I decided to be nice and try to write another chapter in which we find out if Link will ever get more coffee, what happens to Mario, how much Cloud really does like coffee, and what happens when Cloud finds Sephiroth. Goodness, I'd better start writing if I hope to fit this all in one chapter!

Meanwhile, at Nintendo…

Link: Well, it took a lot of work, but we finally re-earned enough money to get more coffee!

Fox: Who would've thought that we'd resort to a lemonade stand?

Link: Really. I'll be right back! (Link goes to Albertson's: It's Your Store.)

At Albertson's: It's Your Store

Link (walks up and down aisles, but can't find the coffee.): Where would it be? Fruit, no, cereal, no, cheese, no….here's where it would be: in the coffee aisle. Hey, where'd all the coffee go?

(There is no coffee anywhere. Link walks up to a person working at Albertson's, the one who saw the talking cow.)

Person: I've never seen a talking cow…Oh, hello, sir, how may I help you here at Albertson's? It's your store!

Link: What happened to all the coffee?

Person: Oh, we haven't had a chance to restock after that one person came and bought all the coffee.

Link: Someone bought all of the coffee?

Person: Yeah, not five minutes ago.

Link: Well, who was it?

Person: Oh, let's see, what was his name again?….I don't remember. Something with a 'c'…

Link: Oh. Do you remember what he looked like?

Person: Yeah, he freaked me out because he had an enormous sword with him! He threatened to destroy the store if we didn't sell him all of the coffee.

Link: What kind of people live in this town anymore?

Person: He paid with a credit card from Sony. He said it was custom made.

Link: Thanks. I have to go find that person.

Person: Whatever.

(Link leaves, intent on blowing up Sony.)

Sony HQ

Daxter: Kira, we have another problem.

Kira: What, you still can't hear because of Cloud's yelling?

Daxter: Well, it's not as bad. But it's Cloud again. You see, yesterday we ran out of coffee…

Kira: I see where this is going.

Daxter: …so he went to Albertson's…

Kira: Oh no…

Daxter: …and bought all of the coffee they had. And paid with his Sony credit card.

Kira: Cloud, you're an idiot.

Cloud: What? I need coffee.

Kira: You didn't stop and think that when the credit card bill comes, someone might ask why you bought so much coffee?

Cloud (pulls out sword): No.

Daxter: But if someone comes over here, they might find out what we did! That's bad!

Kira: That doesn't make any sense.

Cloud: At all.

Daxter: It's logical reasoning!

Kira: What logic do you use?

Cloud: I think I've had enough brainless fun for one day. If you need me, I'll be in my office trying to locate Sephiroth. (walks away)

Kira: (when Cloud is almost out of listening range) Okay…can you say 'obsessed'?

Cloud: I heard that!

Daxter: I didn't.

(Someone knocks on the door.)

Kira: Quick! Everybody hide! I'll get it! (Everyone hides.)

(Kira opens the door.)

Kira: Hello?

(No one is there. Kira shuts the door.)

Kira: Wrong number. (The doorbell rings. Kira turns around and answers it. No one is there.)

Kira: Whoever you are, this isn't funny! Show yourself! (What Kira doesn't know is that Link has a remote control thingy on the doorbell so he can ring the doorbell whenever.

Link sneaks in through the not-so-secret door on the other side of the building while the doorbell rings, Kira answers it, no one's there, it rings again, and so on.)

Daxter: When do you think she'll realize that nobody's home? (Jak shakes his head.)

Cloud: I'm surrounded by idiots.

(Link checks the directory.)

Link (reading silently and thinking): 1st floor: Reception, 2nd floor: Security, 3rd floor: Games in progress, 4th floor: Showroom of finished games and consoles, 5th floor: Lounge and vending machines, 6th floor: Various offices, 7th floor: Vice President Cloud's office, 8th –9th floors: President Kira's office, 10th floor: Well, that's the roof. Basement floors: Basement 1: Storage, Basement 2:Janitor's closet, Basement 3: Coffee storage room, Basement 4: Vault of stuff we stole from Nintendo and Microsoft. WHAT!

(Link climbs down four flights of stairs.)

Link: What could they possibly have stolen from us….oh no. They couldn't have, we were so sure it was Microsoft! (He reaches the vault. It's unlocked, no alarms go off, no attack robots dispatched, and no security procedures are needed.)

Link: Those overconfident spineless little…They are so sure that no one will steal anything that they don't even try! (He finds the box for The Game, opens it to make sure the disc is in there, it is, he puts it in a backpack, climbs up one flight of stairs to the coffee storage room, and finds Cloud there.)

Link: Who are you, and what are you doing down here?

Cloud: Shouldn't I be asking you that? (Pulls out his sword.)

Link: So you're the person who bought all the coffee.

Cloud: So it would seem. And I don't want anyone stealing, so why don't you just go right back where you came from?

Link: Well, I've got news for you. You can't just go around buying lots of coffee like that.

Cloud: It's not illegal.

Link: Yes it is. (Pulls out small book of laws and turns to page 3. It reads, 'You can't just go around buying lots of coffee because we said so.' Signed, The People Who Make The Laws.)

Cloud: I can do whatever I want. I listen to no one.

Link: Well you're gonna listen to me. First off, you stupid jerks over here at Sony had better keep your hands off of our game, and second…GIVE ME BACK THE COFFEE!

Cloud: Someone here has anger issues, and it's not me.

(Link drops the backpack and pulls out the Master Sword.)

Cloud: You think you are worthy of fighting me with that stick of lead? Oh please. Spare me.

Link: Don't worry, I won't. (They start fighting.)

Author's Note: No details about the battle of not-so-epic proportions because this is rated Everyone. Don't worry, there's no blood. Besides, I'm not great at descriptions of anything important, so we'll skip ahead five minutes.

Five minutes later…

Link (grabs a huge bag of coffee): I win.

Cloud: Give…that…back…you…elf!

Link: Oh, you did not just say that.

Cloud: So what if I did?

Link: Now you've really done it. You've gone and made me mad. (Takes out Megaton Hammer and knocks Cloud unconscious with it.)

Cloud: Ooooo, pretty colors…(faints.)

Link: So there. (leaves and goes back to Nintendo HQ.)

(Later, Kira and Daxter find Cloud, who is still fainted.)

Kira: Cloud! My gosh, what happened to him?

Daxter: I don't know, but he needs to go the infirmary immediately! (Pulls out radio.) Alert! Alert! Man down, Basement 3! Get the emergency medical staff down here right this minute!

(Three seconds later, a medical team arrives and they teleport Cloud back to the infirmary.)

Kira: I wonder what happened to him.

Daxter: We'll ask him when he wakes up. Right now, we need to check for damages. (He does a quick inventory of the coffee.) One's missing. Let's run down to the vault and see how The Game is. (They run downstairs and find the door closed and locked.)

Daxter: Well, that's certainly a relief.

Kira: Someone's been here.

Daxter: How can you tell? It's closed and locked.

Kira: That's just it. We never lock the door.

Daxter: Let's go check then.

Kira: We can't.

Daxter: And why not?

Kira: Because once the vault's been opened and closed twice, it automatically locks, and a password is needed to open it.

Daxter: So say the password already! We don't have all day!

Kira: I don't know what it is.

Daxter: THEN WHO DOES!

Kira: Only one person ever knew what it was: Sephiroth.

Sephiroth's house

Queenie: So you see, Cow, I'm in charge of everything. TV shows watched, food eaten, furniture and decorations of the house-I rule it all.

Cow: Is that why your nammmme is Queenie?

Queenie: Yep. Like I said, don't forget it. And must you add all those extra letters?

Cow: Why whatever dooooo yoooou mmmmean?

Queenie: Never mind.

Sephiroth: Okay Queenie, it's time for dinner.

Queenie: I think I'll have…freshly caught grilled tuna marinated in lemon juice, ginger, salt, and that one kind of sauce I like so much. Follow that up with imported Roquefort cheese, a saucer of milk, and a small morsel of chicken. Then for dessert, a tiny scoop of strawberry sorbet afterwards. A cat needs to watch her figure, you know. Oh, and don't forget the sparkling water. How about you, Cow?

Cow: I think I'll have a flake of hay.

Sephiroth: Queenie, would you like the tuna sliced, diced, or bite size?

Quuenie: Bite sized. And Cow, goodness gracious, just a flake of hay?

Cow: That's what I always have for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks.

Queenie (shudders): I couldn't live like that. I need my pink paradise. Hurry up with that tuna, Sephy!

Sephiroth: Don't call me that. You know I hate it. (walks away and goes to kitchen.)

Cow: So, how did you end up here in the first place?

Queenie: I was a poor, abandoned kitten on the street. Somehow I wandered over here. Sephiroth reluctantly kept me, and I took over the house. He just can't get rid of me, though. Every time he acts like he's going to kick me out of the house-literally, mind you- I just have to use the old 'sad eyes' trick. Watch. (Queenie closes her eyes for a second. When she opens her eyes, she looks extremely sad and forlorn (A/N: Go 'Awwwww….'.))

Cow: Awwww… (A/N: Thanks!)

Queenie (resumes normal face): Exactly. I can get anyone to feel sorry for me.

Sephiroth: Come on, you crazy cat and cow! Dinner!

Queenie: Let's go, Cow. (They both walk into the kitchen and eat dinner.)

Sephiroth (thinking): I wonder what ever happened to Cloud…

Sony HQ

Kira: So when is Cloud going to wake up? (Cloud wakes up.)

Daxter: Right about now.

Cloud: Where am I? More importantly, where is that good-for-nothing elvish creep who knocked me out and STOLE MY COFFEE!

Kira: Yep, that's definitely Cloud.

Daxter: So, what happened to you, Cloud?

Cloud: Well, I had a feeling that someone would try to steal my coffee, so I snuck down to the storage room while you were working on the doorbell. I found someone walking up from the fourth floor vault. He asked what was I doing there, I said the same thing, we fought, sadly, he kicked the crud out of me-but only because he can hold his sword with one hand- and stole a bag of coffee, I called him an elf, and then he took out this silver hammer and knocked me unconscious. That's it.

Kira: What did he look like?

Cloud: Green. Very green. Oh, with pointy ears.

Daxter and Kira: Link!

Cloud: Riiiiiight…just get my coffee back and nobody gets hurt, okay?

Kira: Ummm…

Cloud: OKAY!

Daxter: Fine, fine, don't get so crazy. You know, between Little Miss Evil Laughter over here and the Coffee King from Beyond the Stars, I'm surrounded by insanity!

Cloud: You should talk, my furry friend. Actually, you shouldn't. So don't.

Kira: Really.

Meanwhile, we find Mario running for his life down the street, about ten miles from NHQ. When he finally realizes that the cow is no longer chasing him, he stops and jumps in the nearest warp pipe, taking him to (where else) Albertson's.

At Albertson's

Mario: I…need…water…

Person working at Albertson's who saw the talking cow and Link: I've never seen a talking cow or a person who wears so much green. Oh, hi, sir, how may I help you?

Mario: Wa…ter…please…

Person: Dasani, Aquafina, Evian, Arrowhead, Sparkletts, Fiji, or Pellegrino?

Mario: Fi…ji…

Person: Excellent choice. That will be $12.50.

(Mario gives the person 12 stars and 50 coins.)

Mario: Is that enough?

Person: Yes, here you go! Is there anything else I can do for you?

(Mario drinks all the Fiji water in the store before he is finally reenergized.)

Mario: Ah! No, that's enough, thanks. (returns to Nintendo)

Person: I have to put up with all the loonies today…

horsie890: Well, that was long and fun.

DDK: It didn't make any sense.

h890: I've been through this before. (takes deep breath, than talks fast) Idon'tmakesensesoeverythingIsaydoesn'tmakesensesodon'ttrytomakesenseofwhatIsaybecauseit'snotsupposedtomakesensebecauseI'msayingitandIdon'tmakesense. (normal speech speed resumed) Does that make sense?

FF: What? (laughs)

EEM: No.

DDK: Yes.

h890: I'm not explaining again, exactly, and…(bangs head on wall) CHANELLE! Anyway, I'd like to take this chance and ask my friend Chanelle how KH:S is coming along. Are you ready to start typing it yet? And are you EVER going to update your story? (cricket chirps) Anyway…review now, my fanfic friends!

Review responses: This one is for…Cheezheister (?): Thanks. Who said you have to say more?