Picking up the Pieces

Chapter Seven

'Out of my way, Lieutenant,' Turner said to Meg as she tried to get a book from the law library.

'I will move when I am ready,' Meg replied, not knowing who it was. She turned and blushed.

'Oh I am so sorry Commander,' she said, scurrying to the table she had her work spread over.

'Hmmph.' Turner replied, getting what he needed and leaving. Bud came in then.

'Everything okay Meg?'

'Yes sir, I just can't get this book…' She showed him what she was trying to reach on the top shelf. Bud smiled at her kindly and pulled it down for her.

'There you go, hope it helps.'

'Thank you sir, I'm sure it will.' Meg sat down and flipped through it to the pages she needed.

'Meg, is everything okay?'

'Why wouldn't it be?' Meg asked, not looking up. Bud sat opposite her, his hand over hers.

'It's just that…I know you've had a hard time adjusting, remembering your lost years, and that Commander Turner and Lieutenant Singer were no help. But you were once confident and you would talk to us more than this. Now…'

'With all due respect, sir, I have to finish this report for Commander Rabb,'

Bud was shocked that she didn't know.

'Meg, he's resigned to find Mac in Paraguay.' Bud said gently.

'He never told me…he tells me everything…' Meg was in shock. She let the book fall out of her hands and to the floor. Bud picked it up, putting it back on the table.

'Meg,' he started as she got up.

'Don't talk to me!' she stormed out and bumped into Harriet.

'Sorry ma'am.'

'Meg, its okay,' Harriet said kindly. She'd stuck close to Meg the past few years whenever Harm and Mac were away, and now was no exception. 'Is something wrong?'

Meg sat down in a chair and started crying.

'He never told me he was resigning to find her!' Meg said tearfully. Harriet put her arm around Meg.

'It's okay…Harm will bring the Colonel back,'

'Then why didn't he tell me?'

Harriet bit her lip nervously. Poor Meg had been through so much pain, and this was only adding to it – not only that, something or someone, Harriet had three names high on her list, and had recently eliminated the top two, had scuttled Meg's career and stopped her advancing further than Lieutenant junior grade. Or so she thought, unaware that Commander Lindsey had already damaged Meg's career before Turner and Singer became involved.

'Meg, how did you find out?'

'Lieutenant Roberts told me.'

Harriet saw Meg double over and continue crying. 'Maybe you should talk to the Admiral.'

'No,'

'Lieutenant Austin, I'd like to see you in my office now please.' AJ said to her in his usual manner. Meg followed him sheepishly.

'Sit down Meg.' His voice was gentle, and he had dropped his intimidating manner.

'Now, tell me, is something bothering you?'

'You mean the fact that Harm resigned and never told me?' Meg replied.

'Well…that and I know you're worried about Mac.'

'They're my best friends.'

AJ put his hand on her shoulder. 'I know, but its Harm and Mac. If anyone can survive anything they can…so can you of course. Look how far you've come in the past eighteen months or so,'

Meg smiled. 'Some things are still fuzzy,'

'I know. Tell me, you and Harriet getting along?'

'Yes sir,'

'How about you and Lieutenant Roberts?'

'Of course sir,'

'Then why…' AJ looked up to see Harriet in his door.

'Can I help you Lieutenant Simms?'

'Sir, can I ask you a personal question?'

'Of course Harriet,' AJ replied, going over to her.

'Sir, you don't think they're not coming back do you?'

AJ put his arm around Harriet. 'Harm and Mac are survivors. They've been through a lot together…they'll come back.'

'Really? Because I don't want to explain to little AJ why his Aunt Mac and Uncle Harm aren't ever going to see him again.'

AJ smiled at the thought of the little boy named after him.

'Everything will be fine. And I hope that puts your mind at ease too Meg.'

Harriet smiled. 'Thank you sir, that's all I wanted to hear,' she hugged AJ and he hugged her back. AJ watched as she left to do her work. He saw one officer, his other surrogate daughter, reassured. But then saw Meg, still struggling to find her place at JAG, still trying to make up her lost years.

'Meg, everything is going to be okay,' he said to her gently as she left. She merely nodded, acknowledging she had heard and walked out.

'Lieutenant, would you hurry up and get me that report? I've taken over the case you were working on with Commander Rabb,' Turner reprimanded her two days later.

'Yes sir, on its way,' Meg replied. She watched as Turner left the office. She felt sick, she'd let him beat her; she'd backed down and was letting him get the better of her.

'Damn it Meg, you're stronger than this!' She said to herself harshly. She printed out the report and went to Commander Turner's office.

'Here's the report,'

'Are you forgetting something?' He asked her. Meg folded her arms in thought.

'No, are you?'

'Lieutenant,'

'Sorry sir, it won't happen again.'

'See that it doesn't!'

Meg left the office, almost bumping into Jen. She had quailed before Turner yet again.

'Ma'am, is everything okay?' Jen asked her. Meg's was pale and her face tear-stained.

'Everything is fine petty officer, just forget it.' Meg slammed the door to her office, causing Bud to look up from the file in his hands.

'Is she okay Coates?'

Jen turned to Bud. 'She gave me the brush-off – we usually get on so well.'

Bud watched Meg through the window as she tried to control her emotions. He entered and sat in front of her.

'Meg, we're all concerned about you,'

'Damn it! He's the only one who can make me feel this way.'

'Commander Turner?'

'Yes!'

'Have you spoken to the Admiral?'

'What good would that do?' Meg asked.

'Come on Meg, I know he's tough on you when Harm and Mac are here but he's gotten worse since…well since Harm resigned.'

Meg kept her eyes down, not looking at Bud.

'Meg, please…lets go to the Admiral,'

Meg shook her head. 'I deserve it,'

'The hell you do!' Bud objected. Meg was being too submissive these days. He watched as she closed her eyes and sat back.

'Meg?'

'I'm fine,'

Bud took the hint and left as another memory flashed in Meg's mind.

'Out of my way!' a senior officer yelled at her as she made her way through the halls of Computer Weapons HQ. She fell, putting her hands out to steady herself and in an attempt not to fall too hard.

'Sorry Captain,'

'As you should be,' Captain Clements said harshly as she got up. He pushed her into the wall roughly.

'Lieutenant, are you okay?' Commander Hall came over to her.

'Yes sir,'

'You should report him – he has been treating you like that for years,'

'Two and a half years sir and it won't do anything.'

Commander Hall looked at her. She could be so sassy sometimes, like with him, she would speak her mind but then there was the other side of her – the shy, submissive side where she let senior officers push her around, and she would barely say more than 'yes sir/ma'am,' or 'No sir/ma'am.'

'Meg, come on, Admiral Andrews should know,'

'No, I'll find a way to deal with it.'

Meg pushed her chair back and stormed out. Bud was right; she had to tell the Admiral. She passed Commander Turner on the way.

'And where are you going Lieutenant?' he demanded harshly.

'To talk to the Admiral, excuse me sir,' Meg continued on her way.

Meg spoke briefly to Coates and entered the lions den.

'Is there a problem Lieutenant? Two days ago you were hysterical about Harm resigning…'

'Sir, its Commander Turner,'

'What's he doing?'

'He's just being a jerk sir! He's reprimanding me for anything, and treating me…'

'He's a senior officer, giving you orders.'

'Sir, Harm and Mac give me orders. Commander Turner yells at me for no reason, and tells me I'm incompetent…'

AJ slammed his fist on the desk.

'WHY DIDN'T YOU REPORT THIS BEFORE LIEUTENANT?' He yelled at her.

'Sorry, sir, I was scared. And it isn't too bad when Harm and Mac are around…'

'Worse when they're not. Damn it, you're still recovering your memory aren't you?'

'Yes sir…five years is a lot to remember, and it's only been about eighteen months, give or take a few.'

AJ came round to Meg and put his hand on her shoulder.

'Who else knows?'

'Lieutenant Roberts, but I would rather have…'

'I know, Harm and Mac are your best friends…Meg, you close up every time they aren't here, and only come to me. Why don't you talk to Bud or Harriet or Coates?'

'I don't know sir…'

'Meg, we're all family here, we all care about you.'

'Yes sir I know,'

'Look, I'll talk with Turner, but in the meantime, open up to the rest of the staff,'

'Yes sir,'

'Dismissed Lieutenant,'

After Harm and Mac have returned

'Meg, are you listening?' Mac reprimanded her gently.

'Hmm? Oh sorry Mac,' Meg blushed and looked away while Mac smiled kindly.

'Its okay, we're all under strain right now,'

'Why did he have to be so stupid?' Meg burst out.

'Who, Harm?' Mac asked, pushing the case to the side at her friend's outburst.

'Who else would I be talking about?'

Mac smiled laughingly. 'He cares about us,'

'The Admiral told him not to go; Harm didn't even tell me he was resigning,'

'He saved me and Webb,'

Turner knocked on the door.

'I just wanted to congratulate you Lieutenant,'

'For what?' Mac asked warily. She knew of Sturgis' issues with Meg, and what had happened while she had been in Paraguay.

'For getting me transferred and possibly ruining my career,'

Meg kept her back to him. 'You had no right to treat me the way you did, sir.'

Turner ignored this last comment and turned to Mac.

'Keep her under control,' and he left.

'What does he mean?'

'I may have tried to assert myself to him, show him that he couldn't push me around,'

'So? Meg, you have a right not to be pushed around like that,'

'He didn't like me doing that,'

Mac stood up. 'I don't care if he didn't. I think its good you're trying to build confidence, and if he tried to squash that then I am not impressed.'

Meg smiled. She knew she could count on Mac to make her feel better.

'I just want Harm…'

'I know Meg, I know you do…but he's in the CIA now,'

'Hey how was that hard landing?'

'Don't ask,' Mac laughed. 'You know what his landings are like,'

'I know what his flying is like,' Meg said. 'After my first and only time in an F-14 I felt like my insides were jumbled…'

'What about that Italian pilot you dated? He never took you flying?'

Meg looked shocked. 'Harm told you?'

Mac blushed and nodded. 'Sorry,'

'No its okay. He didn't fly as recklessly as Harm does,'

'Meg, its Harm…' the voice on the other line said. Meg frowned. It sounded urgent.

'Harm,' she said, trying to pacify him. He sounded panicked, like he was when a gun had been at her head several weeks ago.

'Meg, come back to JAG,'

'Harm, I can't. I let myself fall in love with you,' Meg replied. She had been dreading this conversation. She looked around her dark apartment. She was recovering from the flu before starting at Computer Weapons again. He became insistent.

'Meg, please, you don't understand!'

'I think I do Harm, now please let me go, I'm starting at Computer Weapons tomorrow. Goodbye sailor,'

Meg woke up crying. She didn't remember that conversation – it had taken place after she had left JAG and while she was in hospital the last thing she had remembered was the murder investigation on the Seahawk. The phone rang and she answered it tearfully.

'Hey Meg,'

'Harm, I remembered something…'

'Meg,'

'You called me after I left JAG to try bringing me back,'

'Meg, I can't talk anymore…I just called to say I miss you…' and he was gone. She started crying but controlled it enough to call Mac.

'Mac,'

'Meg, what's wrong?' Mac asked over the phone.

'Can you come over?'

'Right now Meg…okay,'

Mac swooped down on Meg, drying her tears and listening to her story.

'You live right next door…'

'He's never there.' Meg replied harshly.

Mac pushed Meg's hair behind her ears. 'Meg, I know how you're feeling. He won't return my calls either…'

Meg grabbed the phone and dialled Harm's number but he didn't answer.

'Come, go get some rest, I'll stay here.'

Meg smiled through her anger.

'You're a great friend Mac; I don't know what I'd do without you,'

Mac watched as Meg curled up in bed and went to sleep.

'I know how you feel Meg…'