Disclaimer: Still someone else's sandbox … still play here because its fun.
Author's Note: Look I've updated, and it's only been a little over a week. You should all be immensely proud. This part is dedicated to cobalt, Dagmar, and Hagar for their constant support and sticking with this story for so long. I hope you enjoy.
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Groaning a little, Billy leaned against the balcony railing and looked out over the beach. He had to admit, the student committee had outdone themselves this year. This had to be the first AGHS event he'd been to that wasn't held at the Youth Center, and their choice was amazing. High Cliffs was the private club in Angel Grove and it showed. From the decorations, to the food, to the view, everything was first class. He wondered whose parents had pulled the strings.
Still, he would gratefully sacrifice all this for one of Ernie's shakes, his friendly smile, and a little familiarity. But then again, proms weren't made for people like him.
Grimacing at that thought, Billy turned his face up to the sky, and let the brisk air coming off the ocean whip across his skin. In the background, he could hear the muted pounding of music combined with the buzz of two hundred teens screaming at each other over it, and every once in awhile the balcony would suddenly be lit up by one of those flashing lights the DJ had brought. He didn't understand how anyone could stay in there for long. The lights alone were enough to give him a headache. The crowds were suffocating, everyone too close to each other, while trying to get a little closer to one particular person, and the noise … God, he was surprised that his brain hadn't dribbled out his ears yet.
He'd come out here to get away from all that, and with the exception of one couple over on the side who were obviously more interested in each other than him, he seemed to have accomplished his goal. The air was a nice side benefit. Cool and fresh, it woke him up a little, something he seemed to really need right now.
He didn't understand it. He had always been able to function perfectly on relatively little sleep, and even when he did get tired it was in the middle of the afternoon, not … he looked down at his watch … midnight. Maybe it was just this setting, everyone trying so hard to make this the best night of their lives, all that effort had to be draining.
Except, of course, he wasn't trying. The teen genius had resigned himself to this night going down as one of the most excruciating of his life long before he ever got in the limousine. Besides, it wasn't like this was an aberration …
More like a really annoying pattern.
He'd felt tired all week, so tired that he'd completely given up on every non-essential repair to the Zords.
Thank god, Mondo's been strangely quiet.
Not that that choice hadn't had other motivations … namely one particular motivation who looked better tonight than should be humanly possible … but still … well, the only other time he'd ever been this tired was when he collapsed …
Exhaustion both mental and physical had taken up permanent residence in his body. He'd taken to sleeping upwards of ten hours, and when he awoke it was as though he'd never closed his eyes. The scientist in him wanted to run scan after scan until he figured out what was wrong … but he didn't.
He didn't because the other half of him knew exactly what was wrong, and he didn't want it confirmed by page after page of negative results.
What was wrong was that a little over a week ago he'd been hit over the head, or more accurately the heart, with the realization that he'd fallen desperately in love with his best friend. And now it was taking all his strength to forget that particular detail.
This whole situation wasn't exactly helping matters. God, she had looked so … well, he hadn't quite found the exactly right word, but whatever was three steps beyond beautiful and ten times as inviting … that was Kat tonight.
How do I get myself into these things?
He'd deliberately stood behind everyone when the girls came down, so that he could school his reaction, but he just hadn't been prepared … and then she'd looked at him, and for a split second he'd forgotten all the reasons why this wasn't the best thing that had ever happened to him … and then Tommy had stepped forward, and he remembered …
At least that was one good thing coming out of this evening, a graphic representation of exactly why he needed to forget that his conversation with Adam had ever occurred.
As much as he didn't want to admit it, they were perfect … the quintessential couple … visually stunning, absolutely magnetic, you could see it in the way people noticed when they walked into a room together. Everybody wanted a piece of what they had.
I never thought I'd be everybody.
He'd forced himself to watch, to take in everything, from the way they danced together, to the way Tommy had massaged her feet when those heels she'd worn got the best of her, mentally cataloguing every tender touch, every brilliant smile. All night he made himself watch until he couldn't stand it anymore. Only then, after he'd done his penance for forgetting, was he allowed to escape from his self-imposed prison.
Face it Cranston, you'd look ridiculous out there with her.
His hands gripped the railing a little tighter at that the truth of that. No matter how comfortable they were together, no matter how right everything seemed when they were alone, the harsh, light-of-day reality was that around others, doing the things with her that couples did, the things Tommy did, he'd be awkward and uncomfortable. Kat would no more want him than any other woman did.
"All riiiiiight, everybody out on the floor … you all knooow this one, so lets go ahead and take it back …"
The sudden interruption of his thoughts by the DJ's over-enthusiastic rhetoric and the increase of the background noise to full volume, drew Billy's attention away from his ever downward spiral of self-pity.
"I should have known I'd find you out here," Kat murmured softly as she shut the French doors, once again muting the noise of the dance.
Turning a little, he flashed her a half smile. "You know me, I'm no good with parties."
"I've been looking for you."
"Well, you've found me." He turned back to stare out at the sky, offering nothing more.
Scowling a little at his obstinacy, Kat moved beside him and rested her elbows against the railing in a near mimic of his posture. She'd been hunting for him for a good fifteen minutes, so she could get him to dance with her. Now that she was out here though, it seemed wrong to drag him back inside. Like taking an animal out of its natural habit and putting it in zoo. Something was lost in that artificial environment.
It would be the same if she made him come back in. He hated it in there. She could tell from the difference in him now. It wasn't that he was anymore relaxed, it was just that inside with all the others he had somehow become smaller, sunk inside himself, kept his emotions close. But out here, away from all the people, standing in the night, … his presence took over, expanding to fill all the empty space.
Even now, when she could feel the waves of discomfort radiating off him, this was the prom memory she wanted. Not the discomfort, but the openness. To hell if she didn't get a dance, and even if she did, this would be what she remembered … standing out here beside him, just being.
God, it felt like ages since they'd been together like this, in their time with nothing to interfere --- no anger, no strain, no spectre of lost hopes or other people's needs; just them, pure and unmarred.
"I've missed this," she whispered.
"This?"
"Night. Us. Silence. You know, this."
"Yeah?" His voice softened a little at that, perhaps now reassured that she wouldn't drag him back inside to the dance floor.
Turning her head to look at him, she smiled, "Yeah."
"So have I." He replied, lifting his eyes to hers.
At that moment one of the lights from inside streamed through the French doors illuminating the balcony, and then just as quickly it was gone, plunging them back into darkness.
In that instant, a shock ran through Kat's body, so powerful that it might have been lightening rather than spotlights that lit up the night. There had been something in Billy's eyes and written across his face … something that connected with her in ways he wasn't supposed to connect.
Familiar and intimate, she'd seen much of it before … when they'd been up too late and were laughing hysterically at something that wasn't very funny and then just as abruptly they'd stop and smile … when he'd forced her to face her inferiority issues regarding Kim … when she'd confessed to being scared of not being good enough for Tommy … it was his private look for her, the one that said, "I know you, all of you, and I like it all."
But intermixed with that was something new, something that made her exhilarated and terrified all at once --- like he was seeing her for the first time, like all this time he'd spent around her had been without his glasses, and he'd finally put them on.
Swallowing a little at that, Kat turned her gaze back to the ocean. "It's beautiful out here."
Thankfully, Billy followed her lead and did the same. "Yeah, this is probably the best view in Angel Grove."
Second best. Kat thought as she looked up at the dark sky with only a smattering of stars, but she didn't say it, instead settling for keeping her gaze on the inky expanse. A minute ago, she would have voiced her opinion with an easy confidence, knowing that he was thinking the same thing, but now … well now it just seemed like a very dangerous thing to say.
The wind had picked up a little, causing her shiver slightly as the crisp night air blew across her bare shoulders.
"Here," Billy offered, shrugging out his jacket.
She thought about protesting, but truthfully she was freezing and if the wind kept up like this, she'd have to go back inside. She didn't want to do that, despite how shaken she was by she had seen in his eyes, and maybe just a little bit because of it.
So instead, when Billy moved behind her and gingerly placed the coat around her, she simply looked back at him and smiled. "Thanks."
"You're welcome." He murmured quietly, as his hands remained on her shoulders a fraction longer than they should.
Kat stood transfixed, suddenly aware of things she'd never noticed before --- the way he smelled of Irish Spring Soap and coffee, the rough patch on left his thumb as it rested against the back of her neck, the tiny spot on his jaw line that bulged just a little when he was tense, the way his voice resonated inside her long after he'd stopped speaking … all her senses seemed to conspire against her, making her hyperaware of him.
And then, just as her mind had started to whisper that there was one sense left out of the experience … he withdrew, both physically and emotionally.
Moving back beside her, but a little further away this time, he rested his hands on the railing and stared down at them, like he was trying to figure out exactly whose hands they were.
"So, um … where is Tommy?"
Still reeling from what had just happened, or not happened, or whatever, Kat looked blankly over at her friend, as her mind worked on processing the question that seemed to come out of leftfield.
Oh, God.
An odd mixture of relief and regret ran through her at the realization that he had just brought her boyfriend into the conversation, but most of that was overwhelmed by her nausea at how long it had taken her to process Tommy's name. Thankfully, Billy's fixation on his hands prevented him from noticing how thrown she'd been.
"He's um … he's inside with Jason … some of the girls have dates from Stone Canyon, they're comparing dojos."
"Oh."
Silence descended over the pair as both concentrated on not looking at each other.
Flexing his hands against the metal railing, Billy tried to figure out what to do now, what to say. The bottom had just dropped out his world, and he was in freefall. The way she had looked at him … he just hadn't anticipated this, all his self-concern had revolved around one particular constant --- Kat didn't want him.
Now that constant had just become variable, uncertain. He still wasn't convinced that what he'd seen in her face hadn't been some kind illusion, his unconsciousness creating what he wanted to see. But now, now there was a possibility, and that shot every emotional calculation to hell.
"D-did I tell you what Tommy did for me today?" Kat suddenly burst out.
Oh, thank God. Billy never thought he'd be so grateful to hear their leader's name, but Tommy was perfect, safe.
"No."
"Well, he got Tanya to let him know everywhere we were going today. You know, manicures, hairstyles, lunch … There was a rose waiting for me at each place … and then of course he had one when I came down …"
"Nice." Billy responded quietly. Of course it wasn't just nice, it was perfect … exactly what every girl would dream of … exactly what he would never think of doing.
"It was so romantic." She continued on, almost desperately if he trusted his senses. "I think Tanya was a little jealous."
"I bet she's okay now." He smiled a little. Adam had been so nervous that he'd worked himself up into a kind of monosyllabic state, which had continued all the way through dinner until Tanya had pulled him away from the table obviously fed up with his behavior.
The following sequence had been classic, like something out of a sitcom. The entire table left to stare at each other uncomfortably, Emily's mention that she hoped everything was okay, and Rocky's unthinking response that everything would be fine, Adam was just getting up the guts to tell Tanya he loved her.
The next moment might have been choreographed, one second they were all struck dumb at the table, the next there was a mad rush to the door of the restaurant. When Adam had finally burst into Tanya's rant with an exasperated, "I love you, okay?" Tanya might have been struck dumb, but it was met by a cheer from six enthusiastic spectators.
Kat chuckled a little, "Oh, she's fine now, but I'm surprised Rocky's made it through the night."
"Yeah, I don't think that was exactly what Adam had been planning."
"I thought it was great though. All the planning in the world couldn't have made it any better." She smiled wistfully. "They're really perfect together."
"Everyone says the same thing about you and Tommy."
The expression that flashed across her face was not what he'd been expecting, if anything it was a grimace. "I know. You know when they crowned the King and Queen tonight, Emily actually leaned over to me and said 'That'll be you two next year.'"
Billy had to admit he agreed with Emily. "What's wrong with that?"
Kat started a little, as if she hadn't realized what she was conveying.
"Nothing," She smiled, but quickly looked away. "I mean, I always used to dream about being a princess … waiting for my prince to come and take me away. A queen's got to be ten times better."
She paused as though waiting for confirmation, so he gave it to her. "Definitely, and if anyone was ever meant to wear a crown it's Tommy."
"He would look good in it, wouldn't he?"
"Very regal, a regular King Arthur."
After a moment, Kat laughed. "That really fits you know." She deepened her voice to sound like an announcer. "Brave King Tommy leading his multi-colored Knights of Round Table to do battle against evil."
Billy grinned, getting caught up in the scenario. "Especially back when he was the White Ranger and had Saba, his very own Excalibur."
Kat leapt back in her eyes sparkling with enthusiasm at their new-found diversion, "And Zordon as his Merlin, and of course you'd be his good friend, L-"
She stopped short, leaving them both to stare at each other, the unsaid name hanging heavy in the air between them.
All the reasons this was a horrible turn of events, all his self-reproach, even his perpetual exhaustion, everything was pushed away by one singular thought – he hadn't been imagining. It was all there, in the way she'd bitten back the name, the shock in her eyes, the way she nervously tucked a loose curl behind her ear … the way neither one of them could breathe.
Unthinkingly, he took a step forward, closing the self-created gap between them. Reaching up, he gently extricated the renegade curl from its prison, and placed it back against her check. He moved slowly, giving her ample time to pull away, terrified that she might, but she didn't.
She didn't pull away at all. Seemingly as transfixed as he, she brought her hand up to touch the curl, and smiled, tilting her head in that slightly embarrassed way she had whenever someone paid her a compliment.
And that was when he saw it … one Tommy's roses tucked in the mass of curls …
Reality snapped back into place, propelling him backwards with its force.
Swallowing hard, Billy leaned against the railing for support, sick at what he'd almost done. Every one of those carefully thought out reasons came flooding back, along with a myriad of new ones, each one screaming that he was a selfish fool.
He could feel the confusion and hurt in Kat's gaze, as she stared at him, trying to work out had just happened, begging him to explain it. But he couldn't look at her, if he did he might not turn away again.
"Doctor?" The word came hesitantly, followed by the lightest touch of her fingertips against the back of his hand.
"I -I think, Jason would be a perfect Lancelot." Billy responded, his voice strained by the effort of not turning to look at her. "He's the strongest fighter, and Tommy's best-friend." And not in love with Tommy's Queen.
Yet even as he spoke the words, his hand moved to answer the question her's had asked.
Kat stared down at the lightly scarred hand that clutched hers belying every word he spoke with force of its grasp. She remembered him getting most of the scars, minor encounters with rough edges, sudden fires, her first attempt with the micro-welder …
She wanted to create a new one now, to bang his hand against the wrought iron in frustration, until he stopped being so confounding. But all she could seem to do was stand there, as everything inside her tried to untangle itself. How had this happened? She had vivid memories of every scar, could recall the details of almost every night they had spent together, how had she missed this?
What would she do if he did stop, if he suddenly turned to her and said everything they'd been dancing around?
She didn't know, oh God, she really didn't know …
Standing out here, in their time, communicating without actually saying the words, she felt so certain of her choice. But if she pulled him back inside, if she had been sitting beside him rather than Tommy this evening at dinner? Would it all be so clear in the light, in plain English?
Kat swallowed tightly, whatever the answer was, tonight was not the time to figure it out. All their friends were inside. Tommy was inside. No, tonight was not their night. Yet even as she made that decision, the Pink Ranger intertwined her fingers with his, answering his confession with one of her own.
"I think … I should go back inside … it's getting late, and I don't want to miss the last dance." She didn't ask whether he wanted to join her.
Billy didn't respond, just slowly disentangled his hand from hers. Removing his jacket from her shoulders, Kat folded it over her arm and went to give it back. But at the last minute thought better of it, and simply laid it over the railing next to him, before stepping away.
"Captain?"
The nickname stopped her at the door, and she turned to look at him, her heart racing.
Billy shook his head, "Never mind."
Nodding tightly, Kat pressed her lips together in a small smile, "Okay."
He stood there long after she'd gone, looking in on the dance, like a poor man watching the rich at feast. Finally, he tore his gaze away, shaking his head in disgust.
Stop torturing yourself, you're certainly no Lancelot.
And even if he was … people always forgot that the legendary romance had brought down a kingdom. Shivering a little at the contemplation of the destructive character of that particular romantic archetype, Billy shrugged back into his jacket.
Kat's perfume still clung to the fabric, and he froze, his blood running cold at the one unbidden thought her scent brought to the surface of his mind …
It would be worth it.
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Thank you very much for reading. I hope this part was worth the wait.
Comments and Criticisms are welcomed, as always.
Panache (who really should be studying property)