Title: Admitting Series: Love; Types (1)
Author: Miz Thang
Characters/Pairing: Angel, Spike, Angel/Spike
Rating: FRM / R
Word Count: 828
Warnings: Angst. Melodrama. Slash. Romance. Fluff

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the little story's idea. Everything else belongs to who it belongs to.
SummaryAngel won't admit any feelings for Spike. Spike admits that he can't act like Angel.

Author's Note: If you're tuning in after November 2, 2005, then you should know that I've combined the ficlets, so that there are four longer parts instead of eight supremely short ones. It just didn't sit well with me before. Each part has an Angel pov and a Spike pov. Enjoy! As of June 20, 2006, the story has been completely edited.

Love; Types

Spike's different from others, he knows. He's kind of tall, not near his height, but almost. His skin is pale. Paler than most and Angel thinks he likes that. He's all angular and muscles beneath his clothes. Angel thinks he's perfect.

He has this one side he constantly shows off. He's snarky, he's rude. He has no problem insulting Angel on a day to day basis as if it didn't faze him. He doesn't blink an eye at authority, which means Angel doesn't affect him in the slightest. He can even be charming, especially to Fred, and sometimes to Harmony. Angel thinks that if Fred didn't know what he was doing, she'd be in love, like Harmony is, like…but Angel didn't love him.

But, he does have another side. He has another side that Angel has rarely seen. The dreamer; he's been gone for a century or so, ever since Angelus ruined his vision of Drusilla and their "destined love." He's the romantic type through and through, under all that garbage he uses during the day. He loves to please the person he's with. He's lucky; it's much easier to please Angel these days.

They have something in common, the two sides to Spike. Both sides are fighters. For good, for love…it made no different. He didn't like to give up. It was almost as if something inside wouldn't let him. On anything. Not even when it'd be healthier for all parties involved to let go. Not even when it was them, Angel and Spike.

But, don't be confused. Angel didn't love him. Angel admired a few of his qualities, a few of his assets; he'll never admit it aloud. Not to Spike, not to anyone. Angel likes to contemplate things. Understand completely from every aspect. And before now, when he has a soul, Angel had never accomplished that with Spike.

But, he loved nothing about Spike. In truth, he despised him. He didn't love those lips, that smirk, or his hands. Not his eyes, or how they seemed to fit perfectly…He didn't love their time together, alone to do whatever they wished, with each other.

Angel saw nothing in Spike. Nothing at all. Not at the office, in front of the others, or alone. He was nothing but release. That was all. And he was pretty sure Spike understood his real meaning. How he really felt beneath it all. No matter how much he felt, at times, that he was just lying and something was there. There really wasn't. There couldn't be.

Because he didn't love him.

-

Angel likes to pretend that the truth is a lie sometimes. He recognizes this. Angel likes to sit behind the chair at his desk in his nice big office and brood… unless someone happens to walk in.

He's taller than Spike, though Spike himself isn't short. He's broader and seems more muscular. His skin is paler and his hair is dark brown. His eyes are too, like dark chocolate. Spike loves him.

Not that he'd admit it. Angel isn't like that. He'd never admit openly that he likes to kiss Spike when no one is looking. He'd never admit that he gets a thrill out of fooling around in his office, when anyone could see and walk in. Angel claims he isn't that type.

Not that type, Spike's ass. Angel is in this place most tend to call Denial, always attempting to pretend that he and Spike have never kissed, that they don't have ridiculous arguments to cover up the fact. That fact that Spike and Angel are together. That Spike loves Angel, and that Angel loves Spike back.

And maybe it's Spike's fault. He won't push it. He's so content that he can just be with Angel that it's as if he's forgotten the life lesson of his last secret relationship-the one with Buffy. He's forgotten that the only thing that can come from it is heartache. Heartache, and pain.

The worst thing about it? Spike doesn't want to love Angel. What he wants is to despise the son of a bitch as much as he claims he does. He wants to hate him with a fiery passion that burns deep within his soul. He wants to not give a damn thing for Angel, like Angel pretends about him.

Mostly, he just wants to hate Angel because Angel has no problem hating him, or pretending to. Especially in front of the others. Angel has no problem attempting to belittle him so the others wouldn't know, wouldn't figure it out or get suspicious. Or, he makes a good show of it. And it bothers Spike, though he always has a quick retort for him.

But Spike doesn't care about that. He just wants to be able to push away his feelings, to pretend they aren't there… But, then again, who is Spike trying to fool?

He's never been one to successfully hide his feelings.

He just isn't that type.