Chapter 11

Pony was getting better, even though he still had to stay in bed for another week or so, and Darry tried to get our house back to normal, or what passed for normal since Mom and Dad died. Darry didn't want Ponyboy to stay alone at first, and I volunteered to stay with him, but we'd both missed almost two weeks of school, so he sent me back that Wednesday. He'd taken Wednesday off, Soda was taking Thursday and by Friday, they hoped Pony could stay by himself.

Normally, I like school. I didn't love it like Ponyboy and Darry did, but I didn't hate like Soda had either. Some things were interesting – science was interesting, how things in nature worked together. I'd always liked to read so I didn't mind English. Math was even okay, even though I felt like my Geometry book was written in Japanese. But I was scared to go back. Johnny had been in two of my classes and Pony and I always walked together. I wanted to be home with my family. I wanted to just lie on the bed next to Ponyboy and read the rest of Gone with the Wind.

Even though Two-Bit walked with me, so I wasn't actually alone, I felt like everyone was staring at me as we came into the school yard. He stood with me until the first bell rang and then, with a puzzled look, left me by the front stairs. I couldn't make myself go in.

"Hey, Cinnamon!" It was Angela Shepard. Angel and I weren't exactly friends, with what my brothers thought of her brothers, but we'd always gotten along fine and we had each other's backs when we needed to.

Angela looked at me looking at the building and smiled kindly. She knew the score. "Come on, I'll walk in with you," she said. "Maybe some Soc will talk some trash and I can pound the shit out of them."

"Nah," I said, trying to keep my voice from shaking. I turned away. "I'm not going. Thanks, though."

I walked down to the DX and waited while Soda finished pumping some lady's gas. He came over to me, wiping his hands on a rag. "Why ain't you in school?" he said.

I shrugged. "I don't know. I just … I thought I'd wait for Ponyboy."

He gave me a look, a look that seemed to look into my soul, and I shifted uncomfortably. "Well, you ain't hangin' out here," he said, and pointed firmly to Steve's car.

He brought me home and Darry jumped about a foot when we came in the door. "Cinnamon, are you sick?" he demanded.

"No, not exactly," I mumbled. I looked pleadingly at Soda, but he just stood there with his arms folded across his chest, looking as stern as Darry. I had to look away. I couldn't stand him looking so disappointed.

"Don't tell me you're ditching," he said, his voice rising.

"Not exactly," I said again.

"Then what, exactly?" Darry asked, completely perplexed.

"I just wanted to be here," I said lamely. "I just … I just wanted to be at home."

Soda's expression went from stern to understanding. He shot Darry a meaningful look and came over to put his arms around me. "Cinnamon. We'll all still be here when you get home from school," he said gently. "Darry and Pony, anyway, and I'll be on my way."

"I know."

"Then let me take you back," he said, his voice still soothing. "I'll even walk you in. We'll give Mr. Withers a heart attack -- he'll think I dropped back in."

"I ain't ready," I whispered to his chest.

Darry sighed and pulled his car keys out of his pocket. I braced myself for the fight. Instead, he said to me, "Stay with Ponyboy, you hear? Soda, you best get back to work." And he left.

I wandered into Pony and Soda's room, where Pony was sitting wide-eyed, like he couldn't believe Darry hadn't hollered or grounded me or worse. Honestly, I didn't believe it myself.

An hour later, Darry was back. Ponyboy was drawing pictures and I was sprawled on Soda's side of the bed reading The Man with the Golden Gun. Darry dumped a huge shopping bag between us.

"Here," he said. "These are your schoolbooks, for both of you, all the assignments that you missed and all your work through next week. Cinnamon, if you're going to be home, by God, you're going to study. And Ponyboy, if you feel well enough to draw and smoke and complain about how bored you are, you can do some catching up, too."

He leaned over and pulled the novel out of my hand and I flinched. I didn't mean to, I didn't think about it, I just did. Darry's mouth fell open.

A few months back, during a screaming argument about one thing or another, Darry had yelled, "I swear to God, Cinnamon Marie, I'm going to take you over my knee and you won't sit down for a week!" I didn't believe him, but he took a furious step toward me and I ducked behind Soda and out the back door.

"Cinny," Darry said slowly, "you afraid of me?"

All I could do was shrug. I never really thought he'd hit me -- but then he'd slapped Ponyboy.

I sat up straight and started unpacking the books, sorting mine from Pony's. I couldn't look at him.

"Thanks, Darry," Pony said finally.

"You're welcome," Darry said roughly. "Yell if you need help. I remember a thing or two about a thing or two." He paused, then continued, "I want you to be all set to go back. The hearing is Monday, and you're both going back to school on Tuesday, savvy?"

"Sure," Pony said.

"Okay," I mumbled.

Neither of us wanted to ask what would happen if the hearing didn't go well.

"Cinnamon, your skirt's too short," Darry said.

"I know my skirt's too short. It's the only skirt I have. It's this or Soda's old jeans." I was standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom, braiding my hair. There was one piece that wouldn't stay in the plait; I'd already redone it twice. "You can't see my underwear. I had Pony check."

Darry made a funny noise in the back of his throat. I looked at him in the mirror. "What?"

"Nothing. Never mind. Come on, we have to get going."

We were due down at the courthouse in an hour. It wasn't far, but Darry was determined we not be late and he was worried about the early-morning traffic. He and Soda and Pony were all dressed up, too – Pony was even wearing a tie. It was like we thought by looking presentable, we wouldn't be split up.

I tugged at my hem. I hadn't worn this skirt since Mom and Dad's funeral and Darry was right, it was too short. I'd grown since then. Darry was over six feet tall – I wondered how tall I'd end up to be.

Soda came in behind me and took the brush out of my hand. "Come on, we have to go," he said, quickly and perfectly braiding my hair. I tried to smile at him.

None of us said a word in the car. When we got to the courthouse, Pony's doctor was there, talking to the judge. Pony was taking Johnny's death mighty hard, even harder than me, in some ways. I'd heard him say a couple of times that Johnny wasn't dead or that Johnny hadn't killed Bob Sheldon. It was worrisome, but Darry said if we gave him time he'd be all right.

Besides us, Cherry Valance and her parents were there, and Randy, Bob Sheldon's friend, and his parents. Two of the other boys were there, with a couple of men that must have been their fathers. I recognized one of them as the Soc who ripped my sweater and I shivered and slid closer to Sodapop on the worn bench. He put a comforting arm around me. Pony reached over to hold my hand and Darry put his arm along the back of the bench, so some part of him was touching each of us.

We were sitting in order, I realized suddenly, Darry, Soda, me and Pony. It was the way Mom and Dad lined us up for pictures, or to get treats to eat in front of our favorite TV shows, or to bring our plates to the table. If they sent us away, I wondered if we three younger ones could go together. What would it be like to come home from school and not see Darry? To eat dinner at a different table, or to study on a different couch? Sleep in a different bed? Who'd hug Ponyboy if he had a nightmare? Who'd be there for me to crawl in with, even though I wasn't really allowed, if I was lonely or sad or cold? I had to take deep breaths to keep from busting out crying right there.

The judge asked Cherry and Randy and those other boys what happened, and for the most part, they all told the truth. Randy had come to the house to see Ponyboy when he was sick; I guess they were trying to do the right thing. The judge asked Darry and Soda about Dally and what had happened the night Pony and Johnny and I ran away. When it was my turn, he asked me about the night in the park, and I told him that Johnny had done what he did to protect me and Pony; that he wasn't a violent boy but he was afraid for us. The judge also asked me about living with Darry and how I liked school and what I wanted to be when I grew up. I kept puling on my hem even though Darry was looking daggers at me from the front row. Then he asked me if I found it hard to be the only girl in our house. I looked right at him and said, "No, sir. They're my family." Even from across the room, I could see tears in Soda's eyes.

Then it was Pony's turn. The judge didn't say one thing about Johnny or Bob Sheldon. He asked the same questions about Darry and school and then smiled kindly and told Pony to quit chewing on his fingernails. Then he said we were acquitted and the case was closed, and we were all free to go home with Darry.

You'd think, after a scare like that, we'd all be appreciating each other and loving on each other and we'd turn into some kind of perfect little family, but real life isn't like that. We went back to school the next day. Ponyboy and I had both caught ourselves up as best we could while we were out, but three weeks later Pony's grades were slipping. I was doing okay, except for that blasted Geometry. I finally asked Mrs. Mayron to help me, and she told me she didn't waste her time on hoodlums and murders and sent me home. It was worse than what Mrs. Cade said to me in the hospital.

I poured out the whole story to Ponyboy as we walked home, not noticing until we were a block away that he wasn't listening, just looking miserable. "What's the matter?" I asked finally.

"I got a note Darry's gotta sign," he said. "About how lousy I'm doing."

I winced.

"I know," Pony said dejectedly. "He's gonna be some mad. I ain't looking forward to the lecture."

"Want me to sign it?" I said. "He'd never know."

"Yeah, he would," Pony said. "He'd find out. I don't know how, but he would." He scuffed his feet on the sidewalk. "I don't know what difference it makes anyway. I'll have to get a job as soon as I graduate."

This wasn't what Mom and Dad had wanted for us. When Darry was accepted to college, they'd been busting with pride, and to them, it was just proof that the rest of us were headed there as well. But Ponyboy was right, Darry and Soda couldn't support a family of four, not on what they were making, and even though Darry had told us we were not getting jobs while we were in school, I was planning on finding something part-time as soon as I turned sixteen. I didn't know if I wanted to, but I felt like I had to. Things don't always turn out like you expect.