Every Tuesday she ate pancakes for breakfast.
It was seven in the morning and Zoey awoke, feeling groggy and tired. It felt as if she hadn't slept in weeks…months, even. She got out of bed and checked her calendar although she already knew what day it was. Smiling a little to herself, she started to get dressed for her morning run. As she pulled out a t-shirt from her closet a thought came into her head. Do I want to go on a run this morning? She didn't… not really. She felt like sleeping in. Putting her shirt back into the closet, she crawled back into bed and closed her eyes. It was warm and cozy underneath her blankets. The pillow her head rested on was fluffy and big, a perfect pillow to use during a pillow fight. She yawned. Just lying there made her feel so tired…
Her eyes suddenly snapped open as she had to do that night. She was going to see everyone again. Her heart started hammering inside her chest. She didn't feel peaceful anymore. She squeezed her eyes shut again in hopes of forgetting… But the thought still lingered in her mind. She finally decided to go to breakfast and eat away her feelings. As she headed to the kitchen, she shivered. It was a cold morning and she was wearing only a tank top and pajama bottoms. Her feet were especially freezing. She went back to her bedroom and opened her sock drawer. As she reached for a pair of pink socks, her hand stopped in mid air. She didn't want to wear socks. She closed the drawer and bent down to grab something from under the bed. She pulled out two purple fuzzy slippers. They were slippers that she had worn every day at PCA when she woke up. It made her feet warm. Slipping them on and feeling grateful that her feet had not grown over the years, Zoey headed for the kitchen for her pancakes.
As she retrieved the maple syrup from one of the many cupboards she had, she started to think about the phone call with Nicole the previous day. That led to thoughts about Chase… dear Chase. She had loved him and he had loved her. They had been a couple for most of their years at school. Everyone said they were the perfect couple… that they would never be split apart. But they were and it pained her to think about it. Tears started to gather in Zoey's eyes. She brushed them away and put down the maple syrup. She didn't feel hungry anymore.
I'm going to see them all again, Zoey thought as she went into the small living room and sat down by the phone. Her head felt numb and her hands were shaking. After so many years I'm going to see them again. Her heart was beating faster. She shook her head to clear her mind, but it didn't work. Instead she just got a headache. She sighed and looked at the phone. When she did, her throat tightened. Looking at it gave her bad thoughts… terrible thoughts.
The last phone call she had answered was from Dustin, her little brother. He had called her on her cell phone the day of her graduation. She remembered his words clearly and how she had felt. It was raining when he had phoned. She had been sitting on her bed in room 101, realizing that she would never be back in this room again when the phone rang.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Zoey, it's Dustin."
Zoey smiled a little. She loved her little brother and felt as if she had grown farther apart from him since long before. "Hey, Dustin, what's up?"
There was silence on the other end. Zoey waited patiently for him to speak. She was looking around the room, trying to memorize each thing about it. The walls, the ceiling, Dana's messy bed, and Nicole's neat one. Her eyes fell on her pillow and her heart had skipped a beat. She lifted it up and underneath was an old photo of Chase.
"Zoey I just wanted to tell you that…"
Zoey was only half listening to Dustin. Her eyes were transfixed on the picture of Chase. He was smiling and he had scratches on his arms from falling into the rose bush. Zoey smiled as a tear rolled down her cheek.
"Zoey, are you there?"
Her attention snapped back to the phone. Dropping the picture, she straightened up and said, "Hi, Dustin. Sorry, I was just… okay, what did you want to tell me?"
Dustin took a deep breath. "It's… dad."
Zoey felt her heart drop. Her father had been sick for the past few weeks, but he was making a good recovery. He had just gone to the hospital the day before for a check up. She had hoped it had gone well. "What about dad?"
"Well… mom came to see us today. She came to PCA to tell us that… well, I saw her and she was crying and I told her to go home and that I'd tell you and that…"
"Dustin," Zoey said her voiced shaking. "What's wrong with dad?"
"He needs surgery, Zoey," Dustin said, his voice small. "And if it's not successful then he… he might… not…" He trailed off and Zoey could tell he was crying. She felt her heart tighten and her breaths grew shallow. She held the cell phone so tightly she was sure it would snap.
"Z-Zoey… what happens if dad…" Dustin's voice cracked. "What happens if he doesn't…?"
"I don't know, Dustin," Zoey said quietly. "I don't know."
It was as if the world had ended for Zoey. Chase had left her and now her father was on the edge of his life. She felt like she had fallen into a hole of misery and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get out.
Since that day, Zoey had avoided phones. She didn't want to hear the news the caller wanted to bring her. She even discarded her cell phone and only kept one in her apartment in case she wanted to phone 911. Nicole's call from the previous day had been the first she had answered in years.
As for her father… he had died a year after the surgery. It broke Zoey's heart when she heard the news from her mother. The day she was told was a gloomy day. Fall had started and leaves were coming loose from branches and twirling in the air before hitting the ground. She had been eating a sandwich when there was a knock on the door.
Zoey froze. She didn't know what to do. There was a knock again and Zoey decided to answer it. She carefully opened the door and came face to face with her mother. It felt like a rock had dropped on to her head. She hadn't seen her mother since she had moved out.
"Zoey," Mrs. Brooks said quietly. "Your father…"
"Mom…" Zoey felt as if she was five years old again. Everything felt large and scary. She knew what her mother was going to say before the words came out of her voice. Suddenly she crumpled. Zoey fell on the ground and started sobbing. Her mother bent down to help her up, but she shook her head and stayed where she was and cried.
The day of his funeral was a sad one. Zoey thought she didn't have any more tears to spare, but when she threw the rose on to her father's casket, she felt tears run down her face again…
A ringing sound brought Zoey back to reality. She looked at the phone which was ringing again. She caught her breath. She wasn't sure if she should answer it. Just because she did once yesterday doesn't mean that she could just answer the telephone whenever she pleased anymore. But then again… what if it was important? What if the caller didn't have bad news? With a shaking hand she picked up the receiver and held it to her ear.
"Hello?"
"Zoey, it's me, Dana!"
"D-Dana…" Zoey remembered Dana clearly. She had a tough, rough around the edges look. She always slept in and considered her messy bunk to be her palace. "Hi, Dana… um… what brings you to call me?"
"I'm just here to make sure you know the plans for today," Dana said. "You're going to the reunion today at Nicole's house, right?"
This was a perfect opportunity for Zoey to back out. "Actually… I…" She paused. Apart of her really did want to go and see everyone… but apart of her didn't. She sighed. She had already started to remember bad memories. Did she really want to go farther?
"Zoey…" Dana said cautiously. "Are you there?"
"Yeah," Zoey answered. "I'm going tonight. So you and Logan will be picking me up later?" She paused. "Are you guys going to come in your car or his car?"
Dana laughed. "Logan and I have the same car, Zoey. We're married."
"Huh?" Zoey felt shocked. She hadn't heard news of them getting eloped. Why hadn't anyone told her? "When did you…?"
"Five months ago," Dana replied. "We tried to contact you and send you an invitation… but there was never a reply. I think we may have gotten the wrong number and address…" There was a pause. "I wanted you to be my bridesmaid."
"Yeah… well… I have to go," Zoey said dumbly. "You know my address now, right?" She repeated it just in case Dana wasn't absolutely sure.
"So I'll see you tonight," Dana said cheerfully. "Bye!"
They both hung up and Zoey felt a strange feeling of loneliness. She grabbed a pencil and a fresh piece of paper and started to write another letter to the gone Chase. Her mind shut itself down. Right now, it was just her, Chase, and the letter.
Dear Chase,
I miss you. Tonight I'm going to the reunion. I wish you could be there too. And I don't mean just watching from above. I wish you could stand next to me with our arms linked. I wish we could clink our glasses together and then drink happily until the night ends. I wish, I wish, I wish. But none of those wishes will come true, will they?