
END OF FLASHBACK:
"At least our relationship isn't headed for a downward spiral," said Takuya. Izumi stared at the afternoon sky, looking sad and worried. "What's wrong?" "Nothing," said Izumi, biting her lip. "It's just that I've been worried about what you said about the Ranch Tooth wanting to take you back and clog your arteries. I'm worried that it's going to succeed and keep us apart forever." Tears began to run down her face. "I haven't known this kind of happiness you've made me feel ever in my entire life. What if ---?"
Takuya put a finger on Izumi's lips. "Don't worry, my love. The Ranch Tooth isn't going to win me back." "How do you know that?" asked the girl. "Trust me," said the boy, smiling "That overgrown molar won't win, it wouldn't be a romantic fic without us staying together." He embraced her and whispered in her ear, "Plus it wouldn't be a romantic fic without a good kissing scene every now and then." He gazed into her beautiful eyes and planted a kiss on her lips. Izumi returned the kiss and pulled him closer. Just as the two felt like they had entered paradise, a shrill beeping pulled them out. Takuya ended the kiss and went into his pocket, pulling out a pager.
"Oh crap!" "What is it?" "I've got to go home. Mom and Dad are going shopping tonight and I have to baby-sit Shinya." "Oh, that's too bad," said Izumi. "I was hoping we could stay for a little while longer." "You're not the only one," said Takuya. "I really would have like to have finished that kiss."
He picked up his picnic basket and headed home. "Bye, Izumi!" called Takuya. "Bye, Takuya!" called Izumi.
"Had fun making out with your girlfriend?" asked Shinya as his older brother walked in. "We weren't making out, Shinya," said Takuya matter-of-factly. "Then why were you two kissing like you were the only people left on earth?" asked Shinya dreamily. "Huh? How did you know I did that?" asked Takuya. "I know," said Shinya as X-Files music played in the background. "And where's that music coming from?" Shinya held up a digital recorder and said, "The wonders of the Digital Age."
"If you need me, I'll be in my room," said Takuya as he started up the stairs. "Wait!" shouted Shinya. Takuya fell down the steps in exhaustion. "Some guy brought a package for you earlier today." "What kind of package?" asked Takuya as he picked himself up off the floor. "How should I know?" asked Shinya. "Go check it out for yourself. I gotta play Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door, not waste time with you!" "Could you at least tell me where the package is?" "It's in the kitchen!" shouted Takuya's younger brother.
The boy walked into the kitchen; a brown box sat on the table. Takuya approached the box, worried that it might contain explosives, crazy-purple knockout gas, a blood-sucking investor or some other soulless being of the undead. A label was on top of the box, written on it was 'From: Phineas Frankly, To: My Good Friend, Takuya Kanbara'. "I don't know any Frankly," said Takuya out loud to himself. He grabbed a knife from the knife block on the counter and cut the box open, praying that the Ranch Tooth wouldn't pop out.
Rather than the meddlesome molar, a chocolate cake with a single strawberry on top lay inside the box. "This is too weird," said Takuya, cutting himself a piece of the cake. "You know," he said, facing all the people reading the story, "Eating food given to you by strangers is a completely stupid and possibly dangerous thing to do. But for the sake of the story, I'm gonna have to take that chance." He ate the piece of cake and soon the horror began.
"Ohhh!" groaned Takuya as he grabbed his stomach. "That cake went down like a rock!" Then his face turned a shade of purple and he felt that cake rising into his throat. "Oh man!" Takuya ran up the stairs to the toilet and barfed loudly.
Takuya lurched out of the bathroom and dragged himself into his room, moaning all the way. He approached his bed and saw a very odd thing, a Ranch Tooth beanbag with a tag that had 'You've been Punk'd!' written on it. The boy picked up the doll and tore it into pieces, scattering the beads within across the floor.
"Crap, I should've know it was the Ranch Tooth!" moaned Takuya. "This is worst than the time I lost that bet to Kouji!"
FLASHBACK:
"Hah!" said Kouji over the phone. "I told you there was a guy in the hatch!"
"Nuts," said Takuya, "I thought that it was going to be a doomsday virus or mutant clones of the Frenchwoman."
"Looks like I've won our bet," said Kouji triumphantly. "You know what that means, don't you?"
"Yes Kouji, I know what it means," said Takuya bitterly. "The winner gets a 25-Off coupon for carpet samples and the loser-----"
The next day, Kouji was buying carpet samples from Kamiya's Carpets when something shocking happened. As he was leaving the store, he saw Takuya streaking with a red and yellow-checkered scarf around his neck. For some reason, his lower body was tiled out. People started screaming and throwing things at him. "Don't blame me!" Shouted Takuya. "Lost made me do it!"
END OF FLASHBACK:
Takuya threw himself on the bed; his stomach felt like it was going to come out of his mouth at the moment. "Stupid Ranch Tooth," he muttered as sleep prepared to seize him. "If I hadn't eaten that burger, this never would have happened."
JP and the Ranch Tooth were hiding outside Takuya's house, getting ready to take him out.
"Okay, he's taken the bait," said JP." "Now it's your turn to finish him off!"
"Ranch!" said the tooth.
Takuya awoke from a pleasant dream about sheep jumping fences into the mouths of wolves and found himself hugging something cold. He kicked his blankets off and saw what was in the bed: the Ranch Tooth. He had soon forgotten about his nausea.
"Ranch?" asked the Ranch Tooth.
"No, I haven't missed you," said Takuya.
"Ranch!"
"I don't need you anymore!" cried Takuya. "Why won't you understand?!"
"Ranch!" said the tooth as it tried to impale the boy with its roots. Takuya punched the molar and said, "Dr. Kanbara is in to pull your tooth!" He grabbed a vase and smacked the tooth over the head. Birdies chirped and circled the Ranch Tooth; Takuya kicked the tooth and took the fight out into the hallway. Shinya came out of his room holding a prop replica of the Master Sword and he called to his brother, "Takuya, use this sword! It can destroy the Ranch Tooth!" "You're wrong, Shinya!" shouted Takuya as he fought the tooth. "The Master Sword is the only thing that destroys Ganondorf, and besides that's just a prop!" "Whatever! Just use the stupid thing!" Shinya threw the fake sword at his brother. Takuya stabbed the Ranch Tooth in the forehead and watched the plastic blade break in a thousand pieces.
"Crap." He said, now beating the tooth with the hilt of the blade. The Ranch Tooth stabbed Takuya in an unmentionable area and the boy threw the sword hilt at the molar. "I'm really getting tired of screwing with you," said Takuya. He kicked the tooth down the stairs and followed after him. Takuya stood over the fallen Ranch Tooth and proclaimed, "Is that the best you can do, you stupid tooth?"
The Ranch Tooth pulled itself up. "Ranch!" it shouted, throwing its hat at the boy. "What? Now you've resorted to throwing your hat at me?" asked Takuya. "I laugh at your stupidity!" the hat missed him and flew into a painting hanging on the living room wall of a girl pouring milk into a glass while a cat stuck one of its paws into the glass while staring stupefied at the viewer. Takuya's parents had bought at a junk sale awhile back. The Ranch Tooth's hat cut the painting into two; Takuya's jaw hit the floor in horror. "I see you've visited Odd Job," he said in horror. As the hat returned to the tooth, Takuya kicked the Ranch Tooth and sent it flying into the front door. He opened the door and told the tooth, "Now be a good Ranch Tooth and LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!" He kicked it again, sending it out on the street crying 'Ranch!' all the way.
Takuya sat down on the porch, exasperated and Shinya came up to his brother. "Can I get you anything?" he asked. "Yeah," said Takuya. "Amnesia pills."
"He beat you again?" JP asked the Ranch Tooth, They were in his basement at the time. JP was dressed in a black suit, black sunglasses and was flicking a cigarette lighter open and closed.
"Ranch." Said the tooth.
"Yes, he is a tough customer, but we'll get him soon." JP flicked the lighter open and set his pants on fire. "YAHHHHH!" he ran around the room ablaze until the Ranch Tooth threw a bucket of ice water on the overweight boy.
"BRRR!" shivered JP. "How does Yamaki manage to not kill himself with this darn lighter?"
"Ranch?"
"Yeah, that could be possible," said JP. He turned his back to the Ranch Tooth and said, "When we're done with Takuya, he'll pray that he never gave you to me." "Ranch!" agreed the tooth.
Tomoki: Will JP and the Ranch Tooth get their revenge on Takuya? Can Izumi and Takuya's love survive? Will I ever make an appearance in this story? Find out in the finale of You and My Ranch Tooth!