A/N: Erm, yes. I just wanted to apologize to everyone who has seen this story posted before. I got kicked off...again...and this is my last shot. There shan't be any sex in any more of my stories, ever...sorry to disappoint...if you want to read sex, there is a link in my profile that you would enjoy. ;) Anything dirty will be replaced by parentheses saying (edited), which I fear is really going to detract from the funny, but there you are. So...after reading so many Harry/Draco fics, I have decided to write a sort of parody, making fun of all the plot devices that are used so often. I hope you enjoy it!

"Potter."

"Malfoy."

The two boys glared at each other evilly from across the trophy room. They had been spewing vile words hence in Care of Magical Creatures and thusly ended up with detentions cleaning the trophies without magic, much to the glee of Filch; it seemed to be his favorite punishment.

They stood staring for several minutes; then Harry resignedly dropped his tough guy pose and began scrubbing a trophy. Malfoy began on the other side of the room, and neither spoke for several minutes. Harry noted with anger that Malfoy seemed to be going agonizingly slow, and felt like pushing him into a glass case of trophies and watching with glee as he glued all the little pieces back together, WITHOUT MAGIC. That would teach him about his superiority complex or whatever the fuck was his problem. Harry scowled into his trophy, then had a sudden thought.

"Malfoy?"

"What, Potter?" Malfoy said exasperatedly, smirking.

"Do you ever wonder if we could be friends?"

"Well gee, it's crossed my mind from time to time. Are you saying you'd like to be friends?"

"Well, maybe."

"I bet if we have a good conversation during this detention and find out that we really aren't all that different, it would be easy for us to become friends."

"Okay. What Quidditch team do you support?"

And so it went for three hours; cleaning the trophies and chattering away about Quidditch, family, friends, classes. Both learned that the other was gay, to their convenience; however, Draco was promised to Pansy Parkinson, even though he didn't love her. Harry found this simply atrocious. At the end of the night neither was quite sure what to say. So Harry just kissed Draco and he felt a shiver run all over his body, sure that Draco was feeling exactly the same.

"Harry," Draco began, calling him Harry for the first time in his life which is of the utmost significance, "we can't be in a relationship. We're supposed to hate each other and my father is an evil Dark Lord supporter and the Dark Lord wants you dead and I'm probably going to get Marked when I come of age and then I have to marry Pansy and have lots of little Malfoy heir children that look exactly like me. Even though I'm gay it doesn't matter because I have to produce an heir. So, I think we're destined not to be together and the relationship would just be too much work."

Harry gave Draco his infamous puppy dog look, turning his bright green eyes wide and innocent. "Pleeeease?"

Draco sighed. He was always a sucker for puppy dog looks; they really got him thinking with his dick, instead of his brain. "I suppose we can give it a try. We have to meet in secret though and pretend we hate each other or else I'm fucked," and you better let me top or this just won't even be worth it because I bet you're a useless top that comes after about sixty seconds, he added in his thoughts.

Harry grinned and nodded and kissed him again, then walked back up to the common room. When he got in, Hermione could tell something was different about him, but Ron couldn't, because he's slow. Hermione and Ron said hello and then went back to making out in the corner, because they are dating. Harry did his homework and went to bed.

The next day they were in Potions class when Snape decided to give them partner assignments. "You will be working with your partner for the rest of the year. I will choose the pairs." He smiled evilly. "Potter and Malfoy." Harry's eyes widened – surely this was a joke? He could never work in such close quarters with Malfoy, especially now that he knew their true feelings for each other! Ron and Hermione gave him sympathetic looks; they had conveniently ended up partnered together. He threw his books in his cauldron furiously and dragged it over next to Malfoy, who was smirking.

"All right, Potter?"

"Sod off," Harry said, scowling. He sat like that with his arms crossed for a good five minutes, painfully aware of how close Draco was sitting to him, before Draco prodded his arm gently.

"Potter, we have to get the ingredients."

"Fine." He got up and went to get them, his arm searing from where Draco had touched it. It felt like an electric fire running all through his body. By the time he got back to his seat, his face was flushed from numerous fantasies that had crept into his mind, while Draco just looked perfectly calm and controlled. How was he always so fucking calm and controlled, while Harry couldn't control his emotions at all? He sat back down and busied himself sorting the ingredients while Draco smirked and added some, stirring every so often. This particular potion had to simmer for an unspecified long amount of time, and with everyone so very involved in their own potion, it gave Harry and Draco the perfectly convenient opportunity to chat.

"When do I get to see you again?" Draco asked quietly.

Harry was momentarily startled, and all he said was "Ummmm....," immediately thereafter berating himself for sounding like such a nimrod.

"Will you meet me tonight?"

"Okay..."

"Midnight. The Astronomy Tower. Is that all right?"

"Yeeeeeesss..." Harry trailed off with a squeak as he felt Draco's hand on his thigh. "Draco, what are you doing!" he hissed, even though there are no s's in that sentence.

"What?" Draco asked, completely expressionless. "How much longer does the potion have to sit for?"

"I don't...I don't know!" Harry squealed as Draco moved higher and closer to (edited for ).

"Is there a problem here?" Snape asked, swooping down on them with his robes billowing about him and his face twisted into an ugly sneer, his nose protruding more than normally and his sallow cheeks looking somewhat sunken, although this did not stop students (boys and girls alike) from sighing dreamily over him and putting his initials in little hearts in their notebooks and fantasizing about mounting his scrawny, sallow body, because honestly, what other teachers could be deceptively alluring? Flitwick? McGonagall? No, it must be Snape. Harry felt his erection twitch at the sound of the Potions Master's deep, sexy voice that moreso belongs to Alan Rickman/fanon Snape than canon Snape but is still really deep and sexy.

"Not at all, Professor," Draco said smoothly, lightly squeezing (edited). Snape leered unpleasantly, then glanced in the cauldron.

"Excellent work, Mr. Malfoy. I hope Potter isn't bothering you too much."

Draco smirked and ran his hand harder over (edited). Harry suppressed a moan/groan/squeak. "Surprisingly, he's being quite docile."

Harry glowered, and Draco continued smirking his annoying smirk that Harry just wanted to suck right off his face. Snape smirked as well and swept away, his robes still billowing menacingly about him, probably off to torture Neville until he blew up another cauldron.

"Docile?" Harry muttered under his breath. "Maybe – if – I – wasn't – about to – come – in – my – pants." He took in sharp breaths between each word.

"Well we can't have that, can we? Don't want you to make a mess all over our potion. Oh look, we need to add the eel juice," Draco said, and promptly removed his hand from Harry's lap, adding it and stirring a few times counterclockwise. Harry just sat with his eyes as wide as dinner plates while he tried to ignore the bolt of desire that was begging to claim him, had been begging to claim him since he first felt Draco's electric touch. "Come on, Potter, aren't you going to help at all?"

"You just – you can't just start – and then – what do you-" Harry spluttered, past coherence. Draco just smirked, as always.

"Please bring a flask of your potion up to my desk for grading. Class dismissed." There was a flurry of motion as everyone cleaned up and gathered their things together. Harry stood up slowly, trying to hide his (edited). He glanced at Draco, who was coolly putting his things away. Did the boy never get turned on???

"Astronomy Tower, midnight, Potter, and we'll see what we can do about your...problem." Draco smirked again and walked off with Crabbe and Goyle, and Harry was left standing there spluttering, utterly confused and aroused. Hermione and Ron walked over to him, giving him sympathetic looks.

"Don't let him get to you, Harry! Look, you're all worked up."

"Yeah Harry, he's just a blubbering git. Don't pay attention to anything he says."

Harry smiled weakly and nodded as the three walked away to get lunch. If only they knew how wonderful Draco could be when you were just having a conversation with him, not when he was teasing you mercilessly...he had to take care of this...problem he had, so he told Hermione and Ron he had to go to the lavatory and said he'd meet them in the Great Hall. They agreed and he ran in, locking himself in a stall. Was he really about to do this in a bathroom stall? He shook his head and reached one hand into his. He trembled as (edited) until he finished. He cleaned himself up and willed his cheeks to return to normal color, then went to join Ron and Hermione at lunch.

All through the rest of his classes, Harry couldn't stop thinking about Draco and what might happen that night at the Astronomy Tower...Harry knew it was a popular makeout scene for the students, although he had never been there himself, what with his nonexistent sexual experience. Harry wasn't a prude, he was just waiting for the right person. He bit his lip as he looked in the mirror at 11:45 that night; was Draco the right person? After checking the Marauder's Map for signs of Filch or Snape (the thought of Alan Rickman's deep sexy baritone was enough to get him itchy for action) he set off for the Astronomy Tower under his invisibility cloak.

A/N: There you be, the first installment of Just Another Harry/Draco Slash Story! What's going to happen at the Astronomy Tower? Will Hermione figure out what's going on? Stay tuned (and review, please, please review!) And I apologize again for the edits. I know they suck, but I thought I wasn't taking any chances last time, and it still managed to happen. I heart you all!