Disclaimer: I don't own Shinshi Doumei Cross
To not be able to be with the love we love most… Is so, so painful…
It makes it hurt to breathe…
Worth It
No one took me seriously. No one, when I said that I loved him. Yes, I love Maguri. And yes, we're both guys. And therefore, we could never, ever be together…
Still, I tell him. Tell him, from the bottom of my heart, "I love you."
And he is such an IDIOT! Laughing at my words and even went on saying, "You're not serious, right, Maora?"
He's so, ARGH! Why do I even like him? He's so clueless, so dense, so…
And yet, I do. I love him so much, I ignored everything, everything about him liking me back, everything about us unable to get married, just ignored it all and leaned forward to kiss him. Kissed him desperately, hopefully, god-willingly, 'cause I was for real…
And, it ruined everything… We never talked after that, and we couldn't even be friends…
What have I done?
I'd look at the mirror, and hate it. Hate myself for being a boy, being so stupid, unable to ever be loved by Maguri because of this…
So, I decided to change. I waited my hair to grow out nice and long before I got myself a new wardrobe. Flipped through all those girl magazines and dressed up as a girl… Hoping, praying that if I turn myself into a girl, it might change things and we could be together…
Of course, my parents flipped. While my dad always dressed extravagantly, he would never approve to cross-dress into a girl. And my mom thought it was flat out weird, like most of my classmates. But, I was very, very stubborn about it, and people just simply got used to it over time…
But, even doing this, wasn't enough.
I was always watching him. Watched him all the time, even if we weren't friends now, even if we weren't talking, because I couldn't help it, because my eyes always strayed towards him, because I wanted to… And that's why I know him so well, probably even more than himself…
So when I saw him one time with our Koutei of Imperial Academy, Shizumasa, I knew.
I knew he loved him, and it hurts so bad…
WHY? Why him, and not me? What's wrong with ME! Why am I not good enough? Why, why, WHY!
Tell me, PLEASE… I want to know.
So I went up to Shizumasa, and… I discovered a few things, and more, as time went by. We can't change our feelings for who we love… If I love Maguri, and Maguri decided to love Shizumasa… Well, there's nothing I can do about it, really, right? And, I believe, I'm strong enough to continue waiting for him, because I've done so much for him, because I feel this much for him and I know, for sure, with all this effort, he'll come to love me…
Sure, it's so hard… To do all this, even becoming a girl for that useless, dense guy. In other people's eyes, it probably, no, DEFINITELY, isn't worth it, and sometimes, I myself get tired and just want to forget him and love a nice girl…
But, I myself know, in my heart, that in the end, Maguri's love will definitely be worth it all this, so… No matter what I say, no matter what happens, no matter how much it hurts now, I'll continue waiting… And, we can definitely be together one day, for sure… Right?
A/N: Yes folks, this is shounen-ai. And yes, this couple is actually canon. XD Of course, this story has some spoilers, especially if you didn't reach the part yet where Arinacchi reveals that Maora's actually a guy. :squeals: Maora's like, my favourite-est character in all of SDC! XD GO MAORA!
I'm actually quite proud of this fic. I believe I have done Maora and his feelings justice… While there are many flaws, like the stuff I'm saying is pretty much already told in the series, but sorta varied on and expanded and etc… I however, love my part where he kissed Maguri… 'cause that's my explanation on why they aren't friends anymore… XD And there is stuff that I expanded on, like how Shizumasa knows, and etc… Think of this ficlet as a fangirl's background explanation to minute details that no one really gives a shit about. XD
And in conclusion, there's not enough SDC fanfics out there in the world and MAORA OWNS ALL! XD