His Final Year
Chapter Twelve: Two Fools in Love
Talk traveled extremely fast about the incident in Transfiguration; everyone was talking about what they had heard happened at dinner. Alex and Mel entered the Great Hall rolling their eyes about the gossipy students. They saw the Marauders sitting at a table, surprisingly not eating. They walked over and sat down next to them. Everyone looked at each other, then glanced at James. He didn't look at them. They didn't think he knew they were there until he spoke. "Where's Lily?"
Alex stared at him and sighed. "She didn't feel like coming down. She's fine…she took a walk. She's just a little confused about everything." James continued to look down, trying not to look at anyone. Mel reached over and grabbed his hand while Alex talked to him. "You know, we both think it's really sweet how you won't give up on Lily. We've known Lily for a long time, and you're definitely the only guy for her. We wouldn't be happier with any other guy for her."
James looked at the girls. "Really?"
The both smiled at him. Mel chuckled. "Of course. You're great for her."
James smiled. "Thanks you guys." He stood up and hugged both of them, then looked at Sirius and Remus. "I'm going to take a walk before patrolling. I'll see you guys."
They both nodded. James exited the Great Hall, leaving the four of them alone. Everyone was down, worried about both Lily and James. Alex kept glancing at Sirius, who noticed each time she did it. Remus reached over and held Mel's hand, who gladly took his in return. They all just sat there, hoping everything worked out between their friends.
Lily walked outside of her room, bracing herself to see and talk to James. When her hand touched the doorknob, she sighed. She closed her eyes and opened the door. She saw James, his back turned to her. He was throwing his robe on, obviously done getting ready. He turned and saw Lily standing in her doorway.
"Ready to go?"She nodded and walked out of their dorm, James trailing behind her. They walked in silence for quite some time, Lily just a step ahead of him. They walked all around the school, not running into anyone. Lily couldn't hear anything other than her and James walking. After some time, she didn't hear James walking behind her. She stopped and turned, seeing James stopped and staring at her.
"Lily, what are we doing? We can't avoid each other forever. We need to talk." Every so often he would take a step toward her, finally stopping with about a step distance between them.
Unable to speak, Lily nodded. She knew James was right; they did need to talk. So much had happened and they hadn't talked about it. They just stared at each other, neither able to speak. Lily decided to try to say something, not quite sure what exactly what to say. "James why…"
She paused, unsure of what to say next. She looked down, and James took another step toward her, standing right next to, able to touch her if he put his arm out. He dropped his voice almost to a whisper. "What? Ask me."
She looked up and knew she wouldn't be able to look away. He was staring deep into her eyes, almost trying to find something. She stared hard into his eyes, searching for his soul. It hit her…he was searching her eyes for her soul as well. She sighed and closed her eyes. "Why did you try to kiss me?"
He sighed but kept staring in her eyes. "I honestly don't know. Can you honestly say you didn't want me to?"
She shook her head. "I don't know. I can't answer that. I just don't understand this. I mean…I never expected you to do that and-"
He cut her off. "Can you honestly say you thought I wouldn't go for you if I had the chance? Lily, I wanted to be your friend the minute I saw you. I wanted you to be mine the second I saw your eyes. I wanted to kiss you the moment I saw your lips."
Lily backed away, slowly getting angry. "You can't just tell me that! You can't annoy the hell out of me for six years, be my friend for a few weeks and expect me to jump into bed with you! I'm not like that!"
She expected James to get pissed, but he looked hurt. "You think that's why I wanted to be your friend? So I could sleep with you?"
She scoffed. "That's how you and the other Marauders do it. Charm a girl off her feet, sleep with her, and never speak to her again. Can you tell me that if you didn't get the chance you wouldn't sleep with me?"
"No Lily, not unless you were ready. I wouldn't ever want to disrespect you like that…or hurt you. And just so you know, I'm a virgin, just like you." She scoffed again. "I swear. Yes, we Marauders date a lot. And yes, sometimes we aren't the greatest about it. But have you ever heard one of the girls I dated talk about having sex with me?" She just stared at the ground. It was true; no girl had ever talked about sleeping with James. She'd heard girls talk about Sirius and Remus but not James. When she didn't say anything, James ran a hand through his hair. "At least that means no ones lying about me."
"Ok so you've never slept with anyone. How do I know I wasn't going to be different? How in the hell am I supposed to know that you wouldn't just sleep with me and leave me?"
She turned around, preparing to walk away but turned back to say something else. "Yes you may be a sweet guy. Yes you may stick up for me when I get called a 'Mudblood'. Yes you may save my life during a Death Eater attack. But I'm not just going to fall in your arms and get all lovey-dovey with you. I'm not the typical girl James."
"You think I don't know that. Tell me Lily…" he stepped closer to her again so he was right in front of her, "…would you want anyone else to stick up for you? Or grab your hand during a Death Eater attack? There are tons of girls Lily, and yes, you're not a typical girl. That's why I stuck up for you. That's why I held your hand during the Death Eater attack."
He sighed again. "Lily, I've never felt like this before. I've never been able to just look at a girl and that's all I needed. You have no idea what you do to me Lily. I'm not happy unless you're within my eyesight. I'm not scared unless you're in danger. I'm not broken unless you're not around."
Lily had tears in her eyes but fought not to cry. "James I can't do this." She turned and walked away, until James ran ahead of her. "Lily, you always do this. You always push me away. You can't face me when you need to. Why are you so scared of me?"
She backed away. "I'm not scared of you James Potter. Just leave me alone. I don't want to deal with this."
She turned and tried to walk away again. She suddenly felt two arms grab her and push her up against the wall. She looked and stared right into James's eyes. He was so close to her…
"God damn it Lily, stop pushing me away! You can't keep trying to get rid of me. I can't…" His voice dropped to a whisper. "Lily, I can't not be with. And no, I don't just want you so I can say you're mine. I don't want to just be able to kiss you whenever I want. And I would never hurt you. I would die first. I need you. I dream about your eyes, I melt at your smile, I crave your touch." He stared deeper into her eyes. "Do you still want to know why I changed?"
She felt a tear rush across her cheek. He still hadn't realized her hands from his against the wall, and she honestly didn't want him to. She knew he loved her. She nodded.
"Because of you. I knew that I would never be yours unless I changed. And I never really thought I would ever change for a girl. But you know what…I would do it all over again. I'm yours Lily, whether you want me or not. I belong to you, no one else. My heart, my soul, everything about me, I've given it to you. I love you Lily Evans."
She didn't want to look at him, but she couldn't stop. "James I don't know if I can do this."
He moved his face closer to hers. "Why not Lily? Why are you scared to be with me?"
She felt another tear fall on her cheek. He watched her eyes, full of tears. He was so tempted to let her go forever, just so she would never have to cry for him ever again. He was about to let her go when she spoke. "Because I've never loved anyone before you."
He stared at her for a second, taking in what she said. He bent his head down and kissed her passionately. Lily almost came unglued. She knew she would have fallen down if he wasn't still holding her up against the wall. She quickly began kissing him back, wanting every bit of him. He tried to be gentle, but he had wanted this more than anything for the past six years. He nearly collapsed when he felt Lily kiss him back. He slowly ran his tongue along her bottom lip, not sure if he should or not. Lily tensed for a moment, slowly opening her lips. They kissed even deeper, both wanting more and more.
They slowly parted, both keeping their eyes closed even after the kiss ended. They both opened their eyes and stared at each other again. James was worried Lily would regret it but was quickly proven wrong when Lily kissed him once more. It was very gentle; it was a kiss to let James know Lily was happy and just fine. Lily pulled away first, revealing a grinning and very happy James. He finally let go of her hands and rested his on her hips as hers wrapped around his neck. He rested his forehead against hers, and they just stood there, staring at each other, grinning like fools…two fools in love.