Nighttime Confessions
Rated T
A/N: The Yahoo Gum Drops Challenge
Ok I flunked the challenge and went over the word limit. Sorry!
When Sara first heard knocking at the door, she thought she had been hallucinating, and then she thought it was the sound of her own head thudding on the wall as she recounted the day's events with Grissom including his mini-meltdown at her. The rational part of her knew that Grissom was just taking the case hard, but the irrational part of her desperately wanted to smack him. Hearing the door knock again, Sara was snapped out of her reverie and went to answer it in her pj's figuring it was one of the guys wanting change for the vending machine.
The visitor at the door was a guy but not one of the guys. It was Grissom, looking adorably tousled and somewhat sheepish. Sara, still angry took a deep breath and a mental Imodium, and waited for Grissom to speak. When he did, she was incredulous.
"Greg snores." He said. She looked at him disbelievingly.
"Rather loudly, like a chainsaw concerto through surround sound." Grissom stammered. "Anyway, I was wondering…" He trailed off, not knowing how to finish the sentence.
Sara could not believe what she was hearing. After everything today, Grissom expected to waltz in here with his sleepy eyes, sheepish grin, and thick tousled bed head and get to sleep in here, with her.
Sara smiled, realizing that for one of the few times in the relationship, she truly had the upper hand. Wordlessly she smiled, walked to her kit, and handed Grissom the earplugs that she kept in the kit for ballistics testing.
Grissom looked at her, shoulders slumped, but hiding a smile. He knew that Sara would not make it that easy for him, but surprisingly; he did not mind the work.
"Sara I wanted to apologize for the way I acted today. It was unprofessional, and I'm sorry."
Sara nodded. "I accept your apology Grissom. I was just surprised to see you lose it like that."
Grissom nodded. He was desperate to change the topic. "So, can I stay? I swear I don't snore, and I'll sleep on the floor."
Sara laughed. "Are you kidding, the floor is only mildly cleaner than the bed." Grissom looked over Sara and the room. He chuckled when he saw the packaging for flannel sheets in the garbage can, and briefly admired Sara in her black flannel pj pants and matching camisole printed with purple and lavender dragonflies. Even though he couldn't admire her long legs in that get up, her elegant neck and collarbone was on a lovely display.
Sara noted Grissom casing the room and sighed. "Grissom, why does this case upset you so much?"
Grissom glowered. "Leave it alone Sara."
Sara inwardly smiled; she was genuinely concerned and was dying to turn the tables on Grissom. "No Grissom, I will not leave it alone. If you want to stay here, I need to know why you lost it today."
Grissom looked at Sara. Sara looked back. The silence between them was so strong that they could hear the crickets chirping in the next county. Finally he sat on the bed and sighed. Grissom then did the unthinkable. He took off his glasses and wiped his eyes. "Every time I see Cassie, every time I see an abused child, or a neglected child, or one in the system…" he stopped.
Sara sat next to him and held his hand. They sat and savored the silence. Finally Grissom went on. "…I see you. I think of you eleven years old with crazy curly hair and that gapped tooth smile, and I think of you clinging to a stranger's hand covered in blood and frightened. I think of you taking 1st aid classes while in the Brownies so you don't need to go to the emergency room. I see people who failed you, people you were supposed to count on, with me being the biggest failure of them all."
Sara was stunned. This was not what she expected to hear. She cradled Grissom in her arms and murmured comforting words to him. Grissom pulled away.
"See, even now you give me more than I gave. You tell me your secret and all I can do is hold your hand."
Sara felt herself tearing up. She cupped Grissom by the chin. "Baby, its ok. You gave me what I needed." She hugged Grissom and felt him stiffen. Crap. Was he going to turn away now? She let go, and backed away. Grissom looked at her, saw the hurt in her eyes and stammered.
"No Sara, I'm not pushing you away…its just….."
"It's just what Grissom?" She replied icily. She was really beginning to weary of this game with Grissom.
Grissom continued. "Its just, you used to call Hank 'baby' and when I hear you say that, it makes me…makes me."
Sara smiled. "Jealous?"
Grissom went on. "Yes, I was jealous of Hank. I've known about 'this' from the moment we locked eyes, but…but…"
Sara nodded. She was exhausted and so was Grissom, and she knew that if he revealed too much, that there would be consequences tomorrow.
Sara took Grissom by the hand and led him to bed. She pushed him down, tucked him in and removed his glasses, placing by the bedside table. Kissing him on the forehead, she climbed into bed next to him.
Soon Sara fell asleep.
Grissom could not sleep. He watched Sara sleep and wondered what he had done to be given the gift of her understanding and compassion. Why was he considered worthy? He lay there pondering those things when he felt the bed move. Sara was tossing and tears were rolling down her cheeks. "Cassie, where are you honey? Cassie, hang on, please hang on." Grissom sat up incredulously. He flashed to a memory from five years ago, when Sara had snapped at him about nightmares and empathy. At the time he had thought that she was speaking in anger, but he now had the evidence that the cases did give Sara nightmares. Quickly and silently, he rolled over and cradled Sara in his arms. He pushed the hair away from her eyes and kissed her on the forehead, the cheek, and then very softly on the lips. When he saw that she had settled back into the regular breathing pattern of someone asleep, he began to murmur, mostly to himself, but got slightly louder when he reasoned that Sara couldn't hear him.
"Sara I'm sorry I never realized how much the cases effect you. I'm sorry I haven't been a better friend. I'm sorry I haven't been half the man you deserve. I'm amazed at your capacity to love. Any sane woman would have given up years ago, but not you. Or did you always know. You know I love you. You have just been waiting for me to figure it out. I do love you Sara. Once again Grissom kissed her gently on the cheek. Sara rolled over in her sleep, and Grissom took the opportunity to spoon her against him.
Fatigue and darkness had further compromised Grissom's perceptiveness otherwise he would have realized that Sara had been faking sleep from the moment he had taken her in his arms. Sara had rolled over so Grissom would not see the tears in her eyes.
As much as Sara enjoyed being right, she wanted to be right about this when she was conscious. She smiled to herself when she realized that two could play at the confessions game. "I love you Grissom, always have..." she murmured sleepily, even though she was wide awake.
End
A/N Ok since I killed the word limit part of the challenge, should I just shoot it all to hell and add another chapter?