The Sacrifices
Chapter 25: Homecoming
It was early morning as they pulled up to the house. The clouds clustered at the horizon glowed red and orange. The remaining wisps of clouds still shared the sky with a translucent moon. Buffy covered Spike with a checkered blanket from Xander's car before they lifted him out.
Spike's head lolled back and forth when she and Xander hefted him out of the trunk. His neck was probably broken. His body hung heavy, his arms over their shoulders, the feet dragging on the ground. It was a less suspicious way to carry someone than the ankles and wrists method in case anyone saw them.
Spike's feet caught on the steps as they went up to the front porch quickly. The blanket slipped off. The black wounds covering half his head were exposed to the light. The sight along with the burning smell made Xander sick. He turned his face away as they carried him in.
From the hallway they could see that the living room lights were on with the red light of early morning bleeding in through the curtains. Willow and Dawn came down the stairs. After a moment of hesitation, Buffy and Xander took Spike into the living room. Willow and Dawn gave them questioning glances as they moved out of their way. As Dawn was about to close the front door, she saw Halfrek and Anya standing there. She let them in and shrugged at Willow.
Spike was taken to the couch. They put him on the floor first. Then Buffy arranged the blanket to cover the couch cushions. They set him on top of it where the light couldn't touch him. His head hung sideways so Buffy propped it up and covered the worst of it with a corner of the blanket. It still looked strange. And his eyes just stared. The sight almost made Buffy throw up. Then the questions came and the feeling passed.
"Where is the jewel thingy?" Willow asked. As she mentioned it, Dawn looked around for it, but Willow didn't. Buffy realized that Willow would know if something like that was in the house. It was one of those things that reminded Buffy that she only seemed like good, old, inert Willow.
"Buried, sort of," Buffy told her.
Dawn and Willow came over and looked at Spike. Xander gave a version of what happened with constant corrections from Halfrek and Anya. Both Willow and Dawn kept looking at Buffy like they were trying to measure her feelings about it. It seemed like the more she fought to stay unreadable the harder they looked. She wished they would stop and that Anya hadn't given her those knowing and pitying looks on the way over.
"He doesn't feel anything?" Dawn asked. Then she went over and dug her nails into his wrist to make sure. They all watched for a reaction. There wasn't one. The half moon marks stood out for a moment on his pale and dirty skin.
"You call that a test. At least get a paring knife," Halfrek scolded.
"Don't," Buffy warned even though Dawn didn't look like she was about to turn their utensils into vivisection equipment.
"He might recover. Vampires heal," Willow said as she leaned over Spike and moved her head as if trying to make him follow her with his eyes.
"Not this. This is permanent. That thing doesn't mess around," Anya told them.
"How can you be sure it was the jewel? Maybe it was an accident," Dawn asked looking at Spike with distaste. Like he was a dead bug she found on the carpet.
"I know. It's just too mundane to be the work of such a powerful magical object," Halfrek said smiling at Dawn with approval. Dawn shifted away from her.
"He wanted the pain to stop. I saw him wish for something," Anya said.
"Maybe it was world peace," Willow quipped.
"That's not what was on his mind," Anya assured her. Then at a look from Xander, Anya bristled, "I tried to stop him."
Halfrek rolled her eyes.
"I've had enough of fraternizing with humans. You staying?" Halfrek asked Anya.
"No," Anya said simply. They walked out and Halfrek took Anya's arm companionably. Buffy was sort of glad for Anya, even if Halfrek was a bad influence.
"It wasn't a total loss. We got to enjoy a nice, little massacre. D'Hoffryn might even reinstate your traveling privileges when we tell him," Halfrek said as they left.
Anya and Halfrek walked down the sidewalk in front of Buffy's house. Halfrek chattered. Anya half listened. Anya needed someone to keep her on the right path. To Halfrek, vengeance was still like breathing or one of those other autonomic functions that keep people alive. Anya had to push herself.
Hallie didn't wonder how she was going to fill her days - a thousand more years of them. Anya would surely get back into it, fall in step with her old self, and take up vengeance once again with a passion. This night showed her how easily she could slip back.
Anya was in a fog - everything was smothered and far away from her. Nothing was clear like it used to be. Maybe Halfrek's nagging would keep her focused. Keep her mind from wandering backwards.
Halfrek must have noticed that Anya wasn't listening because she told her, "Stop this moping. We are not humans or vampires. We are vengeance demons. We have a purpose. We matter."
Hallie had to get in one last admonition before she was gone. She disappeared, and Anya was left to walk on alone. Grounded. Like a drunk pilot. A common pedestrian.
They all watched the door close behind Halfrek and Anya.
"Anya keeps helping. That doesn't mean anything, does it?" Dawn asked. Xander looked like he was going to say something, but then he didn't.
"It's just a leftover thing. An echo," Dawn answered herself.
"Maybe," was all Buffy could say. She was supposed to know stuff, but she was only a substitute. She didn't get the answer sheet. But maybe Dawn was better off figuring out things for herself anyway.
Xander turned on the TV and changed channels until he found news about the first baby. They showed the parents arriving at the hospital and going inside. Their faces had this tense look. They were afraid to be happy too soon. Holding it back for that first sight of their baby. When they would look at him like they did when he was new to the world.
"They are going to be so happy," Dawn said as she and Willow went into the kitchen.
Outside, the light was losing its orange hue and turning more crisp as the sun rose and filled the sky with a clean blue color. Overnight the wind had cleared out the clouds except the ones on the fringe. Xander turned off the lamps.
On the news they were talking about another baby returned after being kidnapped. They showed the family's house, the park, and not much more. In Buffy's head, the faceless parents of the little girl in the pink dress were hugging her and crying.
Willow and Dawn brought over two bowls of cereal each, handing the extras to Xander and Buffy. Buffy wasn't hungry, but no one asked her. Plus the cereal was all soupy. The poor little flakes were drowned in milk. Probably Dawn's doing. She took the bowl and then put it down next to her on the coffee table where she was sitting and staring at Spike. Dawn took a seat on the table next to her. Xander had taken the armchair, and Willow perched on its arm. It was inconvenient to have Spike taking up the couch like that.
"What do we do with him?"
Buffy hoped the question would answer itself or just go away if she ignored it. The suffocating feeling was still there. Like something heavy was tied around her neck, not letting her breathe, pulling her down. Spike lay motionless. His eyes held no expression. Buffy felt the look was reflected in her, and she pulled her eyes away from him and stood up.
She didn't know what to do with him. She did the heroic deed. It should be over. 'You've been rescued, Spike. What are you still doing here?' But he wasn't going anywhere. He was a remnant of a bad time. And he would always be like that.
On the news they were talking about mysteries and miracles. It was fully morning now, but Buffy felt like she was on some kind of delay and the light couldn't get to her to break up the night.
Buffy made herself look at the big window and take in the day. Across the street, a neighbor was picking up her newspaper from the lawn. A car was pulling out of the driveway next door. Behind her, Buffy could hear the morning show on TV and the clinking of spoons hitting the bottoms of cereal bowls. Maybe she was hungry after all. Buffy walked away to shower and change and make herself a bowl of cereal that wasn't soggy and gross, and to call in to work late so she could take a nap, and...
"We can't leave him like that," Buffy heard from behind her as she walked up the stairs.
to be continued