A/N: I'm sorry this one is so short, but the long one's coming. It's almost done, but I didn't want everyone to have to wait another two days.

Attention Static Shock fans: I have, in my possession, fan art drawn by a talented artist. The artwork was inspired by this story. If you want to see it (and I really encourage it- tis' amazing and hilarious) email me. Don't send your request through the review because I need your email address.

Here's mine: macfal1219 story continues…

Backpack's Personal Log (7)

From the Diary of Virgil Hawkins (6)

Backpack's Personal Log

Personal Log

Date: 8-30-05

Subject: Miscellaneous

None of the Bang Babies are out of jail yet, but there has still been work for Gear and Static. Shenice, superheroine Shebang, came to Dakota in search of her missing parents. She followed Gear and Static to the gas station and discovered that they are Richie and Virgil. I knew she was following us, but I thought she was a friend. When I realized that she might discover who Richie was, I tried to warn him. It was too late. She had already seen.

What Richie said when I activated my alarm to warn him hurt. He said, "Sure, now your alarm goes off." He has never said anything so harsh or cold to me before, or at least it doesn't feel that way. Perhaps he has, but not in public. I do not understand why that should cause more pain than private words, but it does.

I haven't told him it hurt, and I closed off that part fo myself because he needed to concentrate on Shebang's worries. And now two days have passed; it is too late to bring it up.

And yet, I saved two lives the day after Richie corrected me. A man, Coneg, four thousand pounds of near-solid matter, had placed collars around the necks of Shenice's parents to make them cooperate. When they couldn't do what he wanted, not through lack of trying, Coneg activated the collars, which would inject a deadly substance into their necks in less than three minutes.

Static chased after Coneg, but Shebang needed Gear to help her. And Gear needed me. Simply put, I had to find the access code to unlock the collars before time ran out. Shepbang didn't believe I could do it; she tried to take off the collars herself, which would have surely set them off. But Gear said, "No. Let me handle this." I was starting to get annoyed that he was going to take credit for my work, but then he turned to me and said, "Come on, Backpack. You can do it!" I read all the faith he had in his eyes, and I knew that he really believed in me.

I loved that encouragement and my annoyance disappeared. But his voice in my mind filled me with pride and happiness. He sent: I know you can do it, BP. I know you can. His complete, uncomplicated confidence was wonderful to hear.

With point-seven seconds to spare, I found the access code. Richie's voice in mind was exaltant. With point-seven seconds to spare, I found the access code. Richie's voice in mind was exultant. Yes! I knew you could do it! BP, you're wonderful! And he said out loud, though I am sure Shenice was too busy hugging her parents to notice, "Good job, BP."

And now I am confused. Should I be angry or hurt that Richie reprimanded me in public or does his later, unfeigned praise negate the injurty? I'm not sure, and I can't know if it's all right to ask Richie. It probably sin't because I might hurt him. But he might discover that I am troubled and thus ask me why I didn't tell him. He would be hurt by my secrecy.

Only one thing is certain: I have never been in a more complicated situation.

From the Diary of Virgil Hawkins/Static Shock

Dear Diary,August 31, 2003

I should be enjoying my last weekend of summer vacation, but instead I'm going to write. Because I need to figure this stuff out. And I can't talk to anyone. And for the moment, I have to forget how crazy my thoughts sound. Sharon- yes, I'm giving her credit- said once that we are only as healthy as we are honest with ourselves. I don't know if she was quoting someone else, but it made so much sense to me. She said it only a month ago, actually. So here goes.

I think someone's trying to tell me something. The last three missions I've been on have been almost-solo and they all seemed determined to teach me a lesson. So, what's the lesson? I should know it after three missions, right? Well, I think I get it, except I can't shake the feeling that I'm missing something.

Writing like that isn't going to help me. It's all in vague, broad terms and that's only good in English to B.S. answers on a test. I'll treat this a little like a testanyway and recap what's happened recently.

Mission one: Sharon talked me into reading old comic books to a couple of ancient men in a nursing home. Since Richie was spending time with his parents, checking out some colleges outside the city, I was bored out of my mind. I hate to say this, but I miss Hotstreak. I could have really used some action in the week before I helped Sharon att the nursing home. Richie called every night, and I talked to him on line a little, but you and I both know that just isn't the same as having someone right there.

I was trying to talk about that mission, wasn't I? Skip it for now. I'll get there eventually. Right now, I'm thinking about Richie. That seems to happen a lot. Okay. Wipe the dopey grin off your face, Virgil. Good boy.

He likes it here. I never realized how down and sad Richie could get sometimes until he moved in here. Now he's up and happy and doing things all the time. He helped Sharon paint her room the other day.

That grin just won't go away.

They painted the room something called "Lavender Mist." I just call it purple. Richie had paint on his hands and face when they were done. I offered to help them paint, just to spend some more time with Richie, but Pops suggested I let Richie and Sharon have "bonding time."

I got my own time with Richie afterwards. And my grin won't quit. It just gets bigger and bigger… I watched him, shirtless, scrub his hands, arms and face to get all the purple war-paint off. I think the paint looked better on him than it did on Sharon's walls. I told Richie that, then decided he looked just as good in blush-pink. Richie took after me with a wet towel, snapping it with the same deadly-accurate wrist-motion he uses to throw his Zap Caps. He chased me downstairs, through the living room, three times around the kitchen table and then back upstairs. Nobody else was home (Sharon had gone out with Adam and Pops was at the Center) so there was no one to tell us not to run. I tried to hide in my bedroom, but I didn't close the door fast enough. Okay, I could have closed it a little faster.

It was fun to let Richie catch me.

Hold on a sec. The window's open. No it's not. But why does it feel so cold in here? Let me just open my bedroom door and get a little heat in here. Richie's cooking dinner, Pops is paying bills, and Sharon's going over some of her cases, so nobody will just walk in while I'm working. And I can always close this before they read anything. Wait. Where's Backpack? Oh yeah; he's under Richie's bed in recharge mode. No worries there.

I've turned my back on the chair by my window. Looking at it is like standing in a darkened, locked room, staring into a mirror and saying "Bloody Mary" three times, then turning on the light and hoping she will/won't show up to scare you shitless.

I don't know why I suddenly thought of this. Maybe because I wrote the word 'bedroom,' or maybe for no reason at all. Richie's dreams have been mostly peaceful but about two weeks ago he woke us all up. And for three nights after, I kept waking up, thinking I'd heard him screaming. But he was quiet every time I went into his room. The night he woke us up, he was dreaming about his father. Well, that's what he told Pops and Sharon. I stayed with Richie after they'd gone back to bed and he told me about his visit to his mom. About how she was sitting in the chair with the doll in her arms, rocking it, cooing to it, calling it Richie.

I'm giving myself the creeps. I can feel her sitting behind me in the chair by my window, but she isn't really there. And it's stupid to be so afraid when the sun's shining. Okay, so the sun is setting, but it's still light outside.

Back to Richie's dream. I knew she had a nervous breakdown, but I didn't know she was in a mental hospital. I didn't know she had yelled at her son and triedt o hurt him. That visit was what Richie dreamed about, or a version of it, at least. He dreamed that when he went to see her, she accused him, then had two huge men in white robes take him to Calvary Hill to be crucified. He was given a crown of thorns and beaten, just like Jesus. But when he was taken to the cross to be killed, I was there. I was on a cross already and Richie said I was dead. That's when he screamed.

I don't know why he didn't tell Pops and Sharon about his dream, but I'm glad he told me the truth. When he told me everything, Backpack and I held him and talked to him until he fell asleep. I wish Backpack had been at the gas station. I know it's selfish, but I wanted to be the one to help Richie.

Backpack and I had an argument about it the next morning while Richie was at the Center, helping Pops hang some posters. I've never seen somebody so happy to work away his summer vacation. I need to teach Richie how to kick back and relax. I always thought he knew how; he was always relaxed before when wer were little. But now I think maybe he was just like that with me because he worked so hard at home, or maybe just because he was so tense and nervous at home.

Back to the fight I had with Richie's invention. I could have been more tactful. I told him what I thought of his interference, what I thought of him, and what I thought of his possessiveness of Richie. "Richie's going to get married someday, and then he won't need you," is what I told the little robot. The argument ended when Backpack shut himself off, probably trying to ignore the truth. I shouldn't have said it that way, but it's still true. Richie won't always need Backpack. I can't tell Richie this, but I don't think he'll always be Gear. I can't tell Richie that, but it's something I learned during one of those missions I mentioned. Or maybe I learned it during all of them.

Back to the first mission, though, and what I learned there. I'll be able to talk about Richie through the missions. The old comics I was asked to read were about this superhero from the sixties named Soul Power. Funky name for a superhero, right? Qell, that's what I thought. He had powers just like me, and a partner named Sparky. Kind of like Gear and me, except Sparky was half partner and half sidekick, a title Gear will never take. But it was different with Soul Power and Sparky because Sparky was something like ten years younger than the man he worked with.

One of the old men I was reading these corny comics to was Mr. Grant. Turns out he was really Soul Power. The two of us teamed up (okay, so at first I was more or less forcedt o work with him) to fight Soul Power's old enemy, Professor Menace. Dr. Bad Dude was already taken, I think. All through our partnership, Soul Power kept calling me Sparky, which annoyed me at first. I am no one's sidekick. But as we worked together, as I started taking his suggestions, realizing that he knew some things about he superhero gig that I didn't, I kept thinking of Gear.

When Richie first got his powers, neither of us really thought of him as superhero material. Rich has always wantedt o be a superhero, but when he found out that he had super intelligence, he summed up his and my doubts pretty well: "What am I supposed to do? Think the bad guys into submission?" I wanted to tell him he could still fight crime, but really I was afraid for him. I mean, even now I'm afraid for him most of the time when we're out there, Backpack or no Backpack, Zap Caps or no Zap Caps. Because when you come right down to it, Richie isn't even as well off as Batman because Richie's skinny as a rake. Oh, the Zap Caps he carries aren't weightless (he carries three of each type, except for the ones with metal coils- he carries two dozen of those at all times) and he's gotten stronger, especially his legs, but he isn't strong enough. He still would never win a wrestling match.

To get back to how this all relates to my mission with Soul Power: Even though I had superpowers, I felt like Gear because I was suddenly less powerful because I didn't know how to fight Professor Menace. I couldn't fight Professor Menace. He might have been old, but his inventions had been designed to fight Soul Power and, as I said, we have the same powers. And as if that isn't enough, just like Gear, Sparky was only able to fight because he built a suit to make him like Soul Power.

All right, I know what you're thinking: why do I feel sometimes like I'm the major superhero and Gear is the sidekick? I can't answert hat, except to say that I've been doing this longer, I've had more training, I'm stronger, I have the useful superpowers… and I was made for this.

That was harsh. I can't let Richie ever see this book.

But it's still true. Richie wasn't made to this. When I said he wasn't meant for crime fighting, I was talking about his mind as well as his body. I can't even begin to count the number of times I've had to say, "Focus, Richie!" or "Gear, can you focus please?" The truth is that sometimes there's so much going on in Richie's head that he can't sort out what's relevant to the moment without a reminder.I get distracted, too, and sometimes need a reminder, but but not half as often as Richie.

I'm really starting to feel like a scumbag. Let's just drop all this for now.

Mission two:

Three days after Soul Power, Sparky and I defeated Professor Menace, Pops, Sharon and I spoke to Shelly Sandoval, the same reporter who covers a lot of my exploits as Static. I almost chickened out because I was afraid I was going to cry in front of the camera. I couldn't even think about talking about my mom's death, but Pops had agreed to speak so I went to support him.

Richie was still off with his parents, but he called after the interview. I almost cried on the phone, but I didn't want to make Richie feel guilty. He should be out finding a college. I won't hold him here. I won't have enough money to go anywhere besides Dakota University.

I won't hold him here, but I'm afraid of losing him. Soul Power lost Sparky. Sparky came back and agreed to help him, but at first Sparky refused to help Soul Power and I when we were looking for help. He blew Soul Power off. Richie would never blow me off. We're tight. Just because he's been busy lately, just because he's been talking with other superheroes and asking them for help, none of that means that we'll fall apart. We're too close for that to happen.

Backpack and I have the same fear: losing Richie. That's not good. Okay, Virgil, forget about it. Go back to the second mission.

The day after the interview, Richie came back to our house and the two of us went on patrol. I told him that I was forgetting my moms, but I didn't get a chance to really explain that. I didn't have to. Richie has always been able to tell when I really need his patience and understanding, his acceptance of my words without question.

On patrol, we met Nina, who could, as Richie put it, "review herself through time like a tape through a VCR." (He said it that way so I could understand it, but he only dumbed it down after I reminded him to give his explanation in English. Sometimes, I'm afraid Richie and I are growing apart, and that it has nothing to do with his superpowered brain.) Nina was actually a lot like a tape, because she couldn't control how much she moved back. She would go jumping back without any warning or ability to control the time she skipped over. So Gear built her a device to control her power. Of course, it wasn't that simple. He stayed up through the night, then crashed for about four hours on the gas staion sofa. Nina, because she was being hunted by Ebon, stayed at the gas station with Gear. Ebon (big surprise) wanted to use Nina's powers to commit crimes.

Wait. I didn't mention this, did I? Ebon escaped from jail, using basically the same method Leach had used to kidnap him. He was out for all of two days, and during that time he showed absolutely no acknowledgement that Gear had escaped him almost two months ago. He seemed totally focused on Nina. Now, that really confuses me, but I was so taken up with grief for my mother that I didn't have time to think about it then. And I want to finish this. I'll come back to Ebon's odd behavior later.

Back to the gas station. Kind of like "back to the future" which wouldn't be a bad phrase, considering everything we went through. Anyway, while Nina sat at a table, having slept most of the night while Gear worked, Gear crashed on the couch, still in his costume. He set Backpack as a discreet guard, but Nina didn't even go too near him, preferring to sit at the table and think, or eat the small breakfast Gear made her before he fell asleep. I wonder if she watched him sleep. Not because I'm jealous or anything, but I've always wondered what a civilian would do if a superhero was sleeping nearby. Maybe she look at him, or maybe she knew Backpack was watching her and didn't want to attract attention. I tend to think she looked at him, though, because of what happened in the park when Gear woke up. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

I didn't want to go home, but somebody had to be there to tell Pops Richie was exhausted and had gone to bed early and had asked not to be disturbed. His nightmares were on all our minds, so Pops agreed at once, saying that Richie needed the rest. I didn't really get much sleep that night and I slept with my Shock Vox under my pillow, just in case Richie needed me. Just in case Ebon tracked Nina or Nina saw him without his helmet or he needed someone to talk to as he worked or Nina kissed him or Backpack left them alone for a minute and she threw herself at him. Okay, most of that sounds crazy, but it could have happened and Richie wasn't the best at dealing with people. He isn't socially inept, but he does get distracted, as I think I've mentioned. And not everybody can deal with that side of him. I know for a fact that it annoys the hell out of Frieda.

The next morning, I met Nina and a rejuvenated, grinning Gear in the park. Except Gear had helped Nina make a costume and her new name was TimeZone. She hung all over Gear and even kissed with through his face plate. Now, Shebang had kissed both Gear and I only a few weeks before, just like that. And even if Gear blushed a little, he didn't' seem flustered or nervous. Maybe it was because we were used to Shebang doing off the wall things, or maybe it was because Nina had been trying to flirt with him all night and he just didn't want to tell me.

But I couldn't be mad at Nina right then, even if she'd made Gear look uncomfortable. She was so eager to help, to do something good with her power, that it was easy for me to convince her to take us all back to the night of the Dakota Riots, when my moms died, and try to stop them. Gear was against it from the first, pointing out that we might do serious damage to the time line, but when I begged, he agreed, probably because he could see how desperate I was. Or maybe it was because Nina begged, too. I can't be sure.

Because as worried as I get, Richie's heart is in the right place when it comes to me and to the rest of the world. So he could have given in because I asked, because he loves me, or maybe because Nina was someone he could help. But it was hard to think like that when she so obviously fawned over him. I couldn't help but think that he was risking everything just for her.

And that's unfair and I know it and I'll go back and erase that later. I was supposed to be talking about Richie throughout these missions, not some metahuman who doesn't matter anymore. Whatever convinced Richie to help, the fact remains that he has a big heart. Actually, that's probably another reason he isn't made to be a superhero. You have to want to help people, but you have to possess street smarts and a little hard side, a side that will keep you from becoming a victim. I have nothing but respect for Richie, breaking his father's cycle of intolerance and still managing to be happy most of the time, but a lot of times, when someone is abused he is used to that and doesn't stand up for himself. I'm not saying that's what Richie is like, just what happens a lot. Richie isn't like that.

And I thought Richie had that hard side after Brainiac and after he got mad at Slipstream but now he's the meek mild (or at least nonagressive) Richie I've always known. That's one thing that makes me feel better actually: even if Richie and I seem to be growing apart, there are times when he needs me, so I don't think we'll fall apart. Richie isn't strong enough to make it on his own. He'll always need me.

This is good, because I need him, too.

We went back in time, but even though I got to see Moms and talk to her, I couldn't save her. I talked to Pops afterwards, though, and he told me she'd kept calling me her superhero, so I did change the past without affecting the future too much, except now I'll never forget her. And she'd died being proud of me and what I'd chosen to do with my life.

Thank you, Richie. Thank you for giving me memories of my moms. I love you.

Didn't I say all three missions taught me something? Well, the first one taught me what Richie probably feels like sometimes, especially when others call him my sidekick or leave him out of the stories entirely. The second one taught me I can always depend on Richie. He'll always be there for me because we need each other. But the third taught me something awful: as much as I want to believe what mission two had to teach, I'm going to have to give up Richie some day, not as a partner (thought I think that will happen, judging by what I saw) but as a lover. In short, my third mission sent me to the future, and I didn't like a lot of what I saw.

First, and least important, I didn't like the new Batman, Terry something or other who took over for Batman when he got old. Second, and quite a bit more important, when I saw a recording of Richie in his costume, he was FAT! Huge! I mean, he was disgusting! And his voice-! I thought I was going to be sick.

Most importantly, though, was what the new Batman said to me: "You have a son." Now, how could I have a son if I was still with Richie? It's impossible! Unless we adopted, but the way Batman said it, I think it was my biological son. Which means I met and fell in love with someone new. Well, maybe after Richie let himself go…

Okay. I sound really shallow, but you didn't see him! He was gross! Sickening! How could he let himself go like that and still try to fight crime? So the first thing I did when I got sent back to the past was to tell Gear to go on a diet. I guess he eats a lot, but I never noticed. And he doesn't look fat to me, but who am I to argue with the future?

On the other hand, I met myself in the future, and not only am I strong and fierce and kick-ass but (sorry, I can't help it) I'm hot. I bet the Static I met had everyone throwing themselves at him, both men and women. Maybe I fell in love with a groupie.

Okay, it's out of my system. Question is, what do I do with what I know? I haven't said anything to Richie, but I haven't kissed him since I got back yesterday, either. And he hasn't approached me yet. Maybe he hasn't noticed that I've been cooped up in here. For the most part, he's been spending time with my family. I guess I can understand that; he's never had a family, a real one, before. Still, I wish he'd come up and talk to me. Do I always have to be the one to seek him out?

All right, Virgil. Stop. Just breathe for a minute.

Richie… In spite of everything, I still love him. And maybe I can stop some of the things that happened in the future. And about the other lessons I learned… I'm still scared of losing Richie, but what can I do? And I can't even tell him that I don't want him to fight crime anymore. This is no way to have a relationship with somebody. As Pops said, I have to treat Richie now as I want to treat him ten or twenty or fifty years from now.

Maybe that means I should go find him and talk out all these issues. And that includes the Nina issue and the problems Backpack and I are still having (that we'll be having as long as we see each other for more than five minutes at a time.)

A/N2: Again, I'm sorry for the length. It's half of normal, or about that. But the usual twenty-pager is on its way.

konekodelphi: Thank you for the warm review.

Ebon's girl: I know the updates have become longer, but I'm going to try and make them more regular again.

MsManga: Poor BP… The world makes no sense to him sometimes. Maybe that's why he creeps us out: because he's creeped out. I'm sorry there's no Hotstreak in this bit, but there's going to be quite a bit in the next one.

Moonjava: Thank you for your review. Your reviews always make me smile.