Of ings and anonymous Chapter 1, an inuyasha fanfic

Of –ings and anonymous

Note: All characters belong to the animes Yu Yu Hakusho or Inuyasha. The only characters that belong to me are Xiao Yu and the –ings. Most unfortunate, but true

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Jaken gaped. Rin gaped. Ah-un gaped. And if Sesshomaoru wasn't the emotionless bastard he felt himself to be, he would have gaped as well.

There was a very good reason for the sudden surge in the general trend of gaping (excluding Sesshomaoru… though he did gape mentally). The main reason being that before them was a sight unseen by many a man, demon, woman, demoness, toad, frog… two-headed horse for centuries on end.

Hanging from the tree before them was a bundle of… something. It was swaddled in a sort of winding cloth… or at least that was what it looked like. There were two round balls of red glaring out at them, and a hand dangled a greenish white pearl before them.

"Bya! Bah! BLEH!" the bundle of ambiguity proclaimed.

"What's it saying, Lord Sesshomaoru?"

"Rin thinks it's asking for food, Jaken! Or flowers! Big pink ones with the…"

"I didn't ask you, you foolish human!"

"But Rin thinks…"

"BYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Sesshomaoru backed off in shock, and raised his hands to his sensitive ears, or would have, if he had didn't think that all Lords with sexy white hair should look emotionless all the time, and act in a way that confounded all his subordinates. Thus, he settled for mentally grabbing his ears and screaming back at the bundle of ambiguity in front of him (in his head, of course). "Jaken. Stop it."

"Hai! Jaken shall… shall… what do I do, Sesshomaoru-sama?"

"BYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"We go." Sesshomaoru swept away, valiantly maintaining his look of sheer, utter calm even as his legs screamed at his brain to hurry up and freaking sprint away.

"Hai!"

"Ah-Uh!"

With that, the Sesshomaoru party walked away in as dignified a manner as possible.

The ambiguous bundle glared after them as it struggled to dislodge its swaddle from the trees. First those ridiculous koorines had thrown him away from their land because he was a fire-child, then this ridiculous group refused to help him down even as he had screamed for help. Horrible, horrible world!

And that, while had nothing to do with the present story, explained how Jakanshi

Hiei turned out the way he did.

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That night was one of those nights all the great authors write about. There was, inevitably, the pale moonlight, the twinkling little stars, the cool night breeze, and the beautiful pink sakuras. It would have been a brilliant night for sitting comfortably on some random cliff and howling at the moon. Yet, Sesshomaoru felt no inclination to do nothing of that sort, which puzzled him. Nonetheless, he brushed such minor details aside, deciding that his great mind was better employed in the figuring out of other mysteries - one of them being present before his very eyes at the moment.

Rin was standing before him, beaming the odd little beam she always beamed when he was around. That was in itself odd, but normal because it had occurred too often. Ah… a paradox… Sesshomaoru hated paradoxes. Either way, what made this current situation really, really odd, was the fact that he was presently half immersed in a hot spring totally undressed, and well… Rin had just walked in and hadn't uttered a single scream of feminine conservatism as yet.

"Sesshomaoru-sama! I brought a flower for you."

"..."

This was a great mystery indeed. The situation was in stark contrast to what he knew of how women behaved when men behaved indecently in front of them. His half-brother's companions had proved it more times than not.

"Rin."

"Yes, Sesshomauru-sama?"

"Why did you bring me flowers now?"

"Why? Is now a bad time?"

"Rin. I'm bathing."

"I know that! Oh! Sesshomaoru-sama wants me to scrub his back for him! I see! Come, I shall… Sesshomaoru-sama?"

Rin blinked in surprise as Sesshomaoru suddenly vanished from the hot spring, and disappear into the woods, his clothes bundled up in his arms. She shrugged and wandered away singing. Only Sesshomaoru could confound his subordinates that much. And only Sesshomauru could look cool, even when he was butt-naked.

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It was thus that Sesshomauru was all by himself in the quiet forests, struggling to put on his clothes when a monstrous being walked in on him. Technically speaking, it wasn't really a monstrous being. It was just monstrous from his point of view, which was half naked and confronted with a man who looked strikingly like him.

Summoning up his chilliest look, he tried to look dignified as he glared upon the youkai… a fox one it seemed, and was rather shocked to receive a similarly chilly stare.

"Who are you?" the apparition asked.

"I do not give my name to strangers. Introduce yourself first." Sesshomaoru glared back, startled that he had been shocked enough to speak more than two words at a go.

The apparition glanced at him with golden eyes, an evil smirk, and a, "Youko Kurama."

"…" The famous Makai thief. That explained a lot, like why the kitsune was currently observing his money pouch that was lying on the ground. "Sesshomaoru."

Now it was the kitsune's turn to be taken back. Sesshomaoru observed smugly with a blank look on his face as recognition and surprise chased each other across the youkai's face screaming and yelling bloody murder. Recognition and Surprise were then slaughtered mercilessly by Calm as a similar blank look settled over the demon's face, much to Sesshomaoru's annoyance.

"Lord of the Western Lands." That was followed by an ominous smirk as the youkai mercilessly added a touch of sarcasm to the title.

"Youko of the Legends." Sesshomaoru managed to utter the name with just that dab of satire.

"Ah…"

Both sides observed a minute of silence in pure respect of each other, which was then broken when Kurama tried to snatch Sesshomaoru's pouch. Mildly surprised, Sesshomaoru dashed for his pouch just as Kurama picked it up. With two hands grasping it, the pouch shrank and mumbled angrily.

"That belongs to me."

"Finders-keepers."

"It is mine."

"It was lying on the ground."

"I put it on the ground."

"It doesn't have your name on it."

"Does to. Rin sewed it on for me."

"Oh yeah? Where?"

"Here."

"That looks more like Ceccbowaru."

"It does too… but it is in actual fact Sesshomaoru."

"Prove it."

"Will too. Thread comes from my own kingdom!"

"I could buy thread from your kingdom."

"No you can't."

"Says who?"

"Says me. You've steal it, not buy it."

"… Correct. But this is mine now!"

"Hello?"

At that ominously bolded words, both super-youkais froze in mid fight.

"What in the seven heavens was that?"

"… I do not know."

"The great Sesshomaoru does not know?"

"Yeah well, neither does the legendary Youko Kurama."

"HELLOOOOOOO!"

Sesshomaoru drew his sword and spun around. "Reveal yourself."

"Do so," Kurama added, drawing his rose whip, and sneaking Sesshomaoru's pouch into his gi. "I do not like to speak to creatures I cannot see."

"I'm here."

Both super-youkais turned around, and lo and behold, upon a thick branch sat a little… well… a little… something. It was squat and flat, as if someone had sat on it by mistake (which was probably the case), but with… teeth… fangs… uh… something… which ensured that the person who sat on him probably wouldn't be sitting down again in a very long time. Technically, it could be considered black, but it wasn't the type of black normally seen around. It wasn't the sleek, elegant leather black, nor was it the wasted, poverty-stricken black. It was the sort of black that screamed bloody murder in deep dungeons, in which incidentally, it was the one carrying out the murder. There was a stump of something on its meat bun of a head that could be called hair, only hair usually does not look like it is capable of committing murder.

"Well? Stop staring! Haven't you seen a –ing before?"

"What in the eighteen hells is a –ing?"

"… I do not know either."

"Oh the great Ses…"

"Oh, for heaven sakes! Shut up!"

Both super-youkais shut up immediately, but it wasn't the kind of shut-up where you shut-up because someone told you to. It was the kind of shut-up that happens before a tornado comes into town and tears everything to tiny little bits.

"No one tells Sesshomaoru to shut up. You black, ambiguous bundle of a misfit!"

"Absolutely no one tells Youko Kurama to shut up. You, disgusting indistinct swaddled half-man!"

"… We agreed on something apparently."

"Common enemies lead to uncommon alliances."

"… You are a wise man."

"Was that an insult or a compliment? Nobody calls me a man. That is the worse thing you could call a youkai. Calling me a woman wouldn't even be half as bad."

"… A second thing we agree on. Man is a disgusting creature. Women are slightly less disgusting because they do not feel the need to crack blunt, crude jokes, flex their muscles unnecessarily or laugh when someone releases amazingly loud flatulence. Youkais are the best."

"I agree too… and children rank below men because they are irritating balls of mucus and tears. We could really become friends. As a thief, it is always wise to make friends with people in power."

"As a person in power, it always pays to have connections in the underground."

Both super-youkais looked at each other and exchanged friendly smirks as a sense of camaraderie bred between the two of them.

"How gay."

"…"

"He… she… it did not just say that."

"I happened to be married to Princess Xiao Yu of the City of a Hundred Demons."

"I have no girlfriend, but there is this female inu-youkai which I…"

"Who I happen to think is absolutely drop-dead gorgeous…"

"And I think she likes me because…"

"And sexy, and you should see her when she wears black, she looks like some kind of…"

"Alright! Alright!" the thing hollered, "I get the point! You and you are not gay! Fine! I don't care! It ain't my –ing business! I'm only here to give you a message!"

"Oh... ok. Spit it out."

"…"

"Sesshomaoru. It is your fault that thing just ruined my gi."

"What? I beg to differ! If that thing cannot…"

"God help me! Help me! Deliver me from these two –ing creatures! I just came to tell them that my master has kidnapped Rin and Xiao Yu! That's all! That's all!"

"…"

"WHAT!" Now both super-youkais had rounded on the creature, weapons drawn and at ready.

"Who is your master?"

"Where is my wife?"

"Where is my WARD?"

"Ok. Ok." The –ing leapt onto a higher branch and cleared his throat. "This is my master's message for… well… he has a separate message for both of you. To Sesshomaoru…"

"Get on with it!"

"Fine. Greetings Lord of the West? I bid thy furry boa a warm welcome. How is thy silky white hair? Fine I hope. I have written on this bright and cheery morning to cordially inform thee that I have your ward in my very dungeons where she is… well… singing and waving a bundle of flowers around. If you wish to have her returned to thee, you will proceed to Castle Oh-My-Gosh-What-A-Nice-Castle. I happily await thy arrival. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Signed Yours Sincerely, Annoymous."

"Alright... How about mine?"

"Getting to it. Hello Legendary Youko Kurama! I bid thy tail a fuzzy huggy. How is thy two twitching ears? Still twitching, I hope. I have written on this getting less bright and cheery morning to cordially inform thee that I have thy wife in my dungeons. I shall not say anymore, but bid thee hurry up and come here, because she is about to break out, and if she breaks out this story cannot go on. My guards are no match for her, and I am doing my best by playing the Barney Song over and over again in the hope of giving her brain damage. Thus, as seen, please hurry up and arrive at Castle Oh-My-Gosh-What-A-Nice-Castle. Thank you. I happily await thy arrival. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Many loving hugs and gentle caresses, Annoymous."

"…"

"Many loving hugs and gentle caresses?"

"Don't ask about that."

With that, the –ing vanished into thin air, supposedly heading back for where it came from. Kurama and Sesshomaoru stood where they were, thinking silently.

"I don't really think I should go save Rin."

"Xiao Yu is breaking out on her own…"

"I really would like a break from being swamped with flowers…"

"And if Xiao Yu does break out, I can get out of this story and go home and rest…"

"And getting walked in on when I'm bathing…"

"A hot chocolate would be in order…"

"Not to mention a holiday from all her screeching…"

"And some time spent with all my nice shiny things…"

"Oh… and with no children around, I get to stomp and smash Jaken as much as I like…"

"And that nice book on botany I picked up some time ago…"

"But that means no one will be there to catch my food for me…"

"The book's too thin…"

"And no one to sing my favourite lullaby…"

"After reading I usually like some exercise that requires two people…"

"And to cook my favourite food…"

"Which Xiao Yu is really good at…"

"…"

"Let's head for that bloody castle."

"Ok."

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