Disclaimer: The song choice today is "It Makes Me Ill" by NSync:
It makes them ill
to see me steal
Harry and the boys, do what I will
and they couldn't stop me from doing what I feel
Until they appealed
So I made a deal
I will not steal
Harry and the boys, do anything until
Rowling says it okay to do what I fulfill
Until then, I'll yield
Author's Note: Okay, those of you who have been following me from the beginning know that when I say New Years, actually means three weeks later. For some reason, I thought the library that I needed the computers for to post the next chapter would be open. Silly me. But now we have the next chapter. And it begins... now.
Chapter Eight: When the Rain Falls
Complete darkness. That's all Draco could see. He felt the wind gently flirting, brushing against his face, pushing against the back of his coat. His face felt a little cold, not unusual for someone standing outside in the middle of winter. His hands were buried into the lined pockets of his woolen pea jacket. He took a breath of cold air, then slowly released it.
He stood silently, concentrating. He could feel the snow falling around him, gently nestling through the strands of his hair to rest on his scalp, moist and cooling. He licked his lips, beginning to chap from the cold.
He heard someone approaching. He didn't turn around.
"Damn it's cold. Holy shitaki mushrooms, Batman."
Draco smiled faintly. "Nobody says you have to be out here, Charles."
Charlie gave a slight chuckle and came to stand next to Draco, pulling a sucker out of his mouth. "Then you clearly haven't read chapter three, section five, paragraph two of the 'Best Friend's Handbook', which clearly states that when a best friend is needed, the location is unimportant in comparison to the needs of the friend."
Draco didn't say anything. Charlie sighed. "I'm sorry D. I'm not good with the whole... not being funny... thing..."
Draco turned and gave him a smile and a pat on the shoulder. "It's alright. It's what you do."
Charlie nodded and glanced down at the snow falling around him as Draco's gaze returned straight ahead. He swallowed. "You okay?"
Draco shrugged and sighed. "I don't know."
Charlie nodded to the ground. "You planning on coming in any time soon?"
"Not really."
"Huh," Charlie lifted his head. He breathed out in puffs, watching his breath as he exhaled, the small wisps of white slipping from his mouth. After a moment, he sighed and looked out at the horizon. He put the sucker in his mouth and pulled it out again, occasionally licking it. "Look D, I know I can't say I know how you feel, cause frankly, I don't. Probably not even in the same vicinity of knowing how you feel. I'd probably have to take two cabs and a band of yaks to even get into the same neighbourhood as how you're feeling."
Draco smirked and looked at his best friend. "But... you're going to try."
Charlie shook his head. "Nah... I'm trying to look at the situation from an uninvolved point of view. See, you have two choices: you can either go after her, try to get back what you had, or you could not. I mean..." his voice trailed off.
Draco frowned and looked at him. "What do you mean?"
"You're gonna have to choose, you know."
"Choose what?"
"Whether or not you're going to let her go."
Draco frowned. "Let... Hermione... go?"
Charlie tapped at the snow with his feet. "Look at it this way, D. You could try to get her back. Try to get her heart to follow the same path as it did. But you can't force her. And there's always the chance that she'll hurt you even more from her ignorance of the past that you guys have had. But if you let her go, you'll still have the memories. You can get on with your life. You won't forget her, but... you'll be giving her a chance to find her own way."
Draco didn't say anything. His gaze had shifted downwards to the snow, deep in thought. Charlie tucked in his lips for a moment before patting Draco on the back. He put the spherical sucker back into his mouth. "Think about it. And don't be out here too long. 'Death by snow' is not a good way to go down. Now 'Deep-fried Draco', there's a gem."
Draco gave him a small smile. "I'm coming in soon."
Charlie nodded and began heading back. He'd gone about four steps when he heard Draco call him. He turned. "Yeah?"
Draco still had his back to him, staring at the horizon. "Thank you... again."
Charlie smiled at Draco's back and gave him an unseen look of compassion. "Chapter one, section one, paragraph one of the handbook: That's what we're here for."
He watched Draco nod and continue looking into the distance. "Hang in there, kid," he said quietly as he walked towards the school, "hang in there."
Draco continued to stare out into nothingness. He closed his eyes for a moment and sighed. He loved winter. The smell, the crispness, the colors. Completely the contrast to the person he used to be.
Draco had always loved snow. Even as a child, he would jump into his big boots and wobble outside to the small stretch of land just past the garden where the Malfoy property ended and the vallery began. He would close his eyes and just listen to the snow's silent falling, gently wiping his recent memory clean of the sounds of his father shouting, his mother's cries. He would tilt his head upward, letting the flakes gently fall down his face, wiping the still-moist tearstains clean of their salt and sadness.
Now, a year short of adulthood, Draco stood in the snow. Looking upward, he smiled gently. The more things change, the more things stayed the same.
He cast a glance over his shoulder at the school in the distance, bearly lit due to the ungodly hour of morning that it was. He sighed, that feeling of dread slowly grawing its way back into his system. He frowned and shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his coat. He slowly began to make his way back towards the school, wobbling through the knee deep snow, the mounds a lot larger than he remembered them being when he first came out.
Finally, he made it to the front doors, the snow drifts piled nearly halfway up the door. Using muscles he didn't know he had, he began to pull at the door. It moved about three inches.
"Damn," he muttered at the open crack between the doors. Rolling up his sleeves, he used both hands, pulling the door as hard as he could. Suddenly, the door began to give way.
Draco let out a breath. "Finally." He began to pull again, when suddenly he saw a figure go by the door. Arms leading to the door suddenly appeared in view, and began pushing the door from the inside. Draco pulled, feeling his arms coming apart from his body, when the door pulled open. Not expecting the sudden pull, he stumbled backward, landing in a gentle pile of snow.
He shut his eyes for an instant, kicking himself for his clumsiness. Opening his eyes, he saw a pair of pant legs. Groaning, he leaned over and pushed himself up into a standing position. He began to brush himself off, his back to the door.
"Thanks for the help." he said, knocking the packed snow off of his right elbow.
There was no response for a moment. Finally, someone spoke. "Malfoy?"
Draco froze, his heart beating wildly now in his chest. He slowly turned around to look at his semi-saviour. He felt his heart stop altogether. "Hermione?"
She was standing there, her hair pulled back in a loose ponytail, a brown shirt over the blue jeans that brought out the shades of her eyes. Draco took a step towards her, crossing the threshold, the door slamming behind him. Hermione took a step backwards, frowning at him.
"Malfoy? What's the matter with you?"
Draco frowned. "You're... you're okay?"
Hermione looked at him strangely. "Of course I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be?"
Draco couldn't find words to say. "You... you're alive."
Hermione took another step back. "Brilliant deduction Malfoy. You're smarter than you look," she said, snidely.
Draco fought to control himself, but suddenly let his defences down. Not thinking, he suddenly embraced her. "Thank god you're okay, Hermione."
Hermione wrenched herself from his grasp, giving him a brisk slap to the cheek. She opened her mouth, but hesitated to speak for a moment as a feeling of deja vu swept over her. She shook her head to clear her thoughts. "What the hell has gotten into you, Malfoy? And why the hell are you calling me Hermione? Do I look like your friend?"
Draco frowned and placed a hand gently upon where his cheek was now tender. He looked at her for a second. Why was she...
Suddenly, it hit him.
...Since her soul is in her heart, she will forget anysing that her heart has learned in ze last three years. She vill remember her classes, vhat she has learned,... anysing in her brain vill be fine. But vis her heart, it will revert back to three years ago. She vill not... she vill not..." she began to choke on her words, a lump in her throat.
"... she'll forget that she fell in love with me," Draco finished. "She'll forget how much I...
"...love her," Draco whispered to himself. He gently frowned and dropped the hand holding his face. He gently took a step forward, his hand hanging helplessly at his side. "Hermione..."
She took a step back, placing a hand in front of her, shielding herself. "Stay away from me, Malfoy," she said, hard.
Whatever pieces of Draco's heart were left intact were now shattered, broken almost beyond repair. He felt his heart beating in his ears as he stared helplessly at Hermione. He heard footsteps coming down the hall, faint between the pulse of his brain. Suddenly, Charlie's voice came into his head.
"You're gonna have to choose, you know."
"Choose what?"
"Whether or not you're going to let her go."
Draco's gaze shifted towards the sound of the footsteps. Harry and Ron had been walking, but at the sight of Draco, had stopped a few feet away. He looked back at Hermione.
Are you going to let her go?
He turned away from her to stare at the doors. He leaned a hand against the jamb. He frowned.
Are you?
Yes.
Draco slowly turned around to find Harry cautiously approaching. He gave the two an unsure smile. "Malfoy."
Draco didn't respond. Harry took a step forward, frowning. "Malfoy?"
Hermione scoffed. "You're wasting your breath, Harry," she said, looking at Ron, "right?"
Draco looked up at Hermione. No longer did he see that bright light that shone behind her eyes. They were cold, full of contempt... for him.
He had no choice.
Harry took another step forward. "Draco?"
Let... her... go
Draco swallowed, his face becoming hard and angry. "Take your poverty-stricken friend and your half-breed and get the hell out of my sight," he said, just loud enough for everyone to hear.
Ron looked taken aback. Harry looked surprised. Hermione, however, looked contemptable, her manner saying "I told you so."
"You heard me, Potter," he said, his old ways beginning to come back to him, "Take your tweedle-dee and tweedle-dumb, and get out of here."
Harry frowned at him, a hint of anger in his eyes. Hermione took a step forward. "Shut the hell up, Malfoy. Harry, come on."
Harry turned to Ron. "You guys go."
Ron frowned. "Are you sure?"
Harry looked at Draco and rolled up his sleeves. "I'm sure."
Draco gave him a quizzical look. "What Potter, are you going to--"
He didn't have time to finish his sentence as Harry threw his full weight at him, shoving him outside. Draco, stumbling backwards, flew out the door and landed in a snow drift. Harry turned back to Ron. "Go ahead."
Hermioine shook her head. "No way. I'm staying to watch."
"Hermione, for God's sake, GO! I am NOT going to ask you again!" Harry said, sharply. He did not need Hermione to start up too.
Hermione stopped and looked at him. "O-okay Harry, calm down. Geez, what is with everyone today?" Turning on her heel, she headed down the hall.
Harry looked at Ron, motioning with his head towards Hermione's retreating back. "Go with her."
Ron nodded and started to head down the hall. Harry was about to push the door open to go out when he heard Ron's voice.
"Harry?"
Harry looked up. "Yeah?"
Ron swallowed. "Don't be... you know."
Harry nodded and sighed. "I know," he said smirking, "But I know what he's trying to do."
"Is it working?"
Harry gave a sharp laugh. "Oh yeah. It's working."
Ron nodded. "Just..."
Harry waved him off, giving him a smile. "I'm just gonna talk to him."
Ron gave him a look of understanding, and continued to head off down the hall.
Harry took a deep breath, released it, and began to push open the door. "Ready or not...", he said to himself, quietly.
The door opened. Harry stepped out into the dark, dimly lit by the gentle moonlight playing off of the snow. Draco was standing a few feet away, brushing the snow off of his sleeve. He glanced up as Harry approached.
"I think that was a little uncalled for, Potter," he said, knocking snow off of his pants. "Definitely a black mark against your saintly 'boy wonder' image."
Harry clutched his fists. "The only thing uncalled for was your behavior."
"To quote the great Sammy Davis Jr, I've gotta be me," Draco said, shrugging, "I was just being me."
"You were being an ass."
Draco smirked. "Have a flair for stating the obvious, do we?" he said, tapping the tip of his boots into a frozen puddle.
Harry glared at him. "I know what you're trying to do."
Draco's face remained unchanged, still attentive to the frozen puddle that was beginning to crack. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Oh, I'll bet," Harry responded sarcastically. There was a silence as Draco ceased his tapping and shoved his hands deep into the folds of his pocket. He looked up at Harry.
"Well?"
"Well what?"
Draco rolled his eyes. "Is that all?"
Harry groaned in frustration. "You're not even going to try to get her back?"
"Oh, don't pretend to be so upset, Potter," he said, bitterly, "I know damn well that I am the last person that you'd want to see with Hermione."
Harry frowned. "That's not true."
"Oh, he's denying it! This is a surprise."
"Pushing her away is not the answer."
"I don't want her around me."
"Yeah right," Harry said scoffing, "I think it's because you can't stand to be around her."
Draco glared at him, fuming. "What the hell do you want me to do Potter? You want me to go crawl on my knees to Hermione and beg her to take me back? Even when she has no idea of the times that we've had? You heard Relina. The heart never takes the same path twice. Out of the entire population of this WORLD, what makes you think she'd even pick me? She hates me, Potter. Hates me. Hates me," he said. He sighed, "If she had died, she would have died knowing that I loved her. Now... everything's changed. We have to change. It's useless to go on the same way, like this. You're right- I can't be around the woman I love and have shared the most memorable times of my life with if she can't seem to remember them... or me."
Harry frowned. "So... what, you are giving up?"
"I'm not giving her up," Draco said, weakening, "I'm letting her go. Look at all the trouble I've caused for her," he said, looking right at Harry, "Didn't you say that you'd tried to let her go to protect her?"
Harry sighed and nodded slightly. "She never let me."
Draco smirked. "Yeah, well. Now the spell has given me the chance to do just that. And I'm doing what I should have done a long time ago-- I'm taking it."
Harry opened his mouth to speak, but Draco raised a hand. "You and I both know that there's not a chance in hell of me getting her to love me a second time. This... this is for the best."
"Malfoy... the must be some other..."
Draco ignored him and gave him a genuine smile. "Thanks for being a friend, Potter. I didn't deserve it. Unfortunately... it has to end here."
Harry looked puzzled. "Wha--why?"
Draco gave a saddened laugh. "Potter, take Hermione's advice and save your breath. Things worked better the way they were before... for all of us. Hate to mess up the memories of the entire population of Hogwarts by changing it again. I don't think some people would be able to take that kind of shock twice."
Harry frowned, disappointed and frustrated, but knew that Draco was doing what he needed. He was right. Nobody ever takes the same path twice- that was the whole basis of belief in the existance of parallel universes. That no two people would ever take the same path again as before. Draco would rather leave things the way they were and satisfy everuone's reset memories than taking a chance and losing her permanently. They both knew, that no matter how hard they wanted it, they could not make Hermione fall in love with Draco again.
The only thing he could do... what he needed to do, would be to let her, let all of them... go.
Harry swallowed. "So... that's it then."
Draco nodded. "Yeah."
Harry sighed and opened the door as Draco turned away from him. He stepped in and stood in the doorway for a moment, his back to Draco. He turned. "I guess I'll see you around."
Draco turned. "No... you won't," he said, with a faint smile.
Harry nodded. "For the record... something to commit to memory maybe... I'd never seen Hermione as happy as when she was with you."
Draco gave a faint nod in thanks and smiled. "Take care of her for me," he said, his voice breaking.
Harry nodded sadly and, within a moment, was gone. Draco stood there for a moment. Giving a heavy sigh, he turned towards the open, snow-covered, land. Slowly, he began to tread out into it, away from the school.
Let her go.
I did.
He sighed as he tried to forget the way her eyes lit up when she laughed. With his next step, he tried to forget the times they'd spent in the library, her looking at books, him looking at her. Another step.
The times when they would exchange movie quotes. The times she would look shocked after Charlie told her an outrageous story. Two steps.
The times when they would sit and not say anything, the mere presence of each other comfort enough, words not needed. When her face lit up when he came in the room. Two more steps.
He began to forget the sound of her laughter. The curl of her hair. The way she walked. Three more.
Slowly, he began to make his way towards the center. Him singing to her. Their dance on the roof. The way he felt when he kissed her. Holding her. The smell of her hair.
Like small parcels, his memories were wrapped up, shipped by comfort coach to a subconscious warehouse in the back of his mind.
Finally, he stopped walking. Now the only thing he had left, the only thing he wanted to remember, was when she told him that she loved him. Even if he forgot everything else in his life, he would always remember that.
Draco dropped to his knees as the memories came flooding back, the dam of his mind shattered. He felt a lump rise in his throat. The snow falling around him had now become rain, falling harder and harder. His eyes began to blur. He blinked it away and lifted his head and arms, as though trying to embrace the sky. After a moment, he closed his eyes, his arms falling limp at his sides, his head bent down above the snow, some stands of his hair gently brushing the topmost layer of light flakes, now being pummeled by the snow.
"Hermione," he whispered softly. The only response was the rain, falling across the open plain.
Draco was now no longer a youth. He was now an adult. His maturity had helped him to make the noble and best choice.
And for the first time in this adult life, there, hunched over in the snow, now encircled by the rain, his arms wrapped around himself... with only the rain and wind as his witnesses...
Draco cried.
----------
"Cause tears are
The same when they are trying to grow something good
Out of all the pain
There's no difference between the teardrops and the rain."
Leah Pipes (Zetta Bytes)
--------
Author's Note: So... yes, there it is. I think for the next little while, I'm going to focus on Draco's character and maybe Charlie's. The understanding that I had of them and their characters is starting to slip away from me a little bit, so I want to try and get back to them. But other than that, I hope the chapter was okay. Please let me know. And now, onto the review song! To the Batmobile, Robin!
My review song is "Once Upon a Dream" (yes, you Disney-fanatics, from 'Sleeping Beauty') by... Princess Aurora? :
More reviews
I want you to tell me what it means
Means to you
to read all the words and help my own self-esteem
For I know it's true
that all your opinions are supreme
so if I annoy you, I know what you'll do
You'll tell me at once
they way you did once review for me
To My Reviewers:
Kneazle: Happy ending, eh? Well, I suppose I could TRY to pull that off. Although I'm not quite sure if it's at all possible... lol. Just kidding! But actually, I'm not quite sure whether or not this will have a happy ending. I always hope for one, but often enough the characters are in charge, not me. And that Humphrey Bogart line is indeed quite the coincidence... though I'm not sure whether or not it will be coming back at a later time (hint, hint). And yes, Charlie is quite the poker-playing fanatic, though I promised him I wouldn't tell anyone about the time he and Draco went to Vegas overnight and had to sleep in the back of someone's pickup truck cause this one ho--... (ahem) ANYWAYS, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Stop by again soon!
undyingsoul2159: Well, thank you for waiting so patiently for the next chapter, cause there is was! And I hope it turns out well in the end... though sometimes that's not exactly my choice... but I promise I will try my best.
megh: No! Not total anguish! I promise I'll make it better! At least, I hope so. (hands out Kleenex). Don't cry! Unless it'll make you feel better, then by all means, go ahead. But please don't cry. No sadness!
MysticalSpirits: Wow! Thank you for such a wonderful and glowing review! I know it seems kind of pointless, but think about it-- it might actually make their love stronger if they happen to reconnect again... not that that kind of thing might happen again. Who knows? I sure as heck don't. But I promise to try and make as much sense out of what I'm writing so that none of it seems too pointless. And the next chapter, Charlie has promised to take on the reviews again for me. Apparantly in the scene with Draco, he pointed out to me, I failed to mention a snowball fight that broke out soon after. This resulted in him getting frostbite, and thus he is unable to type. Poor baby. (rolls her eyes). Oh, and I have seen Dead Poets Society, and I think that must have been where I subconsciously got the name. I knew it was too creative and original to be mine :) Thanks again for all the wonderful comments. I hope I don't let you down.
NotreDamegirlie: (gives a box of tissues in case this chapter is worse with the crying factor) Thank you very much for bringing up Relina and my theories of Malenkas. I wasn't sure whether or not it would be tough to follow, since at first even I wasn't completely understanding just what I was trying to say. I was also concerned that Relina's accent would hinder what she was saying while enriching her character. But if you concentrate too much on how she says something rather than what she says, then it's a little distracting. But I'm glad that it wasn't too bad. Thanks so much for letting me know.
firefly50: I hope so... though after reading this chapter, it might be hard if someone's not pursuing her to do so, wouldn't ya think? Thanks ya for the cookies (Charlie pleaded with me on receiving the kisses, rather than me forwarding them to Draco).
KellyLuvsInu: Lol. As strange as this sounds, that is actually where my vacation was- in Florida for about two weeks with my grandparents. But they always encourage my writing, and it's quiet down there, so I actually have the time and patience to do it. But I know what you mean about cliffhangers. One of the best people who handles cliffies is an author I read all the time called James Patterson. EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER is a cliffie. They're also incredibly short. So one of his books with about... 175-200 pages will have anywhere from 120-150 chapters. But he's awesome. You can't put him down for weeks! Anyway, thanks again for the review! Hope to hear what you have to say about this one!
Lyannie: Apologies about not having it up by New Years. But I hope the chapter was worth the wait. But I know what you mean about flipping like that. I had an idea about where the story should go. So I pitched it to my roommate. She was like "No! No you can't do that! But... wow, that would be awesome. And think of the possibilities, and... no! You can't... can you?" So trust me, I go through it all the time. Hope you thought what would happen is similar to what happened, though probably much sadder.
possumgurl: Yes, I am a little disappointed at myself at the fact that there has been a decreasing amount of wild yaks, however I have remedied this problem by including them in THIS chapter! Mwah hah ha!! And I sure hope they fall in love all over again, though I'll probably just have to wait and see. They're the ones who tell me what to write. I'm just the messenger. But thank you so much for the review, and I look forward to hearing what you have to say about this one.
T.A.F.FY-Rox92287: Yes I can! And in fact... I did. So I hope this one was as good as the last one. Please don't hesitate to let me know.
SOBs 4 Sirius 223: What? Love conquers all? Since when? (pulls out a book entitled 'Love and Evil: Who wins?') Oh yes... yes, there it is. "Love conquers all in matters of the heart or dairy industry'. You're right. But I hope everything turns out okay in the end too, though I must admit, I am a little concerned.
Lily of the Shadow: Lol. Good! I'm glad! I hope you can tell me that this chapter was almost as good (I'm not expecting it to be AS good as the last chapter- many have said that my last chapter was the best written one yet), but as long as it is good enough to keep the story moving without sounding to phony or unrealistic. So please let me know what you think.
spitfirecracker: First of all, thank you SO much for your wonderful and touching reviews! It means so much that people actually enjoy reading what I write. And I always love to hear that I'm funny. Gives me some confidence (I've actually done stand-up twice, so it means a lot to know that I'm at least kind of funny). And thank you SO MUCH for that song you wrote me. I couldn't believe it! I've never been so honored in all my life! I don't think I deserve that much credit! And trust me, it's not that hard to budget your time. The only time I usually do work is when it's actually coming very close to being due, and I absolutely HAVE to do it. But thank you SO much for all your wonderul words. And no worries about the spelling. If I didn't see them, they didn't happen. Can't wait to hear what you have to say about this chapter! Thanks again!