AUTHOR'S NOTES: This time, something more or less original. Thanks for all those who R&Red–it's much appreciated. And for those who asked, yes, Samarra will be making an appearance rather soon...(well, sort of).

Those of you who aren't familiar with Excel, go rent "Excel Saga." Those who don't want to expose themselves to that sort of insanity can just assume that it's the craziest anime ever made.

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET

Kagome Higurashi walked down the halls of her high school. They were strangely deserted. Nothing moved. Even the air felt heavy. Kagome, the reincarnation of one of Japan's most powerful miko shrine maidens, didn't need her powers to know something was horribly wrong.

She picked up her pace a little, giving a small shudder as she felt...something...moving behind her. "I-Inuyasha?" she asked hesitantly, then knew instantly it wasn't Inuyasha. Normally, Kagome was nearly fearless. A mountain of screaming demons barely merited a gasp from her before she nocked an arrow and went to work along with her friends. She had faced down two equally dangerous demons–Sesshoumaru and Naraku–without batting an eyelash. And of course she regularly humiliated a half-demon that would have sent her friends fleeing in fright. But now, Kagome, despite herself, found herself running for her life down a hallway that never seemed to end. Whatever it was, it was moving behind her, getting closer and closer. There was no escape. By now, Kagome realized she was dreaming, but she couldn't wake up, and that thought terrified her all the more.

She came to a halt outside a classroom door, and unthinking in her dream, she reached out and opened the door even as her mind screamed "No!" In real life, Kagome thrashed her covers and shook her head from side to side in an attempt to deny what was happening to her in the dream world. But no help was coming. The Higurashi household slept, and Inuyasha was back in the Sengoku Jidai. Kagome was alone–more alone than she had ever been before.

Kagome walked into the classroom, the door shutting behind her and locking itself. She backed against the wall, reaching for the bow that wasn't there. Before her, the teacher's chair had its back towards her, but there was someone in it. She couldn't see who it was, but there was an ominous clicking sound from it, almost like when Inuyasha would flex his claws to intimidate an opponent.

Slowly, the chair turned around. Reddish light from a bloody moon fell on its occupant. Kagome could see it was a man of sorts–dressed in burnt pants and red and black striped shirt, also scorched. Its face was hidden beneath a fedora hat, and its right hand was covered in a glove–from which protruded four razor-sharp blades. Suddenly the fedora came up to expose the figure's hellish face–a skull covered in burnt skin and exposed muscle. The beady, sunken eyes fell on Kagome, and it–he–smiled. "Hello, Kagome."

Kagome let out her breath. "Oh, it's just you. Whew!" She walked over to her desk and sat down in relief.

The burnt man blinked in surprise, then leapt to his feet. "It's just me," he half-sang in a parody of her voice. "It's just ME!" The voice rose to a screech. "Don't you know who I am?"

Kagome nodded. "Sure. Freddy Krueger, haunter of dreams and slayer of teenagers."

"That's right," he leered. "And this is a dream, and you are a teenager..."

Kagome shrugged. "True."

"But you're not scared?" Freddy asked.

"Nope. Sorry."

He slammed the blades of his right hand through her desk, but Kagome jumped more out of surprise than fear. "Not even a little?"

"Krueger-san, I travel through time regularly. I'm best friends with a half-demon who I'm probably in love with, and he's in love with me...well, maybe..."

"He'll be in love with your corpse!" Freddy leaned close, his breath full of corruption, pulling his claws out of the desk and shaking them in her face.

Kagome pushed them away without a trace of fear. "Well, it wouldn't be the first time. See, he's still in love with his first girlfriend, and she's a corpse. Sort of. Reanimated, made of clay and bones. She's a priestess. Or was. Oh, and I'm her reincarnation, so there's that too."

"Wait, wait." Freddy sat on the teacher's desk. "Let me get this straight. You're in love with a half-demon–"

"I'm not sure if I'm in love or not–"

Freddy waved that aside with the bladed hand. "Let me finish. You're maybe in love with a half-demon, who's maybe in love with you, but who's definitely in love with his first girlfriend, who's a reanimated corpse of a priestess, and you're her reincarnation."

"Yeah, that's it."

Freddy shook his head, completely lost. "Whatever. It still doesn't explain why you aren't having a heart attack back in the real world."

"See, I run into demons all the time. Killed a few of them, too. Not as many as my friend Sango, who's a demon slayer, her and her demon cat, Kirara. My friend Miroku, he has a hellhole in his right hand. Oh, and Shippo, he's a kitsune–that's kind of a demon too."

Freddy took off his hat and massaged his fried forehead with his left hand. "I'm getting a headache..."

"It gets worse. See, there's this other demon–he's a full blooded demon–his name is Kouga. He's madly in love with me, though I consider him just a friend. But he's engaged to this other demon, Ayame, who's crazy about him but he just wants to be friends with her, except he made a promise to marry her when she was young, and–"

Freddy stood up. "Okay, stop. You've made your point." He looked down at her for a moment, then threw up his hands in disgust. "Dammit! Ever since coming to Japan, it's been one thing after another for me. I can't scare anyone to death. Last year it was Shinji Ikari, now you." Freddy sighed in despair.

"Sorry," Kagome sympathized. "You could try Excel across town."

"That airhead? What, are you crazy?" Freddy walked to the door and put his hand on the doorknob, then stopped. "Hey, wait a second. You were terrified when you came in here, but you're not even a bit scared of me."

"Oh, that. I thought you might be a math test."

"I give up." Freddy walked out into the hallway. Kagome listened to him mutter to himself as he walked away, then suddenly realized that there was a bow in her desk. (It was far too large for the tiny slot in her desk, but this is a dream, and dreams rarely have logic. Kagome's especially.) Kagome's lips curled into a cruel smile. After all, she had plenty of experience dealing with evil demons like Freddy in her line of work. She nocked an arrow and followed Freddy into the hallway.

"Oh, Krueger-san? You forgot your hat..."