Daniel had spent time with Dan prior to this, but relatively little time with his family. They set about immediately changing that. He and Cam had lunch the next day in the cafeteria with the entire family. As soon as they all sat down, Jake said, "This makes me feel like I'm in a jisex freak show." Mitch sniggered.
Daniel looked at Dan, who said, in Abydos Egyptian, "Language, Jake." Jake rolled his eyes. Dan said, "Cussing is still cussing whether the people around you understand it or not."
The profanity issue settled, Daniel looked around and indeed half the people in the cafeteria were staring at them. The other half were studiously not staring at them which amounted to the same thing. Little Mitch looked up at his brother and said, "We're freaks in a good way, Jake. It's okay."
Jake scowled and Catherine said, "What's a freak, Daddy?"
Dan said, "Someone who scares someone else just by being different."
Mary Clare who had been bickering with her twin brother since they had entered the dining area said, "Like Jake."
Daniel tried to defuse the situation by asking Mary Clare, "What are you interested in with your studies?"
"When I can stop?" she asked. The answer was flip, but she smiled when she said it. He was intrigued to notice that when she caught Cam out of the corner of her eye also smiling at the remark, she blushed fiery red and suddenly seemed to find her napkin very interesting. She's got a crush on Cam, he thought. One more thing I'm going to have to learn how to be a parent about.
"Don't ask me," Jake said, putting up a hand.
Mitch said, "Jake is really good at languages. Dad teaches us languages like a game and Jake's the best."
Jake scowled but Daniel could see that it was half-hearted and, in fact, he was touched by a trace of hero worship from his little brother.
"So how many languages do you know, Mitch?" Daniel asked.
The little boy cocked his head thoughtfully. "English, Abydos talk, Jaffa, Spanish, and French. I know words in others but those are the ones I can do well." Daniel switched to Egyptian as spoken on Abydos and the others smiled to be talking in the language of their lost home except for Jake. His face closed up and he fell silent.
As they were leaving the cafeteria, Catherine pulled at his hand and got him to bend over so that she could whisper. "Abydos talk is even harder for Jake because he can't ever see Lila again."
"Who's Lila?" Daniel whispered back.
"She's Ms Sha're's daughter," Catherine said. Once again, Daniel was assailed by the totality of this family's loss. They couldn't get back to their Abydos and there was none left in this reality to even visit.
When he got together with Dan and his kids for the third day in a row, he noticed that Jake was watching him and Dan closely as if he was trying to catch them at something. At last, he asked Daniel if he would play some one on one with him. Daniel and Dan exchanged a glance. Both thought it odd, but, given their hidden agenda, it seemed like a good idea. Daniel was amazed by Jake's fluid grace. He hadn't moved like that as a boy. They had only played for five minutes or so when Jake stopped, wrapped his arms around the ball, and said, "I didn't really come here to play ball."
Daniel smiled. "I suspected as much. What's on your mind?"
"My dad's dying, right?"
Daniel was stunned. Was this a lucky guess or was Jake the logical product of two brilliant parents? "What are you talking about?"
"All of a sudden you're into all this togetherness with us. I have to wonder why. Dad and I came here yesterday and he was slower. His aim was off. He had lasick surgery years ago and he's got 20-20 vision, but it seemed to be blurry. You look at each other sometimes like there's a big secret."
"Jake, if there is something going on with your father, it would be for him to tell you, not me."
Jake clenched his teeth together so tightly that a muscle twitched in his jaw. "Know this. You may be the same guy as far as the cosmos is concerned, but as far as I'm concerned, you aren't half the man. Don't go giving yourself delusions that you could ever take his place."
He thrust the ball at Daniel and walked from the gym, pain in every step.
"Dan," Daniel said a day later, "Jake's got it figured out."
Dan who had been shoving bits of an artifact around on a work table, trying to get a start on figuring out what it had once been, just kept moving the chunks of ceramic. He sighed. "Yeah. After he came back from basketball with you, he had a million questions. I put him off, but he'll ask them again."
"How about Mary Clare? She seems just as bright as Jake."
"She is. But she is into denial. That's how she deals with things she doesn't like. Even if Jake talks to her about his suspicions, she won't want to hear it. I'd actually be more concerned about Mitch."
Daniel rubbed his chin. "I think you're right. He's the brightest of them all, isn't he?"
"Hard to tell. Intelligence is such a mosaic, right? Mandy was so creative. She made incredible, intuitive leaps. Mary Clare's just like her." He fell silent thinking about his lost wife. "Jake's much more likely to drive down a very methodical, analytic path. It's hard to tell about Catherine, although I think she may be an artist, not a scientist. She is so interested in everything she sees, so open-minded, that I think she has trouble deciding there is only one truth. The thing about Mitch is he's flat out precocious. He was born, it seems middle aged. He wants to take responsibility for everyone else." He looked at Daniel intently. "You'll have to watch out for that."
Every time Dan gave him one of these little tips, it made him wince. Every day it was something. He knew about their allergies-they all had them, Catherine the worst--, whether they had nightmares, their favorite foods, which ones would come to him if they needed help and which ones would try to tough it out.
"So, are you going to tell them?"
"What would be the point? Jake already has it figured out, Mary Clare doesn't want to know, and the little ones are better off not knowing for awhile. I'll tell them when I can't hide my problems any more. I figure about another two months."
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Daniel went on one last mission with SG-1. He had requested a reassignment to planetside duties so that he wouldn't be away from the children. P2H890 was one of the most beautiful planets they had ever visited. There were huge fragrant flowers everywhere in a riot of color and the ground was covered with a creeping herb that released a marvelous odor when crushed underfoot. Birds with brilliant plumage wheeled above them and there wasn't anything hostile in sight. The planet's handsome people were tall and healthy and laughed readily. They welcomed SG-1 with open arms and immediately threw a party replete with delicious fruity things to drink and graceful dancers. Daniel sat companionably with Sam and watched the swirling bodies and trailing scarves. "It's like some sort of fantasy," he said, bemused.
"Can you really walk away from this?" Sam asked. Deep inside she knew she was really asking, can you walk away from me?
"I'll miss it although I do remember an awful lot of planets with ugly, unfriendly people, slimy, unpleasant vegetation, and downright scary animals. That's when we weren't up to our armpits in mud and slapping stinging insects off."
She laughed. "You do know how to bring up the good times."
"They were often deeply satisfying times, Sam, even when they weren't much fun."
They lapsed into silence. Sam almost thought Daniel was falling asleep when he suddenly said, "I don't have any choice Sam."
"I feel really guilty," Sam said. "I have the same connection to them that you do and I've barely seen them."
"Jack could never accept them Sam."
She didn't say anything at first and then she blurted out, "We've had fights about it already."
"We each have to do what we have to do," Daniel said and got up abruptly and walked to the other side of the fire where Teal'c had established himself with a circle of little children.
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
At the end of two months, Dan was having some obvious problems. His vision was frequently blurry and he had bouts of dizziness. Carolyn revised her estimate of how much longer he had and he decided that he needed to tell his children. He asked Cam and Daniel to be there. Dan had arranged a picnic on the surface. They were no longer under guard and Daniel went out and got some really good barbeque as well as some Indian food for the vegetarian Mary Clare rather than rely on the cafeteria to find some hitherto unseen spark of culinary excellence. It was a beautiful spring day. Looking around at the tulips poking up in the landscaped beds and the leaves beginning to bud on the trees, it seemed obscene to be talking about the end of life. They had demolished the food and were sitting comfortably around the picnic table in a small recreational area, when Dan stopped the three separate conversations that were going on to say, "There's a problem with going to another reality like we've done that I need to talk with you about. You remember that this is an alternate reality to our own?"
This question was for the benefit of the little ones. "If you never existed in the new reality, you're okay, but if you did exist there already, it's bad for you." Daniel noticed that he didn't mention that this was only if the other you was still alive. Dan was trying to minimize the choice the laws of physics were making between himself and Daniel.
Jake looked sad but unsurprised. Mary Clare was angry and Catherine was still not getting it. "Explain 'bad for you', Dad," Mitch said.
Dan smiled at the boy. "In about two or three months, I'll have to go and be with your mother."
Mary Clare looked angrily at Jake. "I bet you feel awfully smart."
"Mary Clare,. "Don't die, Daddy. Please. Can't you 'cend like Daniel did?"
She had evidently been paying more attention than they realized. Daniel was surprised by Dan's answer. "If I ascended, an option I don't think I have, I wouldn't be with you either, honey. I'm not afraid at all to die. I just don't want to leave you. I believe in Heaven and I believe your mother is there. I don't understand trying so hard to avoid death that you lose your capacity to love and be involved with the universe as the Ascended do. Why be a quasi-God when you can be with the real one?" taking cheap shots at your brother isn't going to make any of us feel better."
Catherine was looking at her father, her mouth working. Suddenly she flung herself at him His expression changed. Perhaps he realized he was talking more to Daniel, Cam, and himself, than the weeping little girl. He held out his arms to the other children and they came together, clinging to each other and to their father. The crying and holding on continued for a long time. Cam and Daniel sat uncomfortably, Daniel was fighting tears, feeling useless and so sad. He thought Cam looked like he was feeling the same way.
Eventually, Mary Clare and Jake took their seats again. Catherine sat on Dan's lap and Mitch sat leaning against him. Mitch anticipated his father again by asking, "What will happen to us, Dad?"
Dan said, "Daniel would like to have you live with him and be his family and Cam would like to be your honorary uncle."
Daniel heard his cue and said, "I know that I'm not your father. Everyone one of us makes a different place in people's lives. I would be very honored if you would allow me to occupy the place of someone who looks out for you and loves you as parent does."
Mitch said, "We would be helping you, wouldn't we? You don't have any children or any family at all." He looked at Catherine. "He's a nice man. He needs children so he won't be alone. Do you think we could help him?" She looked at her brother and her chin quivered. It was too soon for her to be so brave.
Jake said, "You know how I feel about it. I am, however, a realist. Even after I turn 18 next months, I'm a stranger in a strange land here. I appreciate your help as long as you understand the boundaries."
Mary Clare said, "This conversation has got to stop now. Dad's not dead. Maybe he won't die. Doctors have been wrong before. I don't want to hear it."
By the end of another month, Dan was bedridden. He drifted in and out of lucidity. When he was himself, it was clear that he was coming closer and closer to peace with the situation. Toward the end, Daniel felt almost as if Dan had already ascended but managed to keep his human body. His eyes were fixed on what was to come and he gently nudged his children to accept Daniel.
SSSSSSSSSSSSSs
Sam was surprised when Dan asked to see her. Daniel was sitting with him when she arrived. He smiled at her, but got up to leave. Dan said, "Please, Daniel, I'd like you to stay."
Sam looked at him. Where he had once looked so like Daniel, he was now tragically altered. He was gaunt and his eyes were sunken. There were pain lines etched deep in his face. He beckoned to Daniel. "If you could help me sit up a bit."
Daniel quickly stepped to his side and helped him maneuver into more of a sitting position in the hospital bed. Sam saw the mutual affection that had grown between the two men. She thought Dan must be as amazing as Daniel if it didn't evoke painful jealousy to be daily reminded of that what he had once been when he was healthy. Daniel was the before to his after and his very existence was the reason Dan was dying, yet Dan bore him no rancor.
"How are you feeling?" she asked. It was an idiotic question but sitting by the bedsides of people she loved and watching them die hadn't taught her anything worth asking. It was really more about just showing up.
"There's a lot of pain but it's becoming less important. Come closer, will you?" He took her hand. His was thin and the skin was papery and dry. "I wanted to ask your forgiveness."
"My forgiveness?" she said, baffled. She'd had too little contact with him for there to be anything to forgive. "Rather I should be asking yours. I want to know that I tried very hard to find a way to return you to your own reality."
"It was very good of you and it makes it even more important that I say this. I loved Mandy from the day I met her on campus, trying to get signatures on some petition to do with the environment. For a long time, I've held it against you in my heart of hearts that you lived while she was dead. I held my children back from you. It was wrong. Will you forgive me?"
Tears had begun to slip down her cheeks. "Of course," she said. "Of course."
"Please search your heart, Samantha, and be open to what it tells you about my children, Daniel's children. If there's love there, they will need it."
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Dan requested last rites and then he asked to be taken back up to the surface. On a clear June day with the sun high in the sky, he said good bye to each of his children. He took Cam and Daniel's hands and said, "Thank you. I'll pray for you." They stepped back and his children crowded in around where he lay in sort of deck chair, covered with a blanket. There was no IV pole. He'd refused that for this final moment. He smiled at them one last time, a most beatific, peaceful smile, closed his eyes, and slipped into a coma. He died two days later, racked by the waves of shimmering distortion that had immediately characterized temporal distortion when observed in others, without ever regaining consciousness. Daniel felt that somehow Dan had already left his body there on the grass, under the Colorado sunshine and all the rest was merely cosmic bookkeeping.
There was a Catholic funeral Mass. Daniel sat at one end of the pew and Cam at the other, the children in between. There were several others from the Mountain present. Dan had made a big impression on a number of people in the short time he had been among them. Daniel noticed Jack seated with Sam back a few rows. Sam was trying very hard not to cry, but there were tear tracks on her face. They went from the church to the graveyard. The two little ones held hands with each other between their older brother and sister. The family stood in a straight line, a unit without Daniel, for one last time.
Daniel had already purchased a new house, picked out with the children and Dan. His old one was too small, but more than that, he wanted to live in a neighborhood where people would just assume these were his children, rather than subject them all to months of the third degree. The children's meager possessions were to one side of the foyer where a friend had brought them from the Mountain earlier in the day. They went quietly into the house and stood uncertainly in the foyer, as if waiting for a director to say, "Action" to start their new life.
At last Mitch said, "Dad, Mamma, I know you can see us. We're glad you are here with us and we will never forget you." He went to Daniel and took his hand. "Dad Daniel, will you help me take my stuff up to my room and figure out where to put it?"
Daniel looked down at the child and he was so full of love, he could barely speak. He nodded and picked up Mitch's suitcase and box of accumulated toys. Mitch took his small backpack. They started up the stairs together. It would be uphill and he was loaded down, but as long as they were partners, he knew they could make it.