If anyone says I joke too much, I'll say I'd rather laugh than cry.
Humor
"She's late again!" groused Inuyasha. The clearing around the well was lit with dappled sunshine that danced in the lush green grass and fluffy cumulus clouds drifted across the clear blue sky, but the beauty of the day grew dim in comparison with Inuyasha's stormy mood.
"Calm down, Inuyasha. I'm sure Kagome will be here soon," said Miroku in a pacifying tone.
"Is Kagome here yet?" Sango walked into the clearing, Kirara tumbling through the grass behind her.
"No, not yet," answered Shippo before Inuyasha could start ranting again. "I hope she remembers my candy." But Inuyasha's temper was stretched to the breaking point and he began venting on the fox kit.
"Who cares about your stupid candy, it's the jewel shards we need to--"
"Inuyasha, SIT BOY!" Kagome had just climbed out of the well, hauling her yellow backpack. The rosary-bound hanyou crashed to the ground in response to her shout, where he lay twitching.
"Yay, you're back!" cried Shippo happily.
"Hi, Shippo! Here are your lollipops. Sorry I'm late, everyone," said Kagome.
"So, what held you up this time?" snarled Inuyasha, clambering out of the hole his fall had caused. "The impossibility of finding a nice shirt to wear? Run out of automatically heated water for your bath?" He straightened up and his back cracked. "Ow! Huh! You make living in your era sound so difficult!"
"For your information, it can be difficult!" snapped Kagome.
"Well, Kagome, you must admit that things are much easier in your time," said Miroku.
"Oh, don't you start!" said Kagome. "Things are harder than you think!"
"Yeah, right," Inuyasha sneered. "Go to school, eat and sleep! That's all you have to do!"
"You think you're so great! You couldn't even do the weekly shopping in my time! Neither of you!" Kagome yelled, turning from Inuyasha to Miroku.
"Want to put money on that? Come on, Miroku!" Inuyasha stormed past Kagome, grabbed Miroku's robes and stomped over to the well. "Later, Miss Living-In-My-Era-Is-So-Hard! We'll be back--with groceries!" And, ignoring Miroku's protests, he jumped down the well, and they were gone.
"I really wish you hadn't acted so rashly, Inuyasha," sighed Miroku as the two of them stood outside the modern day supermarket. "We could have settled the argument without all this."
"Don't worry, we'll be in, out, and back in the feudal era in no time." Inuyasha dragged the monk up to the doors, which slid open. Miroku tore his robe from Inuyasha's grasp and shouted, "Stand back, Inuyasha! The doors are possessed! I must purify them!" he plunged a hand into his robes for his talisman cards.
"Would you mind moving?" a man stood behind them, waiting for them to enter.
"Not until I rid these doors of the evil spirits!" cried Miroku, and smacked one door with his staff.
"Don't be ridiculous!" said the man, pushing past them. "They're just automatic doors! You don't get out much, do you?"
"Right, of course," said Miroku sheepishly, and followed him into the store, still looking distrustfully at the doors. Once they were in, Inuyasha copied the man and picked up a blue basket from a stack by the door.
"Okay, now what do we get?" said Inuyasha.
"You don't know?" said Miroku.
"Gimme a break, I've never done this before!" grumbled Inuyasha.
"Alright, calm down, it can't be that hard. We'll just split up and look around for things that look like you might need them on a daily basis," reasoned Miroku, taking another basket. "We'll meet back here in ten minutes." The monk walked off in the direction of the bakery. Inuyasha ambled over to a display of various types of cans. Hmmm, he thought, this looks good. He selected a can of cherry pie filling and put it in his basket. Just like I thought! There's nothing to this shopping stuff! He continued on his way to some shelves on which sat colorful cardboard boxes.
"Why do humans need so much different stuff?" he mumbled to himself. He settled on a box of 'Kotton Kandy Kurlies', then moved on to the next aisle. Three aisles later, he had acquired an acorn squash, a carton of tofu, a can of diced squid and a mop head. The hanyou turned onto yet another aisle and stopped dead, staring at what the shelves there held. He gasped. The sight was too wonderful to take in. Never in his life had he seen so much...
"RAMEN!"
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Miroku wandered through the store, the other customers shooting him strange looks on account of his monk's robe and staff. He stopped in front of a rack filled with bread and doughnuts and gazed at them in confusion.
"Oh, yuck, I would never get those doughnuts! I always get the low-carb ones. Carbs are absolutely evil." Miroku jumped and turned to see the woman who had spoken. She was talking to another woman and holding a pack of doughnuts in one hand. Miroku walked up to her.
"Ah, it's nice to know that a beautiful young lady such as yourself is so conscious of the purity of grain products," he commented in a friendly tone. "I see you have also chosen the pure white powdered doughnuts!" He smiled winningly at the women, who were staring at him with raised eyebrows.
"Um, sure," said the first one, not sounding sure at all. Miroku didn't know how to react to this, so he kept talking. "Their continuing, round shape is also a symbol of purity, is it not? And by the way, since the two of us have such similar concerns, I was wondering if you'd consider bearing my children?" The woman's confused expression changed to one of anger faster than a set of traffic lights.
"Why of all the nerve! You pervert!" she screamed. She slapped him across the face, turned on her heel, and stomped away, towing her friend behind her. Well, women in this time aren't much different, Miroku thought as he picked out some low-carb powdered doughnuts. Glad that he at least had one item, he continued on his way. Some lit shelves on which sat several kinds plastic containers caught his eye, but when he reached for something on the shelf his hand grew cold, and he drew back sharply.
"What is this?" he wondered aloud. "Are these some forbidden items?" As he stood dumbly staring at the plastic bottles, a child wandered up and grabbed a bottle filled with brown liquid. She ran back to her mother and begged for the item's purchase.
"Hmm, the child seems unaffected by the cold. Perhaps only children may remove these items from the shelf," he said to himself. He glanced around and spotted a small boy gazing at the bottles filled with orange liquid. Miroku sidled up next to him and addressed him.
"Excuse me, young man," said the monk politely, and pointed to an opaque bottle with 'Coffee Maid' written on it. "Would you mind removing that item from the shelf and placing it in my basket?" He held up his basket hopefully. The boy stared at him for a moment…and then opened his mouth wide.
"MOOOOM!" Miroku was taken aback at this, and patted the boy on the back to comfort him, but the child continued to yell.
SMACK! Miroku jolted backward as the child's mother struck him with her purse.
"Get away from my son!" she shouted. "I'm warning you!" She raised the purse again.
"I was merely requesting that he--"
"Beat it, you creep!" The enraged woman swung the purse, knocking the Coffee Maid bottles from the shelf. Miroku snatched one up, ignoring the cold tingle in his hand, and bolted for the entrance to find Inuyasha and get out of this terrifying place.
"Is that all you got?" scoffed Inuyasha when he and Miroku met up again near the checkout.
"I experienced some difficulties," answered Miroku composedly. "And anyway, you mostly just got Ramen!" The monk pointed at Inuyasha's basket, full to overflowing with Ramen packets.
"Let's just take our stuff and go," said Inuyasha.
"Hold on! We have to get our items checked by those people up there." Miroku indicated the checkout lines. The hanyou grumbled but followed him over to a checker. The man behind the counter smiled at them as he began scanning their groceries. "Paper or plastic?" he asked. Miroku and Inuyasha stared stupidly at one another.
"Paper," said Inuyasha firmly. At least I've heard of it, he thought.
"All right, your total is $18.86," said the checker. Inuyasha bobbed his head once, then stopped. He turned to Miroku with a strange look on his face.
"Miroku?"
"Yes?"
"Did you bring any money?"
The End
A/N: I finally got it up, the last of this series and my personal favorite. It came easily, was fun to write, and gave me yet another opportunity to make my computer blow a wire insisting that 'Kotton Kandy Kurlies' is not proper English. This little episode is assumed to take place before Kagome brings Inuyasha to her era with her.
Well, if any of you nice readers were paying attention in the beginning, you might remember that I said I would be asking you which chapter you liked best. Guess what. I'm asking now! Just tell me in a review which genre-fic you liked best and you will have my great appreciation. Sorry if anyone was expecting a monetary reward.
Thanks to everyone who read.I hope I'll manage to get something else up soon and that it will be more agreeable for you to read it than, say, eat twice-leftover brussels sprouts in pickle brine. Until then.