Friends: The Complete Eleventh Season

By: Shadowfan90563

Author's Note: I am going to have much more frequent updates for a long time, this should be done by May. If it's not I'll…um…. Do…something. Whatever, on to Chapter 13. (Ah! I have Triskaidekaphobia. Watch The One With The Baby Shower in Season 8 for a translation.)

Chapter 13: The One With the New Duck

Synopsis: Both Joey and Nanette have strange thoughts that neither of them can explain, and they each come up with different ways to hide them. Chandler buys Joey a very special marriage present, which Nanette isn't to thrilled about. Rachel tries to get Mr. Zelner to give her job back to her.

Joey woke up in his wife's bed, still happy that he was married. But, he was still facing that personal thought. He couldn't understand what it was. He just felt… different. He decided that he would still look himself over every day, and maybe see a psychiatrist if he couldn't diagnose it himself.

"I love having a wedding ring!" Nanette said, not appearing to have any personal demons within her. But, she too had a strange feeling. She was just as clueless as her husband as to what the hell it was. So, she pretended that she was totally perfect.

"I'm as happy as a clam to be married! I've never had any thoughts that this may be too soon! I am FINE! I'm married!" Joey said very quickly, while shaking violently. Nanette looked at him wide-eyed.

So, no one told you life was gonna be this way (clap clap clap clap)

Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A.

It's like you're always stuck in second gear,

And when it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year,

But…

I'll be there for you (When the rain starts to fall)

I'll be there for you (Like I've been there before)

I'll be there for you ('Cause you're there for me toooooooooooooo)

Everyone was sitting in the coffeehouse talking about absolutely nothing. It was fun, and it kept the thoughts off the newlyweds' mind. So much, however, that Joey and Nanette practically screamed when Monica and Chandler came in and broke the mindless conversations.

"NO!" Joey yelled.

"What?" Monica asked.

"Um," Joey wondered, "I was daydreaming."

"About what?" Phoebe said.

"Uh, I was thinking about the chick and the duck! When they were dead on the carpet!" He popped.

"What the hell!" Mike said totally dumbfounded.

"Anyway," Chandler cut in, "I got you and Nanette a marriage gift!"

"Really?" Joey exclaimed, hoping that the surprise would keep his mind off of the items that set up camp in his mind.

"Yeah," Chandler replied, "Come on up to Nanette's apartment and I'll show you!"

(Nanette's Apartment) (Duh)

Joey was on the edge of his wits waiting for the present to be unveiled.

"Ta-Da!" Chandler said, looking quite proud of himself. Nanette gasped and made her eyes grow larger than dinner plates.

"A DUCK!" Joey yelled, "He's so cool! What should I name him?"

"Afflac would seem appropriate," Chandler joked.

"Ooh!" Joey said, "I like that name!" Chandler and Nanette rolled their eyes, slapped their foreheads, and shook their heads.

"Yeah," Nanette said, "I don't know if I want my sister's furniture crapped on by a piece of meat."

"Duck's not a meat!" Joey laughed, "What do you just go to a restaurant and say 'I want some smoked duck'?"

"Uh," Nanette said, "Yeah."

"Seriously?" He said with eyes as wide as Nanette's were earlier, "and while I'm at it, you have a sister?"

"Yes," Nanette guided like a teacher, "her name's Rayn, she was at the wedding."

"OH, DAMN IT!" Joey screeched.

"What?" Nanette said.

"I just got that thing out of my head!"

"Why don't you want it in your head?" Chandler said.

"I don't know," Nanette answered for him, "I mean, I didn't really like it either."

"Why?" Monica said down the hall.

"I don't know," Nanette said, "It wasn't that great." Monica fell backwards, but picked herself back up.

(Ralph Lauren Incorporated)

Rachel walked in to Mr. Zelner's office.

"Ah, our individual player with no talent whatsoever," Mr. Zelner sneered, "What do you want now?"

"Well, even though you are OBVIOUSLY still pissed at me," Rachel declared, "I was kind of hoping you would give me my job back?"
"No," The reaction was instantaneous.

"Okay," She smiled devilishly, "I heard your son likes dinosaur items, so, I thought he might like this," She held up a very heavy Tyrannosaurus Rex Skull.

"Who told you my son likes dinosaurs?" Her old boss asked.

"Ross did!" Rachel explained.

"My son, Ross?" Mr. Zelner asked.

"Ross is your son?" Rachel asked, completely clueless.

"Yes," He replied, "He is seven years old."

"Ross isn't seven!" She yelled, "He's 34!"

"Get the hell out of my office!" He said. She knew not to anger him more, it wasn't often that he swore, and she realized she had better go.

(Ross and Rachel's Apartment)

"You're my boss's son?" Rachel screamed.

"No," Ross said, "Mr. Zelner has another son named Ross!"

"Oh," Rachel said, now understanding what had just happened.

"So," Ross said to his betrothed, "how do you intend to get your job back now?"

"I don't know," She said in her know-it-all voice, "do you have anymore worthless dinosaur crap that his son might like?"

"I could give him a life sized ammonite fossil."

"Fine!"

(Mr. Zelner's Office) (Again)

"Hi," Rachel said, half expecting another outburst, "Okay, I know you're still probably REALLY mad at me, but I have a full sized some kind of fossil for your son!"

"Fine," her boss mumbled coldly. She ran away at the speed of light.

(Joey and Nanette's Apartment)

"Oh," Joey cooed, "I love my ducky!"

"If that thing craps on anything, I will kill it!"

"What are you gonna do? Eat it?" Joey playfully asked.

"No, the incinerator will." Joey fell over.

Executive Producers

Marta Kauffman

David Crane

Kevin S. Bright

"I did it!" Rachel excitedly screamed coming in to her apartment, "He bought the bait!"

"Alright," Ross replied, "I really liked that fossil, so now you have to do something for me!"

"Fine," Rachel said, "I'm really sick of it though! You've been wanting to keep on doing it since I moved in. But, I guess I could bear it more."

"YES!" Ross screamed like a little girl. He anxiously turned the TV on.

"And now, we bring you "Tide Pools of the Ancient World" on the Discovery Channel" The TV blared.