Chapter 4: Welcome to Hogwarts!

Enjoy the chappie!

Phishy2, Staremerald, Notyouraverageblond and the Large Muscular Man made their way up the path towards Hogwarts Castle.

"Well, this sucks," said Phishy2. "Not only do we have to put up with their weirdo personality quirks, we also can't leave this weirdo fanfic until it's over!"

"Yeah," agreed Staremerald. "What happens if the fanfic isn't finished yet?"

"It could take months for the weirdo author to update!" panicked Notyouraverageblond.

"Oh, do shut up," said the Large Muscular Man. "The story is finished, so you can quit worrying about that part of your fate. Geez, I should have picked someone more interesting to torture."

"YEAH, MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE!" shouted Staremerald. "THEN AT LEAST WE WOULDN'T BE STUCK HERE WITH THESE WEIRDO CHARACTERS WITH THEIR WEIRDO PERSONALITY QUIRKS AND YOU GOING ON ABOUT PRUNE JUICE ALL THE TIME!"

"Ah, prune juice-" began the Large Muscular Man.

"JUST SHUT UP ALREADY, YOU DINOSTIHAN!" screamed Notyouraverageblond. (A/N: sorry, inside joke!)

The Large Muscular Man lost his temper. "HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?" he yelled. "NO INSIDE JOKES THAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND!"

"OKAY!" shouted Phishy2. "Now, if you've quite finished shouting, screaming and yelling, just calm down for a second. Large Muscular Man, you can go now, because you're annoying and causing a distraction."

"Humph!" snorted the Large Muscular Man. With a POOF, he disappeared.

"Right," said Phishy2, turning to her fellow authors. "Let's just keep going, so we can get this over with quickly, okay?" Staremerald sighed. Notyouraverageblond looked grumpy. But they had to agree with Phishy2's logic. Because she was right. Not that she was ever otherwise, but, you know… (A/N: Hee hee!)

They followed the other first years into a small room. They were all very cramped. Staremerald nudged the other two, and pointed. Phishy2 and Notyouraverageblond saw a boy with skin the color of milk and blonde hair. He had flint- grey eyes. He wore robes that were very well made, and a sneer played on his face. He was facing Harry. His name was Draco Malfoy.

"So, it's true then, isn't it?" he said. "Harry Potter has finally arrived at Hogwarts. You're said to be cute, hot, and destined to have your own pull out poster in Cosmo Girl."

"That's right!" shouted all the girls in the room except Phishy2 and Notyouraverageblond. Staremerald shouted the loudest.

"Oh yeah?" sneered Malfoy. "Well, ladies, I just want you all to know that I'm cuter, hotter and destined to have my own pull out poster in Cosmo Girl, Seventeen and J-14."

"Yeah, right!" shouted all the girls in the room except Pansy Parkinson. (What a bi-otch!)

"Malfoy," said Harry gently, "please try to use your minute brain to understand common sense. I'm perfect. Always have been, always will be. Also, I am not only the hottest, cutest, and most destined to have my own pull out poster in every single woman's magazine ever created, but everyone knows it as well."

Just then, Professor McGonagall entered the room, breaking up their argument over which boy was hotter. "Welcome to Hogwarts Castle I'm a cute little gopher! The sorting hat is about to begin I'm a cute little gopher! Don't ask me why I finish every sentence with 'I'm a cute little gopher' I'm a cute little gopher! I just do I'm a cute little gopher! I guess I just have this weird personality quirk I'm a cute little gopher!"

Phishy2, Notyouraverageblond and Staremerald looked at each other and screamed so loud that all of the windows shattered.

"HEY I'm a cute little gopher!" shouted Professor McGonagall. "Reparo I'm a cute little gopher. Now, what is the matter I'm a cute little gopher?"

"We're very sorry," said Notyouraverageblond. "We're just not used to weird personality quirks. Where we come from, not that many people have personality quirks, not really distinctive ones, anyway."

"Well, except for some of our teachers," said Phishy2, "not mentioning any names… cough,cough,mr.neville,cough,cough,dr.c,cough,cough,cough."

"Gosh, Phishy2," said Staremerald in a worried tone, "That's a pretty bad cough you have. Do you want a cough drop?"

"No thank you," replied Phishy2. "I'm good."

"Cough drops!" screeched Hermione. "Don't you know that cough drops are made from various types of plants?"

"Uh, oh," whispered Notyouraverageblond. The proverbial bacon of Phishy2 was saved, however, because just then, the great oak doors behind them creaked open, revealing the Great Hall.