Ok, first of all, I don't want to hear any outraged screaming from you Zelda fans out there, because if you finish Ocarina of time, you see Mido outside of the forest during the huge bonfire party. He's sitting next to King Zora. There might be a story there, but I don't even want to think about that, you sick people! Anyhoo, that proves that the Kokiri can leave the forest without dying. In my opinion, the Deku Tree was only keeping them in the forest to preserve their innocence. So no tracking me down and poking me with sharp shiny knives, ok?

Lets get on with this, shall we?

Mido could hear voices echoing overhead, as if coming from deep water. They warbled and popped from left to right, stretching slowly like molasses strung from sticky fingers and knocking him in the stomach with something sharp and painful…

He opened his eyes to a Skull Kid, who was jabbing him with a spear and giggling.

"Stop it!" Mido barked, backing away.

"You are an idiot," laughed the Skull Kid, leaning on his spear. "Picking up a bomb like that!"

"Yeah," Mido said defensively, "Well…your face is…um…RATHER PLAIN."

The Skull Kid stood straight in anger, welled red to the cheeks, and fainted outright.

"That was easy," Mido whispered, climbing up a tree and hopping over to the bridge. He hesitated at the exit.

"Maybe I shouldn't," he whispered, looking back at his house through the entrance. Suddenly a spear struck the bridge and lay there, quivering in the wood.

"RATHER PLAIN!" came a disgruntled shriek from his left. "I'll stick you like a pig!"

Time to go, thought Mido, bolting for the exit, feet pattering on the shaking bridge.

He burst into the bright daylight of Hyrule field, and screamed when he saw an enormous owl perching on the tree ahead of him. Its head was spinning manically, twisting right and left and swirling around like a wheel. Mido stood transfixed to the grass.

"Hoot, hoot!" the owl said, and Mido pulled out his sling (Link got the slingshot, stupid showoff) and loaded it with a rock, swinging it around his head. The owl continued, "You are standing on the ground now, which is made of rock and sediment, which has grass growing on it and HAWRK"

The owl keeled over and hit the earth, wings flapping frantically. Mido tried to run past it, but it wobbled up and grabbed his shirt collar with sharp talons, lifting him up into the air with a mighty flap of wings.

Mido screamed like a girl as they spun in dizzying circles, the owl taking a second to nip off some of his hair and peck at his forehead. Mido writhed and struggled, and finally wiggled free about fifty feet above the ground. He hit the earth with a wet smack, landing right on the banks of a castle moat.

"Mido?"

Mido looked up and scowled at the sight of Link standing in front of him, wearing a bunny hat. The long ears waved in the humid air, and Mido sat up, wiping the muck off his face.

"Here," Link said, pushing Mido into the moat. "Now you aren't covered in mud. I'm smart!"

Mido floundered in the water, crawling up to the bank again. "Wait a sec," Link said, "Shouldn't you be dead or something?"

"Maybe that was the owl's job," Mido said to himself, looking up into the sky for a sign of the monster. He glanced back at Link. "Look," he said, "We have a score to settle, because you—"

"Hold on," Link said, and Mido waited patiently while Link bolted for the drawbridge just as the sun began to set.

"Why does daytime only last three minutes here?" Mido growled, running for the bridge as well, which began to close. He tried to scrabble down to the tile and almost succeeded without a hitch, if it weren't for the fact that he lost his boot, which was wedged in the crack of the bridge, keeping it slightly open. He hobbled after Link, down the dark entrance and into the market place.

Dogs. Dogs, dogs, dogs. Mido hated those things. Three of them latched on to his ankles and chewed thoughtfully, letting him drag them along as he followed after Link, who was running in circles with the bunny hat on.

"I'm a magic bunny, I'm a magic bunny!" the blond kid sang, followed closely by a parade of dancing dogs. "See me dance like a little magic bunny!"

Mido gaped. Maybe the Kokiri died this way, he wondered, by going insane and being eaten by dogs. He remembered how his mother used to tell him, while he was going to sleep at night, about how one day he would fall off a cliff and die, to be slowly devoured by wolves. His mother was rather bitter, but Mido always loved those stories. It meant the end was near.

Link flew into Mido, and knocked into a tree. "This is awesome!" he cried, skipping around the dazed Kokiri child, laughing. "I get a whole new friend who can give me vital hints and story plot!"

"You are insane," Mido told him, getting up. The dogs were now gnawing at his calves, gumming him, more like. They didn't seem to have many teeth. "I just want to get my money back for that pot you broke."

"Which one?" Link asked. "Theres about a million pots in the entrance over there, through a door. I smashies em with bombs."

"You need to be institutionalized," Mido warned Link, grabbing his arm and pulling him to the entrance. "These dogs…"

"They like you," Link said, as the dogs, spurred to a new fervor, hung from Mido's knees. "But you have to—uh oh."

"What?"

Mido looked up at a tall figure standing in the entrance to Hyrule market, arms crossed and red eyes glowing fiercely in the dark…

Ooooh….new person! Tune in next time to see if Mido gets eaten by dogs, beaten by gorons or pecked by cuckoos! Or don't tune in! No matter.