Her Letter

"The fact that you're here hurts more than you can ever think. I've spent countless hours waiting for your hand to reach out for mine; still you never did. You have the tendency to keep things hidden, locked – confined inside. Maybe because you fear that it can be used against you somehow. All I was asking was to hold your hand while you fight; to stay behind you, not fight beside you, because I know you'll never allow me to.

Maybe time would heal all wounds, but it can never erase those memories that still make me cry each night, just to fall asleep.

I was doing fine, remember? I never asked for your affirmation. I had given up on you; I thought it was enough to be just friends. I would have been happy being friends with you – but then you just decided to give me the best moment of my life: You kissed me in front, not only in front of my git of a brother, my ex-boyfriend, but in front of fifty happy celebrating Gryffindors. That did not last of course. You being who you are, needed to do what you have been destined to do – to save us all, or die trying.

When you left, you took a part of me with you and I have not been the same since then. Each grueling day seemed like an eternity for me. I prayed the somehow you'd write or make you presence felt. But you never did. It felt as if you forgot that I existed.

I used to sit on my bed, looking out my window, waiting for a flap of Hedwig's snowy white wings, for a letter, or a note, even a line in all the five years would have been enough for me.

But not one letter came.

Not one bloody note

After the war, before you came back, I felt I needed to move away. Everyone I care and love was alive; most especially you were alive.

Call it cowardly if you wish, but I did not want to face the probability that you completely forgot, or tried to forget about me. I mean you write to Fred and George, to Mom and Dad, but not to me. How could I possibly continue believing that I meant something more than a whim?

I left and never looked back... until today...

Five years have passed and yet when I saw you again, I felt the same constricting emotion I felt when you hugged me after we won the Quiddith Cup back in my fifth year.

Before I came today, I knew I'd leave again, no matter how hard it may be. That's why I had to walk away, or my resolve would have rumbled had I not broken eye contact...

Because after five long years, you still have my heart, Harry James Potter."

As I let go of the tear-stained letter, my bed never felt so far lonely, uninviting or so unmade.

Maybe I should really give this one...

Mental note: maybe he wouldn't care...

Maybe the time has come to end it all... to let time pass and estrange myself from everything that he is in my life. To accept that some good thing never last...

knock

Go away.

I'm still angry, I could shout. But my mind gives way as the hypothalamus secretes more hormones...

Arrrgghhh

Momentarily stop...

Let whoever is outside my door knock...

Harry James Potter.

My profoundest joy. My greatest sorrow.

I met him about when I was ten; for me he was the Boy-Who-Lived. When I was eleven, he saved me from a monster. Two years passed by but I could have been wallpaper for all the notice he gave me. During my fourth year, I decided to give up on him; he was never going to see me more than his best friend's kid sister, what better to do than to live my life and stop blushing when he passes by.

After accepting that he semi part of my astroplane, I was able to concentrate on my life. But for some unbelievable reason, he started to talk to me, well at least beyond those hello and cordial greetings. We started to spend time together, especially during the summer of my fifth year. When school started, I somehow felt that he was trying to get me to spend time with him, my brother and my intelligent female friend, but since I was in a relationship, opted to decline his offers.

I thought my mind was playing tricks on me whenever I would see a bit of disappointment or jealousy; I felt those were the last embers of a flame I decided to eradicate. I embraced the friendship; that was all I would ever have I thought.

Then the infamous common room kiss happened.

I fell in love with him because of the person that he was, not the idea that others had still have or had of him.

From then on, I was blissfully content and sublimely happy. I gave myself fully, loving him with everything that I have. It got to the point where my whole world revolved around him.

That was my mistake.

I loved him to destruction, leaving none for myself.

"Voldemort uses people his enemies are close to. He's already used you as bait once, and that was just because you're my best friend's sister. Think how much danger you'll be in if we keep this up. He'll know, he'll find out. He'll try and get to me through you."

Then he left.

As he walked further away from me that fateful day of Dumbledore's funeral, I used to say to myself, "It'll be alright Ginny. He'll come back for you."

Knock Knock

Shouts.

Weeping.

Staring at the closed door; goodbye