Meanwhile, as our two heroes… or at least, two protagonist headed out for Castle Oh-My-Gosh-What-A-Nice-Castle, the two young ladies… well… one 9000 years old youkai and one irritating brat were already residing in the dungeons of said castle.
I love you, you love me,
We are one big family!
An elegantly white eyebrow twitched convulsively.
I love you, you love me,
We are one big family!
Red eyes glazed over as tiny hands clutched at sensitive ears.
I love you, you love me,
We are one big family!
A furious roar of insanity erupted as a figure in red leapt up and proceeded to repeatedly bash her head against a conveniently placed stone wall.
Rin shook her head, and sniffed her flowers delicately. Really, such show of low caliber. Now if Sesshomaoru-sama was here, he would…
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"Eat it!" Kurama insisted, shoving blue coloured fruit in Sesshomaoru's face.
"I, Sesshomaoru, will not consume that ambiguously coloured vegetation."
"Eat it! It will enable us to move through the night without any sign of fatigue! Not to mention the fact that it is supposed to be good for your skin."
"I, Sesshomaoru do not fatigue easily. I, Sesshomaoru do not care for the condition of my skin."
"Oh for heaven's sake!" Kurama glared furiously at the stubborn dog youkai and popped half the fruit into his mouth. "See? It's ok. Eat it! Or do I have to force feed you!"
"I, Sesshomaoru…" He hesitated at the ominous creaking of vegetation around him as youki flared dangerously from the kitsune in front of him, "…am not afraid of ambiguously coloured vegetation." Grabbing the fruit, he popped it into his mouth.
"There! That wasn't so bad, was it?" Kurama beamed and continued in the direction they had been heading in total disregard of Sesshomaoru turning a violent shade of cobalt. "Hurry! If Xiao Yu breaks out now, the fanfic has to stop."
Choke. Cough. Choke again. Cough. Whine.
"Stuff it, Sesshomauru."
Whine. Whine. Woof. Woof. Choke. Cough. Whine.
"That's your fault."
Whine. Whine. Whineeeeeee…. Choke.
"Whatever."
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Rin sat quietly, observing the figure in red run around the cell screaming profanities. Really! First that thing tore all her purple flowers to pieces, and purple flowers are so rare to find in the present season. Then she had smashed the wall to pieces, not that it was a waste considering the fact that the wall did lack a certain class and elegance. Finally, the crazy thing had taken to bring the ceiling down with her soprano voice, which meant that they could not escape now. What was next with this…?
Suddenly, the thing was in front of her, eyes blazing furiously.
"I've got it out of my system," an eerie voice announced, "way, way out of my system, and you know what, little girl?"
Rin stared, eyeing the italics apprehensively. Anyone who spoke in anything other than in Times New Roman font 12 was dangerous, and bound to cause a great imbalance in the universal law of sanity (which proclaimed that ninety-nine percent of all living things are insane, and the one percent that are not basically comprise of a certain shell-fish that had migrated to another dimension.)
"Do you know what?"
"Eh… what?"
The figure grinned maniacally, revealing shiny white fangs. "I've solved part of the problem."
"Eh… ok…"
"The answer to part of the problem says that this is all the fault of whoever kidnapped us!"
"… …"
"Thus… there is only one thing left to do…"
"… …"
"We will get our revenge!"
Maniacal laughter shook the castle and Rin sighed and shook her head. They all lost it in the end. Always. When a person becomes too depressed or pressured, they were bound to become sane. A pity… such a pity…
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Youko Kurama, legendary thief of the Makai, feared by all youkais, even the great Lord Yomi was currently in a serious dilemma. Usually, it would not be much of a problem, seeing that he was the legendary thief of the Makai, feared by all youkais, even the great Lord Yomi. However, as Achilles's weakness was his heels, the sphinx's weaknesses were intelligent men (and some said cabbage) and Man's weakness was himself, the great Youko Kurama too had a weakness. It was a terrible weakness, one that if appeared before him would plague him till his last breath escaped his lungs. It was terrifying, horrifying, devastating.
It was currently in front of him.
"Sesshomaoru…"
"…"
"Stop!"
"What's it?"
"Let's find another path."
"…Why?"
"My greatest foe lies before me."
"What are you talking about? There is nothing in front of us!"
"No? You're a mutt, aren't you? Can't you smell it?"
"Smell? Oh… I do smell something, only it's just…"
"Yes! That's what I'm talking about."
"…"
"…"
"Youko Kurama. Your greatest foe is…"
"Don't you dare laugh!"
"Herbicide?"
"I know! Laugh, and you will find yourself short of another arm!"
"Why?"
"Have you ever experienced dying seeds dropping out of your hair in clumps like dandruff?"
"… Ok…"
This was one of the few times Sesshomaoru was glad for facial muscles as stiff as wooden planks. If he had so much as smirked, Kurama would have gone loco; that he knew for sure. Keeping his facial muscles steady, Sesshomaoru mentally howled with laughter, enjoying the psychic picture of the legendary Youko Kurama cringing before a one litre can of Orchid's Green Herbicide.
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"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…"
"... Do stop that."
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha... stop what?"
"Stop the... you know... italics."
"Ha ha ha ha ha... what italics?"
"... Never mind."
Rin sighed as they prowled down the long, dark, and strangely enough, pink corridor. This was it - the poor girl was almost totally sane. She was already at that point when she couldn't see the words in her head anymore. Soon, she would be so sober the mist that surrounded the normal insane people would be lifted, and she would be one of the few rare ones to see the world as it really is.
Rin hoped Sesshomaoru-sama would come by then. She honestly did not want some rabbit youkai to commit suicide in front of her.
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Youko Kurama leapt through the clearing in a graceful jeté. Landing neatly on the tip of his toes, he pivoted perfectly then landed with a split. Numerous –ings dropped from the various branches and landed twitching on the ground.
"Perfect," Kurama sighed, beaming sadistically.
"Cause of death," Sesshomaoru observed, "Seeing the legendary Youko Kurama dancing ballet to Beethoven's Nocturne in C Minor. Brilliant; if traumatizing."
"And, there was no wastage of youki," Kurama added, delicately sniffing a rose.
"Ah… Is that Castle Oh-What-A-Nice-Castle in front of us."
"Yes… I believe… only… well… it isn't really the type of castle where one would go… like…"
"Oh what a nice castle?"
"Yes. It's more like the kind of castle where one would go… well… well…"
"First time I've seen waste the size of Mount Everest?"
"Yeah… partly… and also…"
"Which creature's waste is pink?"
"Exactly."
"Anyhow," Sesshomaoru continued, sweeping up his furry boa in an attempt to look dignified, "It is an insult to me, Sesshomaoru, to have my ward looked in some mound of pink waste. I, Sesshomaoru, shall enter and personally destroy this… Annoymous."
"Ah… you do like your name don't you, Sesshomaoru?"
"… Whine… Cough… Whine… Woof"
"Whatever. Let's proceed."
And proceeded they would, had it not been for one slight mishap that befell our beloved protagonists. Before any of them could say (or whine) anything, the ground under them collapsed in a chorus of whines and groans. As they fell through the pit, Kurama had only one thought in his mind.
"Kami, that sounds exactly like Sesshomaoru."
Then darkness closed in upon them, embraced them then let go in disgust at the feeling of dirty slimy fur.
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"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Revenge shall be mine! MINE! Soon, this horrible anonymous thing shall pay for it! He… she… it shall pay for it! I shall… what's that!"
Rin watched the red figure jump behind a pillar, staring at nothing in particular. It was already starting, it seemed. Shaking her head sympathetically, Rin wondered if she should go up and try to bring the figure back to illusion. Maybe a good shake on the shoulders will do it.
"AHHHHHHH! KAMI-SAMA! What the HELL is that?"
Or maybe not. Rin did not want to end up with only one arm, like Sesshomaoru-sama. The hero with a missing arm – sexy. The ward with a missing arm – tacky. On the other hand, it would be terrible to leave the poor girl like this. Rin had no wish to torture herself by watching the girl self-destruct.
"You're seeing Reality!" Rin called out, "Get a grip on yourself!"
"Reality…?"
Ah, so she wasn't that far gone yet. "Yep! Maybe you should take some anesthetic. I think I got some here."
"This is… Reality?"
Ok… maybe she was that far gone. "Yeah… so… do you want morphine?"
"Kami-sama… Reality shall looks pretty ugly…"
"It does too, doesn't it?" Rin nodded sympathetically, "Now, about the morphine…"
"Those who preach the truth sure don't know what they are talking about."
"I know. That's why I don't read books on philosophy."
"Fear Factor isn't really reality…"
"Yes… yes… of course…"
"This is Reality… kami-sama…"
Rin watched apprehensively as the figure in red sank to the ground and whined. It seems that Sesshomaoru-sama would not be in time after all.
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"We are in a bloody dungeon!" Kurama howled, waving all nine of his tails around as he prowled forward on his paws.
"I know we are in a bloody dungeon! I can feel all the red stuff sticking to my paws!" Sesshomaoru whined back.
"I hate dungeons! I hate dungeons! I hate them more than broccoli!"
"Oh shut up… wait! Do you hear that?"
"Hear what?"
"Well… moaning and whining… and…"
"Xiao Yu!"
Kurama bounded forward then screeched to a stop. "Xiao Yu?"
The figure in red curled up on the ground looked past him and whined. "Ugly… so ugly…"
"Oh… well you know how dog demons are… they can turn out kind of…"
"I don't think she was talking about me, Kurama." Sesshomaoru back in his human form leaned down and patted Rin on the head as distantly as he could. "What happened to her?"
"She saw Reality."
"Oh…" Both Kurama and Sesshomaoru winced.
"Well…" Kurama began searching his hair for something, "I think that I've got something that might cure that… ah…" He pulled out a bottle from his hair and lifted the girl up. Putting the bottle to her lips, he tilted it and let the brown liquid seep into her mouth. "Now just wait a second."
One.
"Kami-sama!" Xiao Yu howled, leaping to her feet, "I'm back! I've regained my insanity! Thank kami-sama!"
"Thank Carlsberg."
"Kurama!"
Sesshomaoru discreetly covered Rin's eyes until the two were done greeting each other.
"There," Rin beamed, "You're back."
"Thank kami!" Kurama agreed, "What did they do to drive you to sanity?"
Xiao Yu gulped. "They played… the… the Barney Song…"
"Kami-sama," Kurama moaned as Sesshomaoru blanched.
"Sesshomaoru-sama!" Rin wailed suddenly.
Sesshomaoru and Kurama spun around as something floated in front of them. Blazing darkness roared from within as a tall, slim figure floated down. Long fingers curled gently and a thin pink mouth thrilled with laughter.
"Greetings, Kurama and Sesshomaoru! Welcome to my humble abode! Many hugs and kisses to thee!"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"KARASU!"
Kurama, Sesshomaoru, Xiao Yu and Rin all leapt back in terror. Everyone, everyone (and here, the italics are well justified) in the anime world was well aware of Karasu, the bomb user. He was a powerful youkai, a youko molester and an expert on hair conditioning. He was an avid admirer of any youkai that had long silver hair. He was… Anonymous?
"What…" Kurama stared, flabbergasted.
"How I have longed for you, Youko Kurama! To see you again! Come to me oh lovely Kurama! Come to me and…"
Before anyone could say anymore, dark lighting shot out from the kitsune's body. It bounced off the walls, ceilings, and went racketing around the room like a squash ball on crack.
"KARASU!" Kurama roared his golden eyes flashing dangerously, "YOU HAVE INSULTED ME FOR THE VERY, VERY LAST TIME! DIE!"
Sesshomaoru stared, shrugged, then picked Rin and Xiao Yu up. Waving nonchalantly at the furious Youko, he turned and strolled away. He knew he had sworn to defeat anonymous personally, but sometimes, pride was just not worth it.
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Standing outside, the four of them casually observed the pink mound of waste as it smoked and shriveled away.
"Well… that's it then," Kurama said, with a glint in his eyes, the kind that people have when they had just indulged in some very satisfying revenge.
"I suppose," Sesshomaoru agreed, with the kind of shrug that people gave when they know they are fighting a losing battle.
"It was nice seeing you."
"I suppose. Rin. We go."
With that, the great Sesshomaoru got up and walked away, gallant, valiant and stunning under the evening red light.
"What a nice man," Xiao Yu cooed, hanging on protectively to Kurama's arm.
"Indeed," Kurama grinned, "I love it when people are really, really forgetful." Deep within the robes of his gi, Sesshomaoru's pouch sat and smothered - pissed at being forgotten.
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Hum. Hum. Hum.
"… Rin. What are you doing?'
"Humming, Sesshomaoru-sama."
"… That song you are humming…"
"Oh it's the song I heard at the dungeons."
"KAMI-SAMA!" Sesshomaoru howled in anguish and turned, sprinting away into the distance.
Rin watched, shocked that her calm, serious, painfully blank Sesshomaoru-sama would run screaming down the lane. Shrugging, she picked up another purple flower and added it to her collection. Well… there was always the other powerful youkai… Nah…
Grabbing a bottle of Carlsberg, she headed slowly towards the screaming Lord of the Western lands. She learnt new things everyday. One of them was to always carry a bottle of beer around wherever you go.
End
Dictionary:
Youko: Demon Fox
Kitsune: Demon Fox (in fox form)
Sesshomaoru-sama: Lord Sesshomaoru
Kami-sama: God
Youki: Demon energy
Makai: Demon world
Youkai: Demons