Disclaimer: It's Saban's sandbox. I just play here because it's fun.
Author's Note: Here we go the fourth section of Aftershocks. As I had said before this part has been divided because of its size. This section stems directly from the last one.
Acknowledgements: Thanks to Midnight Obsidian for his support, company and suggestions. Also thanks to everyone for their kind feedback, I know I haven't been the best about responding, but I swear I am trying to get better.
**Denotes Thoughts**
- + - + - + - + - + -
"Checkmate." Adam crowed triumphantly.
Frowning slightly, Billy absently tipped his king in acknowledgement. "You've improved."
"A little." The Green Ranger admitted with a self-effacing shrug. "I still play with my dad, but I came expecting to be killed. You're usually better than this."
Leaning back in the chair he had cajoled Adam into getting for him, the teen genius sighed. His friend was right. He'd played a lousy game, but his mind still felt as though it was moving through molasses, he was having trouble seeing more than a move or two ahead, and of course his heart wasn't really in it at all. Rubbing his fingers against his temples Billy grumbled, "Well, usually I can take derivatives and integrals in my head and stand for more than a minute without assistance, so needless to say I am not at my best."
"Do I hear a challenge?" His opponent teased.
"Perhaps." Billy replied with a ghost of a smile, warming to the idea of playing Adam under less imposed conditions.
This entire day had just felt so forced. Granted after his rather draining talk with Jason earlier, he had slept for the better part of the day, but for the few moments he'd been awake during Rocky and Tanya's time all they had managed were rather contrived exchanges of 'how have you been' and 'here's what I've been doing'. The one bright spot had been during Tanya's visit when Kat had dropped by to see how they were, but unfortunately he'd been too tired to manage to stay awake. At least Adam had brought something to do to wile away the final hours of his incarceration.
**And here comes the new warden** He thought with uncharacteristic bitterness, as he heard the infirmary doors slide open behind him. Not turning --- partly because his shoulder still hurt and partly because he didn't want to --- Billy greeted the next arrival. "Hello, Tommy."
"Hey, Tommy."
"Hey guys!" The note in his voice was decidedly a fraction too enthusiastic, and the young engineer idly wondered how long the team leader would be able to keep it up.
They weren't exactly comfortable around each other anymore. Truth be told, they hadn't been for a while, but somehow they always managed to maintain the charade, whether for the sake of the team or themselves, he didn't know. Still, four hours alone, together . . . somebody's mask was bound to crack.
"So who's winning?" Tommy asked coming to stand beside them.
"Adam."
"Not anymore." The Asian teen stood and began to pack up the chess set. "I barely kept from getting grounded this morning when Mom discovered me out of bed. Luckily, I had just teleported in and managed to convince her I was in the bathroom. I'm not pressing my luck."
Both Billy and Tommy managed genuine smiles at that. They'd all had pretty similar near scrapes with their parents, and usually got away with it because they were essentially good kids. Still for such good kids, they were grounded more often than they cared to be.
"Yeah, probably a good idea." Tommy nodded. "Hey Adam?"
"Yeah?"
"Would you mind leaving the chess set?" The look on the Green Ranger's face was one of complete surprise, but he didn't say anything. Just set the board back down with nod.
"Well, I'll see you guys tomorrow." And with a small wave, he exited the infirmary, leaving the two senior team members to sit in awkward silence.
Billy let his gaze drift longingly over to the bed-table. If only he hadn't slept for the entire day, he might be able to simply plead fatigue and escape into the dreamless void that seemed so alluring. The problem was he knew it wouldn't come. He'd simply lie there, pretending . . . as his friend's silent presence drove him slowly mad.
Chess was definitely the preferable option.
Tommy had obviously come to a similar conclusion, as he was currently setting up the board again.
"I didn't know you played."
"Not much, but I know the moves, and I like the strategy."
"Makes sense." At his comment, the Red Ranger looked up with a question written across his face that Billy couldn't quite decipher.
Not that he was putting a great deal of effort towards it. With Jason he had at least had an impulse to act on, some knowledge of what was wrong. Sitting across from Tommy, he had neither, just this sort of empty neutrality, and a willingness to let the team leader decide for him. If his friend chose to sit here and play chess, then he could play chess for four endless hours, and if Tommy wanted to talk, well then he would talk. But he just didn't have the will to make the first move. "White opens."
For a long moment Tommy stared at the board, until Billy had to almost physically restrain himself from reaching over and moving one of his pawns for him. He was being uncharitable; he knew that, after all it wasn't as though the opening move was unimportant. It was just such a difference from the Red Ranger's usual action-oriented style that it made him uneasy.
Once the team leader opened however, he seemed to find a comfort zone, and the next few moves passed quickly. Billy for his part wasn't really trying anything terribly original, simply falling back on a favorite set of opening moves, and trying to get a read on what exactly Tommy had planned.
"What did you mean?"
"Hmm?" Billy looked up, his hand hovering over his bishop.
"When you said 'makes sense'. What did you mean by that?"
Moving the piece into position, the ex-Ranger leaned back. "It makes sense that you enjoy the strategy. It's how you think, part of what makes you a good leader."
For some reason the explanation did nothing to ease the tension in the room, but rather upped it just a fraction. Dropping his gaze back to the board, Tommy muttered under his breath, "Yeah, I'm some leader."
The self-reproach in those few words was almost tangible. Billy swore he could feel it against his skin, and it grated just a little. He didn't want to deal with Tommy's guilt, didn't want to be the one to console him and bolster him back up. The young engineer had own emotional wreckage to sort through; he didn't need anyone else's.
Still, as tempted, as he was to let the utterance slide without comment, the pain in the Red Ranger's voice was real, and he couldn't ignore that. "Zordon thinks so. He wouldn't have given you the position, if he didn't have the utmost faith in you."
"What about you?"
"My opinion is irrelevant." Billy murmured as he studiously refocused on the game, bringing out his knight.
"Is that really what you think?" Tommy's voice was laced with a kind of desperate disbelief.
"Is there a reason I should think otherwise?"
He felt the Red Ranger's eyes on him, no doubt giving him that searching team-leader stare. Still he didn't look up, uncertain as to whether he wanted Tommy to pick up the gauntlet or let it lay there.
Not that their leader had ever backed away from a challenge before. "Yeah, there are. You are an big part of what we do and ---"
Billy held up a hand to stop him mid-sentence. This entire conversation was starting down a road that he felt he'd already traveled too many times today --- he was getting tired. "I'm aware of the importance of my technical contributions to the team, thank you."
Tommy scowled. "It's more than that, and you know it. You've got experience and intelligence. You say 'I have an idea', and everyone listens. The entire team really respects you, so of course your opinion matters."
"Do you?"
"Do I what?"
"Respect me."
"Of course I do." It was an automatic response, and the moment Tommy said it his face showed that he realized the inadequacy. The game, which had been forgotten over the past few moments, suddenly had his full attention.
It wasn't until they were deep into the middle game that he finally spoke again. "I guess I haven't exactly done a lot to show it, have I?"
It was a rhetorical question and Billy took it as such.
"I'm really sorry about the party, and . . . everything. But it was Jason, you know? I guess I just got caught up in the excitement. I mean, what would you have done?"
Something had dropped from the Red Ranger's face, as though he had thrown aside the carefully maintained veneer of composure. Billy hadn't seen Tommy this open in a long time. Casting his mind back he realized that the last time had been the final few days before Kim left for the Pan-Globals, when the three of them had been trying to shove an entire year's worth of emotions into one whirlwind week. God, that had almost been a year ago.
Unable to maintain his chosen position of slightly vindictive neutrality in the face of such a powerful reminder of when times had been good, Billy managed a sad smile. "I'm not sure what I would have done. Thankfully, that's not my call."
"Do you ever wish it was?"
It took him almost an entire minute to process the question. When he finally did it took another minute to come up with a response he knew Tommy would believe because the entire idea was so foreign to him that his first instinct was just to shout 'No!' and be done with it.
"No. I have never wanted your position. The time during the Zeo quests was close enough for me, believe me I was glad when everything was back to normal." Realizing, he had never answered the question that had started this whole discussion he added, "Tommy, I have always had the highest regard for your leadership capabilities."
"Thanks."
Billy just acknowledged him with a nod because there was nothing else to say. It was true. No matter what his feelings towards the Red Ranger personally, never once had he questioned the fact that Tommy was the best choice to lead the team.
The moment of semi-comfortable understanding past, they once again descended into awkward silence. Reaching over to capture a knight Billy had set up for sacrifice, Tommy asked uneasily, "You and Kat . . . you've been spending a lot of time together, haven't you?"
His hand stilling for a split second over his queen, the teen genius took his opponent's bishop before answering, "Yes, we have."
"You two are pretty close, huh?"
Billy met Tommy's eyes, trying to get a read on what exactly was happening here. He knew that he and Kat weren't exactly forthcoming about how close they were in front of the other Rangers, but he had always assumed that once she started dating Tommy . . . but no . . . It was obvious from the Red Ranger's uncertainty that this was an entirely new revelation to him, and that how the young engineer responded had the potential to do a lot of damage. Taking a few moments to curse Kat for putting him in this position, he finally settled on a reply. "As close as Kim and I ever were."
He didn't like making the comparison at all. It was a far from adequate description of everything that he and Kat shared, but it was a safe one that Tommy could understand and accept.
Except he wasn't, not really. The team leader had leaned back in his chair and was looking hard at Billy, all his earlier openness abandoned as he once again placed the controlled mask back on. "You and Kim knew each other since elementary school."
"And?"
"And I haven't seen you and Kat together very much."
It was a very neutral statement, almost too much so for Billy's taste, skirting terribly close to an accusation without actually being one. A frisson of anger shot through him. Dammit, why didn't Tommy just talk to his own girlfriend?! Still he was here, and he didn't want to make things worse for Kat. Sighing, he shot back, "And just how much have you seen me?"
That caused the team leader to falter just bit. "So when . . ."
"She helps me out in the Zord bay with the repair work and modifications. There are a lot of repairs."
"Kat?"
Tommy's obvious inability to wrap his mind around a concept that Billy found as natural as breathing caused him to smile slightly. "Yes, Kat. She's actually a pretty quick study."
At the compliment a flicker of loving pride crossed the Red Ranger's face, and for a moment they were once again united in mutual awe of the object of their discussion. "So you guys have been doing this for awhile."
"Since before you and Kat started dating."
That seemed to be the lynchpin for Tommy, all the reassurance he needed to bring him back to his usual confidence. Billy on the other hand couldn't help but feel a vague sense of loss. Would the Red Ranger want to come and join them? Would he now be a part of all their time together, the way he had with Kim? He didn't think he could take it if the only time he could spend with Kat was in her boyfriend's presence; too much of their relationship depended on the fact that it was only the two of them.
"You know I never thanked you for making me ask her out." Tommy offered with grin, essentially extending an olive branch.
"You're welcome." Billy was beginning to desperately wish they could get back to the chess game.
As though reading his mind, his opponent absently moved one of his remaining pawns. "I guess that should have been my first clue, huh?"
"What do you mean?"
"That you and Kat are such good friends . . . you'd think perception would be a part of my leadership capabilities." Tommy actually managed a self-deprecating smile at that.
"Well, nobody's perfect." Billy responded as lightly as he could, as his mind simultaneously locked around something that had been nagging him since this entire line of questioning began. "So what did it?"
The Red Ranger sighed, the overly congenial manner suddenly gone. He looked as though something was slowly eating him from the inside out. "We had this fight today. I said something stupid. Then she blew up at me about the party, and how I don't know you and . . ." A sharp, dark look crossed his face. "It just got out of hand."
"You had a fight." Trying to keep the emotion out of his voice, Billy repeated the words slowly as though that would help him understand what he had just heard. It was like someone had punched him in the gut, and he couldn't catch his breath. She had promised! She had stood right there this morning and promised that she wouldn't say anything else that she would let it go.
Mistaking the deadness in his voice, for the anger of a good friend, Tommy added quickly, "I feel awful, this is our first real argument and I don't really know what to do."
Swallowing the bitter taste of betrayal, the young engineer desperately tried to gather his composure. "Saying I'm sorry would probably work."
"I know. I just hate feeling like this."
"So say it now."
"Billy, it's two in the morning."
"I can almost guarantee you Kat's up." Now that he'd hit on the idea, he was clinging to it like a drowning man. He needed Tommy out of the infirmary, needed to be alone for at least a few minutes as he tried to right his world.
Struggling out of his chair, he waved the Red Ranger off and made his way over to the computer console. Typing in a few quick commands, he had the computer lock on to Kat's communicator signal. The response he got back didn't surprise him. "She's in the Zord bay. Your Zord to be exact."
Looking over his shoulder, Tommy frowned. "She should be sleeping."
"Well, I'm not the one to tell her that, but I wish you good luck."
"I shouldn't leave you alone."
"I'm not an invalid." Billy snapped, instantly regretting his tone. Sighing, he added, "I'll be fine, all I'm doing is resting. Go talk to her."
"Are you sure?" The look on Tommy's face told him it was merely a token protest.
"Yeah, go."
That was all the encouragement the Red Ranger needed, clapping Billy on the shoulder, he strode out of the infirmary a man on a mission. As the doors slid closed behind him, the ex-Ranger slumped back in his chair and stared at the screen.
**How did this day get worse?**
*****
Groaning, Kat looked down at the readings on the handheld meter and then back up at the console **Please match, please match** They were disparate by just a hundredth of a heartbeat. Not something they could let slide on a Zord that depended on synching biorhythms.
Sliding back under the console, she told herself, **One more try and then you leave this for Billy**
Normally she wouldn't have even bothered with a realignment this delicate, just passed it automatically over to the young engineer, since he could finish them much quicker. But she was determined that he would have as little backlog as possible when he was finally on his feet again, and that meant doing everything she could, no matter how long it took her.
Besides doing this managed to take her mind off her argument with Tommy for just a little while. She still couldn't believe that he had been that clueless as to what Billy was going through. While she knew that the two senior team members had drifted apart, it wasn't until that moment that she had realized just how far, and it had made her furious.
And then she'd gone and said something equally stupid, and the whole thing just spiraled out of control. Blinking back the start of tears, Kat began a fresh tirade against herself for saying something so hurtful to her boyfriend. It wasn't until she heard the step onto the platform that the Pink Ranger became conscious of another presence.
"He let you out?!" Dropping her tools, she pushed out from under the console. "I'll kill him. The next time I see Tommy I swear I---"
The words died on her tongue at the sight of the object of her wrath, standing there with his arms crossed, looking fairly amused. "Sounds like it's a good thing I didn't let him out."
"Hey." It was about all she could manage at the moment as she was still getting over the shock of seeing her boyfriend in a place, where in her mind he had absolutely no right to be.
His face falling a little at the lukewarm greeting, Tommy sat down in the pilot's chair. "Billy told me I'd find you here."
"He did?" For some reason she found the concept a little unsettling.
"Yeah."
"How is he doing?"
"About like you said. Tired, weak, and ready to get out of the infirmary." He offered the description with a smile that Kat found herself returning. "Listen, Kat . . ."
"I'm sorry." The words tumbled out before she knew what she was saying, but she meant them. She was sorry for what she had said, sorry that had gotten to this point between him and Billy, sorry that she had had to be the one to shove it in his face. She was sorry for all the right reasons and all the wrong ones. But the past few days had just been too hard and she wanted to find a way to leave them behind. "You didn't deserve what I said, and . . . I'm sorry."
He was silent for a long moment, and when he finally spoke his voice sounded rough with unshed tears, "It hurt, Kat."
"I know. But I didn't mean it that way at all. You have to believe me, Tommy. It was never meant as a comparison or a judgment of what you did."
"I believe you." He whispered, sounding for all the world like he didn't. She was about to make another attempt when he added, "You were right though, about Billy I mean. I don't really know him, and I'm not sure how that happened."
Well if he wanted to push past it, who was she to argue? Reaching up, she placed a consoling hand on his knee. "Are you going to try again?"
Tommy nodded. "It's hard though."
"Don't they say that all things worth having are?"
He gave her a wane smile. "Something like that, but I don't even know where to start."
"You could start by including him."
"I was never trying to exclude him, Kat."
Anxious to reassure him, she shifted up onto her knees and took both of his hands. "No, I know that. It's just . . . he's on a different schedule now, and it's not as natural, so maybe for a little while you'll have to go out of your way."
Tommy seemed to consider this for a long while, looking very much like he did when he was processing information about the Machine Empire's latest monster and coming up with a plan. Kat wasn't exactly sure that she liked the approach, but at the moment she'd take what she could get.
Finally he looked up at her with a smile. "I've got an idea."
"What?" She asked dubiously.
The Red Ranger stood up, and offered her his hand. "Come back to the infirmary with me and you'll see."
"Okay." Accepting the proffered hand, she stood with a vague sense of unease, and followed him down. She didn't know what Tommy had in mind, but she wanted to help it go as well as possible.
*****
Bad. It had been bad. As in watching poorly done community theatre kind of bad. The kind where everyone up on stage was trying incredibly hard, but nothing was really working, and everything seemed very fake. Well, Tommy had been trying. Billy hadn't been doing much of anything other than sitting there and looking put out.
It wasn't that she had been expecting the two of them to suddenly be best friends again. Okay, maybe she had hoped, just a little. But would it have killed Billy to make some sort of effort? Anything other than sitting there, listlessly playing with the chess pieces, while Tommy told stories and tried to engage him in conversation.
Kat had tried to catch the young engineer's eye a few times, and reprimand him, but he had been actively avoiding her gaze. She couldn't figure out what had happened, and she hadn't gotten a minute alone with him because when she and Tommy took him home he had stumbled into bed and fallen immediately asleep.
Which was why she was currently knocking on his door in the middle of the afternoon. **Come on, Doctor. You've had a good full twelve hours to sleep, now open this door**
"Billy!" She knocked harder, uncaring of whether all his neighbors heard her or not.
Finally the door flew open, to reveal a very disgruntled looking blonde genius. "What?"
Kat took a step back. "I came by to see how you were doing."
"I'm fine, thanks. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
He moved to shut the door, but Kat stopped him and pushed her way into the apartment. "No, it's not okay. What is wrong with you?"
Very deliberately not closing the door, he crossed his arms and looked at her. "Nothing's wrong."
"Then how come you were such a jerk to Tommy last night?"
"I accepted his invitation."
Kat sighed in exasperation, "Not until after you threw up every protest you could think of."
"Is it my fault that I have no desire to be set up on date with some girl I barely know?"
"Okay, the part about me finding you a date was stupid, but he realized that and apologized. Besides, we're all going as group anyway, so it doesn't really matter. He just wanted to make sure to include you."
Billy's hand tightened on the doorknob. "Inviting me to go with you all to the prom does not make everything miraculously okay, Kat."
"Well at least he's trying! Which is more than I can say for you. What happened to not pulling away?"
"I changed my mind."
"You promised!"
"So did you." His voice was quiet, but the sharp pain that lay there cut through all of her irritation in one clean stroke. "You promised me that you would let it rest. I have never asked you for anything else, just that."
"Billy, I ---" But she didn't know what to say, there was such sadness in his words, and for the first time she was responsible. He had placed such perfect trust in her, and she had betrayed it. No matter how pure or noble her reasons, she had hurt him, just like everyone else.
Kat suddenly felt boneless and limp, all of the righteous anger that had been carrying her over the past few days rushed out of her, to be replaced by a deep pit of self-loathing. She tried again to find words, even though she knew they'd be inadequate. "I never meant . . ."
He shook his head and looked over at the wall, "No one ever means, do they?"
"Doctor . . ." She reached out to touch his shoulder, but he shrugged her off.
"I'm still pretty tired, Kat. I probably won't be able to work in the Zord bay for at least a few days." With that he pulled the door open wider in silent command.
Not wanting to press her luck, she obeyed, stepping back over the threshold. Still unwilling to simply leave it at that she turned, and whispered, "I'm sorry."
For a moment he started to reach out, as though to draw her close, but then his hand dropped numbly to his side. "I am too."
It was a full fifteen minutes after he closed the door before Kat was finally able to make herself move.
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As always comments, criticism and suggestions are welcome.
Okay we've finally finished Aftershocks. Obviously there are more chapters, but it will be at least a week until I post the next one as Thanksgiving and law school application deadlines are coming up.
Thanks for reading,
Panache
Author's Note: Here we go the fourth section of Aftershocks. As I had said before this part has been divided because of its size. This section stems directly from the last one.
Acknowledgements: Thanks to Midnight Obsidian for his support, company and suggestions. Also thanks to everyone for their kind feedback, I know I haven't been the best about responding, but I swear I am trying to get better.
**Denotes Thoughts**
- + - + - + - + - + -
"Checkmate." Adam crowed triumphantly.
Frowning slightly, Billy absently tipped his king in acknowledgement. "You've improved."
"A little." The Green Ranger admitted with a self-effacing shrug. "I still play with my dad, but I came expecting to be killed. You're usually better than this."
Leaning back in the chair he had cajoled Adam into getting for him, the teen genius sighed. His friend was right. He'd played a lousy game, but his mind still felt as though it was moving through molasses, he was having trouble seeing more than a move or two ahead, and of course his heart wasn't really in it at all. Rubbing his fingers against his temples Billy grumbled, "Well, usually I can take derivatives and integrals in my head and stand for more than a minute without assistance, so needless to say I am not at my best."
"Do I hear a challenge?" His opponent teased.
"Perhaps." Billy replied with a ghost of a smile, warming to the idea of playing Adam under less imposed conditions.
This entire day had just felt so forced. Granted after his rather draining talk with Jason earlier, he had slept for the better part of the day, but for the few moments he'd been awake during Rocky and Tanya's time all they had managed were rather contrived exchanges of 'how have you been' and 'here's what I've been doing'. The one bright spot had been during Tanya's visit when Kat had dropped by to see how they were, but unfortunately he'd been too tired to manage to stay awake. At least Adam had brought something to do to wile away the final hours of his incarceration.
**And here comes the new warden** He thought with uncharacteristic bitterness, as he heard the infirmary doors slide open behind him. Not turning --- partly because his shoulder still hurt and partly because he didn't want to --- Billy greeted the next arrival. "Hello, Tommy."
"Hey, Tommy."
"Hey guys!" The note in his voice was decidedly a fraction too enthusiastic, and the young engineer idly wondered how long the team leader would be able to keep it up.
They weren't exactly comfortable around each other anymore. Truth be told, they hadn't been for a while, but somehow they always managed to maintain the charade, whether for the sake of the team or themselves, he didn't know. Still, four hours alone, together . . . somebody's mask was bound to crack.
"So who's winning?" Tommy asked coming to stand beside them.
"Adam."
"Not anymore." The Asian teen stood and began to pack up the chess set. "I barely kept from getting grounded this morning when Mom discovered me out of bed. Luckily, I had just teleported in and managed to convince her I was in the bathroom. I'm not pressing my luck."
Both Billy and Tommy managed genuine smiles at that. They'd all had pretty similar near scrapes with their parents, and usually got away with it because they were essentially good kids. Still for such good kids, they were grounded more often than they cared to be.
"Yeah, probably a good idea." Tommy nodded. "Hey Adam?"
"Yeah?"
"Would you mind leaving the chess set?" The look on the Green Ranger's face was one of complete surprise, but he didn't say anything. Just set the board back down with nod.
"Well, I'll see you guys tomorrow." And with a small wave, he exited the infirmary, leaving the two senior team members to sit in awkward silence.
Billy let his gaze drift longingly over to the bed-table. If only he hadn't slept for the entire day, he might be able to simply plead fatigue and escape into the dreamless void that seemed so alluring. The problem was he knew it wouldn't come. He'd simply lie there, pretending . . . as his friend's silent presence drove him slowly mad.
Chess was definitely the preferable option.
Tommy had obviously come to a similar conclusion, as he was currently setting up the board again.
"I didn't know you played."
"Not much, but I know the moves, and I like the strategy."
"Makes sense." At his comment, the Red Ranger looked up with a question written across his face that Billy couldn't quite decipher.
Not that he was putting a great deal of effort towards it. With Jason he had at least had an impulse to act on, some knowledge of what was wrong. Sitting across from Tommy, he had neither, just this sort of empty neutrality, and a willingness to let the team leader decide for him. If his friend chose to sit here and play chess, then he could play chess for four endless hours, and if Tommy wanted to talk, well then he would talk. But he just didn't have the will to make the first move. "White opens."
For a long moment Tommy stared at the board, until Billy had to almost physically restrain himself from reaching over and moving one of his pawns for him. He was being uncharitable; he knew that, after all it wasn't as though the opening move was unimportant. It was just such a difference from the Red Ranger's usual action-oriented style that it made him uneasy.
Once the team leader opened however, he seemed to find a comfort zone, and the next few moves passed quickly. Billy for his part wasn't really trying anything terribly original, simply falling back on a favorite set of opening moves, and trying to get a read on what exactly Tommy had planned.
"What did you mean?"
"Hmm?" Billy looked up, his hand hovering over his bishop.
"When you said 'makes sense'. What did you mean by that?"
Moving the piece into position, the ex-Ranger leaned back. "It makes sense that you enjoy the strategy. It's how you think, part of what makes you a good leader."
For some reason the explanation did nothing to ease the tension in the room, but rather upped it just a fraction. Dropping his gaze back to the board, Tommy muttered under his breath, "Yeah, I'm some leader."
The self-reproach in those few words was almost tangible. Billy swore he could feel it against his skin, and it grated just a little. He didn't want to deal with Tommy's guilt, didn't want to be the one to console him and bolster him back up. The young engineer had own emotional wreckage to sort through; he didn't need anyone else's.
Still, as tempted, as he was to let the utterance slide without comment, the pain in the Red Ranger's voice was real, and he couldn't ignore that. "Zordon thinks so. He wouldn't have given you the position, if he didn't have the utmost faith in you."
"What about you?"
"My opinion is irrelevant." Billy murmured as he studiously refocused on the game, bringing out his knight.
"Is that really what you think?" Tommy's voice was laced with a kind of desperate disbelief.
"Is there a reason I should think otherwise?"
He felt the Red Ranger's eyes on him, no doubt giving him that searching team-leader stare. Still he didn't look up, uncertain as to whether he wanted Tommy to pick up the gauntlet or let it lay there.
Not that their leader had ever backed away from a challenge before. "Yeah, there are. You are an big part of what we do and ---"
Billy held up a hand to stop him mid-sentence. This entire conversation was starting down a road that he felt he'd already traveled too many times today --- he was getting tired. "I'm aware of the importance of my technical contributions to the team, thank you."
Tommy scowled. "It's more than that, and you know it. You've got experience and intelligence. You say 'I have an idea', and everyone listens. The entire team really respects you, so of course your opinion matters."
"Do you?"
"Do I what?"
"Respect me."
"Of course I do." It was an automatic response, and the moment Tommy said it his face showed that he realized the inadequacy. The game, which had been forgotten over the past few moments, suddenly had his full attention.
It wasn't until they were deep into the middle game that he finally spoke again. "I guess I haven't exactly done a lot to show it, have I?"
It was a rhetorical question and Billy took it as such.
"I'm really sorry about the party, and . . . everything. But it was Jason, you know? I guess I just got caught up in the excitement. I mean, what would you have done?"
Something had dropped from the Red Ranger's face, as though he had thrown aside the carefully maintained veneer of composure. Billy hadn't seen Tommy this open in a long time. Casting his mind back he realized that the last time had been the final few days before Kim left for the Pan-Globals, when the three of them had been trying to shove an entire year's worth of emotions into one whirlwind week. God, that had almost been a year ago.
Unable to maintain his chosen position of slightly vindictive neutrality in the face of such a powerful reminder of when times had been good, Billy managed a sad smile. "I'm not sure what I would have done. Thankfully, that's not my call."
"Do you ever wish it was?"
It took him almost an entire minute to process the question. When he finally did it took another minute to come up with a response he knew Tommy would believe because the entire idea was so foreign to him that his first instinct was just to shout 'No!' and be done with it.
"No. I have never wanted your position. The time during the Zeo quests was close enough for me, believe me I was glad when everything was back to normal." Realizing, he had never answered the question that had started this whole discussion he added, "Tommy, I have always had the highest regard for your leadership capabilities."
"Thanks."
Billy just acknowledged him with a nod because there was nothing else to say. It was true. No matter what his feelings towards the Red Ranger personally, never once had he questioned the fact that Tommy was the best choice to lead the team.
The moment of semi-comfortable understanding past, they once again descended into awkward silence. Reaching over to capture a knight Billy had set up for sacrifice, Tommy asked uneasily, "You and Kat . . . you've been spending a lot of time together, haven't you?"
His hand stilling for a split second over his queen, the teen genius took his opponent's bishop before answering, "Yes, we have."
"You two are pretty close, huh?"
Billy met Tommy's eyes, trying to get a read on what exactly was happening here. He knew that he and Kat weren't exactly forthcoming about how close they were in front of the other Rangers, but he had always assumed that once she started dating Tommy . . . but no . . . It was obvious from the Red Ranger's uncertainty that this was an entirely new revelation to him, and that how the young engineer responded had the potential to do a lot of damage. Taking a few moments to curse Kat for putting him in this position, he finally settled on a reply. "As close as Kim and I ever were."
He didn't like making the comparison at all. It was a far from adequate description of everything that he and Kat shared, but it was a safe one that Tommy could understand and accept.
Except he wasn't, not really. The team leader had leaned back in his chair and was looking hard at Billy, all his earlier openness abandoned as he once again placed the controlled mask back on. "You and Kim knew each other since elementary school."
"And?"
"And I haven't seen you and Kat together very much."
It was a very neutral statement, almost too much so for Billy's taste, skirting terribly close to an accusation without actually being one. A frisson of anger shot through him. Dammit, why didn't Tommy just talk to his own girlfriend?! Still he was here, and he didn't want to make things worse for Kat. Sighing, he shot back, "And just how much have you seen me?"
That caused the team leader to falter just bit. "So when . . ."
"She helps me out in the Zord bay with the repair work and modifications. There are a lot of repairs."
"Kat?"
Tommy's obvious inability to wrap his mind around a concept that Billy found as natural as breathing caused him to smile slightly. "Yes, Kat. She's actually a pretty quick study."
At the compliment a flicker of loving pride crossed the Red Ranger's face, and for a moment they were once again united in mutual awe of the object of their discussion. "So you guys have been doing this for awhile."
"Since before you and Kat started dating."
That seemed to be the lynchpin for Tommy, all the reassurance he needed to bring him back to his usual confidence. Billy on the other hand couldn't help but feel a vague sense of loss. Would the Red Ranger want to come and join them? Would he now be a part of all their time together, the way he had with Kim? He didn't think he could take it if the only time he could spend with Kat was in her boyfriend's presence; too much of their relationship depended on the fact that it was only the two of them.
"You know I never thanked you for making me ask her out." Tommy offered with grin, essentially extending an olive branch.
"You're welcome." Billy was beginning to desperately wish they could get back to the chess game.
As though reading his mind, his opponent absently moved one of his remaining pawns. "I guess that should have been my first clue, huh?"
"What do you mean?"
"That you and Kat are such good friends . . . you'd think perception would be a part of my leadership capabilities." Tommy actually managed a self-deprecating smile at that.
"Well, nobody's perfect." Billy responded as lightly as he could, as his mind simultaneously locked around something that had been nagging him since this entire line of questioning began. "So what did it?"
The Red Ranger sighed, the overly congenial manner suddenly gone. He looked as though something was slowly eating him from the inside out. "We had this fight today. I said something stupid. Then she blew up at me about the party, and how I don't know you and . . ." A sharp, dark look crossed his face. "It just got out of hand."
"You had a fight." Trying to keep the emotion out of his voice, Billy repeated the words slowly as though that would help him understand what he had just heard. It was like someone had punched him in the gut, and he couldn't catch his breath. She had promised! She had stood right there this morning and promised that she wouldn't say anything else that she would let it go.
Mistaking the deadness in his voice, for the anger of a good friend, Tommy added quickly, "I feel awful, this is our first real argument and I don't really know what to do."
Swallowing the bitter taste of betrayal, the young engineer desperately tried to gather his composure. "Saying I'm sorry would probably work."
"I know. I just hate feeling like this."
"So say it now."
"Billy, it's two in the morning."
"I can almost guarantee you Kat's up." Now that he'd hit on the idea, he was clinging to it like a drowning man. He needed Tommy out of the infirmary, needed to be alone for at least a few minutes as he tried to right his world.
Struggling out of his chair, he waved the Red Ranger off and made his way over to the computer console. Typing in a few quick commands, he had the computer lock on to Kat's communicator signal. The response he got back didn't surprise him. "She's in the Zord bay. Your Zord to be exact."
Looking over his shoulder, Tommy frowned. "She should be sleeping."
"Well, I'm not the one to tell her that, but I wish you good luck."
"I shouldn't leave you alone."
"I'm not an invalid." Billy snapped, instantly regretting his tone. Sighing, he added, "I'll be fine, all I'm doing is resting. Go talk to her."
"Are you sure?" The look on Tommy's face told him it was merely a token protest.
"Yeah, go."
That was all the encouragement the Red Ranger needed, clapping Billy on the shoulder, he strode out of the infirmary a man on a mission. As the doors slid closed behind him, the ex-Ranger slumped back in his chair and stared at the screen.
**How did this day get worse?**
*****
Groaning, Kat looked down at the readings on the handheld meter and then back up at the console **Please match, please match** They were disparate by just a hundredth of a heartbeat. Not something they could let slide on a Zord that depended on synching biorhythms.
Sliding back under the console, she told herself, **One more try and then you leave this for Billy**
Normally she wouldn't have even bothered with a realignment this delicate, just passed it automatically over to the young engineer, since he could finish them much quicker. But she was determined that he would have as little backlog as possible when he was finally on his feet again, and that meant doing everything she could, no matter how long it took her.
Besides doing this managed to take her mind off her argument with Tommy for just a little while. She still couldn't believe that he had been that clueless as to what Billy was going through. While she knew that the two senior team members had drifted apart, it wasn't until that moment that she had realized just how far, and it had made her furious.
And then she'd gone and said something equally stupid, and the whole thing just spiraled out of control. Blinking back the start of tears, Kat began a fresh tirade against herself for saying something so hurtful to her boyfriend. It wasn't until she heard the step onto the platform that the Pink Ranger became conscious of another presence.
"He let you out?!" Dropping her tools, she pushed out from under the console. "I'll kill him. The next time I see Tommy I swear I---"
The words died on her tongue at the sight of the object of her wrath, standing there with his arms crossed, looking fairly amused. "Sounds like it's a good thing I didn't let him out."
"Hey." It was about all she could manage at the moment as she was still getting over the shock of seeing her boyfriend in a place, where in her mind he had absolutely no right to be.
His face falling a little at the lukewarm greeting, Tommy sat down in the pilot's chair. "Billy told me I'd find you here."
"He did?" For some reason she found the concept a little unsettling.
"Yeah."
"How is he doing?"
"About like you said. Tired, weak, and ready to get out of the infirmary." He offered the description with a smile that Kat found herself returning. "Listen, Kat . . ."
"I'm sorry." The words tumbled out before she knew what she was saying, but she meant them. She was sorry for what she had said, sorry that had gotten to this point between him and Billy, sorry that she had had to be the one to shove it in his face. She was sorry for all the right reasons and all the wrong ones. But the past few days had just been too hard and she wanted to find a way to leave them behind. "You didn't deserve what I said, and . . . I'm sorry."
He was silent for a long moment, and when he finally spoke his voice sounded rough with unshed tears, "It hurt, Kat."
"I know. But I didn't mean it that way at all. You have to believe me, Tommy. It was never meant as a comparison or a judgment of what you did."
"I believe you." He whispered, sounding for all the world like he didn't. She was about to make another attempt when he added, "You were right though, about Billy I mean. I don't really know him, and I'm not sure how that happened."
Well if he wanted to push past it, who was she to argue? Reaching up, she placed a consoling hand on his knee. "Are you going to try again?"
Tommy nodded. "It's hard though."
"Don't they say that all things worth having are?"
He gave her a wane smile. "Something like that, but I don't even know where to start."
"You could start by including him."
"I was never trying to exclude him, Kat."
Anxious to reassure him, she shifted up onto her knees and took both of his hands. "No, I know that. It's just . . . he's on a different schedule now, and it's not as natural, so maybe for a little while you'll have to go out of your way."
Tommy seemed to consider this for a long while, looking very much like he did when he was processing information about the Machine Empire's latest monster and coming up with a plan. Kat wasn't exactly sure that she liked the approach, but at the moment she'd take what she could get.
Finally he looked up at her with a smile. "I've got an idea."
"What?" She asked dubiously.
The Red Ranger stood up, and offered her his hand. "Come back to the infirmary with me and you'll see."
"Okay." Accepting the proffered hand, she stood with a vague sense of unease, and followed him down. She didn't know what Tommy had in mind, but she wanted to help it go as well as possible.
*****
Bad. It had been bad. As in watching poorly done community theatre kind of bad. The kind where everyone up on stage was trying incredibly hard, but nothing was really working, and everything seemed very fake. Well, Tommy had been trying. Billy hadn't been doing much of anything other than sitting there and looking put out.
It wasn't that she had been expecting the two of them to suddenly be best friends again. Okay, maybe she had hoped, just a little. But would it have killed Billy to make some sort of effort? Anything other than sitting there, listlessly playing with the chess pieces, while Tommy told stories and tried to engage him in conversation.
Kat had tried to catch the young engineer's eye a few times, and reprimand him, but he had been actively avoiding her gaze. She couldn't figure out what had happened, and she hadn't gotten a minute alone with him because when she and Tommy took him home he had stumbled into bed and fallen immediately asleep.
Which was why she was currently knocking on his door in the middle of the afternoon. **Come on, Doctor. You've had a good full twelve hours to sleep, now open this door**
"Billy!" She knocked harder, uncaring of whether all his neighbors heard her or not.
Finally the door flew open, to reveal a very disgruntled looking blonde genius. "What?"
Kat took a step back. "I came by to see how you were doing."
"I'm fine, thanks. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
He moved to shut the door, but Kat stopped him and pushed her way into the apartment. "No, it's not okay. What is wrong with you?"
Very deliberately not closing the door, he crossed his arms and looked at her. "Nothing's wrong."
"Then how come you were such a jerk to Tommy last night?"
"I accepted his invitation."
Kat sighed in exasperation, "Not until after you threw up every protest you could think of."
"Is it my fault that I have no desire to be set up on date with some girl I barely know?"
"Okay, the part about me finding you a date was stupid, but he realized that and apologized. Besides, we're all going as group anyway, so it doesn't really matter. He just wanted to make sure to include you."
Billy's hand tightened on the doorknob. "Inviting me to go with you all to the prom does not make everything miraculously okay, Kat."
"Well at least he's trying! Which is more than I can say for you. What happened to not pulling away?"
"I changed my mind."
"You promised!"
"So did you." His voice was quiet, but the sharp pain that lay there cut through all of her irritation in one clean stroke. "You promised me that you would let it rest. I have never asked you for anything else, just that."
"Billy, I ---" But she didn't know what to say, there was such sadness in his words, and for the first time she was responsible. He had placed such perfect trust in her, and she had betrayed it. No matter how pure or noble her reasons, she had hurt him, just like everyone else.
Kat suddenly felt boneless and limp, all of the righteous anger that had been carrying her over the past few days rushed out of her, to be replaced by a deep pit of self-loathing. She tried again to find words, even though she knew they'd be inadequate. "I never meant . . ."
He shook his head and looked over at the wall, "No one ever means, do they?"
"Doctor . . ." She reached out to touch his shoulder, but he shrugged her off.
"I'm still pretty tired, Kat. I probably won't be able to work in the Zord bay for at least a few days." With that he pulled the door open wider in silent command.
Not wanting to press her luck, she obeyed, stepping back over the threshold. Still unwilling to simply leave it at that she turned, and whispered, "I'm sorry."
For a moment he started to reach out, as though to draw her close, but then his hand dropped numbly to his side. "I am too."
It was a full fifteen minutes after he closed the door before Kat was finally able to make herself move.
- + - + - + - + - + -
As always comments, criticism and suggestions are welcome.
Okay we've finally finished Aftershocks. Obviously there are more chapters, but it will be at least a week until I post the next one as Thanksgiving and law school application deadlines are coming up.
Thanks for reading,
Panache