Title: "Lights, Camera and Shag!"
Disclaimer: I own nothing, nothing affiliated with Fox, Josh or The OC, plus on top of that, I actually own nothing.
Rating: NC-17/R/18 – whatever the highest rating is.
Summary: What can I say, it's OC piss-take-porn.
The idea originally came from something Courtney suggested which went like this:
Alex: Oh Marissa, don't stop
Marissa (from between Alex's legs): Fuck you ho, I hate you!
Alex: Well I Hate you toooooooooooo
Marissa (wipes her mouth off and moves to hoover Alex): Did you like that?
Alex (breahtessly): You're such a bitch!
It's that type of thing with my own parodies on porn thrown in.
Author's Note: I'm sorry, in advance.
Soft eighty's pop/jazz/porno-grove plays as the scene opens on queen-sized bed with a dowdy floral print duvet on it. A shaky camera zooms out too fast to revel a kissing couple falling through the door, behind the couple a stage-hand is visible.
The couple pulls apart and the brunette promptly slaps the blonde.
Alex: "Ow, what the fuck bitch!" she said rubbing her bruising cheek
Marissa: "You're such a pain in the arse, you fucking…" she was cut off but Alex kissing her full-force again.
Camera pans down to where the blonde is squeezing the brunette's bum, and quickly back up again as the pair start to talk again.
Marissa: "Take your hand off of my butt, bitch!"
Alex: "Shut up you slut."
Marissa starts to kiss Alex again, her mouth shifts over to Alex' neck as she starts to nip at the skin underneath her mouth. The blonde suppresses a groan.
Camera goes out of focus on the kissing couple, then slowly back into focus.
Alex: "Ow, you fucking bitch, you bit me!" she says jerking her body away from Marissa, to revel the grinning brunette.
Marissa: "Serves you right for being such a whore."
The director can be heard in the background, "Yeah, that's good, now, start to fuck." The camera catches a glimpse of the blonde looking annoyed at the director.
Marissa starts to pull at Alex' top, yanking it over her head, the blonde stays still as the brunette starts to kiss her bare chest. Suddenly, Marissa stops and gives Alex a hard shove so she falls back onto the bed.
Alex: "Ow. Again!"
Marissa: "Now, I'm going to fuck you for being such a bitch!"
Bad music gets louder and the couple start to loose their clothing at light-speed, with the camera focusing on a near-by vase, before quickly going back to the now naked couple.
Alex: "You're such a slut, you know that!" she says as Marissa starts to kiss down her stomach.
Marissa: "I might be a slut, but at least I'm not a slapper!"
Alex: "That's the same thing you stupid bint!"
Marissa: "Shut up whore!" continues to kiss further down.
Camera stays on the back on Marissa's head – what she's doing isn't that clear but over-dramatic moaning can be heard.
Marissa: looking up at Alex, "I haven't even touched you yet!"
Alex: "Er, uh, er, shut up!"
Marissa moves her head back down and Alex starts to twiddle her thumbs.
Alex: "La, de-de, la, de-dar. Ohh fuck yes!"
Clapper guy standing next to boom-mic operator: "Man, this is so hot!" Camera shot goes wide to revel the girls on the bed with Alex on her back, propped up on her elbows with her head rolling back and forth and Marissa laying between her open legs, the angle wobbles a little and "shit!" can be heard muttered off screen.
Alex: "Oh, oh, yes, yes, yes, hmm, did I leave the oven on? Hmm, oh fuck yea, don't stop you little, whore-y bitch-y, er, oh yeeees!" her body drops back on to the bed.
Marissa: falling next to Alex, "I bet you liked that you little whore."
Alex: "Well duh, I did cum didn't I!"
Director: "Where's the music, the sex is nothing without the music?"
Sound-guy: "Woops, that was my job right? Let me just turn the cassette over." Rummaging can be heard, then the unmistakable sound of Linkin' Park's One Step Closer can be heard.
Sound-guy: "I wondered what I recorded that onto."
Director: "Sort it out now!"
Sound-guy: grumbling, "It's a good album, I mean really who wants to see to hot girls having sex anyway! Hmm, now what time did Antonio say he'd be home for dinner tonight…"
Alex: "Uh, Ivor - Ivor Bigcock the director - what's my line?"
Producer: "Uh, page twelve; whore!"
Alex: "Whore!"
Marissa: "Shut up you, you, hoe!"
Alex: "You know what…"
Scene fizzles out and cuts to Marissa lying on her back with Alex on top of her, her hands between Marissa's legs.
Clapper guy standing next to boom-mic operator: "I wish I had a girlfriend, then I could have sex with her! But this, oh, this is hot."
Alex: "Hey bitch, do you like what I'm doing to you?"
Marissa: "Ohh yes, er, uh, I mean ohhhh ahhh yeah! Wait I got it, oh-e-oh-a-ah ting-tang-walla-walla-bing-bang, ohh!"
Alex: "Uh..?"
Marissa: "I've cum you idiot!"
Alex: "Shut-up bitch!"
The pair start slapping each other.
Camera zooms out.
Clapper guy standing next to boom-mic operator: "Uh, has anyone got any tissues?"
The End.