Chapter Ten

Jessica watched as Lee took a seat on the floor across from her. He said nothing, just sat looking at her.

"You can't sit here forever." Jessica reminded him. She'd been certain he'd rather take the trip without her and explain what happened when he got back, as opposed to telling his father that Jessica was handcuffed to his bed. It was rather amusing that the fates had linked her with such a prude. Now he was just sitting there as if he had all the time in the world.

"We're gonna go over this again." Lee said stubbornly.

"Over what?" Jessica asked nervously.

"Why do you not want to get on that raptor?" Lee asked crossing his arms.

"I already told you, I can't, Lee. I'm...scared." Jessica said with a shrug. She blinked away the burning in her eyes.

"Afraid of what? Tell me." His voice was softer, kinder and that was her undoing. She couldn't look into his eyes and see the gentle persuasion there.

"We've been through this already. It'll remind me of when the Cylon's grabbed us and made us board their ships. When they started shooting people, I...I couldn't..."Jessica took a deep shuddering breath as the tears threatened to fall. "Don't make me do this, Lee. Please." Jessica choked swallowing a sob.

"My mom used to tell me that if you talked about the monster in the closet, he lost his power. As if exposing him, made him dissipate somehow." Lee said with a small smile at the childish remembrance.

Jessica could see him, about 6 years old, wrapped in his blankets, only his head peeking out as Caroline Adama sat on the mattress and made her son talk about what he thought the monster looked like.

"The difference is my monsters are still here." Jessica reminded him.

"You're right. And it's gonna take more than talking to get rid of them. That's why I need you with me in that raptor, Jess." Lee said, his eyes kind and pleading.

"Oh, you're good." Jessica said with a small smile, seeing his manipulations for what they were.

"Thanks." He said with a wide grin. "So how about it? As Kara says, you wanna spill your guts?" Jessica stared at him and then grimaced with the realization that he was not only speaking metaphorically.

"Oh, that's gross." Jessica shuddered with a laugh.

"Hey, you're the one that swallowed the key." Lee reminded her. "Come on. It'll make you feel better to talk about it."

"You sound like Elosha." Jessica said narrowing her eyes at him. But when he saw he was not going to relent, she sighed in defeat. "Lee...it's one thing to see the end of the world from up here. To fly around in your viper, blasting Cylons out of the sky. But down there. The world ended in thousands of different ways. We all lost our homes, lost friends, lovers, children. And we thought that was the worst of it. To lose everything. But we still had hope, you know? It was all demolished, but we were alive, so we thought we could rebuild. Then the Cylons weren't satisfied with what they'd done, so they came for us. Then the world ended again because we had to go into hiding. Learn a new way to live...and then it ended again when people started losing their souls. Started turning on each other. Wives turned on their husbands, hoping to save their children, or preserve their only lives. Siblings turned on each other, out of greed and fear. It...it just all broke down somehow.

I didn't understand it. How people could be more cruel than these machines that had destroyed our lives. The Cylons, for all their...destruction and their cruelty are driven by a purpose they think is just. But to see human's break down like that. When James turned against us, I think something broke inside me. Just, snapped." Jessica explained with her eyes closed. "When the Cylon's came for us, I knew it was over. I can't explain to you, that utter lack of hope, dropping away with every climb up those steps into the ship. We all knew we were going to die." The tears were streaming off Jessica's face now and she reached to brush them away with her free hand. "It was insane, Lee. Just...chaos. There were over 300 of us in our bunker. Only a little over a hundred made it onto the same Cylon ship as I did. The others were shot trying to escape. Men, women, children, some still in their mother's arms. They'd shoot the mother as she tried to escape and then pluck the baby up from her corpse. They handed me a two year girl old to carry up into the ship. When I hesitated, they held a gun to her head to make sure I finished the climb." Jessica felt the weight of the little girl in her arms and she could still call up the child's soft smell. "I felt like a murderer helping this child into the ship."

"Gods, Jessica." Lee said, his eyes red.

"Even here, I'll get that same sensation, climbing from one deck to the other. I know it doesn't make any sense. I'm safe here. Then again, nothing's made sense since the world ended. Maybe that's what I'm afraid of." Jessica said drawing her knees up to her chest.

"What do you mean?" Lee asked handing her a Kleenex.

"The fact that I'm safe here. If I go somewhere else, I won't be. If I let you take me somewhere else, something will happen. I can feel it, Lee. In my head mixed up with the panic. Like alarm bells."

"Jess, I swear to you, nothing is going to happen to you. I won't let it. You'll be with me the whole time we're on the Astral Queen." Lee assured her. He motioned to take her hand but hesitated and pulled his own hand back to his side. Jessica felt a small burst of disappointment. She could have used the small gesture of comfort. "If you don't help us. This war with the Cylon's is gonna be a hell of a lot harder. You're big on destiny, right? Maybe that's why you're here."

"I know it is." Jessica assured him. Lee blinked and leaned back in surprise. "A lot of it is still fuzzy at this point, but that much I get." She told him. "I don't know if I can do it though. Sometimes, I can't even breathe when I think about it. How can I possibly go up against the whole frakking Cylon army. I couldn't even save my mother and father." She pointed out, fresh tears filling her eyes.

"Because this time, you've got the whole frakking fleet with you. You're not alone, Jess. Now I may be the worst CAG in history but I like to think I know what I'm doing in the cockpit. We've been fighting the Cylons for years but you, Miss Talbot, are one frakking hell of a weapon. If you'll just fight with us." Lee urged.

Jessica leaned back against the mattress and wiped at her cheeks.

"You're asking me to trust you, Captain."

"I am." Lee admitted staring at her.

"Why should I? I feel like you don't even like me sometimes." She asked picking at a tiny ball of lint on her sweatpants.

"Maybe I like you, a little." Lee said with a small reluctant grin.

"Ah, with such an extravagant compliment how can a gal refuse?" Jessica said rolling her eyes and the laugh that burst from her chest was like a warm blanket in the frigid cold of her fear. He looked at her expectantly and Jessica shivered, gathering every ounce of her courage

"So how are we gonna get the key now?" She asked.