Author's notes: I didn't really expect to write another part to this, since Regret stands out so well on it's own. But I got it in my mind to write four parts to the story on Regret's Timeline. Currently, I don't plan to write part three and four due to a total lack of interest in Yami no Matsuei and an increase interest in FullMetal Alchemist. However, I may come back and write a part for Tatsumi and Watari.

Well, hope you enjoy it! I can't believe it's been nearly a year since I wrote anything YnM related…

Life can be so strange sometimes. At one time, you feel like nothing could be better; you feel like you're walking on air, you feel more 'alive' than you've ever been in your entire existence and there's nothing that could bring you down. But you become so oblivious to everything around you, your happiness becomes your own blindness. And somehow, when that blindness goes away, things that you've never seen become so crystal clear, that you want to hit yourself and say, 'Why oh why didn't I see this before?' That happiness that you once had is now full of nothing but sadness and regret.

That pretty much sums up what happened to me.

I can trail it all back to the day Tatsumi-san told me that I would be receiving another partner. At that time, I didn't realize that one partner would change my life or how I perceived things.

My partner had become fairly close to me. I mean, we did go to work everyday and all, but we did share a friendship outside of work. We talked about our problems... well, safe to say, I talked about my problems while he listened and would answer honestly. See, he never liked to talk about his problems to anyone, but there were times he did and I would listen with as much interest as he did me.

We sometimes treated one another to dinner... Wait, most of the time, he would treat me to dinner, since I was almost always out of money at the end of the week. I offered to cook him dinner a couple of times, but he declined every time. Strange...

I think I'm getting off track again. Well, the basic idea is that my partner and I were pretty close to one another.

Of course, when they see people change, they think something is there when nothing is there. That sort of thing.

Rumors started to fly around the office. Some of the girls at the office would comment on how 'cute' me and my partner looked together. I would grin and nod my head. Perhaps I'm partly to blame too, because what people said about my partner and me never really bothered me.

Maybe it was because, deep down inside, I wanted what people said to be true...

I really liked my partner, but I never wanted to take a step over that 'line' between us. Once you step over that line, you can't step back. And I didn't want to admit that I felt something beyond friendship for my partner. I liked him and that was enough for me. Besides, I didn't want to lose the one most important thing in my life, you know?

Well, I guess the rumors finally got to my partner as one day, he came up to me and told me that people were saying things about us that weren't true, that we weren't a couple or anything like that. I guess his blunt and to-the-point statements really affected me deeply that day as I found myself speaking before I even thought about it.

"Does it really bother you that much, Hisoka, for people to think we're in that kind of relationship?"

I guess he didn't understand what I was implying. I didn't know what I was implying. So I decided to take the direct approach.

"Would it bother you if... we were involved like that?"

In that moment, I had to come to accept something of myself that I didn't want to admit up until now: I cared a lot more for my partner than a simple friendship. All this time, those jokes and rumors didn't affect me because secretly, I wanted them to be true.

Did I love him? Maybe I did. But that concept was so foreign and so frightening, that I kept telling myself, 'it's not true'. I honestly would never know for sure unless I explored my feelings. But more importantly, I wanted him to feel the same way.

I was so caught up in my own emotional revelations that I almost missed hearing his answer.

"I don't know..."

This wasn't turning out as I thought I would or maybe he was misunderstanding me.

"Courage," I whispered under my breath before turning back to him and asking, "Would... would you ever want to get involved with me like that?"

His answer nearly shattered me.

"Can two guys get involved like that?"

At the time, I should've realized that it was a question asked out of ignorance. I knew something about his past, some things that he probably doesn't think I know. I kept forgetting that my partner, while he can show that he's more adult than anyone I know, he could still be a child or be completely clueless when it comes to certain issues.

I guess my poker face must've slipped then because he immediately spoke up after his answer. "Tsuzuki, I didn't mean..."

I interrupted him before he could apologize, trying to slip back into old habits and reassure him along with myself. "No, it's okay. I knew you might say something like that and..."

He cut my nonsense babble off. "No, it was a stupid question. It... shouldn't matter what sex you are, as long as those feelings are there, right?"

I let the breath I was holding slip out. I realized that only a moment ago, I was shaking, like I was about to have a nervous breakdown. Honestly, I wouldn't have been too surprised if that had happened if our conversation didn't continue; a simple stupid question shouldn't be affecting me so much.

But it really did. Perhaps... I really did love him.

I just sat there and continued to smile, waiting nervously for his answer. At that time, I needed to know an answer.

I wish I had given him time...

"I don't see... why not."

Perhaps my feelings were pushing onto him. Maybe I'm partly to blame for him making such a hasty choice. Or maybe I should've told him that I was willing to give him time to think about it.

But, I was just so happy. It probably... no, definitely showed when I said, "Really, Hisoka?" I had to know this wasn't a dream.

"Yes, really."

This isn't a dream... "Do... do you want to..."

"Yes."

To sum it up in a stupid expression, I was on top of the world when he said that. I was too happy to think about what he may be feeling or wasn't it strange that he came to an answer so quickly, a bit too quickly.

No, all of that was far from my mind and I was in my own little make-believe world, blocking out any doubt my partner may feel the same towards me as I feel towards him. When I saw him smile back at me, I thought I was going to die of shock, my partner rarely smiled at anything. To think that he was smiling for me...

I should've saw that he wasn't smiling for me, but his smile was a reflection of my own emotions.

For the first few weeks, life was good. We spent more time together after the workdays. We spent Sundays together. We held each other's hand. Heck, I even threw in a few hugs and I didn't get knocked senseless for it!

And then I screwed it all up.

That one Sunday night. I came over my partner's house, since he promised he would watch a movie with me that I've been dying to see. We were sitting close together. The movie played on, but I wasn't paying much attention to it.

I was watching something more interesting, specifically, the person sitting next to me. He was yawning, clearly tired, or maybe bored, his eyelids half closed, as he would fall asleep any minute.

For some reason, I couldn't tear my eyes away from him. I kept telling myself to turn back to the TV and watch the movie, but I just... couldn't. I mean, I could, as my muscles weren't sore and my neck was perfectly fine that night, but my body refused to cooperate with me. My eyes were glued to the person next to me, drinking in every small detail; his half-opened green eyes, the way his nose crinkled up in it's own cute way, the way he pouted his lips...

And right when he turned his head towards me, probably to comment on the movie, I was leaning forward and kissing him. Well, I was kissing him, my partner just... tensed and froze up. I pulled away shortly after, feeling confused. "Hisoka?"

I think this was my 'Duh, Tsuzuki!' moment. I shouldn't really have been confused at all. First off, he was not expecting what I did. Second, I crossed over another line without thinking. And finally, I didn't think about what this sort of intimacy would have on my partner.

I really wish I had thought about that and realized that his reply came a bit too fast. "I'm sorry. I just... wasn't expecting it."

Instead of thinking rational thoughts like, 'Oh, he wasn't expecting it, that's why he looks unnerved', my thought was instead, 'Oh, he didn't like it, so he probably doesn't feel the same way.' Really, I can be a total idiot sometimes...

I tried to hide my feelings; all too well knowing it was impossible to begin with. "I didn't mean to. I mean... I just..." Of course, all that had to come out was useless babbling.

I was telling myself that I should probably leave and apologize in the morning, but I couldn't. Because before I could even move or say anything else, his mouth was pressed to mine.

That should've been another 'Hey, Tsuzuki, something is wrong!' sign. But at the time, I was just too damn happy to even think coherently. Just thinking that my partner feels the same towards me totally shut down my brain and put me in 'Cloud Nine' mode.

I wanted to spend all my time with him. In fact, I did. I came over more frequently after that. I would even purposely stay at his house till very late at night in hopes I could just stay the night.

I hugged him more than I did before. I would cuddle with him every chance I got. I did kiss him again, but they were usually quick kisses and most of the time, on the head or cheek.

And he never protested. Not once. I must've spent nearly all my free time with him. And he seemed rather calm; even though there were obvious things I did, like not cleaning the dishes in the sink. Or the time I accidentally left his book outside and it rained that night. The next morning, he'd find the book ruined, and (my partner) got stuck with a replacement bill. Or the time I left the iron on and burning one of his favorite shirts.

He never called me an idiot or got angry.

That should've been another sign, but of course, I chose the path of ignorance.

Well, until that night...

I don't know how it started. We were talking about... well, whatever it was, it couldn't have been important. But I can remember everything crystal clear after that. I can remember kissing him; it was supposed to be a simple, stupid kiss like I gave him every other night.

However, that night... I really wasn't thinking. Well, it was hard to think when the person you love is kissing you back, making soft cute gasping sounds. The lights in my head should've went off, especially I found my hands unbuttoning his shirt, my hands caressing the soft flesh underneath, his name a ghost of a whisper on my lips. He didn't complain at all, in fact, he was encouraging me to go on!

Even with all of that, though, something wasn't right. My partner was responding to what I was doing to him, sure, but... I couldn't shake the feeling. I just shrugged it off and continued to encourage him again.

It wasn't until my hands went for the zipper of his pants that the feeling started truly bothering me. He tensed up at first when I touched him, and really, at that point, I expected him to at least say something, but he said nothing.

And it seemed everything just went 'ping' into place.

There was no way that my partner would just suddenly let me do these things to him without saying something.

Before we got together, my partner wouldn't hesitate to say something, shove me away, or hit me upside the head if I did something that he wasn't comfortable with. Yet, here we were on the couch, making out, and he didn't even ask me what the hell I was doing or shoving me away or just about anything but responding back.

It wasn't even the fact that we were just about to have sex. The hugs, the kisses, the late night visits. He never said anything. In fact, he neither yelled at me anymore nor scolded me for my usual stupid antics. Even before all of this, he would still call me an idiot or nag me or at the very least, sigh and shake his head, murmuring his frustrations.

It was like he was just doing all of this for my sake, and keeping his thoughts to himself.

Hammer? Meet Mister Nail. Hit him on the head.

The lust cloud that had made its way over to my head blew away. I pulled my hands away, feeling like a real fool. "You're not ready for this."

Well, that comment really pissed off my partner, because the next second, I was staring directly into smoldering green eyes. "Don't. Tell. Me. What. I'm. Ready. For." And to prove that statement, he pressed his lips up to mine, ripping my dress-shirt in the process.

I had to put an end to this. I pulled away from him and pinned both of his arms behind his back. He tried to struggle back, and looked at me. I almost expected him to say, 'Why?' with the way he was looking at me, but I gave him no opportunity to say anything.

My dream was coming to an end...

"You're not ready for this because it doesn't mean anything to you, does it?"

I wanted him to tell me I was wrong. I wanted him to tell me that he cared about me and that I was being an idiot, as always. I wanted him to slap me hard and yell at me, even!

But he said nothing. And that was all the answer I needed. I let him go, knowing full well he wasn't going to try what he did before again.

I looked at him again, this time, not even attempting to hide my feelings.

"You could've said, 'no', Hisoka. That would've been better than forcing yourself for my sake..."

I couldn't bear looking at him anymore, so I just... teleported out. I just wanted to be out of there, away from everything, away from him, thinking I must've been the world's biggest idiot for not seeing what was clearly laid out for me.

I should've never let these events happen the way they did.

I don't think I got a wink of sleep that night.

I was afraid into going in work the very next day, but I knew I had to say something to him, I just couldn't avoid him forever or break off my partnership with him. I'd never want to hurt my partner...

So I just told him that we (More like I) rushed things and we were better off being friends. Better off locking my feelings tightly away. Better off forgetting about what feelings I could or did have for him...

I wanted to tell him that maybe, one day, we could try this again, but he agreed so fast and readily... No, I wouldn't be able to handle it if this incident were to repeat.

Like I said before, once you step over a certain line, things never will be the same again. And they weren't between my partner and myself. There were times I just wanted to touch him, but I can't, because I'll remember those emotions I had for him and… I just can't. I can't even look at him for long periods of time anymore.

As for him, he never looks me straight in the eyes anymore. He would sometimes reach over to touch my hand, but just before he could, he'd pull his hands back, like touching me would burn. Maybe it would...

We still talk, but it isn't like how it was before.

And now, at one time, I did love him, but those feelings are locked away tight, forever. Even if I want to open the door to those feelings, there's no guarantee that he would do things because he feels comfortable or wants to do them.

I guess I'm starting to realize what I've put people through.

I wish we were close like we were before. I wish I had told His... him to take his time with his decision. I wish I didn't put so much pressure on him.

And now, I'll have to live with that regret... Perhaps forever.