Harry and Draco stayed in most of that weekend, having lots of sex and sleeping. Draco wanted to top again, but Harry point-blank refused, saying he might as well just pull on a finger for all the pleasure it gained him. A little house-elf conveniently brought them all their meals, and they romped delightfully in Draco's Private Bedroom for hours.

Still, no one could know about their relationship yet, so they walked into the Great Hall for breakfast Monday morning separately. Funnily enough, no one noticed that they had both been gone all weekend without a whisper of their whereabouts, but everyone did notice that something, something, was different. The Gryffindors all felt Harry's newfound confidence and sexuality somehow; maybe the way his hair fell sexily over his forehead, or the way his Quidditch-toned muscles rippled beneath his tight black t-shirt that he was for some reason wearing instead of his school robes, or the way he smirked cockily as he sat down. Everyone was drawn to him and immediately ran for the one empty seat next to him (Hermione was across, Ron, on the other side). Seamus made it.

"You know, Harry, me and Dean broke up last night," Seamus breathed in his sexy accent. (Somewhere in the background, Dean (aka the Adorable Alfred Enoch (OMG I love parentheses within parentheses)) yelled, "NO WE DIDN'T YOU MOTHERFU-")

"Really," Harry replied, taking a cherry and placing it between his lips, biting down gently as a droplet of juice pearled on his lower lip.

"Unnnhhhh…." Seamus moaned as Harry's pink tongue darted out swiftly to catch the bit of red moisture. Seamus scooted as close to Harry as was possible, and was practically breathing on his cheek and/or coming on his leg.

"That's too bad, Seamus. Are you feeling all right?" Harry asked with concern. Seamus was his friend, after all.

"I…I don't know, Harry. Maybe you should come back…to the dorm room and we…could…talk…" Seamus' eyes were large and pleading.

"Well, class starts soon, Seamus. But maybe we could talk tonight, after dinner," Harry suggested innocently. He wasn't used to being a sex god, after all.

"Oh, God, yes," Seamus licked his lips hungrily. "Thanks, Harry. You're such a great…friend."

"No problem!" Harry grinned. He sure loved helping people out, though he wondered why Seamus was sitting so close to him. He was probably just very sad, Harry decided.

After breakfast, he walked out into the corridor, very conveniently alone, and was immediately slammed against the wall and dragged into a conveniently empty classroom nearby.

"What the fuck was that," Draco snarled, his breath hot on Harry's face. It made Harry a bit aroused, really.

"What?" Harry asked, cocking his head to one side and exposing his long, lengthy neck (don't long and lengthy mean the same thing, the author hears you asking? Yes, yes they do.).

"You and Finnigan, just there! He was practically LICKING you and you were just SITTING there-"

"Seamus just got over a bad breakup, Draco. He just needed someone to talk to."

"Harry, are you blind?! He wants to fuck you!"

Harry looked very surprised. "What? No, not Seamus. We're just-"

"He's just practically sitting on your lap at breakfast, drooling at you while you eat fruit all seductively, rubbing his-" Harry's neck went further to the side- "leg all over-" Harry closed his eyes- "you…oh God, Harry, you look like you just want to be devoured-"

"I do," Harry whispered, lifting his chin. Draco dove in.

He licked and bit at Harry's neck madly, sucking and marking him as Harry's hands dragged over Draco's sides, pulling at his shirt, rubbing over his skin, and Draco moaned and slammed their hips together.

"I love the way your tongue feels on me, oh fuck, Draco, can you (edit)"

Draco cut him off by pressing their mouths together and their tongues met wetly, hotly. Harry's fingers (edit). "Get over there," Harry demanded, jerking his chin toward a desk.

"Wha…"

"I can't wait to (edit)," Harry all but snarled, pushing Draco against the desk. Draco (edit) and looked back at Harry, licking his lips.

"What are you waiting for?" he smirked. Harry's mouth dropped open.

"Ah," he breathed as (edit).

"Harry," Draco murmured. Harry gave a grunt. "Harry, we have to go to class."

"No, I don't wanna," Harry whined.

"You have to get off me, and we have to go to Potions."

"Shit," Harry muttered. "How am I supposed to sit through Potions with you without touching you?"

"Come on, Harry. Get off."

"I just did," Harry said smugly. Draco rolled his eyes. "Fiiiine."

Draco scourgify-ed them and pulled his trousers up. Harry just stood there, his hair sticking up all over the place, his face flushed and his lips red and pouty, and his trousers around his calves.

"As much as I want to ravish you again right now, we have to go," Draco said, pulling up Harry's pants. "Stop pouting, you look like a five-year-old."

Harry just pouted even more at this, of course.

"Harry, please promise me you won't let Finnigan flirt with you so much. Tell him you're taken, or straight, or something, I just don't want to see his sick-"

"He's not sick," Harry said sharply.

"Oh, so now you're defending him? Tell me, Harry, just what did you and Seamus talk about this morning?"

"None of your business," Harry said, frowning. "I'm going to class."

"Fine, go!"

"Fine!"

Harry stormed out of the classroom. Draco sighed wearily, then walked slowly out after him, reminding himself that he now had an irritated Harry to sit through Potions with and would probably not be getting any under-the-table action. As he was walking past the wide-open doors into the castle, a sleek owl flew in and dropped an envelope in his hands. He opened it quickly, curious, and a piece of paper fluttered to the floor. He grabbed it. It was a picture of him and Harry in the classroom they had just been in, having sex.

What the fuck?

He turned it over and saw a message written.

Draco,
Wonderful plan, seducing Harry into your trust.
I wonder why you didn't inform me of it before?
He may be good in bed, son, but if you fail to turn him over to the Dark Lord, there will be hell to pay.
I'll make sure of that.

Lucius, you don't have to sound so harsh! He's just a boy, after all-

Narcissa, I'm trying to dictate to my new quill here, and you're interfering with the-

He's our son, Lucius, and I don't want you saying things like that to him!

He needs to understand that – Christ, Narcissa, this is all getting copied down! Draco, owl me your plan at your earliest convenience or I will crucio – honey, I'm trying to write here – I will cut you – Narcissa, stop! Or I will be very angry, Draco! Goodbye!

Shit, Draco thought, panicked. His father knew. What was he going to do now? Not go to Potions, that's for sure. He'd explain it all to Sev later. Draco turned and ran for his Private Bedroom. He needed to think.

Harry sat in Potions, fuming. There were only ten minutes left in class and Draco still hadn't shown up. What the fuck was he doing?

Snape approached him and sneered into his cauldron, muttering, "Where is Mr. Malfoy, Potter?"

"I don't know. I just saw him after breakfast and we fought sort of and I left."

"Stay after class. We need to chat."

Harry nodded defiantly and slouched in his chair, crossing his arms across his chest. Snape rolled his eyes at the obvious lack of respect and flounced, yes, flounced, away.

At the end of class, Harry packed up slowly and told Ron and Hermione he'd catch them up. As soon as the rest of the class had left, he walked toward Snape's desk, only to drop his bag as the door banged open and Malfoy ran in. His face was red and he was quite out of breath.

"Where were you?" Harry asked petulantly. Draco ignored him.

"Sev, I just got this from my father." He showed him the letter. Snape read it slowly, his eyes darkening. "There must be a spy somewhere here! That knows everything! That's going on! Who is it?!"

"I am not aware of any spies at Hogwarts, Draco. Calm down, we'll figure this out."

"Can I read it?" Harry asked.

"I think you better go, Potter. Draco and I need some time to talk."

"I want to stay! Draco, do you want me to stay?"

Draco's eyes narrowed as he remembered Finnigan rubbing himself on Harry at breakfast. He smirked. "Why don't you go find Seamus and give him a kiss for me, Potter?"

Harry's eyes welled with tears, because he too feels pain, and he let out a cry and ran from the room.

"That was harsh, Draco."

"Oh, so now you're on his side?!"

"Hardly. Beside the fact that you let Potter shag you in empty classrooms at eight in the morning, this is serious, Draco. Your father knows about you and clearly thinks it is some ploy to get Harry in Voldemort's hands. This will only speed up your Death Eater initiation, and you have to make a decision. Quick. Harry or your father."

"That's all I've been thinking about lately! Why does it always come down to that?"

"Because, Draco, this is the plotline that can make H/D fics so great. Your angst at your impending decision – will you go with your family, the people who raised you and loved you your whole life, your familial obligation, the honor of the Malfoys, the sickening amount of money you will inherit, your father's desire for you to marry a good, pureblood, trophy girl, and the effect your father's wishes have on you, or will you go with that stupid boy that has been on my last nerve since the tender age of 11, that was so skinny and runty and was just asking to be thrown into a cauldron of boiling acid, all the time, that clearly is good for sex now that he's grown into all his Quidditch-toned self, and that loves you dearly despite your sarcastic, bitter, evil tendencies? Do you really love him, or are you just using him for sex? If you're just using him for sex, why do you feel this way? Why can't you get rid of him? Why can't you just fuck someone else? Is it worth it, to be disowned, driven out of the family, to have absolutely no family like you've always made fun of Potter for? This is the tension that will drive the entire fic, Draco. Be sure to moan about it for a few more chapters, and make the readers think that yes, there actually is still a chance for Draco to choose his father, even though it's clear what's going to happen in the end."

Draco stared.

"Besides, you've bonded, haven't you?"

Draco nodded slowly.

"So you're pretty much stuck with him."

Draco nodded again.

"Okay, Draco, here's what's going down. You have to-"

"Did you just say what's doing down?"

"Yes, what?"

"Why on earth would you say that? That's insanely OOC. I can hardly speak, that is so OOC."

"Oh, shut up. I'm a lot 'cooler' because I'm fanon!Snape, not canon!Snape. What you have to do, no matter what you choose, is tell your father that you are just using Potter and he's beginning to trust you. Once you have his full trust, you can convince him to go somewhere with you, but you don't know how long that will take. The important thing is that you are believable. Do you understand, Draco? This isn't just your life, it's mine and Potter's too. You must seem completely real."

"I understand, Sev."

"Good. Go make up with Potter, then. No use to have you two fighting, and besides, we'll get to see your gentler side so we don't all think you're a sodding prick for even considering giving Harry up."

"Okay, talk to you later, Sev."

Draco rushed from the room. He assumed Harry would be at Gryffindor Tower and knew he needed to go there. He stopped at his room and grabbed Harry's invisibility cloak which had been left there "on accident" (by Harry, maybe, but not by the author) and ran up to the tower. He stood outside the portrait hole, waiting for someone to come or go, and finally, the door opened. Hermione stepped out. Now, Hermione's a pretty knowledgeable chick, so she clearly felt someone askance when she stepped out. On an off chance, she groped out at the space in front of her, and Draco's head appeared.

"Malfoy!" she hissed, like a snake. HISSSMALFOYSSSSSS (the author would like to take a brief moment to apologize for being on crack.). "What are you doing?"

"I need to talk to Harry," his floating head said.

"I wouldn't go in there if I were you-"

But it was too late; Malfoy had pulled the cloak back over him and ran into the common room only to find Harry sitting on a couch with Seamus, his arm around him and their foreheads together. Draco's mouth dropped open and he was on the verge of screaming obscenities and/or beating Seamus into the ground but he couldn't freak out in the middle of a bunch of Gryffindors, he just couldn't. So he did what any mature, self-respecting Malfoy would do – he walked over to Harry and pulled his hair. Hard.

"What the fuck-" Harry cried out and grabbed the back of his head. He looked behind him, but no one was there. "Who was that?"

Malfoy grabbed his wrist and saw the look of understanding go off in Harry's eyes.

"What's wrong, Harry?" Seamus asked with concern, putting one hand on Harry's knee.

"Nothing, I just – I have to go take care of something, Seamus, I'm sorry, we'll chat later, yeah?"

"Of course, is everything all right?"

"Yes, yes, lovely, I'll see you later-" Harry jumped up and climbed the stairs to the boys dorms, hoping Malfoy would follow. Malfoy did, and once they reached Harry's dorm, Harry performed a complicated locking charm on the door as Malfoy removed the invisibility cloak.

"What the hell do you want, tosser?" he asked, followed by a silencing charm, of course.

"I came to…to apologize."

"What?"

"I don't want us to be in a fight, Harry, not now that we've bonded and everything was going so well-"

"It's your own goddamn fault for being such an ass, you ass," Harry spat.

"Well what the fuck? I'm not the one out there SNUGGLING with SEAMUS FINNIGAN!"

"I wasn't SNUGGLING with him, we were just TALKING!"

"Yeah, right! If by talking you mean shoving each other's tongues down your throats-"

"We never did anything!"

"Fuck you!"

"Fine!"

Harry lunged at Draco and crashed their lips together, licking and biting at them furiously, (edit). Draco moaned and Harry pushed him onto the bed, sucking on his neck, holding his arms above his head.

"This is what-" licksquirm-"You get for-" bitemoan-"accusing me of-" grindgasp-"cheating-" Harry groaned, positively ripping Draco's shirt down the middle and taking a (edit). Draco wriggled beneath him, his eyes closed and his mouth open and panting, and Harry (edit). Harry sat back, wiping his mouth, satisfied.

"Still think I want Seamus?" he asked, his eyes glinting.

"Fuck, no," Draco replied, pulling Harry back down for a kiss.

While this great (edit) was going on, poor Ron really just wanted to get into the dorm room to get his essay that Hermione had been nagging him about to work on, but Harry's complicated locking charms had done their job and he couldn't break through. He ran for Hermione; she had been able to undo it when Harry had done it previously, so he was sure she'd do it again.

He found her climbing back in the portrait hole with a book. "Oh, Ron! I just ran to get this book from the library, it's supposed to be really fascinating, it's-"

"D'you think you could undo that locking charm Harry does on the dorm?"

"Oh, I, uh…I don't think that's such a good idea, Ron…"

"Why not? Last time it was for some stupid reason, I can't even remember why-"

"Is it really that you can't remember, or is it that the author just can't think of one?"

"What?"

"Really, let's just allow Harry his privacy, okay?"

"Come on, Hermione, you're the only one who can do it and I really want to get my essay for Charms!"

"You want to work on your essay?" Hermione asked, her heart melting. Maybe if she just ran up there, Harry and Draco wouldn't be doing anything bad, and she could get it and go. Ron nodded.

"Okay. Why don't you just let me go up, and I'll take care of it."

"No, because you don't know where it is."

"I'll go unlock it, and then I'll come get you, okay? I don't want Harry to be doing anything really private he doesn't want anyone to see."

"Fine, Hermione."

"Okay." Hermione went up the stairs to the boys dorm room. She listened closely to the door to see if she could hear anything – a voice or a moan or whatever – but it was completely quiet, so she took out her wand and uttered the complicated countercharm to Harry's spell. She heard the locks unclick and knocked on the door, opening it slowly. Just then, Ron came bounding up the stairs and pushed through the door and before she could stop him –

Ron walked right in to see Harry and a pretty much naked Draco sucking each other's faces like it was the breath of life between them.

Ron's eyes popped. Ron's ears turned red very quickly. Ron's mouth dropped open. And Ron started yelling.

"WHAT THE FUCK??!?!?!?!?!?!"

"Ron!"

"Aw, shit."

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE? HARRY? AND MALFOY? AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING HE'S NOT WEARING ANY CLOTHES AND YOU GUYS ARE KISSING AND OH SWEET JESUS WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON TELL ME RIGHT NOW WHAT IS GOING ON OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL AVADA KEDAVRA THIS BITCH!"

"Ron, calm down-"

"Yeah, Weasel."

"HARRY?! HARRY WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING? YOU AREN'T WITH HIM? YOU AREN'T – THIS IS MALFOY WE'RE TALKING ABOUT! WHY ISNT HE WEARING ANY CLOTHES OH GOD HARRY PLEASE TELL ME WHY HE ISNT WEARING ANY CLOTHES-"

"Because he just sucked me off, Weasley."

Hermione fainted.

Ron seemed momentarily at a loss for words so Malfoy, being Malfoy, kept going.

"That's right, he (edit)"

"Malfoy, this is not the time."

"So good with that (edit)"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, MALFOY!" Ron was back. "HARRY, WHAT THE FUCK! I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THIS AT ALL! THIS IS MALFOY WE'RE TALKING ABOUT AND YOU ARE SLEEPING WITH HIM AND HE'S BEEN SUCH A DICK TO US FOR THE WHOLE TIME WE'VE KNOWN HIM AND HE'S STILL A DICK AND HE'S GOING TO BE A DEATH EATER AND I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING-"

"Ron, please, calm down so we can talk about this."

"NO I WILL NOT CALM DOWN I HAVE BEEN KEPT IN THE DARK ABOUT THIS FOR SEVEN WHOLE FUCKING CHAPTERS AND I HAVE TO FREAK OUT ABOUT IT BECAUSE THAT'S MY ROLE AS YOUR QUICK-TO-ANGER BEST FRIEND SO YOU BETTER JUST GET USED TO ME TALKING IN CAPSLOCK! YEAH YOU FUCKING BETTER! LOOK HERMIONE HAS FAINTED BECAUSE SHE WAS SO SURPRISED AND I BET SHE'S AS PISSED ABOUT THIS AS ME!"

"Hermione already knew, Ron."

"WHAT? WHEN DID SHE FIND OUT?"

"Chapter two."

"CHAPTER TWO? HOW? THAT WAS SO FUCKING LONG AGO!"

"She always figures that kind of shit out, doesn't she?"

"HOW COULD SHE BE KEEPING IT FROM ME THIS WHOLE TIME? AND YOU! YOU'VE BEEN KEEPING IT FROM ME, LYING TO ME, YOU LYING LITTLE – AND I THOUGHT YOU WERE MEETING A GIRL BUT YOU WERE MEETING MALFOY OH GOD I THINK I'M GOING TO BE SICK."

And Ron stumbled out of the room and vomited on the stairs.

Harry ran over to Hermione and ennervate-d her while Draco pulled his trousers back on.

"Herm, are you okay?"

"Fine. The mental image of what Draco said overloaded my senses."

"Okay. Will you go talk to Ron? And hold back his hair while he vomits? And make sure he doesn't tell anyone else?"

"Of course, Harry dear."

Hermione left the room like a woman on a mission. Harry and Draco looked at each other. Draco smirked.

"I still owe you a blowjob, now, don't I?"

A/N: Sorry for the long time between updates. Hope this chapter was semi-funny :D I'll try to get the next one up sooner. Please review.