Chapter 18

Jessica was on her daily walk, Mark, close behind her. They'd gone to check in on William first. He was improving, but still hadn't awakened. She noticed that for once, Lee wasn't seated by his father's bedside and she suddenly shivered. A sharp mixture of feelings adrenaline, rage and self disgust were rolling in her stomach and beginning to throb upwards into her chest. His emotions gripped her tightly and only increased with every step as she found herself heading to the gym. She would find Lee there, she knew that and instinctively wanted to comfort him and yet Jessica was nervous. It was one thing to know a man was beating back his demons, believing himself alone. It was another to witness that purging first hand.

Lee's emotional explosion after the Olympic Carrier had frightened her, but at the time she'd been carrying the heavy burden of her own guilt and they had let themselves crash against each other. Did she have the strength to hold his burden alone? She didn't think so. Yet her feet kept moving towards him. Wasn't that what you did when you loved someone? And she had already come to the disconcerting conclusion that she loved Lee. Once again she asked why him? Why him of all people? His relief over his father's survival had been buried under the weight of the 'should have knowns' and the 'all-my-faults' It was as if he used the guilt and rage as a crutch. Destroying himself before the world could do it first.

"Why him what?" Mark asked behind her.

"What?" Jessica asked jolted from her thoughts. Then she realized she had spoken out loud. "Mmm, nothing." She said staring at the door to the exercise room. Lee was alone in there. She hesitated, uneasy.

"If you want to take some time in the gym, I can wait out here." Mark offered.

She turned to tell him no. To tell him that she wanted to go back to her room now. "Yes." Jessica replied instead. Dammit. She hesitated, hand over the door.

"It's open." Mark assured her.

"Thanks." She sneered, not turning so he wouldn't see her expression. "Okay, Talbot. You can do this." She told herself, knowing that Mark was grinning, amused, behind her at her pep talk over apparently making herself work out. Jessica forced herself to open the door and was greeted with a thump, thump, thump in quick succession at the back of the room. Her hands ached with nervous tension as she let the door swing closed behind her, leaving Mark on the other side, and her alone to try and ease a lion's agony. She rubbed her damp palms on her sweat pants and followed the sound of fists flying.

She saw the punching bag first, a humongous black rubber cylinder swaying back and forth in quick succession. It looked about three times her size and about her height if it wasn't suspended about two feet off the floor.

She gasped when she saw him. His dark hair was matted down with sweat, which poured down from his face, against his neck and along his arms. He was flushed, glistening, beautiful and in so much pain. His hands were a rapidfire blur as they attacked the enemy Lee had mentally superimposed over the bag. Not Sharon Valeri. Himself.

She wrapped her arms around herself, at a loss as to what to say or do to ease his mind. When his eyes finally darted to her, Jessica took a step back, unable to bear the desperation in his eyes.

He doesn't believe it. He doesn't believe her. Lee is waiting for her to tell him that his father is dead. Jessica forced herself to step forward.

"He's gone isn't he?" Lee asked, shaking. She tentatively placed a hand on his forearm, her fingers slide along the trembling, slippery flesh. The entire room smells of him and the air is warm around them.

"No, Lee. No. He's gonna be fine." Jessica insisted.

His protective wall of denial came up again and he turned back to the bag. "For now." He saidwith a grunt, jabbing at the bag with knuckles that are going to be black and blue tomorrow.

"No. Come on. Listen to me. Please." Jessica protested trying futilely to catch his attention.

His punches were beginning to lose their strength as his body exhausted itself. He'd been here for over 2 hours.

"This is not your fault, Lee."

He gave a bitter snort at that. "I'm the CAG. How the frak could I not have known that Boomer was a damn Cylon?"

"Nobody knew. How could they?"

"It's my job to know. It's my job." Lee spat pulling back and kicking at the bag to give his hands rest for a while.

"Lee, Sharon didn't even know she was a Cylon. How could you?" Jessica pressed darting to the side when his leg came a little to close to her stomach.

"That's bullshit." Lee sneered. "She's only telling you that so the president doesn't toss her out an airlock."

"No, she isn't. I was this close to Sharon." Jessica insisted holding her hand up to her face. "I could see it in her eyes. She was horrified by what she did."

"What the frak are you doing? Are you defending that toaster bitch?" Lee asked incredulous. Jessica took another step back at his vicious tone.

"No, dammit. I'm trying to make you see that we were all blindsided by what Sharon did. You can't hold yourself-"

"Did you know that my dad was against the whole Astral Queen operation?" He said with a bitter laugh, his attention back on the bag. "He hated my plan to make the prisoners help us mine the water. If I'd listened to him, I would have been by his side when Boomer came back. I could have stopped her. Pulled him out of the path of the bullet. I could have-"

"What? Lee, what the frak could you have done between that split second when the gun was drawn and the gun was fired. Step in the way?" Jessica asked in exasperation.

"Yes!" Lee burst angrily.

Jessica paled and shook her head. The idea that it could have been Lee in the path of the bullet made her physically ill and she had to look for a bench before her legs gave way.

"How could...how could you even say that?" She whispered.

"Come on, Jess. Given the choice, me or my dad, who do you think the crew would rather be in sickbay right now?" Lee asked, violently punching the bag again.

"Are you honestly asking ME that question?" Jessica shot back, eyes glistening.

Lee stopped his attack on the bag and his eyes softened for a moment before he shook his head and went back to beating the bag. "If I hadn't been in sickbay with you, I would have been in CIC with my dad."

"Oh so it's my fault. Is that what you're saying?" Jessica rose off the bench, anger burning in her stomach, only it was no longer just his.

"No. It's nobody's fault." He seethes through gritted teeth. But mine. He added mentally.

"For frak's sake, I can hear that!" Jessica reminded him.

"Jess, get out," he ordered, kicking at the bag, his legs red and damp.

"No. You're gonna listen to me." She insisted though her frayed nerves were urging her to flee. When he continued to ignore her, Jessica took a deep breath and placed herself between his fist and the bag, bracing herself for impact.

He stopped a mere fraction in front of her nose. The black cloth around his fist was torn and part of the extended fabric tickled her nose. He sucked in his breath, wide-eyed with horror at what he'd almost done.

"You stupid little-I could have killed you!" He grabbed her and pulled her off the bag.

Jessica held on to his wrists and refused to allow him to pull away from her. "Your father is gonna be fine. I saw him. I saw him playing with our daughter. He's gonna live. Believe what I'm telling you, Lee." She urged. She wasn't sure if the trembling was him or her. Probably both.

"You saw this?" He asked in a small voice.

"I did. Now I know you have a hard time believing everything I told you so far but for the love of the Gods, Lee. Believe that."

"If I did, I'd have to believe there'd be a kid." He countered.

Jessica looked away, unable to bear the doubt in his eyes. "I've been right about everything so far, haven't I? Maybe thing's will change and you and I...I don't know." Jessica shifted against him, uncomfortable with the direction of this conversation. "I know things have already changed for me." Now she had NOT meant to admit that! She clamped her hand over her mouth and then made to bolt.

A.N:

Mae: (laughs) Hopefully this one leaves you equally speechless.

Sweet A.K: I'm glad Jess works in the story for ya...especially in light of that moron above' s review. (laughs) Thankie for your lovely feedback. I got the idea for that moment with Lee from a book I read where apparently, if you tickle or stroke a guy's neck when he's sleeping, you'll get a smile. I don't know if it works on girls but everyone who's tried it, tried it on male's and that was the reaction. Knew I had to use it.

stargirl: Thankie for your lovely feedback. Hopefully you'll enjoy this chapter.

Xenomorph Alpha: Considering that I specify in the summary that this is an OFC story, considering that you got to the second book in the series before figuring out this was an OFC story, forgive me if I don't put much stock in your opinion as you don't seem like the very observant sort. Not to mention that you're incapable of anything but rude, obnoxious comments.

I tell you what, since I love writing my story, I think I'll stay at my keyboard and since it's so painful for you to read, I'd say you walk away from your computer now. Deal?

I think I'll keep your review on here just to remind myself why I love writing and reading Mary Sues so much.