What I Need 10/11
Some one is shaking me. I reach for Harry, to find empty space where his body should be, and that, more than the shaking wakes me up.
"Harry!"
"Right here, silly…wake up!"
He's shaking me. I growl and roll, pulling him down on top of me. "Do you have any idea what time it is?" I growl at him.
"4:38 am," he says quietly. "Sev, wake up and let go."
I sigh and let him go, sitting up as he does, caught by the seriousness in his voice. My bedroom door is open, I realize, and there's a light on in the room beyond. Harry has been living with me ever since his 18th birthday, so his presence isn't unusual. The light is.
"Remus is here, Sev," he says quietly, serious. "He needs us right now."
I nod, understanding completely, and slip from the bed, pulling on a simple bathrobe. Harry leaves while I'm finding it, so when I emerge into the living room, he's sitting beside Remus with an arm around the werewolf's shoulders.
Remus looks awful. I feel a pang of guilt for not having tried to help him sooner. He is far too thin, looking as if he's made out of glass. I sit on his other side and wrap my arms around him. Being with Harry has allowed me to become more open with those I feel strongly for. Remus definitely falls into that category.
"Shhh, Remus, we're here for you," I say quietly, and he trembles, then goes limp against me, crying softly. I look over his head at Harry, who I realize is merely wearing one of my shirts, and nod towards the bedroom. Remus is clearly exhausted. If he can sleep between the two of us, it would be best if we dealt with this in the morning.
Harry nods, and vanishes back into the bedroom, presumably making the bed neater. I coax Remus to his feet, keeping one arm around him in case he falls.
"This way, Remus. Come this way," I say, leading him into the bedroom. Harry is by his side in an instant, still in my shirt, and together we get him undressed and into the bed. Harry promptly sheds the shirt and curls up at his back while I lay down beside him in front. Remus presses against me, still crying softly. I sigh and wrap my arms around him as Harry snuggles up against his back, sandwiching him between us. After a moment, his sobs stop, and I realize that he has finally fallen asleep.
Harry goes up to one elbow, looking at me over the tousled tan and silver hair between us. "Sev?"
"Yes, love?" I say quietly.
His eyes are shining with tears. "I want to make him happy again," he says, his voice breaking for the first time in years.
I sigh. "I would like him happy again too. What do you suggest? This is far more your area of expertise than mine."
"I don't know. Just…we…should give him any comfort we can. Anything that he'll take, anything to let him know that he can belong here with us, if he wants. Because..he can, can't he?" Harry's hand finds mine on Remus' side.
"I agree. Odd as I find it, he has become like family to me as well, Harry." I lean forwards, pressing a kiss to Remus' forehead, and realize that I truly do wish to make feel welcome here. He is, strange to think, my friend. Strange as it may sound, not that he's gotten past my mask, I have no real urge to push him back out.
At some point in my musings, I must have fallen asleep because I wake when Remus stirs in my arms. I tighten my hold on him, looking over. He stops moving.
"Sorry, Severus," he whispers. "I didn't mean to wake you."
"Where are you going?" I keep my voice calm, and to a stranger, it must have sounded rather cold. Remus, however, knows me well enough to read the worry hidden there.
He sighs softly. "I'm…intruding."
I echo his sigh and roll to my back, pulling him with me. He feels different in my arms than Harry does, more mature, and less innocent.
"You're being silly, Remus," I whisper into his hair. "You're always welcome here."
He relaxes against me, and I feel a hot tear drip onto my collarbone. It occurs to me that I'm still in my dressing robe. He murmurs softly, and I have to strain to hear the words. "I want him back, Severus."
I stroke his back. "I know, Remus."
"Why him?" he mumbles, pressing his face into my chest.
"Why anyone?" I counter.
"I…I know." He trembles in my arms, and tips his face up a little. "But how can I go on? I never…I never told him I still loved him."
I held him gently, wishing Harry was awake. "Remus, I think he knew. He loved you. He knew you. I do not believe he was that much of an idiot." Probably, at least, a little voice in my head adds. I repress a little sneer, not wanting to bash Black in front of the man who loved him so.
He sighs softly, his breath ghosting over my skin, and I repress a shudder, sternly telling my body to calm down. I run the fingers of one hand through his hair, trying my best to comfort him.
"Does it ever stop hurting?"
Though he doesn't specify, I know what he means. "No," I say quietly. "I won't lie to you, and tell you that it does. It can fade, and given time, it will."
He sighs again, forcing me to hold still. He feels good in my arms, though he would not likely thank me for my reaction. I content my urge to touch him by stroking down his spine gently, wanting to sooth him. Harry left him in his boxers, so he is not indecent. I stop my hand at the small of his back and rub gently. "I do know what it's like to lose someone," I add quietly. "You should have come to us sooner."
He gives a third sigh and arches to my hand, surprising me. "Severus," he breathes quietly.
"You are wanted here. Do not forget that. Harry wants you here as well."
A ghost of a touch startles me, as his lips brush over my throat. "Thank you."
I cannot hold back a shiver at that, and remind myself that he is distraught, and therefore I should not take advantage of him, though the Slytherin in me pouts and points out that before Harry, I would have.
More weight suddenly settles on me, and Remus makes a small happy sound. Evidently Harry is awake. I look past Remus to see Harry nuzzling at the werewolf's neck. I reach up, tugging his hair lightly to get his attention.
Green eyes meet mine in the dim light of the single night candle. I shake my head, raising one eyebrow. Remus sighs again against my neck.
"Severus?"
"Mm?" I let go of Harry's hair and turn my attention back to the werewolf.
Remus kisses along my throat and I close me eyes. "Remus, I refuse to believe that you know what you're doing." My voice is sharp.
"Don't believe it then," he says quietly, and trails light kisses along the path of my pulse. "I want to forget, just for one night. Please, Severus? I…I am sick of being alone."
"Forgetting isn't good," I say, shivering.
He goes up on his elbows, looking down at me. "Please, Severus. I promise…tomorrow I will sit down and talk this over with you and Harry. For tonight…please just help me ignore the hole inside of me?" He leans down and effectively silences my protests by kissing me.
I can't help but feel this is wrong, but the sensation of the werewolf's lips on mine is so different, and so good. As his lips trail down my neck again, I try one last time. "Remus…"
He bites lightly at my collarbone and I shudder. Of all the least likely situations I've ever been in, this one is by far the most unusual. Remus makes a little noise of pleasure against my skin, and I open my eyes again. Harry has joined in, and is kissing his way across Remus' shoulders. I trail my fingers lightly over Remus' back, noting in a detached sort of way that I can feel nearly every rib.
"If we're going to do this, we're going to do it properly," I grumble, keeping my voice slightly annoyed. Gently I push him back onto the bed, then steal a kiss from Harry briefly. Remus watches us, and I can see the pain in his eyes. They say touch is comforting, and if I go by that, I suppose he does need this. I lean down and kiss him gently, the same way I just kissed Harry, realizing what I mean by the gesture. My hand finds his chest and I stroke him gently, looking for the sensitive places. Harry curled up a at Remus' side, I notice as my fingers come into contact with his. Together we will offer this strange form of comfort.
Later, when Remus has fallen into an exhausted sleep, and Harry has join him, I lay awake, watching over them. Harry has caught me like this a few times, and teases me about it to no end. Even though Voldemort is gone, I still worry about things. As much as I appear to loathe my students, I do worry. Harry thinks it's funny. Then again, he always has had an odd sense of humor.
Remus turns to snuggle against me and I wrap an arm around him. My friend, and next to him lies my lover. Tonight has been an odd night, and a long one. I sigh softly as exhaustion catches up with me, glad we were able to help Remus even a little. Settling down beside him and feeling his body settle closer to mine, I smile faintly and join them in sleep.
TBC