Picking up the Pieces

Chapter 9

Meg struggled to sleep a few nights later as a dream of 9/11 filled her subconscious. She thrashed about; unaware that Harm was still there.

Her phone rang as the planes rushed towards the towers. She answered it, shaking, paralysed with fear.

'Meg, honey?'

'Mom, where are you?' Meg asked tearfully, knowing the answer.

'On the plane…darling, Ben and I called to say we love you…we will always love you…' the phone went static.

'Mom, don't go!'

'Darling, I just called to say goodbye…we love you…'

Meg shrieked as the planes hit the towers and exploded, as shrapnel hit her everywhere, knocking and pinning her to the ground. She heard sirens far away, but the sight of her own blood and a pole through her stomach made her puke and slip into unconsciousness.

She woke up crying, Harm holding her, wiping her tears away.

'You could have been a little gentler,' he joked softly. 'Hey, what's wrong Meg?'

'I dreamt about…' she didn't need to tell him everything for him to know.

'Oh Meg, its okay…it was bound to happen sooner or later.' He held her tightly.

'Why don't I take you home to bed?'

'No, I want to stay here,'

'Are you sure you're not going to beat me again?' Harm said lightly. Meg laughed weakly.

'Yes,' Meg buried her tears in him. For the past few years Harm, Mac and the Admiral had been her support system, but having the dream about the crash had weakened the strength she'd developed since starting back at Jag.

'Meg…'

'Harm, I don't want to be alone at the moment!' Meg sat up and scrambled to the end of the couch as he got up. He walked away from her to the kitchen.

'Tea or coffee?' he asked, and Meg suppressed a laugh.

'Harm, its five a.m.'

'So? We need to be at Jag HQ at 0730.' Harm yelled back. 'Tea or coffee?'

'Harm, that's a dumb question and you know it! I'll be back in a bit – I'm going home to get changed.' Her voice fell as she came through. Harm smiled his flyboy smile at her.

'Up for some flying? The Admiral is sending us to the Patrick Henry to test an F-14 – apparently there was a malfunction in one and…'

'No, no way Harm.'

'He assigned you Meg!' Harm said as she went to open the door.

'Harm…'

'I won't let anything happen. We won't crash. If there is a problem, we'll eject. Weather conditions are fine…'

'Now they are. In a few hours…' She was silenced by Harm's kiss.

'I'll be up there with you,' Meg told him, at the same time she mentally kicked herself. He always knew how to get her to do anything. She was petrified of flying – ever since 9/11. He'd had to keep her calm when they went to Cuba while Palmer was stalking her.

'Why do I let him do that to me?' She said to herself as she dressed in her khakis, as ordered by the Admiral.

'I cannot believe I let him get me into this!' Meg admonished herself. She heard Harm at her door. Struggling with her bars she got there, her shirt buttoned all wrong. Harm laughed as he came in and took her bars from her and put them on then fixed her shirt up.

'Hey no-one said you could laugh,' Meg swatted him.

'We'd better get going,'

'No breakfast?'

'We'll pick something up on the way.'

Meg sat in the back seat of the Tomcat shaking. It had been several years since Harm had taken her up in one, and she'd hated it then, but this time was different. This time she was scared. As Harm got in he saw her pale instantly.

'I'll bring you back safely. Now taking off from a carrier isn't the same as taking off of a runway on land. You sure you're okay?'

Meg nodded. She was about to throw up.

'Just do whatever I tell you Meg,' Harm said to her.

'Okay…' Meg replied as she squeezed her eyes shut.

'Don't close your eyes.' Harm told her as they took off. The impact threw Meg's stomach and she threw up.

'Suck it up Lieutenant!'

Meg covered her mouth with the oxygen mask quickly. She was panicking as Harm flew like he always did, making her incredibly nervous as a memory flashed in her mind

Another F-14 pilot, just as reckless, if not more so than Harm hauled her into the skies.

'Commander, please, I don't fly.' Meg begged the pilot.

'Lieutenant Austin, just be quiet.' Commander Faulkner said harshly. She was the top female naval aviator and would risk anyone and anything to fly – sort of like Harm.

'Please you don't understand!' Meg replied as Faulkner rolled the plane, making Meg dizzy.

'Lieutenant, do as I say and punch out. The engines are failing!'

'Harm!' Meg shrieked as the plane jolted.

'Meg, its okay, its just the wind, we're turning back now.' Harm's voice was calming as Meg broke out into a panicked sweat.

'Don't let me die out here Rabb!'

'Never Lieutenant, I owe my life to you – remember the time you saved me?'

Meg nodded. It had been the first year she worked with Harm.

'What you think I'm stupid?' Meg retorted shakily. She could just see them nearing the Patrick Henry and her breath caught in her chest.

'Meg use the damned oxygen mask – you're not breathing properly!' Harm yelled at her impatiently as he heard her breathing getting more strained through her fear. She grabbed it and held it over her mouth, still pale and sweating. As they landed she let the tears of relief flow – she was safe. Harm helped her down, his arms around her as they made their way back to Captain Frankel.

'Everything okay?' He asked when he saw Meg doubled over, breathing heavily.

'She'll be okay once I get her to her stateroom. Captain, it seems that the F-14 you lost a few days ago had an individual malfunction, from what was described – it didn't seem generalised enough for the whole lot. Now I'd better get Lieutenant Austin to her stateroom before she collapses.'

Frankel looked at Meg with concern.

'You don't like to fly Lieutenant?'

'No sir,' Meg's voice was shaking and her face was still pale.

'Come on, you're going to lie down and you are not telling Mac about this because she'll floor me for getting you into this mess,'

'Its not entirely your fault,' Meg managed to say as he helped her get out the flight suit and she dressed in the spare pajamas she'd brought, knowing they'd be here for a few days. She lay down and Harm pulled the chair by the table to her side as she pulled the covers over herself.

'Meg…'

'Since…since 9/11 I've been afraid of flying.'

'I know, I remember Cuba.'

'Today made it worse because….' Meg was asleep before she could tell him why she had almost let him down today. Harm left her alone and went to write up a report on their flight and continue the investigation.

Meg woke up later as someone knocked on the door of her stateroom. She opened it groggily.

'Lieutenant Austin, why are you not helping Commander Rabb?' a cold female voice asked her.

'Because I am recovering from flying with him ma'am.'

Commander Krennick suppressed a laugh.

'He got you in a Tomcat?' she asked as Meg let her in.

'Yes ma'am.'

'Lieutenant, do you have any idea who I am?'

'No ma'am.' Yet another person from her life had been erased.

'Let me refresh your memory. I seem to recall you and other junior members calling me the "Dragon Lady."'

Meg caught herself on the chair.

'Commander Krennick!'

'Don't worry Meg, I heard about what happened. I'm acting JAG here, came to see how your investigation was going,'

'Harm will be back soon ma'am.'

'Thank you Lieutenant. I assume you're feeling…'

'Still a little dazed from the flight ma'am.' Meg sat down, her head on the table.

'Wow, he really did fly recklessly.'

'Are you two talking about me again?' Harm joked, coming through. 'Lieutenant, why aren't you in bed resting? We're flying again…'

'Oh no I'm not, sir' Meg replied.

'Rabb, if she's still recovering from your reckless flying, one would think taking her up again is not a good idea.'

Meg smiled weakly at Krennick. 'Harm, I don't want to. It's something personal and I don't want to talk about it!'

'Meg,' Harm started.

'No, Harm, get your damn RIO to fly with you.' Meg yelled at him. Krennick stood between them.

'Rabb, let's leave Lieutenant Austin alone.'

Harm looked at Meg, who looked as though she wanted to throw a pillow at him again.

'Okay, I'm going, fine. Meg, get some sleep, because the only way…hey!' a pillow had hit him in the stomach. He put it on the bed and left, Commander Krennick trying not to laugh as Meg lay back down, glaring angrily at Harm as he left.

'Meg, come on! It wasn't that bad!' Harm said as he chased after her at JAG HQ a week later.

'Not that bad, Harm? You fly so recklessly it's a wonder I'm still alive.' Meg pushed by him and into her office. Mac came up to Harm, her arms folded.

'What did you do to her?'

'What? I didn't…'

'You took her flying, against her wishes!' Mac scolded him. 'You know how she is with flying these days, Harm.'

'I know…she had no choice – we had to test fly a few Tomcats.'

'And you couldn't take your RIO? Harm, you scared her, you…'

'I know, I know. She already had a go at me in the COD on the way back.' Harm said and stormed off to the Admiral to report in about the case.

'Rabb, I thought I told you to keep Lieutenant Austin out of the air as much as possible.' AJ yelled at him, Meg cowering in the corner. Harm looked over to her, mixed emotions clouding his judgement.

'Sir, if I took anyone else up, the case might have been biased towards F-14 pilots, taking Lieutenant Austin up reduced that risk,' Harm said. Well, it was sort of the truth.

'Oh cut the bull Harm, you know you just wanted to cure me of flying.'

'Why the hell were you so jumpy afterwards Meg?'

'That is none of your damn business Rabb!'

AJ intervened. 'How long have you two been arguing?'

'Since the day we met,' Meg replied.

'I thought you two…'

'Until he took me in the Tomcat,' Meg replied icily.

'And why was that a problem? It wasn't the first time,'

'No, it was minor then sir, it was different this time,' Meg's tone softened and her voice shook slightly.

'How so?' AJ asked. Meg looked down, away from AJ's sympathetic stare and Harm's "Get-on-with-it" stare.

'Because I had another flash-back…same type of case…I was flying with my partner, Commander Faulkner...she was as bad as Harm, as reckless is what I mean…it was awful…the plane started barrelling down, and I ejected…landed on the flight deck hard then fell into the ocean…it took them seven hours to find me. Commander Faulkner died when the plane's engines blew up.' Meg explained. She felt Harm near her.

'Meg…'

'I tried to tell you, I passed out before I could.' Meg replied. Harm's expression changed.

'If I had known…why didn't you say something before we went up?'

Meg shrugged. 'Partly because you wouldn't hear me out and partly because you gave me an order and I had to follow it.'

Harm rolled his eyes. 'You're too submissive sometimes,'

AJ intervened before the yelling could commence. 'Dismissed Lieutenant, Commander.'

'Aye, aye sir.'

Meg's hands flew across the keyboard later that day as she worked on finding some information for Turner. He came in with their coffee. He had softened towards her slightly, and to everyone's surprise, begun to respect her. It seemed the chip on his shoulder was disappearing.

'How is it going Lieutenant?' he asked her cautiously, afraid of the response he'd get.

'It's harder than I thought sir,'

'Oh?'

'It's not like I can't find information or crack weapons system codes to save a cruise ship…just…I'm a little rusty and what we need is rather difficult to locate.'

Turner laughed gently. 'I know the feeling Lieutenant.'

Meg smiled shyly. He had never been too nice before, this was a first.

'Let me have a go, you have a break.'

Meg pushed the laptop and took her mug. 'Thank you…I've been staring at the screen all morning, my head hurts.' She rummaged in her drawer for some pain killers. She took them and leant back in the chair, her eyes closed for a moment.

'Any luck sir?'

'Not yet Lieutenant, are you okay?'

'Yes sir, once this headache is gone I will be,'

'Sleeping on the job Lieutenant?' Commander Lindsey asked from the door as Meg sat up properly.

'No sir. Killing on the job Commander?'

'You and I both know that was a mistake. If you tell anyone…'

Meg bit her lip. Commander Turner still intimidated her sometimes but not as much anymore. Turner stopped typing.

'Is there a problem?'

'No, Commander Lindsey was just leaving,' Meg said as she went to the door. Lindsey pulled her out.

'Listen, Lieutenant, I did not mean to kill Lieutenant Singer.'

'Funny, I thought you were in jail,'

'My wife loves me too much – she paid bail.'

'Really? I never knew you could pay bail for a murderer.'

'Oh don't tell me Rabb and MacKenzie wouldn't do the same for you?'

Harm came up.

'Be careful Lindsey, she has good aim with a cover,' he joked. Lindsey glared at her.

'Office joke sir - a concept you wouldn't understand.'

Lindsey snarled at walked away. He was defeated by them again. Harm put his hand on Meg's shoulder.

'You okay?'

'Of course, I'd better get back to work,'

'Hey, next time, you tell me right away,'

'Harm, do me a favour.'

'Anything,'

'I love that you care about me but…there are times when I can hold my own…'

'So you're saying lay off unless necessary?'

'Yeah,'

'Of course,' Harm said as she went back into her office.

OK I know in this part I had Meg a little panicky and stuff, but keep in mind she's recovering from seeing the plane her mother and brother were on fly into a building, and she's not yet fully recovered physically and emotionally either; she's a little weak here, but in my other fics she is generally strong, like Past to Present