Lee Adama Never Cries
This is a sequel to Nytel's ' Kara Thrace Never Cries' which touched me so much when I read it that I immediately knew it had to have a partner to balance it. Thank you Nytel for allowing me to write one! Any similarities in our stories were totally intentional, and permitted.
ZZZZZZZZZFor as long as Lee Adama could remember, he had never cried. There had been a few times he'd come close, maybe even letting a tear or two escape, but never had he broken down and sobbed. Not since he was a small child. His father had told him ' real men don't cry' and Lee didn't want to disappoint his father. So Lee Adama never cried.
The world had ended several months ago, not that Lee had much left to lose, except his dream. His dream of retiring from the military, maybe teaching flying on one of the colonies. But the cylons put paid to that - now he was not only unable to leave the military, he was now CAG, military advisor to the President and serving under his father's rule. That was enough to make Lee want to cry. But Lee Adama never cried.
As a young man, Lee had never been himself. He'd been William Adama's son - always following in his father's footsteps, whether he wanted to be or not. He was the shining example for his little brother of how to succeed at everything. But being perfect wore Lee out. Not that he would ever cry, because Lee Adama never cried.
Lee began to hide. Inside himself. On the outside he was the perfect son, perfect brother, perfect student. But beneath the wall he began to build were all those other emotions. Disgust at himself for being too spineless to stand up for what he wanted. Emptiness at the lack of anything that could be considered a real life. Sorrow at the thought of wasting his life doing what he didn't want to be doing. Anger at his father for pushing him, him and Zack, to do what he'd done, not what they wanted.
The wall had held strong all of Lee's adult life. He'd come off as a superior asshole with an attitude of 'don't frak with me, I'm better than you' but it was just a cover up for his insecurities and unhappiness with his life.
And then the cylons had frakked everything up. They'd ruined his plans - forced him to confront the demons he thought he'd buried. Zack's death. His hatred of his father for that. His anger at Kara for never showing her grief. How could she possibly have loved him? She never even cried at his funeral. Neither had Lee, but then again, Lee Adama never cried.
He'd done his duty however, that was Lee Adama. Put his feelings behind the wall and do the job. Period.
And then Kara had told him. About Zack. About what she'd done. And Lee felt a sudden pain in his chest as the wall cracked. But still, he didn't cry. He made himself be strong as always. Do his job and keep the personal feelings hidden.
But a new feeling of emptiness lurked within him. For two years he'd hated his father, blaming his pushiness for Zack's death. With just a few words, Kara had taken that all away from him - the anger he'd had raging inside. And he was lost.
Still, he did his best to continue on. He worked and flew and played cards just like normal. But the crack was there, and he felt pressure against it constantly. Especially when he was with Kara.
He wanted to hate her for what she'd done to Zack, just like he'd hated his father, but he couldn't. Every time he saw her and their eyes met, he felt emotions stir deep within him, wanting to break out, but he held firm.
However, every moment he spend with her put more pressure on the wall. He found that little trickles of feelings were starting to seep through the crack, and he was having trouble controlling himself around her. They bickered almost constantly, and people wondered at their ability to work together as a team, but both Lee and Kara had walls to hide behind. And hide they did when there was a job to do.
But after the Colonial Day ball when Lee teased Kara about getting laid, she hadn't teased back. And his wall cracked even farther. An emotion snuck out unawares; jealousy. And it made him strike out at her, both verbally and physically. He could see the hurt on her face afterwards and he could have cried for causing her such pain, but Lee Adama never cried.
Then she was gone, and all Lee felt was emptiness. She'd robbed him of his grief, sorrow, anger - put a crack in the wall that held him strong. And now she'd removed herself too. And the flood of emotions was too great for Lee's wall to stand. But still, he didn't cry.
He kept a shaky hold on himself, at least for a few weeks. Till she returned.
The sight of her walking towards him with a smile on her face was more than his wall could stand. It shattered and waves of pain, despair, relief, love came washing out of him like a tidal wave.
And he kissed her. He very nearly cried then and there.
The rest of the day had been agonizing. He'd tried to do his duty for the President, but he suspected she knew how he felt and how close to breaking down he was. So she told him to go, spend some time with Kara - his lost friend that had been found.
When he stepped into the room with her, she turned to look at him, and the pain in her eyes was more than he could take. It removed the reinforcements he'd used to hold the remnants of his shattered wall in place.
He took her in his arms again, and buried his face in her hair. That was the day that Lee Adama cried.
THE END
ZZZZZZZZZZThanks again Nytel for allowing me to use your ideas and parts of your original story. I hope I've done some justice here in laying out Lee's weaknesses. Hope you all enjoyed!
And for those of you who don't remember the 'nice hair - what happened, you get laid?' comment, it was in the deleted scenes on the DVD's. I felt it was important and had I been the director it wouldn't have been cut.