It isn't like me to think this way - to think of death. Will this place, bleached in its entirety, bare and white, be the final resting place for my broken soul? There is still the earnest tugging of my heart from the threads of the past, the long painful past…

I remembered mother crying, and father silently staring at me with those sad eyes as he held my mother. Those people in white dragged me away, and all I remembered next was desperately fighting and kicking, wanting to be with my parents. I wanted to continue playing tennis, to achieve my goal which was to beat my father and then conquer the world. I wanted and wanted, never attaining- not yet attaining.

All of a sudden, my vision went fuzzy, the outlines of my parents fading into the blues and pinks of the colour of their clothes. Strange, I didn't felt… asleep.

Nevertheless, the next I knew, I was bound tightly, hands and legs to the corner of a pale white poster bed – at least I wasn't gagged.

An unfamiliar face entered the room, his glinting spectacles and short black hair radiating the presence of a learned individual.

"Are you Echizen Ryoma?" Were the first words that were heard from his lips, cautious but firm. In life, I had learnt to judge people by their voices and from there, learn their characters. Studying their actions, the little things they unconsciously did also became dead giveaways about their whole personality. Hence, I registered the strong masculine voice, clearly defining his years of experience in the field. His poise, the way he carried himself, was upright and unwavering – the sure signs of a confident man.

I tilted my head slightly, acknowledging as well as conveying my confusion. Who else would I be besides Echizen Ryoma, son of Echizen Nanjiroh and Echizen Rinko, my father and mother?

As if reading my mind, or had they really inserted some of those microchips into my brain, the ones that record brainwaves and interpret that information, sending it onto some transparent screen behind those all-knowing spectacles, he simply murmured two words.

"Split personality."

It indeed told me of my condition, a finality that I knew would one day come… though those words did not even begin to tell me of a way to get out of this sterile place. Simply lying in bed, thinking of when I would leave this world, this holy and pure place of white, is not really my cup of tea. It's ironic how this heaven can be my hell, well, if my life was not already hell to begin with.

"Fuji-sensei."

I glanced up at the bespectacled doctor, who had turned and acknowledge the newcomer that entered my room. I took in his auburn hair, like a soft wave of faint brown, and the gentle smile that rested on his lips, always there, inviting.

But when the two doctors began conversing, I decided to tune their conversation out. Most likely they would be discussing my condition, and I know it would be full of nothing but technical terms. It was then I noticed a window, not far off from where my bed was located. Vaguely, I saw the blue sky, dotted with fluffy clouds, and memories simply overwhelmed me.

The gentle caresses, that proud yet tender upturn curve of his lips, the grassy knolls upon which we rested on, blissful and uninterrupted by the anxieties and worries that flooded this world, this hectic and unforgiving world…

As if drawn to that simple window that sits at the far end of the room, framed by soft green curtains, one of the few rare coloured objects which added just a hint of vibrancy to the room, I struggled to sit up, but failing desperately due to the binds that restrained me. It was then a deep rage boiled within me and my tempers flared to new heights, I began struggling futilely against those things that held me away from true sanctuary, ignorant of the dark bruises forming along my wrists and ankles.

It was then a cool hand fell upon my forehead and I felt my anger slightly placated as the coldness washed over my body.

The soft rustling of material followed soon after as the cool hand disappeared along with the soft cotton that had once been wrapped around my wrists.

"Ryoma-kun, I think instead of these bed restraints, you did rather wear this." Fuji held up a pale beige shirt, with long sleeves… and I knew what he meant. Obediently, I allowed him to take off my shirt, with occasional ticklish brushes against the sides as he finally removed the clothing. Then without a word, he took my hands into his own and began massaging my bruised wrists, as if wanting to remove the dull colours that marred my skin. Following that, he finally pulled the new outfit over my head, to replace the one that had been removed. I shivered as my skin first came into contact with the cold synthetic material, not even noticing as he tied the excess of the long sleeves into a knot, removing freedom from my arms.

The binds that had held me to the bed was removed and my legs, now free to move, automatically swung themselves over the edge and I padded across the carpeted floor towards the window.

Finally standing before the city, I glanced down and saw my parents leaving the building, my father's arm being the only support that held my weeping mother upright. I guessed that this illness of mine had been too much for them to handle. It must have been the last resort for them to admit me to a mental hospital.

I distantly heard that soft, assuring voice of Fuji-sensei talking to the other bespectacled doctor, or so I assumed. But I no longer felt anything as I looked away from my parents' figure, away from the concrete jungle that lay out like a labyrinth beneath that window and instead, my gaze floated towards the heavens, where the birds flew merrily amidst the blueness of the vast sky, just like fishes in the endless ocean…

My Angel

By Fanny Chan

-Oneshot-

"Inui-sensei, leave this to me. This area is under my control and since his parents trust us enough as to leave their only son in our care, I would do my best to help him."

Inui looked at his fellow colleague, well-respected by many which included the patients, nurses and doctors alike. Though if you were to know him just a little more, you'd realize that he really is not as he portrays.

Giving one final look at the best ward in the hospital and at the boy, standing forlornly with his face pressed against the window pane, he relented and emerged from the room, silently praying for Ryoma's recovery. He is only eighteen, about the same age of his lover who was only a year older. Perhaps that was why he paid such attention towards this case. Furthermore, it was also him who first talked to his parents, clearly witness their pain and suffering. He glanced up, straightening his glasses before walking back to the area that was put to him by his superiors, yet not forgetting to take out a worn-out notebook from his pocket and scribbling onto the last few lines of the page. At the top, was a hurriedly scrawled "Fuji Syuusuke", with a small footnote that read "update regularly".

I glanced at the boy before striding over, looking over his shoulders to follow his line of vision.

"Remembering someone?"

He, of course, was startled as he spun around only to realize the proximity between us. But he held firm, not backing away.

He has a strong personality. It was most puzzling as to what might had hurt him, wounded him so badly to the point where he created someone to hide his hurt, his pain – or so I presumed. But my presumptions had yet to go wrong…

"Fuji-sensei…" he seemed to test that word, tentatively, as if knowing that he would have to get used to it, that it was inevitable. After his first hesitant attempt, he started again, more strongly this time around.

"Fuji-sensei, have you ever looked at the sky as you lay on your back, surrounded by the natural environment?" His eyes seem to refuse to meet mine, fixing themselves on a particular spot by the window sill.

I shook my head slightly, once in my life, honest to a stranger. Somehow, I felt the need to be his pillar at the point where he needed most. Usually, I would have just gone with the flow, nodding and then using my imagination to coin out believable yet comforting stories for the sake of my patients… but Ryoma was different. I did not want him to go along with my lies. Lies are always dealt with more lies, a vicious circle. That was how the world works. But now, at this moment of time, I didn't want to see how Ryoma reacted upon hearing my lies but his real personality as he is confronted with truths.

He smiled, as if reminiscing an incident of the past, before walking away from the window towards the poster bed where he sat down, indicating that I should sit on the edge of the mattress by the simple action of using his heels to hit the spot twice.

I followed as he requested, slightly amused by the child-like behaviour of Ryoma.

"I have." He began quietly, answering the question he had asked not too long ago. "It had been the most incredible feeling I ever had."

"Was it with you parents?" He shook his head, eyes glazed over.

"Was it with a lover then?"

I almost wanted to take back what I had just uttered.

My patient's body tensed significantly, and I could almost envision his sane mind retreating into that treasure chest that he kept closely under lock and key, only for his calmness to unlock.

"Who the heck are you?" Ryoma voice was curt yet you could almost hear the underlying anger. He strained at his clothes, as if trying to mentally undo the firm knot at his back. "Release me!"

I reached out and held onto his arm, feeling the tensed muscles under the thick layer of pale beige cloth.

"It's okay. You needn't…"

Glaring at me, Ryoma swung himself off the bed and made a mad dash for the door, only to be propelled backwards as he impacted against the padded door. Knowing hitting the walls would be useless, the sharp blend of gold and green irises scanned the room, silently calculating where lay his chances of escape. As for me, I only stood up, prepared to protect him should he put himself in any danger. That was the way to deal with my patients which have schizophrenia – to let them fight it out with their own counterpart.

However, as his legs began to move, I immediately guessed his destination. He was attempting to fling himself out of the window, through the thin piece of glass that protected him from the outside world…

Moving swiftly, I was an inch to touching Ryoma before he stopped stiff, falling to the floor, screaming.

Instinctively, I gathered him into my arms, and the pain that shot through my arm was almost expected as his teeth dug into the flesh on my shoulder, as if to numb whatever confusion he was in. I bit my lips but continued to hold him, feeling his frail trembling figure enveloped within my arms. Finally, his teeth loosened its death-hold. In his kneeling position, he straightened his knees the best he could, bringing his face up to my own, and I studied the intoxicating mix of greens and golds within the depths of his eyes, as if fighting to be the rightful colour yet never managing to achieve equilibrium.

"Where am I?" The venom that lurked beneath that innocent question was almost undetectable, but having gone through many years of hiding everything I am under a mask, that coldness was like blaring sirens into my ear.

I closed my eyes, which I believe I had opened when he bit me, and felt a smile forming on my lips.

"Who are you?" A question for a question, the play of words. It is interesting to know the limits of my patients, especially one as alluring as Ryoma.

He eyes flashed before he moved into a sitting position, almost falling over because of the lack of support from his hands.

"I'm Echizen Ryoma," a wry smile followed, "though I don't think it is the same one as the one you know."

He began simply enough while taking in the surroundings. I guessed he had calmed down, just enough to not run in a frenzy about the room.

"I guess this would then be a mental ward, not a bad one at that. Though I could really do without this…"

By fidgeting, he got his meaning across, clearly indicating the white outfit that bounded his hands.

"I apologise but I believe it would have been these that reduced the damage you could otherwise have caused." Standing up, I tried moving my shoulder, wincing every now and then. "What happened then? To make you as you are." I helped Ryoma to his feet, guiding him towards the bed where he slumped down onto the soft covers.

"Atobe Keigo." His eyes became glassy, at points seeming as though he had not changed at all, or perhaps he had reverted back. But before anything else can be said, Ryoma had closed his eyes, drifting off somewhere into the dimension where dreams and nightmares reigned.

I carried him to the bed in spite of my aching shoulder. But the pain was not something that I had not encountered with while in my line of work. Following that, I sat on the chair that was placed for visitors just beside the bed.

And perhaps it had also been somewhere in between watching the boy sleep when the heaviness fell upon me as well, and I slowly nodded off into the blissful abyss.

The first thing that I felt was a brief sensation of pain running through my temple as I blinked open weary eyes. The last I had remembered was gesturing for Fuji-sensei to sit on the bed. The rest became utter darkness.

I struggled to a sitting posture, given the restriction of my hands movements as well as the large heavy comforters that was covering me. It was then I noticed the other occupant on my bed, his pale brown hair falling in wisps around his face. In that split second, I thought I caught the glimpse of an angel but the image was gone as quick as it came as I immediately disposed of that thought from my mind.

It wasn't too long before that my life had been heaven, along with my very own guardian angel - an angel that was domineering, cocky yet gentle in his own special way. I never really understood him, and I didn't want to either. All I could think of was just being within his embrace, indulging in his light touches and kisses, watching his soft, feather-like hair flow with the movement of the wind.

I had mentioned this to him once, jokingly saying that he was my angel. He returned with that ever knowing smirk and flippant attitude, remarking that it was to be expected given his good looks and wealth.

My thoughts wandered further and I recalled those times while we were snuggling up, ignorant to the world. Placing my ear against his chest, I would listen to the rhythmic beating of his heart and feel his light puffs of breath that moves through my hair, gently touching them with the soft kisses of love itself.

But the end came too fast, too quickly for me to swallow, to comprehend… Suddenly, I felt Fuji-sensei stirring from where he rested on - a sudden intake of breath, the fluttering of long lashes.

"Ryoma-kun?"

Then as if realizing something as he glanced over at the clock, he rose to his feet.

I gave no indication that I had heard him - not even acknowledging him as he gently patted my hair, before striding towards the padded door, opening and closing it soundly behind him.

Despite the sudden departure, the stirring in my heart never left me as I reminisced over my lost love. Lowering my eyes onto the thick comforters, I decided to lean back onto the mattress. Closing my eyes, it was then I felt my remaining senses heightened. I heard the soft whirring of the air-conditioner, feeling the cold air that circulated around the room. Sniffing, a faint scent of fresh roses invaded my senses… the same familiar scent in which I had encountered as I pushed open the sturdy mahogany door of my lover and finally, I tasted the salty tears that seeped from under my closed eyelids, over the contours of my cold cheeks and gathering onto my lips as it made its descent.

Yes, it had been the scent of roses that made me knew that something was amiss… but I had never expected what would lie before me as I pushed open that beautifully carved door of my lover's bedroom.

Tangled amidst the limps that lay on the bed where so many precious memories once were kept - abundant and overflowing - was my lover and another male. Their bare chests were resting on each other and the other had his head tucked into the nape of Keigo's neck. Strong arms that once was securely placed around my shoulders was instead, drooped over the waist of its current partner and the velvet blanket that was wrapped casually around their lower bodies spoke dozens of needless words about the things that had went on the night before.

One lazy blue-grey eye peeked out and as it made direct contact with my own, the other eye opened in shock. What happened next was a blur. The very universe that had enclosed both our lives shattered like the fragile piece of glass that it had been. In all my heart I had hoped against hope that nothing would bring us apart even if I was very well aware of Keigo's flamboyant attitude towards life but here, as I stared at the face of betrayal itself, something within me snapped, something akin to the ripping of my very soul.

The next I knew, my hands was marred crimson with the blood of one Atobe Keigo. I could almost taste the metallic tang as I stared at my palms where not far from it, on the ground, was a letter opener, the very one that I had gave to Keigo on his twentieth birthday. It was beautiful, with blue sapphires and green emeralds embedded within the silver metal and yet now, it was drenched with the dark ruby that flowed from the slit in my lover's arms… or rather, of my ex-lover. His partner had now arisen from his slumber, brown eyes wide and afraid as he stared at the bloody arm that defended him against an otherwise fatal attack.

Not even comprehending the extent of my action, my world went black. The next thing I realized was that I was leaning against the bench of a nearby park, my hand cleansed from the forbidding redness. It was also then I suspected that my soul had been split… quite literally.

After that incident, Atobe Keigo disappeared from my life and I tried to get back to living it the way it was before. However, the occasionally fuzziness and blackness still came and more than once, I had awoken to my mother's worried expression as she hugged me, her embrace tentative and fearful.

Finally, I was brought here, my condition placed before me with crystal clarity leaving no room for denial.

Exhausted by my recollections, I drifted off to sleep… barely registering the soft click as the door opened…

Fuji smiled as he peeked in before closing the door, walking swiftly towards another of his patient's room. Unknowingly, he had missed the time for his usual rounds, caught up in the warmth of sleep. His patients had been inquisitive, requesting to know what exactly had caused the hold-up. But his small smile and closed eyes left them no room for argument and they grudgingly respected their doctor's privacy.

Flipping through his clipboard, he went through Ryoma's particulars for the second time. Outwardly, it was simple enough, with some usual background information on his patient. But the problem was that, it hadn't been enough.

"A week ago, his parents said there was a change in patient's personality. From a serious and perceptive child, he had become unstable and lack concentration, susceptible to bouts of random violence.

Violence includes shouting back at parents, throwing various objects about the house and screaming for no apparent reason. The parents had failed to find out the root cause however, they noted that he reacts strongly to the words 'lover', 'bed', 'letter', 'night'.

Primary analysis of the conditions shows symptoms of schizophrenia. Further analysis will be carried out by Dr:

Precaution: Due to frequent shows of violence, patient is to be kept under restrain and constant checks by aforementioned doctor. Due to the nature of the illness, it is vital that the doctor-in-charge is wary of the change in personality and is required to take record of it.

Patient's stay is indefinite."

Above the write-up were his particulars which included his allergies and other specifics about himself but Fuji paid not much heed to those.

As he opened the door to Crystal's room, watching as the little girl, no older than twelve, swiveled in her seat, cold, lifeless eyes staring out at the world, his thoughts drifted again as the image of that intense gold-green gaze once again imprinted itself in a significant corner of his mind…

Time had flown past us without us realizing it. Five months later, things began to look for the better, with Ryoma's other self coming out less frequent. And now, as we strolled hand in hand out into the garden, those harsh gold-green irises had soften, once again capable of loving, of caring.

"Mother… Father…" the two mentioned adults looked around upon hearing Ryoma's voice, smiles lighting up their faces.

Nanjiroh made a slight gesture, tossing him a racquet before heading towards the open space that was just right for tennis. Ryoma, catching it swiftly, gave my hand one light squeeze before heading in his father's wake.

"You two have really grown close."

I gave a smile in reply, choosing to remain silent as Rinko walked beside me. The truth was before us and hence, there was no necessary need for words to convey what actions spoke.

Two months before…

I had never expected for Ryoma to open his heart as readily as this. The night still remained fresh in my remembrance – the glimmer of despair that lit up in those intriguing and intoxicating eyes as the moonlight filtered in through the gap between the green draperies, the slender arms, now allowed to be free, slithering around my neck and those precious full lips pressed against my own. It was indeed a memory for a lifetime.

Silence prevailed for the briefest of moments when we separated, tears now running free from the tightly bound seal around his heart.

And then words fell, like water, into the gap that was between us, which separated us. And finally, the barrier that was there for the past three months slowly broke down. He told me of the lover who betrayed him… the tears never once stopping to rest in its endless torrents down those pale moonlit cheeks.

Then, exhausted, he rested in my embrace before tilting his head to place his lips unto mine once again in a soul-seeking, desperate kiss to which I returned with equal fervor. Following that, we slept, until the hints of the morning sun sprinkled its warm morning rays into the quiet room.

Evening began to set and I had left Ryoma and his family to do my rounds. When I had returned, his parents had left and the green-haired boy was fast asleep on one of the many benches. It was then I noticed another person, a newcomer, his grey hair falling in tender curls across his face as the wind whipped past him.

Not even comprehending my actions, I lingered away from view while watching upon the scene.

A pale hand emerged from the sleeves of his coat and brushed Ryoma's face with the faintest of touch but enough to rouse the dosing boy.

"Syuusuke?" There was a drowsy murmur as his fist rubbed the fatigue from his eyes. However, the peace did not last long as there was the sharp intake of breath, more than enough to fully wake the sleepy youth.

"Keigo." No sooner did the words leave his lips was I by his side, protective and possessive. I felt his fingers digging into the sleeve of my jacket.

There was a resigned sigh as Atobe Keigo backed a few steps. But the authority and dignity evident from his tone was still there though subdued.

"I'm here to apologise Ryoma, something that I never have done." Steel grey-blue eyes turn towards the bushes a distance away, seeming as to gain confidence and support.

"I shouldn't have done what I did. And I know there is no way to make it up to you…"

"It's okay." A small voice interrupted him, the small fingers in my sleeve became a grip, seeking reassurance to which I gladly gave.

Ryoma took in a deep breath before standing up, letting go of my arm. And as he took those steps, closing the distance between his ex-lover and himself, there had been something different about the way he carried himself.

"What has happened is over. I also appreciate the fact that you did not pursue the matter of the cut I gave you." Ryoma gave a small smile. "He's here too right? The one I saw that day. I heard the rustling over in the bushes."

As if on cue, a brown mop of hair appeared among the luscious green bushes behind us before a figure emerged into view.

"Echizen-kun." I looked around, taking in the figure that had just appeared.

"Jirou." I heard Atobe called him, gesturing him to move towards his side.

Ryoma in the meantime, gave no change of expression. Instead, he moved towards me and buried his head in my chest and unconsciously, I moved my arms to wrap them around his shoulder. After a while, Ryoma looked up again, this time his eyes cleared of all doubts. He smiled at me before looking at Atobe once again.

"I asked Keigo to meet you again, to atone for what I did. If it wasn't for me… none of this would have happen. You wouldn't be here now, dealing with your other personality. And you would also still be with Keigo…"

Ryoma walked forward, shaking his head.

"Instead, I would like to thank you. If you haven't come into my life… none of what we have now would happen. I believe Keigo is happy with you. And for now, I would rather stay here than anywhere else…"

Jiroh apparently had not expected any of this as his voice wavered and while he continued the talk with Ryoma, I moved to hugged Ryoma from behind, a move to which I noticed Atobe paid very close attention to before allowing a ghost of a smile to flit across his features.

"Jiroh I think it's time to go." Jiroh looked up, startled before his features soften.

"Thank you for coming." This was the first time I spoke and all three individuals turn to direct their gaze at me.

"I believe Ryoma appreciates it and don't worry. I will protect him with the best of my abilities."

Atobe looked at me a moment longer before walking forward and brushing his lips across Ryoma's cheeks, whispering something in his ear. Then together with Jiroh, they walked away, their backs diminishing as they walked towards the horizon.

As I watched Keigo and his lover disappear, Syuusuke appeared before me, smiling as he usually does. Though now I know better than to expect that to be just any innocent smile.

"What is it?"

"I'm jealous Ryoma-kun."

Then was a playful whining in his voice to which I rolled my eyes to.

"What was it that Atobe-kun whispered to you just now? Is it a secret that you are keeping from none other than your most beloved person?"

I paused, deliberating whether I should reply to his question.

In the end, I smiled, a mock echo to his own that was ever plastered on his lips. Slipping my hand into his arms, I breathed in the fresh mint from his white coat.

"Why don't we visit Crystal? I bet she's dying to see her favourite psychiatrist."

In silent resignation, he heeded to my words and we walked back into the hospital. I know this would not be the last time he would ask me, given his persistent and possessive nature but as I though back about Keigo's words, I felt a familiar smirk cross my lips.

"So you have found your new angel eh brat?"

It's been a long time since I had heard that nickname and it has been an equally long time ever since I had used his. But those were now going to be hidden memories of the past to be kept under a lock and key.

"Fuji-sensei!"

I heard the clear child-like voice of the twelve-year-old as she ran towards Syuusuke, arms wide. Those once dead eyes which used to seem to stare right through me when Syuusuke showed her to me on the third day of my stay now glittered with mirth. Till today, the reason is still unknown as to why he did so but it was after looking at her did I feel the need to do something about my own problem, a strange feeling of determination which I thought had vanished after losing the one that I held the dearest to me.

Looking back and watching my lover interact with the little girl, I couldn't help but lean towards Syuusuke's ear and whisper the words from my innermost heart.

"I love you my angel." And barely catching sight of his reaction, small chubby hands pulled me down and the little girl squealed my name.

Owari

A/N: Ouch. It's supposed to be angst but I guess it got a little sappy towards the end (though I intended to make it a happy ending hahas) Oh well, so I'm done for this one just erm... sorry for the random jumping of povs. hees.Whoa had it been a LONG time since I started this. /grins/ I remember that it started because I suddenly read too many angst ficcy and well, this plot bunnie popped up. It was really tough to complete coz it is SO HARD to keep them in character. /shakes head/ still think I was not able to do it but oh wells, I fulfilled one wish of mine which is to write something related to psychology and I guess the best way to do it was a Fujiryo ficcy! Yay Thrill Pair! Oh and I have thrown in a little Atoryo too! Oh well, so you see, these two are my interest these past few days /big grins/ Erm… the AtoJi thing was just like go with the flow since that are kinda a lot atoji fics. hees. Sighs, I know my grammar is lacking constancy in the tenses. Hate it since I can't notice them and well I hate it. Hahas. Still have to work on it I guess. Eeps… and in three days time I'm like so having my all important exams and here I am writing. Hahas. Wish me luck!

I'm also like so debating whether I should have posted this when I did. So I hope you give me moral support by just dropping a review to tell me how I did for this fic? Otherwise I would take it down and erm… try to improve it? Hahas. Which means after my exams. Oh and dun worrie. I started the next chapter of "Into the façade" so I hope the next update for that wouldn't take too long I hope. I mean it has already been months, a few more days won't hurt would it? Hehes. But so sorry for making you wait. Oh and if you wanna know, the 18th of Nov would be my official free day since it's the day my exams ends! Whoopee! Think maybe AFTER my exams, when I have time, I'll give this fic another fun through to work out some bugs it might have.

So R&R kays! I dun know if there's a possibility for a sequel but i'll try :). Oh and if any of u would like to beta my fics, I would be grateful. I'm so having problems with grammar. It's like a chronic illness or something hahas.

Completed on 4th November 2005