His Letter
I had to stop myself from snogging her senseless earlier. I was dying to hold her in my arms, to tell her what she needs to know; what I was so scared to reinforce when I had the opportunity to do so.
Looking at the old letter in his hand, he felt that regardless of the outcome, he needed to make her read this letter.
Not because it will help him move on, but because she deserves to know.
"I love you.
That is the only thing that I need to say.
You and I sum up all that I am and all that I need to be. You have given me what no other being, past, present or future can ever give me, your unconditional love.
You made me believe in the one thing that was both scary and overwhelming. I do not know how to apologize for things that I was not able to meet. I admit that I have fallen short of the kind of man I promised to be.
I am truly sorry.
Last night was the most scary and painful night of my life; finding you gone, with no clue where I could find you.
You once asked of me to let you go and my answer then still hold true: I am not prepared to live without you nor will I ever be prepared. I would do everything in my power to keep you in my life: not because I need you to be there but because I want you to be there.
The most special times of my life in confined in you; I feel like the most important person in the world when I am able to make you smile. Fighting the darkest wizard in a century does not scare me as much as the thought of losing you does. I feel that I have won the Quidditch World Cup when you say you love me. I feel both powerful and humble when I hold you in my arms.
I would never allow anything to take those feelings away. I may not always be able to say it, express it or reinforce it but I will always love no other but you, Ginerva Molly Weasley."
After slipping the letter under her door, I knocked; no answer.
This cannot be happening.
I cannot lose her.
Not again.
I feel like my whole body is made of lead. Could she really hate me that much that she could not even open a door to slap me, curse me, hex me?
This is your fault moron. You have managed to hurt her over and over again. Wordlessly drowning in regret will not help you convince her of the words you wrote all those years ago; she needs proof. She needs you be stop compartmentalizing everything in your life, including her and how you feel for her.
Why do you find it hard to open up, even to her?
Because you are trying to safeguard yourself from the probability, no matter how slight, of losing her; the mere thought is paralyzing.
Have you gone completely mental! Do you honesty think she still cares about you; and in terms of losing her, seems you already have.
Deep sigh
Every night for five years, I dreamt about no other face but yours: the little 10-year-old girl who ran after the Hogwarts Express; your flaming red hair as you lay on the brink of death down in the Chamber of Secrets; the way you comforted your brother after he was turned down by a veela during my fourth year; the way you stood you to me when I tried to stop you from coming with us to rescue my godfather; you grew up before my very eyes and it took six years to realize what was there from the start: you are my equal.
I still do not know what possessed me to kiss you when we won the Cup, but it remains, if it could be classified as one, my favorite mistake.
I tried to protect you... too much in hindsight.
knocks head on the door
Standing outside her door, after five years, would not help you win her back.
I cannot let her leave again.
That will be the death of me.
I have to do something.