Disclaimer: Noooo Harry Potter does not belong to me.

Sorry about updating. Spazy week!

And yes, the Latin is real.

Chapter 9: Valentine's Day: Sweethearts' Day or Switchhearts' Day?

Evvy looked at Blaise and shook her head. "No, no, no," she shook her finger at him. "Nobody hits the editor."

"Oh really?" He smirked.

"Really really." Evvy waved her wand, and a loud popping noise emerged.

Blaise stared at her. "Nothing happened."

"That's what you think," Evvy told him, and turned him around to face the full-length mirror that had just appeared.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Blaise screeched.

"Exactly."

For big bunny ears and a bunny tail had appeared on him, and they were big and white.

"Take them off now," Blaise hissed.

"Nah, I don't feel like it," Evvy said off-handedly.

"Take them off NOW!"

"That's what you get for hitting the editor," Evvy shrugged and turned away.

An odd strangled noise came from Blaise and he lunged forward, but Evvy ducked just in time. Then she dashed off, screaming and running around the room.

"I WILL GET YOU!" screamed Blaise.

Evvy ducked beneath a desk and muttered another spell. A weird globe appeared and shaped itself around her. She stood up with a satisfied look as Blaise launched himself forward, hit the bubble, and fell.

He stood up and rammed into the shield again and again, but it didn't help.

Evvy couldn't help just a little jibe. "Ha, ha, you can't get me."

Blaise mock-growled.

"Here, I'll take off the tail…but the ears stay."

"Awwww, come on," whined Blaise. He made puppy-dog eyes.

Evvy smiled sweetly, and the tail was gone. Blaise relaxed; that had started to itch. But then he remembered the ears and groaned.

"Bye-bye bunny," Evvy teased. Then she clapped her hands, and yelled, "Staff dismissed!"

….

Ok, you guys, change of scene. Most of this chapter will either be from Draco or Hermione's POV

"Hermione," said a far-off voice. "Hermione, wake up."

Hermione felt a sharp poke in her elbow. She groaned and rolled over. "Stop it, pen," she muttered in her sleep. "I'm supposed to be holding you."

The pokes stopped and she heard some muffled whispering and disappearing footsteps. Suddenly the footsteps came back, and a torrent of water was dumped over her heard.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Hermione shrieked and jumped up, wildly looking around for the culprit. Her eyes focused on Ginny Weasley, who was sitting at the foot of her bed, hold a big blue bucket.

"You," Hermione hissed.

Ginny smiled back cheerfully. "It's Valentine's Day, Hermione!"

Hermione paid no attention to that comment and grabbed her wand, which was on her bedside table. She stood up, breathing heavily. Ginny was starting to look worried. "Hermione," she said cautiously. "What are you doing?"

Hermione searched her brain for the perfect idea, and smiled. Viciously. She laid down her wand.

"Oh good," said Ginny, sounding relieved. "I was starting to get worried."

Hermione opened her drawer and searched through the contents. This should do it, she thought, and stood up again.

"On second thought," said Ginny nervously. "Maybe I should be worried."

Hermione whipped out her weapon. It was a big pink frilly bow that sang out-of-tune songs.

"Is that what I think it is?" Ginny said, backing away.

"Yes," said Hermione evilly.

Ginny screamed and ran. It was Fred and George's new invention: Incredibly Sticky and Frilly Bows. No matter how much you pull, it won't come off, until maybe a day or so later. And being huge and frilly, it was certainly the most annoying thing after Pansy Parkinson.

"Ahhhhhhhh!" Ginny screamed, darting around a couple of beds as the others stared. "Beware of the pink!"

Out of the corner of Hermione's eye, she saw Evvy shake her head at Lavender, and say, "And to think that could have been you." They both shuddered.

Soon they were all dressed and down in the Gryffindor common room, Ginny looking rather grumpy. Ron and Harry came out of the boy's dorm, and walked over to them. Harry stared at the top of Ginny's head in surprise.

"Ginny," he said, sounding puzzled, "May I ask why there is a big pink bow on the top of your head."

"I don't want to talk about it," said Ginny tightly, as Hermione stifled her laughter behind one hand. Harry shrugged and pulled Hermione aside.

"She poured water on me to wake me up," Hermione said instantly, and Harry winced.

"Enough said. Just don't do anything else, okay?" Harry said. (A/N: Ooh, signs of lurrrrve.)

"Only if she doesn't do anything else to me," Hermione said, smirking.

Harry shook his head. "Malfoy's starting to rub off on you."

"I have an extra bow, you know," Hermione said innocently.

Harry started, and shut up.

They all wandered down to the hall, talking amiably about the newspaper, which was coming out later that day.

Ron threw open the double doors, and screamed, "My eyes! They burnnnnnnnnnnnnn!" He ran and dove underneath the Gryffindor table, and cowered there, shivering in fear. The others just stood there in horror.

Everything was pink. A bit of red and white, yes, but mostly a horrific shade of pink. Hearts were everywhere, along with bows, frills, and any other imaginable Valentine-y type of things. All the teachers had flowers in their hair-yes, pink flowers-and Professor Snape looked extremely displeased, and the flowers in his hair were bent, as though they had been forced there. A large pink bow, not unlike Ginny's, was stuck on his forehead. A huge banner sparkling in different colors of-god, I'm getting tired of writing this word-pink, and shedding confetti on the heads of everyone that stood under it.

"Oh…my…god," whispered Harry. "When did Lockhart get back from the insanity ward?"

"I don't know, but he's going back soon," said Hermione wrathfully, and the others nodded their heads in agreement. They walked over to the Gryffindor table, shaking the confetti out of their hair and eyes, and sat down.

The door opened again, and Draco and Blaise walked in, talking earnestly. Then they stopped suddenly, and stared.

"What," hissed Draco angrily, "did you do to my godfather?"

He strode over to the High table and plucked at the bow on Snape's head.

"Hey, I can't see!" Ron's muffled voice come out from under the table.

"You should've thought of that when you dove under there!" Hermione whispered fiercely, and turned her attention back to the scene.

"I did it myself Draco," Snape said with a glazed look on his face. Draco stared at him suspiciously. "I did. Now, go sit down and eat. I'm not going to stand for this hanging around nonsense."

Draco and Blaise cast him one more look, and sat down at their table, next to Pansy, who was screaming about how she was nearly out of blush.

Hermione chuckled; she had seen Professor McGonagall move her wand, and Snape looked quite confused at the moment.

"Harry, Hermione, Evvy, Ginny," said a small voice. "I'm stuck."

They all sighed and look underneath the table. Ron was, indeed, stuck. He had tried to get out by wriggling out from under the bench, but he was too big and only his head was sticking out.

"I'm in a very uncomfortable position here, so would you please hurry up?" he squeaked.

"Then we'll just leave you here," said Ginny, standing up and brushing her hands off on her robes. She went back to eating.

"Come on Gin," whined Ron. "It's not my fault that Hermione got you with that bow-"

"SHUT UP!" shrieked Ginny.

Ron wrinkled his nose and looked away. "Of all the ungrateful little-"

Ginny banged down her fork and knife and glared at him menacingly.

He blanched. "On the other hand, never mind," he said quickly. And then to the others, he screeched, "Will you hurry up, people? I'm getting a wedgie here!"

Evvy winced. "Too much information!"

Ron rolled his eyes. "Just get one with it!"

Hermione heaved a sigh, and the three of them-not including Ginny, who was still in a huff about the bow comment-grabbed Ron's legs on the other side and yanked.

"Owwww!" Ron howled.

"Such a gracious thank you," muttered Evvy, and Hermione agreed whole-heartedly. Ron shot Hermione a scandalized look as he sat down, rubbing his backside. Hermione smiled sweetly, and looked down to see what the were having for breakfast. Cranberry juice, heart-shaped raspberry pancakes, waffles with pink sprinkles, raspberry and strawberry syrup… She grimaced, and scarfed down a couple of waffles before she felt like hurling. She slammed down her utensils and yelled. "I can't take it anymore!"

Everyone stared at her.

"Why is everything so pink?" she shrieked.

"It's Valentine's Day," said Dumbledore kindly, his eyes twinkling merrily. "You know, the holiday that-"

"I can't stand it!" Hermione interrupted, frustrated.

"You win," said Dumbledore to Professor McGonagall, and handed her a few Sickles. McGonagall took them with a satisfied look on her face.

"What just happened?" asked Hermione suspiciously.

"Minerva bet that you would be the first to crack," Dumbledore explained. "I thought that Mr. Malfoy would."

"Technically, I was the first one," volunteered Ron, who, by the look of it, had no trouble at all eating pink.

"Oh, honestly!" said Hermione, and she picked up her bag and strode out of the hall angrily.

Over at the Slytherin table, Draco was having another problem. It's name was Pansy Parkinson.

"Oh, Draco, should I kiss Ron?" Pansy dithered. "Or should I wait until the hall is cleared? Or should I profess my love to him first and then kiss him? OR should I sing it in a song-"

Draco shuddered at this option.

"OR should I wait until the hall is cleared? I don't want my reputation ruined. But we are going out, so I suppose they should get used to it. But do I really want to do it now, of all times?"

Draco sighed. This was getting really, really annoying.

"Well, it is Valentine's Day, so I suppose it would be perfect. But what if they make a mob and try to kill us? I better ready an escape pod just in case-"

Draco screwed up his face in agony, and Blaise patted him on the shoulder sympathetically and offered him earplugs. Draco waved them away. He was a Malfoy. He would get through this.

"-but then it might break. I should get two. But what it the next one doesn't work either? Three, maybe. But if that doesn't work-"

It was getting really hard to get through this.

"-then I guess we shall have to make a run for it. But I'm not a good runner. What if I stumble?"

He was close to breaking point.

"I should enchanted my shoes so I won't stumble! Non-Stumble Shoes, I shall call them! But what if the charm is faulty?"

Really, really, really close.

"I also won't be able to run that far. I lose energy much to fast, you know-"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Draco screamed, and dashed out of the Great Hall.

"What?" said Pansy, dumbfounded. "Was it something I said?"

Draco threw himself down the stairs, and screeched to a halt. Granger, he thought and rolled his eyes.

"Hello, Mudblood," he said, weirdly cheerful, falling into step with her.

"Ferret," she acknowledged him. Then she added, "Whatcha so happy about, arsehole? That pink is enough to make anybody crazy." There were dots all over her vision.

"I'm touched," he said.

"Why?"

"Never mind."

"Go away."

"No."

"Why?"

"It's fun annoying you."

"You are also enough to drive anybody crazy." Hermione rolled her eyes and walked faster. He kept up the pace.

"What do you want?" she shouted angrily, patience worn thin. "First the water in the bed, then the pink, and now you! What is this? Out to Get Hermione Day?" She ran down the dungeon stairs to Potions.

"I like the sound of that holiday," said Draco, smirking.

Hermione turned, livid with rage, and slapped him. She swept off, leaving him holding his cheek and cursing.

"Filthy little Mudblood! How dare she touch me!" he cursed, slowly descending down the stairs. "I'll make her pay!"

….

"Weasley and Parkinson." Apparently Valentine's Day wasn't going to sweeten Snape's mood. Hermione watched as Ron and Pansy walked over to their cauldron sulkily, but when Snape turned away, they started to make out. Hermione stared at them, and they didn't stop.

"Draco and Granger."

Hermione frowned and walked over to Malfoy, disgusted. It was bad enough that they had to work together during newspaper. It's was Valentine's Day too! Why couldn't Snape give them a break?

"So Mudblood," said Draco, tipping his chair back. "Long time, no see."

"Just shut up so we can finish this Switchery potion! I'm not having you ruin my Valentine's Day!" she said forcefully, and opened the book.

"Oh, we have a boyfriend now, do we?" He smirked at her outraged expression, and started to chop up the toad's legs.

"No, and if I did, I wouldn't tell you!" Hermione struggled to keep her voice down as she stirred in the unicorn tail.

"Which obviously means you have one," Draco said, and added the hamstring of a newt.

She glared at him and smashed the monkshood roots harder, and dropped them into the cauldron, which was now a bright green sheen.

"Well, since you have a lover, I shall guess who it is," continued Draco.

Hermione's face turned red as she struggled to ignore his, as she slammed the beetle's eyes into the cauldron so ferociously that it almost tipped over.

"Let's see…Weasley?"

Her hands shook as they tuned the page.

"Potter?"

Her hands gripped the knife ever tighter as she slashed at the gooseberries.

"Or perhaps…Longbottom?"

She slammed the pestle down, and the board it landed on flew into the air. "You know what-" she hissed.

But he never found out what she was going to say, for her eyes fastened in horror on the one ingredient heading for the cauldron while Draco was oblivious to it's descent. He saw it now as he lunged for it-and missed.

The cauldron exploded with the force of a thousand elephants, knocking them off their feet and an orange mist issued out of the cauldron. They blacked out.

….

"Oy," groaned Draco, and sat up groggily, clutching his head. He looked around him dizzily. Two face came into focus: Harry Potter and Ron Weasley.

Potty? Weasel? Why the hell are they concerned about me? Draco wondered.

"Hermione?" said Ron anxiously.

"Are you okay?" added Harry.

Draco laughed. "Who are you kidding? I'm Draco!"

Harry and Ron exchanged significant looks.

"She's delirious," whispered Ron.

"We'd better get her to the hospital wing," agreed Harry.

"You think I can't hear you? You've gotta be crazy!" Draco said, smirking. "What's with all this Mudblood stuff? I told you, I'm Draco Malfoy!"

"Hermione," said Ron cautiously. "You are having hallucinations. I think you'd better-"

Harry held out a hand. "Wait, Ron."

Ron looked at him. "Yeah?"

"She's smirking. Almost like-"

"Malfoy," Ron breathed.

Draco rolled his eyes, and threw up his hands. "Finally! They understand! God, you dumbarses are about as thick as Crabbe and-"

He stopped abruptly. Whoa, he thought, staring at his hands. These aren't mine. He looked down. Those shoes...they aren't mine. Socks, not mine, robes-ewwww, Gryffindor colors-not mine, boobs, not mine-hey, these are kinda nice! He felt them a little bit, aware that Harry and Ron were watching him, then put his hands up to his face. He seized a lock of his platinum blonde hair-or what used to be platinum blonde hair. It's all brown and wavy and-

"EWWWWW I'M GRANGER!" he shrieked, and ran to the nearest mirror. Hermione's face stared back at him. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he sobbed.

Meanwhile, Hermione was having the same discovery.

"You can't be serious!" she yelled at dumbfounded Blaise and Pansy. "Is this some kind of sick joke or something? Cuz it isn't funny!"

She ran over to where she heard Draco's voice wailing. Good, she thought. At least I have my own voice. She suddenly noticed what was hanging between her legs. Oh…my…god…ewwwwwwwwww! She shrieked inside her head, and then tried to calm herself down. Ok, I am not going to think about it. Breathe, Hermione, breathe.

She ran over to herself and grabbed her 'clone' by the shoulders.

"GET…OUT…OF…MY…BODY!" she screamed, shaking the Draco/Hermione person by the shoulders.

"Hey, I can't help it!" said Draco's voice angrily. It sounds so weird coming out of my body, thought Hermione in Draco's body unhappily.

Then the Draco in Hermione's body's (A/N: Ok, I am having abbreviations. Draco in Hermione's body: DIHB, and when I want to say 'him' is say HS because he ins a he in a she's body. Hermione in Draco's body: HIDB, and when I want to say she, I will say SH because she is a she in a he's body. Get it?) expression changed. "Whoa," DIHB said. "I look good." HS picked up a lock of HIDB's hair and fingered it.

HIDB smacked HS's hand away. "Stop! We need to get somebody who can fix this!"

They looked at each other and shouted one word:

"PROFESSOR SNAPE!"

Ok, short chapter, and I haven't updated in ages. I am so sorry! October was a busy month for me. Happy Halloween, btw. I hope you like this chapter! I did! Oh, and no crystal ball today. You'll just have to guess!

On top of cloud 9- I knew you would like this story! Did you like this chapter? I loved it!

Dancegirlem24- It's okay about my name. I hope this will make you more anxious to find out what happens next!

Dracos-naughty-lil-girl- Thanx!

Zeetah- I'm amazing? Really? Awww, thanks. How does he shoot the staples? That seems kinda hard to do, you know? Well, I found it online. Just type in 'buyer beware-Latin' and click the first link. A thousand Latin phrases are on there. Latin is the awesomest lingo eva!

Maliaphire- Good point…I don't think he would. But Draco would probably just pretend that he knew what a stapler was just to prove that he was as smart as Hermione. Crazy German teacher? What's she like? I don't get the "my friend has this new rpg site so please register its http/queenie3001" thing. Care to explain?

Emmasnape99- You don't like smoothies? Oh, well. I hate peanut butter and watermelon. And Draco and Hermione were on Evvy's list. I think so, at least. Yup, they are. Of course I know ATOLS! I just forgot for a sec. Sorry. But you haven't updated in ages! Please please please PLEASE update it!

Zerrin of the Wind- Yes, I must leave you with a cliffie. I love cliffies. Except when SOME PEOPLE write them. Aka you. Update your story soon soon SOON!

TimeMage0955- Hey Nicola! You didn't pester me. Yet. Maybe you forgot. I shall have to remind you. But why am I reminding you to annoy me? That is a good question. Anyway, I will buy oranges from you, so you know. I just have to ask the 'rents if they want to! Lol.

Dark Angel's Curse- Yes, I had to patent it. Lol.

Rachael- I tell you once, I tell you twice, I tell you a thousand times, your user name is too long! Anyway. We already went over the thing at school. What do ambiguous mean? And he's nice. I don't love him, but we're friends. Friends!

OK, did you guys like it? Press the button for double your Halloween candy-if you guys trick-or-treat still.