For the past three days, I have been stuck in my house with strep throat. Alone. With nothing to do. So, I decided to write. Which means you get the results of my sore throat and fever induced illusions. Enjoy.
Warning: This. Fic. Is. On. Crack. Half the things in it will have happened to me at some point in time of my short life, and the other half has popped in my psychotic brain as we speak. You have been warned.
This fic is a One-shot. Please do not ask me to continue it. I highly doubt I will, unless I come down with another fever.
A Bunny, A Convention, and Fairy Godmothers
Part One
(In which Umeda is spied upon, a collection of pocky is lost, and Mizuki is attacked)
"I don't know… Are you sure?"
"Sure I'm sure. Why else would we be here?"
"To torment me. To give me endless nightmares. To abscond with all my supply of pocky and my entire collection of Sailor Moon collectibles. To raid my underwear drawer. To—"
"Enough! Shut up! I told you before, the pocky supply, yes. Sailor Moon, maybe. Why the hell would I want your underwear?"
"Because."
"Because…?"
"I dunno. Just 'cause."
Sano stared at Nakatsu in disbelief. "What kind of fucked up—" "Shhhhh!" Nakatsu slapped his hand over Sano's mouth. "He's coming!"
The two boys resumed peering through the hedges surrounding the main building of Osaka High. The school doctor, Umeda, walked down the front steps and paused at the bottom.
Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a packet of cigarettes and lit one. A second later, the door opened behind him and Mizuki bounded out.
The boys held their breath at her appearance. "See? See? I told you this was where Mizuki kept disappearing to on his off days," Nakatsu whispered triumphantly.
Sano just grunted. He wasn't really interested in the fact that Mizuki always visited the school doctor in her free time. He knew for a fact that all she ever did was ask him for advice.
The boys ducked lower in the bushes as the doctor and Mizuki walked by.
"But why drag me along? Do I really have to go?" Mizuki asked unhappily. The boy's ears' pricked up at this.
"Yes, you have to go. I even specifically requested your help from the school. Besides, this is your chance to pay me back for all the free advice I'm constantly giving you…"
The rest of Umeda's sentence and Mizuki's reply went unheard as they walked away. Nakatsu glanced at Sano.
"Go? Go where?" he asked. Sano shrugged, but he had a good feeling the doctor was talking about the convention in town that weekend. Many people would be there, including groups from their school, and Umeda had probably been assigned to attend as a doctor for any accidents.
Most likely, he'd also roped Mizuki into coming along to help out.
Sano sighed; he had hoped he would have a quiet weekend for once. Guess this shot that all to hell.
"Come on," he growled. Nakatsu "eeped" and followed after him.
"Hey, Mizuki!"
The girl parading as a boy turned at the sound of her name being shouted. It was Noe, followed by Sekime, who had yelled.
"Hey guys!" she yelled back as they jogged over to her.
"You're going to the convention this weekend, right?" Sekime asked, his glasses flashing in the sun.
Mizuki sweatdropped; man, did news travel fast in this school!
"Yeah," she replied. Sekime nodded. "We were wondering, if you had any free time, could you drop by our booth? It's sponsored by the athletic department, and we get to man it," Noe said.
Mizuki nodded and smiled. "Sure! I'd be glad to. See you there, then," she said as she walked off, waving behind her.
The guys waved back, then looked at each other. "Operation, success!" they said in unison, slapping each other high fives.
Elsewhere, Nakatsu was frantically dragging Sano everywhere, searching for a group to sign up with for the convention this weekend.
"Why aren't there any available slots open?" Nakatsu cried in frustration. "It's impossible that they're all full. If they were, then the entire school would be going!"
Sano sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. When he looked up, he spotted something that gave him an idea.
"Uh, Nakatsu…" Sano murmured.
Nakatsu turned eagerly. "Yeah, did you find something, Izumi?" he asked.
Sano just pointed silently.
Following his pointing finger, Nakatsu's eyes widened. "No way, nuh uh, not in your life!" he shouted, backing away slowly.
"Do you wanna go to the convention or not?" Sano asked. Nakatsu whimpered.
"My pocky…my pocky…" Nakatsu stared off into the distance, a forlorn look on his face.
"Oh, stop your whining," Sano grumbled, continuing to drag his best friend down the hall. "I'll buy you more after this stupid convention."
Nakatsu whimpered again.
Meanwhile, at the convention…
"Umeda, you are so DEAD!" Mizuki shouted into the tent from the outside, where she was dressed up in a giant bunny suit, advertising the medical tent.
Inside, Umeda laughed maniacally. "Payback's a bitch, Mizuki," he murmured, sipping his ice tea.
"Yeah, maybe if I had done something horrible!" Mizuki hissed. "All I did was ask you for some advice a couple of times-"
"Try more like, everyday. Even over the stupid little things," Umeda replied.
"I agreed to help out a little at this stupid convention, not be an advertisement!" Mizuki yelled in frustration.
"And you are helping out," Umeda said, idly flapping a fan in his face.
Mizuki could feel the sweat rolling down her back and sticking to her skin. 'Damn you, Umeda!'
"BUNNY!" A shout echoed down the street set up with many different booths for the convention.
'Uh-oh' was all Mizuki managed to think before she was tackled to the ground by a full grown man wearing a similar bunny get up.
In the background, Mizuki could hear Umeda laughing hysterically as she struggled to detach herself from the bunny loving freak.
'Oh, just wait Umeda. Payback's gonna be a real bitch,' Mizuki thought.
Part Two
(In which Mizuki is chased, Sano and Nakatsu try their hands at advertising, and a bathroom is inhabited by fairy godmothers)
"I'll have you know, I've never been more humiliated in my entire life," whispered the giant hamburger to the coke.
"Oh, shut up, already. We're here, aren't we?" Coke said back.
"I didn't mean like this!" Hamburger hissed furiously.
"I thought you'd do anything for Mizuki," Coke replied lazily, handing out flyers.
"Of course I would! If he asked me to jump off the Empire State Building with no parachute, I'd gladly do it. If he asked me to single-handedly tame a stampede of elephants, I'd do it. If he asked me--" Coke cut him off.
"Ok, I get it. You're willing to risk your life for Mizuki's sake, but you can't handle a couple of Burger and Coke costumes?" Sano asked sarcastically, taking off his headpiece to his costume.
"Precisely," Nakatsu replied, doing the same.
"That's just--"
The two were cut off as they were pushed roughly aside as a person ran past them, a feeble "Sorry!" floating back to them.
It took the two boys a minute to realize that it had been Mizuki dressed in a rather large bunny costume.
A second later, they were roughly shoved aside again as another bunny plowed it's way past them.
"BUNNY! COME BACK TO ME, BUNNY!" It wailed.
"I SHALL LOVE YOU, AND HUG YOU, AND YOU SHALL BE MINE! AND I SHALL CALL YOU GEORGE, AND YOU WILL BE MINE!" Echoes of the bunny's shouts followed behind him as it dodged the trashcans, stands, signs, and people Mizuki shoved behind her in an effort to get away.
The boys looked at one another in shock for a second, then hightailed it after them.
"Mizukiiiiii! Wait for us! We will save you, my love!" Nakatsu shouted.
Mizuki only ran faster at hearing that.
Dodging behind a building, Mizuki jumped a fence, a garbage heap, dodged two people dressed as stoplights, one dressed as a Nokia phone, another as Michael Jackson, and slammed open the first door she came across.
Locking it desperately behind her, she slumped against the door, panting like there was no tomorrow.
"Oh, look at the poor dear. She's all worn out," someone said sympathetically.
Mizuki looked up, scared, until she realized she had locked herself in a girl's bathroom.
There were three women sitting on the sink counter, watching her with large, identical blue eyes.
"There, there, you're safe in here," the one on the left said in a soft voice.
"Yes, yes, why don't you take that silly costume off and take a breather?" the one in the middle suggested.
Mizuki nodded in agreement, relieved to finally find some sane people at this convention.
After she removed the costume, she slumped onto the floor, wiping her sweaty forehead.
"Now, that won't do. Here, sit in a chair," the one on the right said. She waved her hand in front of her and a chair swooshed into being.
Mizuki's eyes went wide. What the hell…?
"Ok, you sit here and let us work out magic," the one on the left said.
"Oh, we forgot to introduce ourselves!" the one in the middle said.
"Oops," giggled the one on the right.
"I'm Do," said the left lady.
"I'm Re," said the middle lady.
"I'm Mi," said the right lady.
"Okaaay then," Mizuki muttered. She stood up and walked to the chair, collapsing in it.
"I think I've had a bit too much sun," she murmured to herself.
Do, Re, and Mi giggled. "Oh, you can think that if you want. Just relax, close your eyes, and when you open them again, everything will be as right as rain," they said in unison.
Mizuki did as told, letting their enchanting voices slip through her mind and weave a light trance.
"I think, first, she totally needs to get rid of the uniform. It's soooo not her color."
"Of course! I have just the thing!" A snap echoed, as if someone snapped their fingers.
"Eeewwww, not the sailor suit. That's so outdated." Another snap.
"Ugh, don't dress her up goth! It totally clashes with her coloring." Snap.
"How about…" Snap. "No, she doesn't do sex kitten."
"Bookworm?" Snap. "Nope."
"Band geek?" Snap. "Nope."
"Rich and snobby?" Snap. "Nope."
"I know, I know!" Snap. A collective, "Awwwww."
"It's perfect! Alright girls, our work here is done. Be gone!"
A final snap.
Seconds later, Mizuki's eyes fluttered. "Wha…?"
Standing, she held her hand to her head. "Where am I?"
The room was an ordinary bathroom, with no one in sight. Shrugging, Mizuki turned to the door, not looking in the mirror on her way out.
Perhaps she should've.
Mizuki wondered through the crowd, heading in no real direction, not noticing the looks she was receiving from the crowd.
Something told her to head to the very end of the street, where a large stage was set up. She had almost reached her destination when a shout behind her was heard.
"BUNNY!" 'Oh shit.'
Mizuki started to run, knowing that the damn psychotic ass freak was after her. She leapt up on stage just as the announcer was starting to speak into the microphone.
"Welcome to Osaka High's annual Karaoke Contest!" he said. The crowd cheered.
Mizuki froze. Karaoke…? She hated singing in public!
Turning her head slightly, she noticed that the psychotic bunny man was caught up in the rush of the crowd and couldn't reach her. She smiled gleefully.
"And our first contest, Miss Mizuki, with an original song!" Mizuki froze. How the hell did he know her name!
A microphone was shoved into her hand and she was thrust to the front of the stage. The crowd quieted, waiting for her to start singing.
Mizuki looked around frantically for an escape. None appeared. Looking down, she noticed a black electric guitar by her feet. As if in a trance, she bent down and picked it up, slipping the strap over her shoulder. Attaching the microphone to a stand in front of her, she looked over the crowd.
She automatically began strumming, something in her telling to go with the flow.
Behind her, a set of drums joined her, along with a keyboard and a backup singer.
Glancing back, she saw three other girls smiling at her, nodding they were ready. They looked oddly familiar…
Shrugging, Mizuki turned back and struck the first chord of her song and stepped up to the microphone.
Fall back.
Take a look at me
And you'll see I'm for real.
I feel what only I can feel
And if that don't appeal to you
Let me know
And I'll go
'Cuz I flow
Better when my colors show
And that's the way it has to be
Honestly
'Cuz creativity could never bloom
In my room
I'd throw it all away before I lie
So don't call me with a compromise
Hang up the phone
I've got a backbone stronger than yours
chorus
If you're trying to turn me into someone else
It's easy to see I'm not down with that
I'm not nobody's fool
If you're trying to turn me into someone else
I've seen enough and I'm over that
If you wanna bring me down
Go ahead and try
Go ahead and try
You don't know
You think you know me like yourself
But I fear
That you're only telling me what I wanna hear
But do you give a damn
Understand
That I can't not be what I am
I'm not the milk and cheerios in your spoon
It's not a simple hearing but not so soon
I might've fallen for that when I was fourteen
And a little more green
But it's amazing what a couple of years can mean
chorus
Go ahead and try
Try and look me in the eye
But you'll never see inside
Until you realize, realize
Things are trying to settle down
Just try to figure out
Exactly what I'm about
It it's with or without you
I don't need you doubting me
chorus
Would you be laughing out loud
If I played to my own crowd
Try
When the last note rang through the air, the crowd went wild, screaming itself hoarse and trying to rush onto the stage. Crowd control was shot to hell.
Mizuki looked around, confused; had she just sung that in public?
Taking off the guitar and setting it down carefully, she looked around for the psychotic bunny man. He was nowhere to be seen.
'Well, at least he's gone,' she thought to herself as she walked off stage, oblivious to her screaming fans.
Flipping her hair over her shoulder, she rounded—Wait, hair!
Mizuki slowly reached up to her head and felt; yup, she had hair. Lots of it. Cascading down her back in curly blonde things.
Looking down slowly, she noticed her outfit for the first time. A black miniskirt with a red leather belt showed off her long legs, in black, spider web stockings, to perfection. Black, knee-high boots laced up the front were on her feet.
She was also wearing a spider web shirt with a neon green tube top underneath and a leather jacket over that.
"What the hell…?" she muttered, running her hands through her hair. Faintly, she noticed that she was wearing blood red fingernail polish.
"What the hell happened to me!" she shouted.
"Mizuki…?"
She looked up, into Sano and Nakatsu's stunned faces. Then she noticed what they were wearing. All three pointed at one another at the same time.
"What the hell are you wearing?" they yelled at the same time.
Bunny man chose that moment to pop back in. "BUNNY!" Mizuki froze.
"Oh, FUCK!" she shouted, running like a bat out of hell. "BUUUUNNNNNYYYY!" Psychotic ass bunny freak followed closely behind.
Sano and Nakatsu looked at one another in silence.
"I'll take you up on that offer for the underwear raid," Sano said calmly. Nakatsu nodded in reply.
"Only if you let me raid your Hello Kitty collection," he said.
"Done." The two shook hands on it before chasing after Mizuki.
Part Three
(In which Payback's a Bitch, Umeda)
In Umeda's tent, the flap was closed and secured with duck tape. Umeda himself was tied to his chair with it, frantically struggling as Do, Re, and Mi contemplated him thoughtfully.
"Mizuki didn't say what to do with him," Do said.
"And she didn't say what we couldn't do to him," Re said.
"So, that means we can do whatever we want!" Mi concluded!
Umeda's eyes widened at that.
A hand waved; a television popped out of nowhere to land in front of Umeda.
"Well, then. Guess that means it's a marathon of Teletubbies and Barney!" they ladies squealed in unison.
Umeda froze for a split second, then frantically tried to wiggle for the door.
Do, Re, and Mi settled down with popcorn, glued to the set. Umeda wiggled closer to the tent flap. Just as he reached it, a snap was heard.
A second later, a wall of reinforced steel fell in place in front of the flap.
Umeda started to weep bitterly while Do, Re, and Mi sang along with the Barney song in the background.
I love you,
You love me,
We're a happy family…
Close curtain.
Is your brain goo yet?