Disclaimer: I own none of this, the words in italics have been taken from actual episodes of Stargate: Atlantis and are not mine. The only thing I own is the nice little prose not in italics-but I don't own the people spouting that nice little prose. Read and review, but if you hate it so very much, please, no flaming.

Spoilers: Everything up to The Siege pt. II

Feelings, of the Personal Kind

By: Taya Henderson

"I told you she was a liability, sir! Now I'm not gonna let your personal feelings endanger this facility any longer!" Bates exclaimed, stalking over to John.

"What?" Teyla asked, mortified.

Bates turned to Teyla. " Look, I'm not accusing you of doing it intentionally, but the Wraith must be getting information from you!"

" What the hell are you talking about? We ran into a ... uh ..." Shepard trailed off, looking at Ford for help. "What the hell was that?"

Teyla sat in her room, silently pondering what Bates had said to Major Sheppard. Personal feelings? That meant feelings, of the personal kind, personal feelings. Certainly, he liked her as a friend, but…he couldn't possibly.

"You are imagining things, Teyla." She shook her head, trying to clear away the thoughts. "Major Sheppard is nothing more than a friend."

But he had shown her time and time again that he really cared for her. The gentle flirting they had always done seemed to be different now.

"Teyla? You in there?" John knocked on her door. "Open up."

"Just a moment." She called back, forcing her thoughts to the back of her mind. "Come in."

"Come on, Tey. Lots of work to do, and no time to do it in." John smiled.

"Of course." She nodded, getting up. "I want to thank you, Major."

"For what?" He asked.

"Standing up to Sergeant Bates in my defense, you didn't I have to do that. I would have understood if you had suspected me. I suspected myself." Teyla smiled.

"Hmm? No problem." Sheppard replied, his thoughts wondering back to a conversation with Bates a few days before.

"Major. Is Teyla coming with you?" Bates asked.

Sheppard was incredulous. "You're not seriously asking me that?"


"I think that's a bad call, sir." Bates shook his head.

"Here we go again!" Sheppard sighed, exasperated.

Bates shook his head. "All I'm saying is, we still don't fully understand her connection to the Wraith and, in my opinion, I don't think we should expose her to information we wouldn't want the Wraith to have – not the least of which is the location of our evac site."

Sheppard again took on the defensive. "The doctor gave her a clean bill of health."

"And that's good to hear, sir, but if she can't control how the Wraith use her ..." Bates was interrupted by the Major.


"You don't know that."

"That's right, we don't! She saw everything they saw – who's to say they can't do the same with her, see what we see? If she's been compromised in any way ..." Bates trailed off ominously.

"She's an integral part of my team. Period. End of story. We're done here." Sheppard said with finality.

"No problem at all." Major Sheppard grinned as they walked down the hall.

Teyla stole a quiet moment for herself as the city buzzed all around her, preparing to evacuate and for the coming siege. The gym was blessedly silent, and she was the only one in the room, allowing her time to meditate a little.

"Teyla?" John asked, the door sliding open. "You okay?"

"I do not know." She sighed, looking up at him from her seat on the floor. "I do not know what will happen when this is all over, and for the first time, I am frightened of the future."

"Everyone gets scared, Teyla. You are allowed to be scared." He sat down across from her. "No one knows what'll happen after the Wraith come, and we're all so scared…if we lose Atlantis, that's it, we lose our way home."

"That is one of the things in the future that I am so scared of." Teyla looked at him sadly. "I cannot abandon my people, but what will I do without you…and Aidan and McKay…all of you on Atlantis have become my family. I…I cannot imagine making the choice between the two."

"You don't have to right now." John gently tucked a stray hair behind her ear. "You many never have to."

"I hope for your sake that you can get home…I…I just can't do this anymore." She put her head in her hands and tried to message her aching temples.

"Teyla, come here." He scooped her up into his arms and stroked her hair gently. "Hey, it'll be okay. What can't you do?"

"It's just, I apologize." Teyla sighed. "I feel like the weight of the galaxy is on my shoulders and it is crushing me because the whole ordeal with the Wraith has weakened me."

"You are not weak." John touched her cheek gently. "You are the strongest, most capable woman I have ever met. You…the way you handled everything that happened to you, it amazed me."

"Thank you." She whispered as their faces inched closer together.

"No problem." He smiled, kissing her gently.

The kiss quickly turned more desperate and passionate as the pair fell to the floor. Teyla climbed on top of Sheppard as his hands roamed up and down her back.

"Am I interrupting something?" Ford asked, walking into the room.

"Yes, actually." John grunted as Teyla stood up quickly, and then stood up next to her. "Ever heard of knocking?"

"Sorry sir, Dr. Weir needs to see you both." The young man struggled to hide his smiled.

"Tell her…tell her we'll be right there." Sheppard sighed and Ford walked out.

Teyla moved to follow him but John grabbed her hand and pulled her towards him.

"What?" She asked, not meeting his eyes.

"What…happened between us…it…" He tilted her chin up so she'd be looking at him. "It was a good thing, a very good thing."

"But it will take us to a place that can never be." Teyla pointed out.

"Well, consideringwe're probably not going to live past this week, so I think we're okay." John smiled, kissing her again. "Let's gosee the good Doctor."

John and Teyla walked down the hall hand in hand until they reached the briefing room where they released each other in order to pay attention to the meeting.

Later that night, Teyla made her way into Major Sheppard's room, gently waking him up.

"Hey, what is it?" He asked groggily.

"We need to…I have to talk to you." She whispered.

"Teyla," John sat up and took her hands. "I really care about you, more than what's allowed…if we survive all of this, then we can pick up where we left off, but until then, we both need clear heads."

"I am pleased to hear you say that." Teyla sighed, smiling. "I just…I really care about you too. Goodnight."

"Wait…stay?" He asked, grabbing onto her hand as she turned to leave.

"John…" She said gently.

"Say that again. I like it." Sheppard pulled her down onto the bed.

"John." Teyla smiled. "I'll stay, but…promise me something."

"What?" John asked.

"Try to survive." She whispered.

"Of course." He nodded and slowly drifted off to sleep, Teyla nestled in his tight embrace.

"Personal feelings." Teyla whispered before snuggling up closer to him and falling asleep herself.

The Siege had taken so many already, but Major John Sheppard only had one life on his mind: Teyla. He had to make the city safe for her, for everyone. Saying goodbye was going to be too hard, so he didn't think, he just acted. He was piloting away when he heard Weir ask for Teyla and got no reply. John knew he had to do this, but he had wanted to at least say some sort of goodbye. Now all he did was pray that she was okay, that she had just lost her radio and was on her way back to the control center as he flew.

"Just in case you can hear me, Teyla, I love you." He whispered at the stars and headed straight for the lead hive ship.