Picking up the Pieces

Chapter Two

'Meg, you're just not ready!' Harm said to her as she came to his door one morning, about a month later.

'Not ready for what Harm?'

'To go back to work...'

'You just cannot stand the thought of me being strong enough to make my own decisions, Harm.'

'Meg, that's not true.' Harm said gently as she winced after breathing in too sharply. 'You're still in pain,'

'Harm, my whole family has died, all before I've turned thirty. I've just turned twenty nine, and last night I had my car stolen. I've seen more grief and been through more pain than you have even though you had the Tomcat accident. You still have family...' She fell into his arms crying, the emotional pain still there.

'You may be ready physically, Meg, but you sure as hell haven't healed emotionally.' Harm held her tightly. His uniform was getting wet from her tears but he didn't care.

'Come, we'll go to work and see how you go,'

Lieutenant Singer stood in the door of Meg's office, tapping her foot impatiently.

'Can I help you, ma'am?' Meg asked her, not taking her eyes off the computer screen.

'I need you to photocopy something for me...um a report on 9/11 for my case...' Singer said evilly. She knew very well that the report she was going to give Meg contained details about the navy lieutenant involved, and knew very well that it was Meg.

'If you want it, Lieutenant Singer, you can do it yourself because I am doing some research for Colonel MacKenzie.'

Singer scowled. 'You will photocopy this for me ASAP, Lieutenant. Or I will...'

'Fine, okay? I'll do it!' Meg snatched the report from her irritably. She began reading it on her way to the photocopier. She stopped suddenly when she read a paragraph referring to a navy officer. '...the female navy lieutenant was pinned and impaled...transported to Bethesda...comatose for three months...' tears welled up in Meg's eyes and AJ saw her making her way to the photocopy room. He followed her and grabbed her arm before she got in.

'Meg, what's...' his eyes left her face and fell to the report. He took it out her hands and skimmed the page she was on.

'Who gave this to you?'

'Lieutenant Singer said she needed me to...'

AJ stormed towards Singer angrily.

'You gave this to Lieutenant Austin?'

'Well I didn't know she would read it,' Singer answered innocently.

AJ scowled. 'She always reads things she is given to copy – it's just part of what makes her a great lawyer,'

'And what does that have to do with this?'

'You gave her this report, knowing she would read it, knowing she was the officer mentioned in here...'

Singer caught Meg's tear-stained face behind AJ.

'She's too sensitive,' Singer replied as Harm came over, wrapping her in his arms and listening to what had happened. He led her away calmly into his office.

'Meg, its okay,' he said, drying her eyes. 'Singer is a bitch,'

'No kidding,' Meg replied cynically. 'If it's not Lindsey breathing down my neck...'

Harm hugged her tightly, his chin resting on her head. He kissed the top of her head gently, and told himself how much he loved her.

'I can't tell you that,' he whispered to himself. 'I can't tell you I love you,'

'Yes you can,' Mac said from the door. She'd heard the yelling, the crying and had come to see what was going on. Harm gave Mac a look that clearly said No, not right now I can't, and held Meg tighter. Mac got the hint, he wanted to be alone to comfort her, and it would be Mac's turn later, once Meg stopped calling her 'Ma'am' or 'Colonel MacKenzie' all the time. Harm pulled Meg out of his hug and took in her tear-stained face, the recent bruise over her eyes where she had tripped at home and her thin frame, each day getting a little more flesh on it.

'Meg, let Mac in. She won't bite,' Harm said to Meg gently.

'She's a Marine, you know...'

'I know, but she is also a lawyer and a friend – she's sensitive Meg, although she hardly shows it. And you let her talk to you,'

'Harm, only when you're around...'

Harm lifted Meg's face again and kissed her. Meg pulled away in shock. She started shaking and eventually fell to the ground. Harm sat beside her.

'Meg...'

'Harm why...'

'I think you know,'

Meg smiled weakly. She knew, but she was scared of this.

'Harm, I don't want to get so attached to you, and then lose you,'

'You won't,' He hugged her, lifting her up easily. Meg relaxed in his arms.

'Can we go home? I feel sick,' Meg said shakily. She was pale and tired – dark rings were under her eyes and it was only 1730.

'All right, I'll go see the Admiral,'

While Harm was with AJ, Mac came into the office.

'Hey Meg,'

'Colonel MacKenzie...I...'

'It's okay Meg.' Mac said lightly. She'd seen the look on Harm's face. She knew he was dedicating himself to Meg.

'Ma'am, with all due respect...'

'Meg, he loves you, its no crime.'

'It is against regulations,'

Mac smiled kindly at Meg, who was looking flushed.

'Meg, are you okay?' Mac asked, frowning in concern. Meg shook her head, not trusting herself to speak.

'Ready, Meg?' Harm asked her as he came back in.

'Yes,' Meg pulled her jacket around herself tightly and Harm put his arm around her.

'Harm,' Mac started.

'Not now Mac,' Harm said as Meg rested her head on his shoulder. He led her out, his arm around her keeping her steady. Mac watched mournfully as they left, trying to suppress her love for Harm, disappointment at her miscommunication with Meg and Harm's brush-offs.

'Mac, she's hurt, emotionally and physically. Harm's her best friend...' AJ said, coming up behind her.

'Admiral, he is clearly in love with her, she's...' Mac faltered. AJ looked at her.

'Is everything okay with the Lieutenant, Mac?' he asked her.

'Sir,'

'Mac, she's had a rough time and the Commander hasn't seen her for years.'

'She thinks she never left JAG!' Mac yelled.

'She is getting better Mac. Losing your memory takes its toll on you,'

Mac turned her back to him.

'Sir, I've tried okay? Since she woke up, I've been trying to be her friend; I've been understanding and sensitive...'

'I know Mac, don't take it personally – she's pushing everyone away at the moment, even me. She's clinging to Harm because they've been through more together.'

Mac scowled. 'Harm won't always be able to run to her side; she needs to open up more,'

'Give her time, let her heal Mac. She deserves that much from you - you need to give her space.'

Mac stormed out. It wasn't that she didn't like Meg; it was that Meg's current behaviour of clinging only to Harm was bugging her. Mac whirled around to face AJ.

'Sir, I just want to help her,'

'We all do, and she's been given a hard time by Singer, just...let her come to you in her own time.'

Meg's apartment

Harm wouldn't hear Meg's plaintive cries, begging him to let her help.

'You're sick, Meg, Let me do this for you.' He said as he placed some soup in front of her. She didn't mind being fussed over – it had been awhile and she needed it right now.

'This better not be one of your famous dishes,' Meg joked weakly. Harm smiled as he sat beside her and shook his head.

'Meg, you said something about Lindsey...'

Meg looked up at him from eating.

'Uh...wherever I transferred to he was there...that's all I'm getting right now,'

'It's something,' He said to her.

'Harm, you don't have to stay here – you are only one apartment away,'

'I know but just until I know you're okay, Meg. Until...'

Meg looked at him for a moment and he caught her sad look.

'Meg, you'll be okay,'

'It's only been four months...'

'I know Meg, but healing takes time. I mean, you're almost physically better – apart from this flu,'

'I only have the flu because my immune system is so weak,'

'Meg,'

'Harm, I'm not ready to have a relationship. Maybe I felt ready back at the office, but I'm too vulnerable right now,'

'Meg, I wasn't pushing that, just know I love you,'

'What about Colonel MacKenzie?' Meg asked her blue eyes full of innocence, loss and pain.

'Meg,'

'Harm, don't leave her out of your life because of me,' Meg yawned and fell back onto the couch. She put her head on the pillow Harm had put there for her the day before and closed her eyes.

'Don't you want to sleep in your bed?' Harm asked her, but she was asleep. He covered her with a blanket and cleared her bowl away. He came back through as someone knocked at the door.

'Hey Mac,'

'I figured you'd be here. You weren't home,'

'Mac,'

'Harm, I know you need to do this...'

'You're jealous,'

'No! I'm not Harm, but I do want to be her friend. She won't let me in,'

'Mac, she needs to adjust...a few months isn't enough,'

Mac looked past him at Meg, sleeping peacefully on the couch.

'She'll come round, won't she?'

'Give her time, it doesn't help that Singer and Turner are hard on her, or that she's hurting still. Mac, she needs us both but she'll come to you when she is ready.'

Mac smiled, feeling a lot better about the situation. 'I know, maybe me being such a high ranking Marine hasn't helped either...'

'I know. Hey, come in. She might be glad to see another friendly face when she wakes up.'

'Harm, I know you are feeling guilty about what happened, and that's why you're doing all of this, keeping her close, being there for her all the time but listen to me. It is not your fault – at least she wasn't on the planes!' Mac said, reading his face.

'Mac,'

'Harm, the Admiral told me what the two of you went through remember? That first day you went to her.'

'The last time she was in a coma, she was shot in the head and only comatose for a week, this is different – she didn't lost her memory then,' Harm sat down and started crying.

'Go, get some rest. I'll stay.' Mac said, and Harm listened for once, lying on Meg's bed, not wanting to move her. Mac looked at them both tentatively. Harm exhausted from caring so much, Meg exhausted from the pain and flu that had hit her three days ago. She saw sweat pouring down Meg's face and quickly got a cloth and cold water, wiping her face and putting a lighter blanket over her. Meg woke up.

'Colonel MacKenzie...'

'Shhh...you need your rest Meg, Harm's in your room, he didn't want to move you.'

Meg smiled and silently thanked Harm. Mac tucked some flyaway strands of hair behind Meg's ear.

'You'll be fine,'

'Thank you Mac,' Meg whispered, settling back down.