SAM
That
was the day Jack left me for a final time. I don't worry about the
ifonlys'
anymore. I know what would have happened if we had waited. I don't
know why
I'm remembering all of this today. The last time I thought about
all of this
was
a little over a year ago.
I'm
wandering through the supermarket wondering if these thoughts about
my life
with
Jack will ever leave. I know it's futile. Joe and I may be getting
divorced,
but Jack has been happily married since 2003. Or at least I think he
has
been. Daniel never told me anything besides the fact that he got
married. As
I'm
trying to decide whether or not to buy the Froot Loops or not,
knowing that
they
will only serve to remind me of Jack every single morning, I hear a
familiar
song start to play. Man this is old. Funny to think of it as old now,
it
was new when Jack and I were falling apart.
I wish, I wish, I wish (To every city, every hood and every block) I wish, I
wish, I wish (Ghetto America) I wish, I wish, I wish I wish, I wish, I wish
VERSE 1 Rollin' through the hood Just stopped by to say what's up And let you
know your baby boy ain't doin' so tough Even though you passed Going on four
long years Still waking up late at night cryin' tears Just thinkin' about those
days You used to talk to me Smilin' while I'm sippin' on this Hennessy And
remember we'd brag on how rich we would be To get up out this hood was like a
fantasy PRE-CHORUS And now you hear my songs The radio is playin' Oh I can't
believe my ears and what everybody's sayin' Boy I tell you folks don't know the
half I would give it all up just to take one ride with you How I used to kick it
on the front porch With you And how I used to lay back and smoke weed With you
And all the little basement party joints we'd do Now I'm just missing you How I
wish CHORUS 1 I wish that I could hold you now I wish that I could touch you now
I wish that I could talk to you Be with you somehow I know you're in a better
place Even though I can't see your face I know you're smilin' down on me Sayin'
everything's OK And if I make it out this thug life I'll see you again someday I
wish, I wish, I wish I wish, I wish, I wish VERSE 2 Ever since this money come
It's been nothing but stress Sometimes I wish that I could just trade in my
success Y'all look at me and say Boy, you've been blessed But y'all don't see
the inside of my unhappiness Man, I swear this shit gets heavy like a ton That's
why you hear me shootin' this real shit off like a gun Mmm I wonder how my
friends would treat me now If I wasn't iced up with a Bentley and a house That's
why Fake-ass n get fake-ass digits And fake-ass players get a real player
hatin' em Honey love goes platinum and y'all ass come 'round But y'all don't
wanna raise the roof Until my shit is goin' down PRE-CHORUS And now you hear my
songs The radio is playin' Oh I can't believe my ears and what everybody's
sayin' Boy I tell you folks don't know the half I would give it all up just to
take one ride with you How I used to hoop off in them tournaments With you And
how I used to club hop on weekends With you Your family called the morning of a
tragic end Damn my condolences CHORUS 2 VERSE 3 Voices in my head Be tellin' me
to come to church Say the Lord is the only way for you to stop the hurt Dreaming
of windows Black-tinted like a hearse But waking up to life sometimes seems
worse And all I ever wanted is to be a better man And I try to keep it real with
my homies, man Want me to save the world I don't understand How did I become the
leader of a billion fans PRE-CHORUS And now you hear my songs The radio is
playin' Oh I can't believe my ears and what everybody's sayin' Boy I tell you
folks don't know the half I would give it all up just to take one ride With you
How I used to street perform on Friday With you And how I'd go to church on
Easter Sunday With you Instead of y'all throwin' them stones at me Somebody pray
for me.
I
would give up my entire life to take one ride with Jack I really
would, I wishI
could talk to him. Jack may not be dead, but to my heart it's just
as good as
if
he was. Everyone thinks I'm so blessed because I'm almost
eternally young,
but
no one sees what it took for me to get this way. I don't think I
ever will
see
him again someday. I continue on throughout the store, the lyrics
from the
song
playing through my lowered head. I never saw the man coming towards
me, and he
didn't see me either. I didn't see him until our carts slammed
into each
other,
and my head shot up as I heard his words.
"For crying out loud lady, would you watch where you're going!"
I wonder if it's possible to make somebody appear just because you've beenthinking about them all day. This can't be happening. He can't be here now, not when the pain of his leaving is so fresh in my mind.
"Oh my god, Carter, is that you?" He says almost whispering.
"Yes sir. I answer him."
"Carter
I'm no longer your superior, drop the sir okay. It's good to see
you, I
was
thinking about you earlier today." He says. I can't believe he
was thinking
about
me too. I so caught up in this fact that I almost miss the pain in
his
next
question.
"So how's Joe doing?" So Daniel never told him.
"I
don't know, and to be honest I really don't care. We're in the
middle of
getting
a divorce. So how are you and Kim doing?"
"Well
I'm doing great, but I have no clue how Kim is. Our divorce was
finalright
after Cassie's sixteenth birthday. She had a miscarriage and her
doctor
told
her not to try and get pregnant again. You know how I've always
felt about
kids.
It wasn't so much the miscarriage, it was more the fact that she
refused
to
even think about adopting kids. We had one to many arguments about
it, and
we
decided to get divorced. I was never completely happy with her, there
was
always
something missing in our relationship, and it wasn't a child. I
don't
know
what it was, but it just wasn't there."
"I'm
so sorry Jack." His name should sound foreign on my lips, but it
doesn't,
it
feels as if I've been calling him that for years. "Not just about
the
miscarriage,
but your divorce too."
"Ah
don't worry about it. I've gotten the hang of them, I'm
starting to get goodat
divorces. As much as I love having this conversation with you can we
go
somewhere
else to continue it? I'm an old man remember?" I chuckle at his
comments,
probably the effect he wanted. As we move through the checkout lines and
into the cafe across the street I'm amazed at how quickly we
slipped back into
our old patterns. As we sit talking over our respective meals there's
no
trace
of the bitterness that once stood between us. We laugh, we joke it's
almost
as if it's the year 2000, except that Janet, Daniel, and Teal'c
aren't
here.
When we get done he walks me over to my car still in the Jewel
parking lot
and
opens my door for me.
"You
know Sam when I woke up this morning I never thought I'd be seeing
the
reason
for my divorce." He says, but I don't think he meant to. He can't
mean
what
that sounded like.
"I'm sorry Sam I shouldn't have said that."
I'm not going to let fear of rejection stop me this time around.
"Did you mean it?" I ask.
He looks around like the only thing he wants to do is run.
"Yeah Sam I did okay, the thing missing in my relationship with Kim was the laughter. She didn't laugh at my jokes, and I definitely didn't purposely tell them to make her laugh. Her smile didn't illuminate my life like yours always did. She was dumber than I am, I missed hearing your technobable. I missed YOU Sam."
"Jack
I'm so glad to hear that. The reason Joe and I split up is because
I never
loved
him like I had loved you, and I never got over you." I add the last
part in a
whisper,
not sure whether or not I want him to have heard it.
"Sam
I still love you too. In fact I never stopped." He bent down to
kiss me,
and
it was as if the past ten years and our respective marriages never
happened.
When we separated we decided it was time to put our lives back how they shouldbe. We both got into our cars and drove back to my house. Who knew Jack had been living so close to me for years and I never knew it. If I had been able to get pregnant, and Kim hadn't of ended up having a miscarriage our kids may have ended up friends. That would have been an interesting meet the parents. I could just see it; my little son or daughter seeing Jack and saying 'Hey my mommy has a picture of you in her night table drawer.' 'Well what's your mommies name?'
'Samantha Carter-F'
'What!' Then it hits me I have to tell Jack that I can never get pregnant.
When
we pull up in front of my house I can tell by the look on his face
that he
thinks
I'm having second thoughts. Oh how I wish that's all it was.
"Jack I haveto tell you something. I can never get pregnant." I wait for the pain to cross his face, but it doesn't seem to affect him.
"Sam would you be willing to adopt children?" He asks me, and I know that thisis the defining moment for us. We've been given a second chance and this is make or break time.
"Jack
I would adopt a child in a heartbeat, but like Kim, Joe wouldn't."
He cuts
me
off with his lips on mine.
"Sam,
that's all I need to know. I love children, and it doesn't matter
to me
whether
they're mine biologically or not. I'll love a child of mine the
same no
matter
what. Now what do you say we continue this conversation later, and
adjourn
upstairs to your bedroom?" He says to me after the need for air
becomes
a
pressing issue.
"Okay." I breathe, and for the first time in ten years I think I just might be.
We
make love slowly, relearning what the other likes, what drives themcompletely
crazy. Jack always was an great lover, but tonight he was even better
than
I remembered. Maybe it was because I had gone without his love for so
long, I
don't know. As we lay in each others arms afterwards we laugh some
more. This was
something that was missing with Joe. We would have sex no where near
as great
as this was, and then when we were through we would fall asleep on opposite
sides of the bed. You could have fit two people between Joe and I.
For some
reason I doubt there will be any room between Jack and I tonight.
We're laying
there when all of a sudden both of our cell-phones ring.
"Samantha Carter." I say as Jack responds likewise to whoever is on his line.
"Sam,
it's Dad. George and I were talking, and we've decided to let you
in on
something.
I can't talk about it over the phone be at this address at 0100
hours."
I write the address down and look at my watch. 0030 hours. Before I
can
tell
Dad I don't know if I'll be able to make it or not he's hung
up. I look
over
at Jack to see him writing something down as well. When he gets off
the
phone
I say.
"Who was calling you at this hour?"
"Oh, just General Hammond."
"Let
me guess he told you that you had to be somewhere at 0100 hours
right, and
that
he couldn't talk to you about it over the phone?"
"Yeah, how'd you guess?"
"Because
I just got the exact same phone call from my dad. Let me see the
address
he gave you." I compared the addresses only to find that they were
exactly
the same.
"C'mon lets get going, we wouldn't want to be late would we."
We
get into Jack's car and he drives us to the coordinates we were
given we getout
of the car in front of an old abandoned warehouse. When we walk
inside we're surrounded
by the go'a'uld transport rings. When they no longer surrounded
by the
rings I can see General Hammond, my Dad, Daniel, Janet and Teal'c
all standing
in front of us. And about fifty feet behind them is a Stargate. It
looks
exactly like the one that's in the SGC, the newest tourist
attraction, but
it
has one major difference. This one is spinning.
