June 26th
Collins left this morning.
Mark and I took the subway with him to Penn Station so that we could see him on to the train. I didn't really want to go, I haven't been sleeping much since the day I found April and I was exhausted, but I ended up feeling like I needed to be a good person and going anyways. Especially since Roger refuses to leave the loft. And, playing the role of Mark's devoted girlfriend, I definitely had to be there. So I went and we said goodbye. Collins is living with his cousin, who lives just outside of Boston and is asking for no money for the rent ("Lucky he's not a Benny," I reminded him), so Collins plans to stay down there over Thanksgiving break and spend Thanksgiving with his family, but he hopes to come and stay with us during their winter holiday.
That is, if Benny hasn't evicted us yet.
Benny is really quite a piece of work now, coming home after spending only three days with Allison in Connecticut, to announce that they were engaged. Well, how fucking lovely for him, and how miserable for her. But anyways, he also decided that we needed to start paying rent on the loft, since he and Allison's dad (a.k.a. the REAL reason Benny's getting hitched) have big plans on making our building into an office or studio or something stupid like that. So you think he wouldn't want us to pay rent on it, so that he can just evict us and get us out, but instead he lets us know that his plan isn't going into action for a while, so we need to start paying rent if we don't want to be evicted. Like that's happening…he knows we can't fucking afford to pay rent. We have Saltines and a half eaten box of Captain Crunch in the cabinets, and that's our food supply, and we're supposed to pay rent! Asshole. I never liked him, anyways.
God, I'm surrounded by assholes nowadays, save for Mark, and what's worse than being an asshole is a doormat, like Mark. Roger's just a fucking idiot who I'm already tired of putting up with, I'm tired of listening to him complain about having to take AZT, the one thing that will keep him alive, and I'm tired of Mark leaving the bed in the middle of the night to go pat Roger on the back while he throws up because he's going through such bad withdrawals. I mean, whose fault is that? Certainly not mine or Mark's, so why is it taking such a toll on our lives? I know why. It's because Mark is a doormat. He's been letting Roger walk all over him since before I even knew them and it's obviously a habit Mark doesn't feel like breaking. His life has revolved around Roger even before, but now it's just more obvious, since I'm taking a back seat to being with my boyfriend so he can be with another man who isn't even treating him well.
Well Mark, honey, two can play at that game.
All of our roommates know that I'm bisexual, except for Mark. I've never actually said to anyone, "Yes, I'm bisexual," but they've all pretty much assumed it and I don't deny it, so I'm pretty sure they all have a good idea of who I really am. It's always Mark, the one with the camera who wants to observe so much deeper than everyone else, that misses the obvious things. And I mean, why shouldn't I be bisexual? I'm fabulous looking and I can get whoever I want. I've had flings with girls in the past, but no more than I've had with men. I've never really had a serious relationship with a woman, but then again, Mark is the only person I've ever had a real "serious relationship" with. We've been dating for about four months (he asked me to be his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, and it was so charmingly cliché that I couldn't refuse), and I'm already starting to get bored. And it's not that Mark is boring (well, he's not boring all the time), it's me. It's not him, it's me.
Actually, it's not really either of us. It's Roger, who is somehow making this relationship between three people instead of the two who are supposed to be involved.
When I met Mark, I liked him immediately. And how couldn't I? He was so adorable, like a puppy that you see in the pet store window and you have to get it, because it's just so fucking cute. And, like the cute puppy, Mark worshipped me. Believe me, having a guy with a camera feel the need to use all of his film on you sipping a drink at a bar does wonders for your self-esteem. Having Mark around was great, because he was just so devoted. And only to me, too, which was shocking…most of the other guys I've dated were all about the fact that there were other women. I could accept that. But Mark never made me. It was nice.
Not to mention, Mark spoiled me. He treated me like the princess that I am. I've been called high-maintenance by other people, but Mark's never said a thing like that to me. It's rare that I can find someone who can put up with me like Mark can, and I guess that's a lot of the reason why I stuck around. Besides, when I moved in with him, I got really attached to the people I was living with. Leaving Mark most likely means leaving here, and right now, while dealing with all this, I'm not ready to leave. Not yet.
But that doesn't mean I'm not ready to look for a new place to go when I am ready.
I don't usually like to do author's notes (I hate them and that's also why I only put the disclaimer in the first chapter, I feel like notes and disclaimers take you away from the story, but I couldn't resist on this chapter), but I feel theneed to say sorry for the short chapter and the really mean Maureen. I just figured I'd give you all a little insight into the Mark/Maureen pairing before I can start having Maureen find new people (coughJOANNEcough). And I'm going to see my Maureen, Idina Menzel (fangirls and dies on the floor) tonight, so hopefully I will be very inspired to write some more interesting happenings on this story. So until then, review! Thanks for reading!