'I didn't think he was serious' Connie murmured the next morning as she examined the notice pinned on the board with dissatisfaction 'I mean its ridiculous. A two day residential course on sexual education – surely the trust has better things to spend it's money on'

'Oh come on' Chrissie appeared behind her, a smile spreading across her face as she examined the details of the hotel where they were to spend their weekend 'you never know Connie you might enjoy yourself. Especially since his Lordship isn't going to be accompanying us'

'Small mercies I suppose' Connie agreed, privately entertaining the image of her husbands expression when faced with a bag full of sex toys the previous day and more amusingly, the idea of his attending the course that he was inflicting upon the rest of the staff.

'Ooh, weekend away' Ric hovered over the women's shoulders, eyeing the poster with a broad grin spreading across his face as Connie took on a wary expression.

'Whatever you're thinking Griffin, don't' she cautioned without a lot of conviction as she stepped away from the board, allowing Donna and Mickie a decent view of the notice that they'd spent the past five minutes trying to see.

'Weekend away Micks' Donna crowed gleefully as Mickie began to nervously chuckle, not quite as overjoyed at the idea of a sex ed course as her friend was 'Minibar!' she added with a cheer and collapsed laughing onto one of the lumpy sofas, holding forth to Mickie about precisely what she intended to pack on her holiday.

'Ah, ladies and gentlemen' Michael's voice boomed across the staff room as several people turned to see their boss wearing an expression of smug satisfaction 'As you will have seen, I managed to book that course for you at short notice. Now, I think its worth pointing out that this is a course aimed at educating you about the issues and morals surrounding sex. It is not, I repeat, not, designed to allow any of you to improve your prowess in bed'

'Don't think that will be necessary, mate' Donna winked suggestively at him and got glared at by both Connie and Chrissie as Michael cleared his throat nervously.

'Shame, I can think of certain people who would benefit from attending such a course' Chrissie remarked to Connie who merely shrugged but made no effort to defend her husband's dignity in front of the gathered crowd. It was far more fun to watch him squirm.

'A minibus will take you to the course. Meet at the hospital…' he paused for effect at this point, a malicious smile spreading across his features '5am, Saturday morning. No one be late' he finished and then turned on his heel, storming from the room leaving a cacophony of groans in his wake.

'Its too bloody early' Connie complained for the fifth time as she boarded the minibus, shivering lightly despite fact that the heating was turned up to the top setting.

'Sssh' Chrissie murmured from her place, fast asleep in the window seat beside the only remaining seat on the coach.

'Ric, swap' Connie wheedled, eyeing up Ric's place beside Zubin who was reading the Times, eating a croissant and being all together too cheerful for such an hour of the morning.

'Not a chance. You arrive late, you can sit next to sleeping beauty' Ric shrugged, disappearing back behind his tabloid with a smug grin.

'Mickie, Donna, will one of you kindly take the front seat' Connie commanded but both girls were plugged into MP3 players and ignored her 'fine! I'll sit here' Connie snapped, firing death looks at everyone else on the bus before sitting beside Chrissie, being careful to give her a sharp dig in the ribs as she settled herself in.

'Ow' Chrissie awoke with a start as Connie attempted to cross her legs and 'accidentally' kicked her shin.

'Sorry' Connie gave a saccharine smile and Ric snorted with laughter, his paper held in hands trembling with mirth.

'Be careful. I was asleep' Chrissie moaned, glancing with out of the window as their driver emerged from the hospital decked in a tight t-shirt emblazoned with the name of an obscure rock band, baggy jeans and a parka that was about three sizes too large for him.

'Hello campers' Reg smiled at his passengers who greeted him with a mixture of stunned, miserable and just plain exhausted expressions.

'Oh dear God' Connie muttered under her breath as Chrissie opened her eyes and winced immediately at the sight of him.

'You mean they let him have a driving licence?' Zubin muttered to Ric who shrugged his response.

'Nobody minds if I put a little music on, do they?' Reg enquired as his passengers lost the will to live.

'Are we there yet?' Donna's voice rang through the bus for the third time in as many minutes and Connie turned to her with her eyes blazing, her nerves frazzled by exhaustion, stress and Reg's music.

'No Donna, we are not there, wherever that may be. When we are there the bus will stop and people will start to get off – it's a bit of a visual clue you see. Kindly stop asking' she snapped as several people winced and Chrissie disappeared further into her baggy jacket.

'I need the toilet' Donna continued as Connie rolled her eyes in exasperation and began to mutter abuse beneath her breath.

'I could pull over on the hard shoulder and cover you with…'

'That won't be necessary Reg' Connie cut in quickly as Mickie and Donna dissolved into giggles at his suggestion 'just keep driving. The sooner we're there, the sooner we're away from your music' she added, the need to be polite temporarily deserting her as several people sniggered.

'Do you know where he's sending us?' Chrissie asked as they turned off the A12 and made fast progress beyond Chelmsford and into the heart of Essex.

'No idea. Smug git wouldn't say anything except that it would teach us a lesson' Connie's lip curled with distaste and a veil of fear settled over the assembled passengers at what their boss had managed to arrange for them.

'We're here' Reg announced, pulling up outside a large stone building that didn't look like it had seen builders or decorators in the last three centuries.

'You must be joking' Connie murmured, taking in the sight before her and stifling a groan 'I'm going to kill him'

'I think its pretty' Mickie suggested lamely as they began to alight the coach and make their way into the lobby

'Its bloody derelict' Connie declared to a chorus of agreement from her colleagues displaying various manifestations of shock and disappointment.

'It's a converted monastery' Ric remarked, brandishing a booklet detailing the history of the building in which they stood 'rented out as a conference centre, renowned for its period features'

'They have rules' Connie stated with horror, reading down the list 'No drinking, no smoking, no sexual relations and no swearing'

'So Donna had better just sit in the corner and do nothing then' Mickie suggested in a vain attempt to lighten the atmosphere that had fallen over the crowd.

'I'm going to bloody kill him' Connie roared

'Swearing Connie – rule number four' Zubin intoned and received a steely glare for his trouble

'Will someone say something constructive' Ric pleaded as they all stood staring at each other and hyperventilating quietly

'I suppose there's no minibar'