AUTHOR'S NOTES: I've tried to give a basic description of Shaun of the Dead here at the beginning for those of you who haven't seen it. The ending you will have to figure out on your own. It's a great dark comedy. Because of that, it's actually harder to write comedy into a comedy; making fun of Jason and Freddy is a lot easier. I also have to keep it short this time because I have this thing called "life" and this other thing called "work." The latter stinks.

Anyway, enjoy. Poor Kagura.

SHAUN OF THE DEAD

Shaun was having a bad 24 hours.

First, he was informed by his mother's husband–he refused to call Philip a stepfather–that it was time to visit. Shaun loved his mum, but he despised Philip. Second, he had forgotten to book a restaurant for his anniversary dinner with his girlfriend, Liz. That had resulted in her breaking up with him, especially when he suggested the Winchester. Now the Winchester was Shaun's favorite pub, but they had been there far too many times for Liz. Third, and most immediate, he had woken up from an alcoholic slumber to find his corner of London overrun with flesh-eating undead zombies.

So far, he and his best friend Ed had weathered the outbreak well. They had killed two zombies who had tried to break in and eat them at their flat. They had managed to rescue Shaun's mother without much trouble (Philip had been bitten and would become a zombie soon, but Shaun had an idea for that–cricket bat to the skull). Neither he or Ed had so much as a scratch, and Shaun had made it to his ex-girlfriend's apartment to rescue her as well–and get her back. Shaun wasn't going to let the possible end of the world interfere with his love life, such as it was. Best of all, Shaun had a plan: they would hole up someplace safe, easily defensible, and well-stocked with food and liquids, and Ed could smoke there too.

The Winchester.

Of course, there was the little problem of a zombie horde between them and the Winchester, but Shaun had planned for that, as well. Waiting on the street outside Liz's apartment building was Philip's Jaguar, with Ed behind the wheel and his mum and Philip just behind. Now all they had to do was get through dozen or so shuffling undead between the front door and the Jaguar.

Kagura looked out over the huge city below her. She was surprised to find one this size in Europe; what she had heard from second-hand accounts, from people who had encountered Portuguese traders, Europe didn't have big cities like Osaka or even Edo. Yet this one was at least as large as Osaka and much bigger than Edo. She had noticed as well that there was some sort of civil insurrection. There was scattered gunfire, and she saw what looked to be fires and riots. Kagura shook her head in disgust. Humans were stupid. They were always fighting. Demons did as well, but at least demons fought for important things like jewels–

She stopped that line of thinking and concentrated on finding a good spot to land and ask directions. Obviously this was the England place that the thief in New York had told her about. It was somewhat familiar territory: some of the second-hand accounts she had heard of the Portuguese also spoke of a place they called 'Ingeles,' and it had to be the same place. Japan shouldn't be much further.

As Kagura swooped low over the city's suburbs, she heard a honking noise. Apparently, it was coming from one of the metal horseless carriages she had seen around in her travels. The sight itself was a wonder; she was curious about what magic made them work, but that was for later. For now, it would do that the carriage's inhabitants would be able to tell her where to go. She cursed softly when the carriage clattered off, but saw that there was a building just off a small park, easily large enough for her to land at. Genuinely smiling for the first time in awhile, Kagura floated to a stop at the park, got out of her feather, and walked towards the door of the building.

Shaun faced his friends. (Well, Liz was his friend, and he supposed he could call the somewhat ditzy Dianne a friend. David, Dianne's significant other, was a bit of a prick.) "Look, gather any blunt objects together." He hefted his cricket bat, already stained with the blood and gray matter from zombies who had stood in his way. "If you get cornered, give 'em a good bash to the head." Quickly, the trio gathered together some likely household items to smash in zombie brains and readied themselves behind Shaun–who, unconsciously, they were now looking to for leadership. Yesterday, Shaun had been a minor cog in selling appliances in retail; today, he was a man with a mission. "Keep together, stay sharp, and follow me." The other three nodded, gripping their improvised weapons. It was going to be close run for it, and they couldn't afford to be drawn into any fights.

Shaun took hold of the doorknob, glanced once more at Liz, who nervously gave him a nod of approval, then jerked the door open.

Kagura smiled as winningly as was possible for a heartless demon and bowed. "Excuse me, kind sir. Might you be willing to give me directions to the Higurashi–"

Unfortunately for Kagura, Shaun didn't speak Japanese. All he saw was a pale face, bedraggled hair, and blood red eyes. That was enough for him. He brought the cricket bat down squarely on Kagura's head. There was a wet-sounding thwack, her eyes crossed, and Kagura slowly sank to the ground with a groan. Shaun leapt over her and began hacking a way through the crowd of zombies towards the Jaguar. Seconds later, they were away towards the Winchester.

Kagura woke up five minutes later with a splitting headache, finding herself surrounded by zombies. She blinked and sat up. The undead had only gathered around her and not used her as lunch, for Kagura did not smell human, her heart did not beat, and her skin was cold. At some primal level, the zombies understood that this person was the one responsible for their condition, and therefore must not be hurt.

She slowly got to her feet. "No wonder the Portuguese hate this Ingeles place," she said, gripping her head. "The inhabitants are dangerous."

"Errrhmm," one of the zombies moaned.

"I'm fine," Kagura replied. Then she looked around. Realization set in, and she sagged against the wall of the building. "I am in so much trouble when Naraku finds out. I wish I knew where Japan was in this screwed-up time..."

"Urrrrghhh." The zombie nearest her pointed due east. Actually, it did this because it saw a bird fluttering nearby and saw it only as a snack, but as far as Kagura knew, it was answering her question. After all, she didn't speak English.

"That way? How many miles?"

"Errregggh."

"That few? Wonderful! I'll be able to just make dinner." She bowed to the zombie, who copied her out of instinct. "Thank you." And with that, Kagura flew off, leaving the zombie, Shaun, Ed, and England to their fates.