Wednesday morning I woke up just as the sun was rising into the sky. I curled up in my blankets, rested my head on the windowsill and watched a tiny piece of the sun appear above the roofs of the houses. It was early and I couldn't sleep. This morning I felt worse then ever without my brother.
I laid down on my back and stared at the ceiling. I didn't want to get up or go to school because I knew the socs would be back. All I wanted was to stay in my bed and hide under the covers. Even though I had broken my silence I was still feeling the same anger and helplessness that I had felt following my parent's deaths, only difference was I didn't know if Ponyboy was dead. Somewhere in my head I started to wonder if he was, but in my gut I knew he wasn't. I decided to trust my gut instinct, pulled myself out of bed and wandered to the bathroom.
I shuffled my weary feet through the dining room and noticed a figure on the couch. I stopped and looked over at the boy sleeping there, Dallas Winston! I bit my lower lip and evil thoughts crossed through my mind as my anger level shot up. I stormed over to the young man and slapped him as hard as I could across his face and yelled. "Tell me where my brother is!" Instinctively Dally woke up and threw me to the floor. I caught myself with my elbows and sat forward just enough to throw a weak punch to Dally's face. "You know where he is you son of a bitch! Tell me!" I tried to claw at him but Dallas grabbed both of my wrists and pinned me to the floor. He laid on my chest so I couldn't kick him. I struggled to get free as he growled.
"I don't know nothin' Scout so just back off!"
"Liar!" I screamed and Darry came rushing out of his room.
"What the hell is going on?" Darry yelled as he saw Dally and I in a compromising position.
"He lies Darry! He knows everything and he won't tell us nothing!" I screamed and continued attempt to wiggle free.
Darry grabbed Dallas' arm and yanked him off of me. "Let her go Dally…" When Dallas Winston was on his feet Darry pointed to me. "…and you leave him alone." I sat up and I watched as Darry and Dallas' eyes met. I hoped for a fight. I wanted Darry to punish Dally for hiding my brother, but he didn't. Darry had more sense then that. He knew what I was failing to accept. Dally was the only connection we had to Ponyboy and if we pissed Dallas off he would just leave and never come back. He'd just leave and take his little secret with him. Darry reached his hand to me. "You ok Sissy?"
"Is she ok?" Dally barked and rubbed his cheek. "I'm the one who got cocked in the face!" Dallas peered over at me with his cold cocky stare. I glared back and realized when it came to understanding how I felt he was in foreign territory. Dallas Winston knew nothing about love, he had no idea what it felt like to be needed by someone or to be missed. He knew nothing about it because he had never been loved or missed.
"Shut up Dally." Darry said as he hoisted me from the floor.
Angered that my brother wasn't going to beat the answer out of Dally. I stormed to the rear of the house past Sodapop, who was awoken by my yelling. Darry followed me. Halfway down the hall I turned back to my brother and cried out. "Why don't you just make him tell you were they are?"
Sodapop joined Darry's side, pulling on his blue jeans as Darry glared down at me. "Just how'd you suppose I do that? Dally aint gonna tell us nothin' if he don't wanna. You know that!"
I threw my head back a little and wished Darry could just beat the truth out of Dallas. The way I figured it he might as well try cause if he killed Dally know one would care anyway. "This is all just stupid!" I screamed out. "He aint Dally's brother to hide, he's ours!" I looked at my brothers' eyes and realized the helplessness in their stares. I needed to get out of the house. I stormed out of the house through the back door. If I saw Dallas at that moment I might use any thing I could get my hands on to beat him up and make him tell us where the boys were hiding. I knew if I was as strong as Darry I sure would.
Pacing around in the grass gave me a little time to cool down as the sun lit up the morning sky. I walked to the front yard and yelled at God in my head. 'All I wanted was a normal life! I don't need a great house or a tuff car. Just my family and all you keep doing is taking them away from me! One by one you are making me suffer and I don't' know why!' I grabbed the cold steel of the top bar of the chain link fence and laid my forehead on the metal and whimpered. "I don't know why?"
"What don't you know?" A kind voice made me jump.
I picked my head up and recognized the face staring at me with concern. "Two-Bit!" I yelled at him for scaring me and felt as if he may have heard my inner thoughts. "Just go away would you?"
Two-Bit's face showed a look of confusion as he tried to figure out why I was outside upset. He looked to Steve who was climbing the porch steps and then back to me. "Fine… if that's what you want." He paused, waiting for me to change my mind, and then he headed toward the house to get the story from my brothers. Before entering he smiled at me, "it's good to hear your voice."
Once my friend disappeared in side I grabbed the fence out of frustration and shook it violently. I wondered what Two-Bit would have said and if he truly cared what was bothering me, even though in my heart I knew he did. Now I was angry at God and myself for being mean to someone who just wanted to help. Frustrated I rubbed my face with my hands and angrily went back into the house through the front door.
"You ok?" Darry asked above the idle conversation from the boys in the living room.
"No I'm not ok!" I screamed and began to shed tears of pain. "I am not going to be ok without Ponyboy! Do you understand that? I'm not ok…" My yelling grabbed the attention of everyone in the room. "They were going to drown him and kill him! He's my brother! He… he shares a part of my soul! You all can't possibly understand what that feels like to have part of your soul ripped away from you? He's been with me my whole life and he's gone now! Have you any idea how painful that is… do you?" I looked at the gang staring at me with dropped faces. Dallas shifted his weight uneasily and looked away. I listened to my words and realized at least my brothers did know what it was like to lose part of their soul. Darry had certainly lost a big part when dad died and Sodapop had his heart torn apart just days ago. I wiped my nose on my sleeve and sniffled. "I'm sorry I yelled… ok? I … I just … I'm going to my room." I tried to walk past my teary eyed brothers.
"Don't run off!" Darry cried out and grabbed a hold of my arm. "Everyone in this family has got to quit running off!" My oldest brother tried to control his emotions in front of the gang, but couldn't. "… just stay here, we're a family… we've got to stick together." Darry let go of my arm and sat back on the edge of the dining room table rubbing his teary eyes with the heel of his hand.
I glanced at the gang, their mouths slightly open and their eyes wide. It's not that anyone thought Darry was incapable of crying, they just never thought they would be witness to it. Angry that my brother had to be seen as weak I tried in vain to defend him. "And you all know what's worse? Dally knows exactly where Pony and Johnny are but he is too much of a jerk to tell anyone the truth!" I flashed an angry glare at Dally who had his hands coolly stashed in the pockets of his jean jacket. He returned the glare but knew better to further upset anyone in the house by retaliating.
"I'm outta here." Dally announced and turned to leave. I was glad to see him go but Soda panicked.
"No Dally wait!" Soda was dressed in just his jeans as he walked toward his friend. "Darry'll give you a ride where ever you need to go… and… and… we want you to come over tonight for dinner, don't we Darry?"
My brothers exchanged a look confirming they were both ready to follow Sodapop's make shift plan. Darry inhaled his emotions and cleared his throat. "Yeah, we do. How bout I pick you up from Buck's place at about 6:30?"
Dallas shifted his eyes between me, Darry and Soda trying to figure out the scheme. He didn't fully trust what was going on, but he like the idea of a free home cooked meal. "Ok, I'll be there." Dallas turned and walked out the door. Immediately Sodapop pulled a folded piece of paper from his pocket and darted out the front door after Dally.
I looked to Darry who raised his hand to stop any comments from me. "Not a word about it Scout. I'll let you do whatever you want today as long as you just play nice."
I thought about the offer then tested my brother. "Fine, I don't want to go to school."
Darry looked at me with disappointment. Then added to the deal. "That's fine, but I want you to eat something for breakfast and lunch. Plus, you're cooking beef stew for Dallas tonight, it's his favorite." I lifted my eyes to the ceiling in disgust. Before Darry could tell me to keep my attitude to myself Two-Bit sang out.
"Well if Scout aint going to school I'm just gonna stay here with her."
"Good!" Steve further lightened the tension in the room. "Without you two deadbeats to drive around I'll be able to take Evie to the Dingo before work."
Darry smiled and called to everyone as Soda returned to the gang. "Come on ya'll I'll cut up the cake in the ice box for breakfast."
Darry dished out five plates full of cake, but I turned mine down and opted to eat a piece of toast instead. Everyone pulled their chairs around the dining room table and Steve rubbed his thumb through the frosting on Soda's piece of cake. Sodapop yelled out and tried to retrieve his icing but was unsuccessful as Steve shoved his thumb into his mouth and laughed.
Suddenly Steve recalled some information he wanted to share and he spoke with his mouth still full of frosting. "Did Dally tell ya'll about the rumble?" Sodapop and Darry shook their heads no because their mouths were full of food, so Steve continued. "Dally, Two-Bit and I were at the Dingo last night with Tim Sheppard and his boys when two carloads of socs pulled up and started yelling at us from their car windows. Couple of'em were declaring war against the greasers. Well you know Tim Sheppard pretty well… he aint scared of no soc so he walked right up them bastards. Right away the passenger in the Ford flips a blade out, like that's gonna Scare Sheppard, so the socs say they wanna rumble." Steve shoved more of his breakfast into his mouth and disregarded all manners. "Tim tells'em Saturday night we'll take them in the vacant lot, winner takes all."
Two-bit could no longer contain his enthusiasm that was building. "Awe man! I can't wait. We are kick them from here to Mexico."
As soon as Steve left for school and my brother's left for work I disappeared to my room and crawled back into bed. I held Pony's sweatshirt in my hands then heard the floor boards in the hall squeak, warning of an approaching visitor. Quickly I stashed the sweatshirt under my bed just as Two-Bit pushed the bedroom door open.
"What are ya doing? You better not be planning on spending the day in bed, cause I don't wanna."
"No one said you had to." I shot back half wishing he would leave and half wishing he would stay. "Just go home."
The comment brought a smile to Two-Bit's face, he liked a challenge. "Nah uh, I told Darry I would hang out with you so move over!" Two-Bit crossed the room and climbed into the narrow bed with me. At first I didn't make room for him so he wiggled and pushed till he had me pinned against the wall. "Ah that's better." He laughed and kicked off his tennis shoes.
"Two-Bit would you just go away?" I rolled over and looked into his gray-green eyes. "I just want to be left alone."
Two-Bit shook his head. "That's not a good idea. I've seen what happens when you spend too much time alone." Two-Bit repositioned the pillow under his head. "Since your talking and all why don't you tell me about that fight you got in to at school?"
I rolled my eyes at the memory. "It was no big thing."
"Oh yeah? Then why did you stop talking to everyone?"
"Cause talking don't do no good. Principal Leary didn't listen to a word I said. He kept saying I provoked the fight, but I didn't."
Two-Bit agreed with me. "I aint never known you to start no fight… unless it was with your brothers."
Hearing the word 'brothers' made me sad as I thought of Ponyboy. "Do you think we are ever gonna see Pony and Johnny again?"
"Shoot yeah!" Two-Bit said positively. "Once things have cooled off Dally'll go get them boys. I know you don't believe it but Dally does care. He's just trying to do what's best for'em."
I popped up on my elbow and looked down at Two-Bit. "No he aint. Cause what's best for them is being home with their family!"
"You really think that's what's best for Johnny? Comin' home would be best for Ponyboy, but …" Two-Bit looked into my blue eyes. "maybe this is what's best for Johnnycakes? Did you ever stop to think him, other than yourself?"
A sense of guilt filled my body as I realized how intuitive Two-Bit was. Once again he was right. For the past three days I had only been thinking of myself, and what I needed and what I wanted. I had never once considered what was best for Johnny. The boy was wanted for murder and all I wanted was for him and Ponyboy to come home and turn themselves in. I figured if they were home everything would be normal again. Truth was it wasn't ever going to be the way it was. I laid my head back down on my pillow. "Two-Bit? You are a very wise man." We shared a smile and my friend blushed. "How can someone as wise as you be such a slacker in life?"
Two-Bit laughed. "I just aint much for studying life from a book when I can be livin it."
I let out an aspirated laugh and yawned. "Get out of here, I'm going back to bed."
"Nah, I'm staying here so you don't have to be alone." Two-Bit and I stayed laying together face to face until our eyelids grew heavy and we drifted off to sleep.
Hours later I felt my body entangled in the young man's arms. I stayed still because I could tell by his breathing that he was asleep. I even found the embrace to be comforting and soothing, I appreciated those emotions.
Moments later Two-Bit stirred and I rolled over to face him. Our eyes met and the two of us felt the same emotional pull toward each other. Silently he reached over and gently caressed my face with his fingers. His touch moved along my jaw line and his thumb hooked my under my chin. Tenderly he pulled my face close to his as he moved to meet me. Together we closed our eyes, felt each other's warm breath and shared a soft kiss. Immediately everything felt perfect in my world. When we parted I caught my breath. "I didn't expect you to kiss me."
Two-Bit smiled. "I didn't expect you to kiss me back."
"Maybe we shouldn't be doing this?" I whispered.
"Maybe we shouldn't." Two-Bit concluded but neither of us listened as we moved together a second time and shared a longer kiss. Passionately Two-Bit reached his arms under me and rolled over to pin me beneath him. I reached up and caressed his face with one hand and rubbed the other on his smooth muscular arm that showed because he was wearing a gray cut off t-shirt. The two of us breathed in unison as we kissed again, long and deep.
I felt a wave of jitterbugs flutter through my body as the young man pierced his lip and we shared a French kiss. My mind and body welcomed the pleasant touch and yearned for more. Unfortunately the phone in the living room began to ring and I feared Two-Bit would cease his physical affection toward me, but he didn't. As if he didn't hear the ringing he ran his hand up the side of my body and caressed my clothed breast. My body lurched at the touch and the phone rang again.