I'm back until Saturday, so you'd better enjoy this chapter and review your heart out! Not literally…Anyway. If I get enough reviews, maybe I can get another chapter up before I leave. Lucky you. Review responses: Zanzawolf aka Diego Zanzar (that's quite a long name you've got there): Thank you very much. Hey, two nice words, I can live with that.
(let's see if I can spell this one right) Snuerol-Akemi: Thanks, I don't get mad at lazy people (just stupid, slow ones), and I will. Thanks for reviewing!
DDK: Yes, cows rock! I love interrupting you, but you didn't make me do it enough. You know I interrupt you a lot more than that. Thanks!
Okay. Review answer time is over. Story time is now.
Nintendo HQ, a few months later
Mario: Well, we finally replaced everything that stupid cow destroyed.
Cow: MOOOOOOOO! I'm not stupid!
Mario: Oh no. (The cow goes on another rampage.)
Fox: Someone call the cow handler!
Captain Falcon: The expert?
Fox: Can you think of someone better? Now MOVE!
(Link calls the expert cow handler.)
Link: Hi, that cow's gone off the deep end again because Mario called her stupid. When can you get here?…okay…well, that's a little expensive, but…yes, I know you're the best…please stop shouting…okay, fine, we'll pay for it! Just come over here as fast as possible!
(Someone knocks on the door.)
Captain Falcon: I'll get it.
Samus: No! Last time you answered the door, something bad happened! I'll get it.
(Samus opens the door. Sephiroth is standing there.)
Samus: Who are you?
Sephiroth: I'm here to capture the cow.
Mario (running for his life and doing the Mario jump over various office supplies): HURRY UP BEFORE THIS COW KILLS ME!
Sephiroth: Okay, fine. Everyone stand back! (They do)
(Sephiroth focuses on the cow, who suddenly freezes while Mario keeps running…right out the door. The cow is surrounded by a ring of fire.)
Link: Why did we hire him? He's going to set the building on fire!
Sephiroth: Because I'm the best cow handler in the universe. (Puts a rope loosely around the cow's neck and starts to lead it out the door. The fire goes out.)
Link: So, how much do we owe you?
Sephiroth: Well…(whispers).
Link: WHAT! You said it was less than that!
Sephiroth: It's either that, or…(whispers).
Link: No! Not that! Anything but that!
Sephiroth: I'm not changing my mind.
Link: I don't have that kind of money with me right now.
Sephiroth: I don't work for free! Now someone better pay me before I get angry!
(Everyone except Link cowers A/N: hee hee…cowers in a corner of the room.)
Link: Let me go check the safe…(runs to safe and returns five seconds later)
Sephiroth: And?
Link: Here's ten gold rupees. Is that enough? A/N: That's 2,000 rupees. I don't know how much in dollars, since the exchange rate always changes.
Sephiroth: I guess so. If I hated Nintendo, then it wouldn't be. At least you don't have Cloud on your side. Then I'd really hate you.
Link: Whatever. So, what about the cow?
Sephiroth: Oh, don't worry about that. (starts dragging cow out the door, which is hard since she's still frozen and can't walk. Plus, she weighs as much as a cow.) This cow won't be bothering you again.
Link: (closes door after Sephiroth leaves.) Well, now what? Mario's gone. We can't do anything without our President.
Falco: What about the Vice President?
Link: That's me, you idiot!
Samus: Then what does Luigi do?
Fox: He quit a long time ago. Something about not being appreciated enough.
Link: Well, until we find Mario, I guess I'm in charge.
Falco: Don't let it go to your head.
Captain Falcon: Well, we'd better get back to the Security room. Bye Link and Fox! (Captain Falcon, Samus, and Falco leave.)
Fox: This is not okay. We have to get The Game back, recover our losses from paying Sephiroth, get Mario back, get revenge on Microsoft, and change all the light bulbs in the vault.
Link: I'm worried now.
Fox: About The Game?
Link: No. I'm worried because the coffee's almost gone, and I have no time or money left to go to the store.
Sony HQ
Daxter: Cloud! Cloud! Where is he…CLOUD! WHERE ARE YOU!
Kira: In his office, where else?
Daxter (runs to Cloud's office): CLOUD!
Cloud (puts down the mug of Columbian coffee he's holding): What now, you squirrel?
Daxter: I'm going to ignore that. We have a huge problem! Someone, I'm guessing Microsoft, sent Nintendo a cow!
Cloud: You're interrupting my coffee break for this?
Daxter: That's not all. The cow went on a rampage, and they hired a cow handler to get rid of the cow.
Cloud (quietly, to himself): Sephiroth…
Daxter: Yeah! He was supposed to work for us!
Cloud (slightly louder): Sephiroth…
Daxter: Uh, yeah…anyway, what are we going to do?
Cloud (angry voice, but still quiet): Sephiroth….
Daxter: I've made it very clear that it was Sephiroth, okay? So what are we going to do?
(Cloud gets very angry now.)
Cloud: I'M WORKING ON IT, YOU STUPID SQUIRREL! I'M TRYING TO THINK ABOUT WHAT SEPHIROTH'S WEAKNESS IS! SO IF YOU DON'T MIND, LEAVE RIGHT NOW AND DON'T INTERRUPT MY COFFEE BREAK AGAIN!
Daxter (runs to other end of building): WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!
Cloud (drinks coffee): How many times do I have to tell people not to interrupt my coffee break?
Kira: What's wrong, Daxter? You look like you've seen a ghost that made you go deaf!
Daxter: What?
Kira: I said, you look like you've seen a ghost!
Daxter: What?
Kira: I SAID, YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'VE SEEN A GHOST! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU!
Daxter: No, I don't know what they've named the new game, sorry Kira.
Kira: GRRRRR! CLOUD, WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM! (runs to Cloud's office.)
Cloud (puts coffee down): What now?
Kira: What did you do to Daxter? He can't hear anything!
Cloud: I don't know what you're talking about. He probably sat too close to the TV and lost his hearing.
Kira: No, he was okay earlier. He said he had to tell you something really important. What was it?
Cloud: Microsoft sent Nintendo a cow. (Kira looks confused.)
(A minute of silence while Kira's small brain works overtime trying to figure it out.)
Kira: Was that it?
Cloud: And that they hired Sephiroth to get rid of the cow. (drinks rest of coffee)
Kira: Oh. I wonder why he decided not to work here anymore…
Microsoft HQ
Master Chief: That was GOLD! I can't believe the hidden camera in the cow's ear would work so great! (starts laughing)
Hunter: I have to admit, that was quite funny, especially the second rampage. But how did that thing have so much battery power?
Master Chief: Who cares? I didn't design it.
Hunter (to himself): That's a good thing. Otherwise it wouldn't work.
Master Chief: What?
Hunter: Nothing.
Squaresoft HQ
Sora: Does anyone know where Cloud went?
Kairi: You mean you still don't know?
Sora: Know what?
Kairi: He quit and went to work for Sony. Says the graphics on the PS2 are way better.
Sora: Better than what?
Kairi: You idiot.
Riku: Exactly. Did you know that Sephiroth quit too?
Sora: No. Did he even work for us in the first place?
Kairi: No, you idiot! He quit working at Sony! A/N: It was Sony, right? Correct me if I'm wrong! You know nothing. So, who's Sephiroth working for now?
Riku: He didn't say. I think it's something with cows, though.
Kairi: I can only guess where that's going.
At Albertson's: It's your store
Sephiroth: Yeah, I 'found' this cow. She went on two rampages, destroyed many things, totally trashed Nintendo, and has been emotionally traumatized. What do you want to do?
Person working at Albertson's: Well, I think that she would make a great steak…
Cow: Don't I get a say in this?
(Sephiroth and the person are quite surprised)
Cow: Since when do I have to be a steak? So what if that creepy person scared mmmme into running around an office building! There's no roooommmm to run around! I ran into stuff, but not on purpose! What kind of person would crammm that mmmmuch junk into one half of a roooommmm! AND WOULD SOMEONE PLEASE GET THIS THING OUT OF MMMMY EAR? IT'S DRIVING MMMME INSANE!
(Sephiroth finds the camera, which looks like an ear tag, and takes it off of the poor cow's ear.)
Cow: Thanks. I never really liked having earrings.
Sephiroth: This isn't an earring, or even an ear tag. It's a camera.
Cow: Why would anyone want a picture of mmmme? Yes, I'mmmm a nice looooking cow, but really, just mmmmy ear?
Sephiroth: It's a video camera. I wonder who it belongs to…
Cow: You mean Mmmmmmicrosoft? I can show you where they are. They have horrible fooood there.
Sephiroth: No, I know where they are, thanks. You're still coming with me.
Cow: Do I have to be frozen again?
Sephiroth: Unless you want to be frozen here with many other cows, then no. Let's go. (Leads cow back to his house.)
Person who works at Albertson's: I've never seen a talking cow.
Person in line at Albertson's: Can I pay for this stuff yet? I'm never coming here again if I have to wait this long!
On the way to Sephiroth's house…
Cow: Are we there yet?
Sephiroth: We're still walking, so no.
Cow: Oh.
(They get to Sephiroth's house)
Cow: Now are we there?
Sephiroth: Yeah. Why do cows never talk?
Cow: We never have anything to say.
Sephiroth: What about those commercials for cheese?
Cow: Oh, yooouu mmmean that. Those cows are professional actresses. They get paid to talk.
Sephiroth: Paid in what?
Cow: Mmmmmoney, what else?
(Inside, we see that everything in Sephiroth's house is…)
Cow: Wow…
(…pink.)
Sephiroth: It's not my fault! My life is ruled by a cat!
Cow: A…cat?
(A cat appears.)
Cat: And don't forget it! Name's Queenie. Who are you?
Cow: I'mmmm…uh…Cow. I don't really have a nammmme.
Queenie: Cow is just fine. Hey, have you ever seen that show 'Cow and Chicken'?
Cow: Hay? Where? I haven't eaten in hours.
Queenie: Well, I'll fix that later. Right now, it's time for the grand tour!
Cow: Doooo yoooouu like the color pink?
Queenie: How could you tell? (Cow and Queenie walk down a hallway and around a corner, Queenie's mouth moving a mile a minute.)
Sephiroth: What have I done?
horsie890: Ummm…..sorry for all the randomness that makes no sense at all. I can't help it.
DDK: Pink?
EEM: PINK!
FF: PINK! YAY!
h890: No, not yay. I hate pink. Don't complain or ask why.
Cow: Wasn't going to.
DDK, EEM, and FF: A TALKING COW!
h890: Yep. Meet Cow.
Cow: It's nice to mmmmeet you all.
DDK: This is all so strange.
h890: Exactly. And she talks like that because...well...imagine a cow mooing, add extra m's and o's on words, and there you have it. Well, I'm going to go play my new video game now. Actually, it's not new to the market, only semi-new, but it's new to me.
EEM: What's it rated?
h890: E for Everyone, what kind of person do you think I am?
FF: What game is it?
h890: Pokémon FireRed. Don't say anything, any of you!
DDK: How can I when you keep interrupting me?
h890: Well, anyway…I hope you all liked this chapter. There might not be another one for a while, so enjoy it. I believe it's rather long, for my standards at least. Four pages. Review NOW. C U all eventually!