I have insomnia. You get an update.

Chapter 6

We did what Dally said. We laid low. We played cards. I got a lucky flush and won all Johnny's cigarettes. I traded them back for kisses while Pony made faces at us. Johnny finding Gone with the Wind was a stroke of genius. That's one long book. But it was perfect – it was gross enough for the boys and romantic enough for me.

It was hard, hiding and being confined like that. We all were bored and easily spooked, by strange noises and by our own random thoughts. But in some ways, it was nice. Johnny and I took to taking long walks at dusk, when it was dark enough to be out of the old church but light enough to see our way. One night, we sat with Ponyboy and watched the sunset, and he recited an old Robert Frost poem. Pony's amazing. I know half the reason I like school and museums and going to the library is because of Pony. He's going to be famous someday. If we ever get out of this church.

"I could live out here," I said the next night to Johnny, as we watched the stars come out. There were so many of them here, without the city lights to get in the way. "Heck, I could even live right here, in the church, as long as you were here."

I'd meant it to sound sweet, but Johnny looked horrified.

"Glory, Cinnamon, this ain't the kind of life I want for you," Johnny said. "I want us to have a nice house and enough money and we don't want to be looking over our shoulders all the time."

In that moment, I understood why Soda was so willing to forgive Sandy and marry her. I could imagine Johnny's dream, a little house, somewhere outside of the city, where we could make a nice, quiet home, something he never had. My house wasn't quiet and Darry had become loud and demanding, but it was still a haven. My brothers could come for dinner on Sundays and we'd play football in the yard, like we did now.

"I think I should turn myself in," Johnny said. "You and Pony, you can't really get into any trouble. And you saw them tryin' to drown Pony, you can testify it was self-defense. You can tell them what … well, what that boy was trying to do." He ran one finger down the rip in the sweater. "I ain't got a record, I could get off easy."

"Pony will kill you," I said. "You made him dye his hair and you want to go back?"

Tears stood in his eyes but he refused to let them fall. "I think it'd be easier to live with, if I went back, got it over with," he said. "And besides, now I got something to straighten it out for."

I looked at Johnny. I knew the police and the Socs and probably half of Tulsa might see a murderer, but I saw a handsome boy who just wanted to be loved and be safe. He'd done what he did out of love for me, and for Pony, too, and because he'd been backed into a corner.

I wasn't stupid. I knew you didn't always end up with the guy you loved when you were in high school. But my mother had. I remembered how, when she thought we children weren't looking, she'd walk by Dad and kiss and neck, or pat his behind, or look at him in this way that somehow made me embarrassed.

"When it all turns out, I'll be here," I said, and we kissed in the moonlight.

We walked back to the church hand in hand. Johnny went inside to start the stove. Pony was standing by the pump, smoking. "Y'all are cozy," he said.

"Yeah, we are." I paused. "Do you mind that?"

"What, you and Johnnycake? Nah. My best friend and my sister, that ain't so bad." Pony took a drag of his cigarette. "Just … just let me in, sometimes, too."

I hugged him as tight as I could. What was he talking about? He was my little brother.

"Cinny? You think Darry's worried?"

"I think Darry's mad."

"Yeah." Pony stubbed out his cigarette. "Sometimes I think the only reason you and me are still around is because Soda wouldn't let him send us away."

"Sometimes I think that too. And because of Mom and Dad – because they would want us to be together." I could feel tears rising in spite of myself. "Pony?"

"Yeah?"

"I think Soda's about worried to death."

"Yeah," he said. "Me, too."

"Good glory, she looks like a boy."

I squinted up at the voice. Dally was grinning down at me. Ponyboy was on his feet in two seconds. "Dally! How's Soda? Are the fuzz after us? What happened?"

"Whoa, wait, one thing at a time." Dally reached out a hand and pulled Johnny to his feet.

"You're some alarm clock, Dal," he said.

Dally shrugged. "Y'all been eating? You look pale."

"You told us to stay inside," I reminded him.

"The cops won't be looking for you up here. I got hauled into the station and kinda let it slip you went to Texas."

"What'd you get hauled in for?" Johnny asked.

"Johnny. Use your head. There was a dead Soc in the park, who'd ya think they were going to ask?"

"Why Texas?" I asked.

He fixed me with a stare. "'Cause you ain't there."

I stood up, trying to dust off my jeans, though I wasn't sure why I was bothering.

"Come on, I'll buy you breakfast. I'm starving."

"You're starving?" Johnny said. "Try eating baloney for a week." He came up behind me and put his hands on my waist. Dally gave us a long, hard look before shaking his head and digging in his pocket.

"Hey, I got a letter for you Curtises."

"A letter?" Pony asked. "From who?"

"From the President," Dallas said sarcastically. "C'mon. From Sodapop."

I looked outside. Buck Merril's T-bird was parked there, but nothing else.

"He ain't here, Cinnamon," Dally said. "He came to see me and found those shirts – his old sweatshirt, the one Pony had on, and Darry's old jersey. He saw that all ripped to hell and for a couple of seconds he thought – well, never mind. But he had the idea I knew where you were. I wouldn't tell him anything, but he didn't believe me." He held out an envelope. "He gave me this."

Ponyboy took it and ripped it open. Money fell out.

Ponyboy, Cinnamon,

Well I guess you got yourselfs into some sort of a mess. Darry nearly went nuts when the two of you never came back, and then what with them finding that dead kid, it scared us to death. The police were here and we told them everything we could. Pony, Darry is awful sorry he hit you. You know he didn't mean it. He hasn't got the slightest notion of where you are at and it is killing him. I know Dally knows where you are but he keeps his trap shut good. I wish you'd come home but I guess Johnny would get in trouble. You all are famous. There was a paragraph in the newspaper, even. I saved it. I wish you'd call, just for a minute so we'd know you're all right. I miss you. Take care of each other. Say hi to Johnny.

Sodapop Curtis

God, I wanted to see him.

Dally took us to the Dairy Queen in Windrixville. Pony and Johnny both got huge banana splits and I had a cheeseburger for breakfast. Anything that wasn't baloney.

"Things are bad," Dally said. "The Socs and us are having warfare all over the city. That kid you killed had plenty of friends. You can't even walk alone. I started carrying a heater --"

"Dally!" Johnny scolded. No one else would ever have gotten away with scolding Dallas.

"It ain't loaded, kid, I ain't stupid," Dally said. "We're having it out tomorrow night, a rumble in the lot. If we win, they back off our turf and let us be." He smiled broadly. "And we got us a spy. That red-headed Soc from the movies, the dead kid's girl."

"Cherry?" I said.

"Yeah. Little traitor."

No, I thought, she just wanted it to stop.

"She said them boys was itchin' for a fight," Dally went on. "She said she'd testify. That guy, Randy, he said they tried to drown Pony. Socs telling the truth. What's the world coming to?"

I looked at Johnny. He leaned over the front seat and said to Dally, "We're going back."

Pony choked on his ice cream. Dally's face went white and hard and he started the car and pulled out of the parking lot so quickly Ponyboy's Pepsi went flying out the window. Johnny explained everything he'd told me the night before. I put my hand on his shoulder and kept it there while he talked.

"Blast it, Johnny, why didn't you think of this five days ago?" Dally grumbled.

"I was scared," Johnny said simply. "I still am. But I can't stay in that church my whole life, and it ain't fair to have Soda and Darry worrying about Pony and Cinnamon." He paused, then said, "I don't suppose my parents are worried about me?"

"The boys are worried," Dally said. "Two-Bit was packed up to go to Texas to find you."

"Did my parents ask about me?" Johnny repeated.

"No," Dally snapped. "So what? My parents don't care. They never came to see me in jail, never notice when I ain't there – it don't bother me none."

And it didn't. But it sure bothered Johnny. I slid next to him and put my arms around him. I didn't care what Dally thought.

"Johnny," Dally said, "think about this. You get hard in jail. You don't want to go to jail."

"You rather have me on the run for the rest of my life?" Johnny asked. "Because if you do, I'll go – but you have to take Pony and Cinnamon back."

"No," I whispered.

"Cinny, I --" Johnny started, but then he realized I wasn't talking about his potential disappearance. Dally had come over a crest and the church was full in front of us. It was on fire.

We jumped out of the car, with Dally hollering at us to stop before he broke our necks. We ignored him. There was a crowd in front of the church, mostly little kids, and Pony asked what happened.

"Don't know," a good-natured man said. For some reason, I thought of Soda – he'd be like that in twenty years, not much bothers him, no matter what happens around him. "We were having a school picnic up here and then, poof!"

"I bet we started it," Pony mumbled at Johnny. Dally came up behind us, still cussing under his breath. I shot him a look – did he not see these little kids?

Then we all heard it – faint screaming from inside the burning building, just as a frantic woman ran up, yelling, "I can't find all the kids!"

We took off running, the three of us, with Dally bellowing at us to come back, and suddenly Johnny skidded to a stop, turned to me, and shouted in my face, "Stay here!" Before I could answer, he grabbed my shoulders and pulled me into a bruising kiss. "Stay here. I love you. Stay here."

I nodded and he and Pony sprinted into the burning church. A few minutes later, a window broke and they started handing kids through. I got as close as I dared, along with that good-natured guy, and herded the kids back to the adults. I couldn't hear myself think. I never knew fire was so loud.

Dally went past me, pushing me behind him, back toward safety. "Get back, the roof's going!" he yelled. "Ponyboy, Johnny, Jesus Christ, get the hell out of there!"

Ponyboy was halfway out the window when Dally knocked him the rest of the way out. I ran forward to drag him out of harm's way. He was out cold and the back of his jacket was smoldering.

Then there was a terrific crash and Hell fell in on Johnny and Dallas.