You and My Ranch Tooth
Chapter Four
A/N: This is the last chapter of the story, so I hope you all enjoy it!
Tomoki: LOKE!!!!
Loke: What!?! I was just getting into the bath!
Tomoki: WHERE'S MY PAYCHECK?!
Loke: You'll get paid at the end of the story!
Tomoki: Why are you making me wait until the end?
Loke: Well, the reason for that is… (mumbles inaudibly)
Tomoki: I don't like the sound of that.
Loke: Heheheheh.
Disclaimer: Once again, I don't own Digimon or Wendy's.
Takuya was still recovering from his last encounter with the Ranch Tooth two days before. It was now Sunday night; his parents would be coming home tomorrow and would likely be pissed off that the Ranch Tooth ruined that painting with its hat.
The boy was out in the kitchen cooking popcorn on the stovetop when the phone rang. He answered the phone. "Hello?"
"Is your sister home?" Replied a raspy voice.
"What?" asked Takuya.
"You're not Tai Kamiya, are you?" inquired the voice.
"No, I'm Takuya Kanbara."
"Oops, wrong number," said the guy.
They hung up and Takuya resumed cooking the popcorn. A couple minutes later, the phone rang again.
"Hello?"
"What are you doing, Takuya?" asked the raspy voice.
"Making popcorn on the stove," Takuya replied.
"Gonna watch a scary movie, aren't ya?"
Takuya rolled his eyes. This guy thinks he's in Scream, the boy thought."No, I'm going to watch a cheesy sci-fi movie from the Eighties."
"Ooh," said the voice in mock enthusiasm. "That sounds reeeeally scary! You know what my favorite scary movie is?" Takuya stood at the other end silently. "Waterworld."
"That's not a horror movie!" "Yes it is!" protested the voice. "The first time I saw it, I thought I was going to die!"
"Look," said Takuya who was growing annoyed, "I've been hounded by this crazy Ranch Tooth for months now, so quit with the stupid mock-up of Scream already!"
"All right, but would you believe me if I told you that your friend JP has teamed up with that Ranch Tooth to make you miserable?" asked the voice.
"Hmm," said Takuya thoughtfully. "That would explain the bizarre odor of ranch burgers and the well-thumbed issue of Playboy I found in the bushes after the Ranch Tooth tried to kill me a couple nights ago."
"D'oh!" exclaimed the raspy voice. "I knew I should have covered my tracks better!"
"Who is this?"
The guy on the phone quickly hung up. Takuya shook his head in disbelief, "My life is totally whacked." He muttered. The popcorn on the stove exploded, shooting the popcorn across the room like shotgun pellets. "Oh crap."
JP and the Ranch Tooth were brooding in their lair, planning Takuya's demise. "He's on to us," said JP. "Ranch!" shouted the tooth.
"Yeah, I know it's my fault."
"Ranch!"
"No, I don't think a ranch burger would help us kill him."
"Ranch?" inquired the Ranch Tooth.
"Here's the plan," said JP. After mumbling incoherently, he then said, "And then when he's vulnerable, we'll unleash our wrath on him!"
Monday afternoon, a mere few hours before Takuya's parents would come home and give him a tongue-lashing, he was in a café having lunch with Izumi.
"And so, now JP's sided with the Ranch Tooth and they both want me dead." He said as he finished telling Izumi about what the guy said.
"I can't believe this!" said Izumi. "Why can't the Ranch Tooth just leave you alone?"
"I don't know," said Takuya as he drank some coffee. "It's about as confusing as the time Kouichi won that marathon."
FLASHBACK:
Takuya, Kouji, Izumi, JP, Tomoki and Kouichi were getting ready to run a marathon. "On your marks," said the announcer, "Get set, GO!!!!!'Everyone in the marathon ran faster than you could imagine. For some reason, Kouichi hadn't moved at all. "What's up with Kouichi?" yelled Tomoki.
"Hey bro!" shouted Kouji. "You're gonna get behind!"
Just then, Kouichi pulled out a sword and cried, "I HAVE THE POWER!!!!!" He turned into He-Man and jumped on a camera, which then turned into Battle Cat. He jumped on the massive feline and joined the marathon, knocking everyone down as he barreled to the goal.
"Someone's been watching too many reruns of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe," said Izumi bitterly as she pulled herself up off the ground.
END OF FLASHBACK
"Yeah that didn't make much sense," said Izumi shaking her head.
"From Loke Groundrunner's mind, only could this story come," said Yoda as he gave them the bill.
"How are you the waiter here?" asked Takuya.
"Waiter, I am not," replied the Jedi Master. "Special guest star, I am."
"Weird!" shouted Takuya and Izumi. They broke into uncontrollable laughter and then Izumi said, "Like I was saying before that weird flashback, I don't get why the Ranch Tooth is harassing you like that."
"It's easy," said Takuya. "I was tortured by the Ranch Tooth, I then knocked it out and pawned it off on JP. It's only natural that JP would be a little pissed about that."
"I just don't know how our relationship can survive this," said Izumi.
She felt Takuya put his hand on hers and he said, "This is coming from the girl who said we were meant for one another? I've already told you, Izumi, I'll find a way to dispose of the Ranch Tooth and then everything will be alright."
Kiss her already! He shouted at himself. He could feel his lips growing closer to hers, but just when they were about to meet, all hell broke loose. The Ranch Tooth came flying through the window near where they were seated and broke it into a thousand pieces. "Ranch!" shouted the tooth as it landed on a barstool. "Cool!" shouted a little kid as he took a picture of the Rnach Tooth and ran away. "Ranch!" shouted the tooth as the kid escaped.
"What do you want now?" demanded Izumi. Then an SUV came flying through the frame, where the window had once stood and killed several patrons in the café "You stupid Ranch Tooth!" shouted a voice. "I told you I was going to throw the car first and then you!" JP ran into the café, he was dressed in a green coat and had black sunglasses on.
"Wow," said an onlooker, "Two movie parodies in one chapter!" "You know, JP," said Takuya, trying as hard as he could to not laugh, "If you just had four metal arms, I could call you Doc Ock!"
JP ignored the comment. He pulled out a granola bar the size of a golf club and beat the brown-haired boy over the head. Takuya stumbled to the ground, moaning and complaining about how much he hated granola. The Ranch Tooth had somehow knocked out Izumi and was carrying her on its crown.
"If you ever want to see the blonde alive again, come to the Gravy-Glayvin towers downtown," said JP in a cold voice. "Ranch," whispered the tooth to the boy. " Oh wait, I mean Pepsi Presents Gravy-Glavyin towers," Corrected JP. "Anyway, it's time for my stylish exit!"
JP did a weird dance in which he kicked his legs in the air and stuck his arms out and twirled around. Then Takuya passed out; for while JP was dancing, the Ranch Tooth sprayed his former slave with knockout gas.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Takuya as he awoke to the noise of flapping wings, cigarette smoke and the horrible truth that professional wrestling is bogus.
Actually, he awoke to the horrible truth that a crow that was wearing black sunglasses and smoking a cigarette was flying him to the Gravy-Glayvin towers.
The crow flew Takuya over the towers and dropped him. He fell on top of a passing train, which was ironically the same locomotive that JP and the Ranch Tooth stood on top of.
"You're quite the dramatic entrance-maker," said JP sarcastically. Both him and the Ranch Tooth stood at the helm of the train.
"Can it," said Takuya. "Where's Izumi?"
"She's perfectly safe," said JP. "By safe I mean tied to the tracks at the next junction, which we'll be passing by in a couple minutes."
"Normally I'd be pretty freaked-out by now," said Takuya. "But today I came prepared." He pulled a can of Holy Expletive Batman's brand of Train Immobilizer from his pockets and sprayed it in the air. The train stopped moving just as it pulled into the junction.
"Takuya!" Takuya saw Izumi tied to the tracks up ahead. "Help me!" "I'm coming, Izumi!" he shouted back at her. Takuya heard a nasally "Ranch!" from the tooth as he felt one of the molar's roots in his rear.
Takuya removed the root out of his posterior and kicked the Ranch Tooth in the head. Soon both the boy and tooth exchanged several kinds of punches and the fight had officially begun. JP watched the battle as he scoffed down a ranch burger. As the battle between Takuya and the Ranch Tooth continued, an angel and a devil appeared on JP's shoulders.
"Come on," said the devil JP. "Have another ranch burger! You know you want to."
"Don't do it," said the angel JP. "Imagine how high your cholesterol is!"
Takuya had somehow come across nunchuks and was using them to beat up the Ranch Tooth as JP stood there. "Don't you want to help the Ranch Tooth kill Takuya?" asked the devil JP. "Come on, stop being such a wussy! Do it!"
The Ranch Tooth hurled it hat at Takuya attempting to cut the boy's head off and JP still stood there. "No, Junpei," said the angel JP. "Takuya is your friend. He has suffered at the hands of the Ranch Tooth, too. You must help him!"
"Shut up." The devil JP threw a pitchfork at the angel and killed it. "Takuya's the one who gave you the Ranch Tooth, didn't you forget? I say KILL HIM!"
"I can make my own decisions," said JP as he flicked the devil JP off his shoulder. "TAKUYA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Takuya turned and saw JP charging at him. Oh great, thought Takuya. "Ranch!" cried the Ranch Tooth as it jumped up, getting ready to spear Takuya's innards. JP jumped at the Ranch Tooth, time froze in a very Matrix-like way and he hit the Ranch Tooth with a jump kick, launching the meddlesome molar into a nearby crate. "JP! You're not nuts anymore!" cried Takuya. "There's no time to explain the sudden plot-twist," said the other. "We've got a Ranch Tooth to take care of!"
"Ranch!" it cried as it flew inside the crate. JP and Takuya quickly grabbed a lid and put it on the crate to prevent the molar from escaping.
"Ranch, ranch raaaaaaaanch!" the tooth cried from inside the crate. The two boys untied Izumi from the tracks and Takuya kissed her. "Is it over?" asked Izumi. "Yeah, it's over," said Takuya as he hugged her. "You two need to get a room," said JP as they started kissing each other. "What are we going to with our friend in the crate?"
Takuya pulled away from Izumi. "I've got an idea," he said slyly.
Later, everybody was gathered at the beach at sunset. Takuya grabbed the crate the Ranch Tooth was in and dropped it in the ocean. "Ranch!" shouted the tooth as it tried to break out of the crate in vain.
"Well, that's that," said JP as he watched the waves carried the crate off. "That stupid Ranch Tooth is gone."
"Why didn't I appear much in this story?" asked Kouji. "Because the author was too cheap to have us all as featured players," Said Kouichi remorsefully.
"And I'm still waiting for my paycheck!" whined Tomoki.
"Well, now that the story's pretty much over," said Takuya, "I think it's time for a song!"
"Let's do a parody of Fame!" suggested Kouji. "Okay!" said Takuya. "Everybody ready!" they all nodded.
RANCH! He wants to annoy you forever! He wants to drive you insane!
RANCH! He's such a stupid little molar! He's really quite inane!
RANCH! He wants to annoy you forever! You don't want to remember his name!
RANCH!
Tomoki: I'm still waiting, Loke!
Loke: Oh right, the paycheck. (checks pockets) Sorry, don't have one!
Tomoki: That tears it! Execute! Beast Spirit Evolution!
KorIkkakumon: Now you're gonna get it!
Loke: (Gets chased by KorIkkakumon) Please remember to Read and Review! WAH!!!!!