(6/14)
It always amazed him that there used to be a house where he stood. Now there was nothing but ashes, and a small crater where the structure that was supposed to have been a safe house used to be.
Chloe was supposed be safe there, but now there was nothing left of her either.
Gabe was in the hospital, only slightly more stable than when he had first been brought in, badly burned with half a dozen broken bones. And they considered him lucky.
It had taken almost a week, but the doctors had finally deemed him conscious, coherent, and stable enough to be told that his only daughter hadn't been so "lucky". The Kents had insisted on the news not coming from a stranger, so they volunteered for the unthinkable duty of telling him that Chloe was gone.
Clark hadn't gone in with them, because despite all his superhuman powers, he was still struggling, and he couldn't bear the look on his face, or the blame that he was afraid he might see there. Even though he sat in the waiting room, the distance didn't muffle the strangled cry that came from all the way down the hall, as clear to him as if he had been in the room anyway.
In so many ways he felt like he had let them all down. Like he should have known something was going to happen, because no one ever crossed the Luthors and escaped unscathed. He had known that, and he'd still done nothing to ensure her safety. If he had been there... even if he had just checked and double checked the place without anyone's knowledge, he could have found the bomb, and none of this would be happening.
But he had been off chasing his sadistic father's information, and all else had gone unnoticed. He had been trapped for what felt like years in the phantom zone, but was only a matter of hours in reality. By the time he had come back, and Jor-El's reprogramming had been reversed, it had been too late. His parents had had to tell him the news, too.
The harsh realities that had hit him in the last week were worse than anything he could have ever imagined. Every time he turned around, he was dialing her cell number, or thinking he was going to drop by the Torch to bring her coffee, or get the latest scoop, or just chat. The fact that she was dead had hit him so many times already that he had almost become completely numb. It was a welcome change from the anger, guilt, and sadness he had felt every waking moment since his return.
Unfortunately, there had been far more waking moments in his life, since he had barely slept at all in four days. He had tried, but the things he saw when he did fall asleep weren't worth the supposed rest. There was nothing restful about the images of what must have happened to Chloe, or the thoughts she must have been having when she realized he wasn't going to save her this time.
He had failed her in the worst way possible, and he wasn't sure he could live with it. His parents were worried about him, but no one in his life could make it better.
As he stood on the spot where she had experienced the horror of her last moments, he heard a voice.
"I thought you would always be there to protect me," she said, and he swore she was standing right there in front of him.
He couldn't explain what was happening; whether it was real or just sleep deprivation, but the tears began to roll down his face again because he knew there was nothing he could say. "I'm so sorry, Chloe. I should've been here."
She disappeared as suddenly as she had come.
It was then that he had come to the most painful realization of all. He had loved her all along, but he had been too afraid to tell her. To admit what he'd kept burying would have changed everything, and now that everything had changed for the worst, he hated himself for being such a coward.
He had hurt her repeatedly, and she had died before he took the chance to step up and explain.
Now that chance was gone forever, and he had no idea what his life was going to be like without her.
Clark woke up in a cold sweat. Everything had come rushing back to him, and the overwhelming sense of regret he had carried for the last seven years threatened to swallow him whole. He often wondered how things would have been if Chloe had lived. He was almost certain he wouldn't have taken the path he was on now, but he couldn't help thinking that if she was still with him she would have inspired him to be greater than he had ever dreamed.
That was where he had wanted her, all those years he had spent finding himself, when he went to college, and certainly now when every time he looked into her cousin's face he saw what he had lost.
It wasn't like he had never let anyone else in his life down, but there were just some failures he didn't know if he could live with any longer.
"Lane," Lois answered her phone distractedly. She was desperately searching for the copy she left on her desk the night before. It was Thursday but it was starting to feel a lot like a Monday. She would be glad when the work week was finally over.
"He WHAT?" She sat down. "I'll - Geez, I'll grab Kent and be there as soon as I can. Thanks, Seth." She slammed the phone down and took a deep breath. After she recovered, she shot out of her chair, through her office door, and straight to Clark's cubicle.
Sitting down on the edge of his desk, as if this was any one of their daily casual chats about work, she leaned forward so only he could hear her.
"Lex Luthor just called a press conference downtown."
Clark's face turned from quizzical to shocked. "But he doesn't -"
"Hold press conferences, I know," she finished for him. "This one is in twenty minutes, so I figure we can scoop the whole office if we head out right now."
"When did he decide to do this and how did you find out about it without everyone else finding out, too?"
"About an hour ago and I have a source. Inside Lex Corp," she whispered and grinned.
His face blanched and her grin turned to a frown. "What's the matter?"
"N - Nothing."
She didn't believe that for a second, but there wasn't time to explore it. They had somewhere to be.
"Come on, Kent, time's a-wastin'," she said lightly, and started down the hall to the elevator, not waiting for him to follow.
TBC