AN: I can't come up with stuff for this story using creativity, guesswork, or brainstorming. Nothing works. I get sudden random flashes of inspiration and then just go with it. It's very odd. The next (angsty) chapter is here! Woot.
Teenage Lupin sat on the far end of a large red couch in the crowded Griffyndor common room. The flames in the crackling fireplace next to him danced and glimmered on the golden surface of his prefect badge. He was surrounded by books, and was deeply absorbed in whatever he was writing. He was frowning deeply and he looked worn and tired. Well—he looked slightly above average in the looking terminally ill department—this was Lupin after all.
Harry leaned over and surveyed Lupin's essay. He had almost nothing written, except for a heading.
Remus Lupin
NEWT Defense Against the Dark Arts
February 27, 1977
Lupin scowled more and finally wrote down the assignment title.
Ways of Recognizing and Killing Werewolves
Harry winced. Ouch.
Lupin sighed darkly and tapped his quill roughly against the parchment repeatedly, covering the margin with dots. He stared into the fireplace for several minutes, making absolutely no progress on his paper.
The portrait swung open and James, Sirius, and Peter stepped inside. They were chatting with moderate levels of enthusiasm, but they immediately fell silent when they noticed Lupin.
James looked down at the floor, casually examining the quill in his hand. Peter's eyes flew to the ceiling. Sirius looked at Remus guiltily, like a small child who had accidentally broken his mother's favorite antique vase. He gave Remus a weak, wavering smile. Lupin returned his gaze with a closed, impassive expression. Oddly enough, Harry noticed, the expression seemed significantly more frosty and bitter than a simply glare would have been.
Sirius joined James in looking at the floor. They turned and headed towards the couch at the opposite end of the common room. Peter stood in the middle of the noisy common room, looking wildly back and forth between his friends. He threw a fleeting glance at Remus before running over to James and Sirius and sitting down. James looked at Remus apologetically. The three of them began conversing in low tones, occasionally glancing up at Remus, who had gone back to his extremely pleasant homework assignment. Lupin—and by default Harry—could hear what they were saying very clearly.
"Have you talked to him since the, eh…?" asked James.
"No," said Sirius unhappily. "Well—he said absolutely nothing for a week—now he's moved on slightly. He said a few things to me yesterday…"
"Like what?" inquired Peter.
Sirius began rattling off phrases. "Yes—no—leave me alone—the charms homework is on page 342, Sirius, I know you already know that, leave me alone—I don't want to talk to you—go away—please go away—I can't talk to you right now—please leave me alone now—I'm busy, leave me alone—"
"Yeah, ok, mate," said James, cutting him off. "Did you try to apologize?"
"Yes, I tried, Prongs," said Sirius, irritated. "He won't talk to me."
"Is it that surprising?" said James softly. "Because of you he almost—I mean, that would have destroyed him…"
"I know," said Sirius heavily.
"Do you think he can hear us now?" inquired Peter. All three of them paused and stared across the room at him.
"Moony?" said Sirius tentatively. "I'm sorry. I am. I'm really sorry. I'm really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really—"
Wordlessly, Remus slammed his books shut, threw everything into his bag, and stormed out of the common room. Harry followed him through the portrait hall and down the darkened corridor. He continued to trudge along, striding purposefully, with a look of muted anger and frustration on his face. Poor Lupin, thought Harry, he must be having a bad month. At least Harry now knew the reason behind his extremely foul mood. Lupin rushed right past a pretty, red haired girl as he turned a corner.
"Hullo, Remus," said the girl abruptly. Lupin's head snapped around.
"Hello, Lily," he said, his already mostly expressionless face softening.
"What are you doing out here?" she asked gently, falling into step beside him. "It must be nearly 10 o'clock."
"Patrolling," he said immediately. It wasn't totally false, Harry decided. They were wandering around the corridors.
"Again?" Lily laughed. It was a beautiful sound, like the tinkling of tiny silver bells. The sound echoed strangely in Harry's mind, like a half-forgotten dream, trying to resurface in his memory… "Honestly Remus, you've been patrolling every night for the past week and a half! We only have to patrol two nights a week." She shook her head. "Where are your friends?"
"They're…" he trailed off uncomfortablely. "I haven't….spoken to them much lately."
"Those arrogant berks finally drive you crazy?" she asked. "One prank too many. Had to happen some time." She laughed again.
"Something like that…" said Remus miserably. "Lily, do you have the Charms notes from last Monday, Tuesday, and, erm, Wednesday, too?"
"Yes," she said, rummaging through her bag. "Do you need them?" She pulled out a roll or parchment.
"Yes, thanks," he said gratefully, taking them from her hand. There was a silence.
"It was James, wasn't it?" she said suddenly.
"What?" asked Remus.
"James!" she repeated. "He did something so incredibly stupid and offensive that you can't even bring yourself to ask for his notes!"
"N—no," he said. "It wasn't James. James actually—if it hadn't been for him I would have—" He shivered slightly. Lily looked at him very curiously but didn't press him any further.
"Sirius can be a prat, too," she said matter-of-factly.
Lupin looked at the ground. They passed by several large windows, the faint light of the almost new moon casting pale shadows on their faces as they walked.
Lily looked sympathetically at the sad expression on his face. "Oh, Remus, whatever happened, I'm sure you four will make up eventually!" she said passionately.
"Thanks Lily," he said, giving her a small smile.
"10 points from Hufflepuff!" said an oily voice from another corridor. "And if you don't stop crying, it shall be 15!" It was far enough away that Lily probably couldn't hear it. Lupin could, and incidentally, Harry could as well. Frowning, Remus turned the corner and walked towards the sound. Lily and Harry turned and followed.
"Uh, oh, Remus is on a mission," she Lily, smiling. "You do have a certain knack for finding trouble, you know."
"It's a gift," said Lupin flatly. The two (three if you counted the invisible and intangible boy behind them) of them stopped short in front of Snape. He looked younger, and actually fouler than usual. There was a prefect badge on his chest as well. He was busily using his authority to "discipline" a sobbing Hufflepuff first year.
"What's going on here?" asked Lily, firmly but gently.
Snape looked back and forth between her and Lupin in disgust. "This child is out of bounds," he said, indicating the tiny, terrified looking boy. "And out past curfew. That is in direct violation of—" He glared pointedly at Lupin. "—school rules."
"Granted," said Lupin quietly. He turned to the little boy. "What were you doing out past curfew?" he asked him gently.
"I w—was looking for m—my p—pet toad," he bawled. "But I g—got lost and P—Peeves said that a b—big m—monster was going to eat m—me—" He continued, sobbing even harder. Snape glared at Lupin with even more hatred, if possible.
"Oh, my," said Lily. She knelt down and gave the boy a hug. "Nothing around here is going to eat you, hun," she said, trying to comfort him. He sunk his face into her robes and bawled in a fury of tears that could rival baby Dudley's.
"Oh, I don't know about that," hissed Snape, locking eyes with Lupin. "I've heard the forest is full of dangerous beasts—"
Lupin clenched his jaw and stared back at Snape, once again frowning.
"How's your Defense essay coming along, Lupin?" he sneered, his hand tightened on his wand. "What an interesting choice of a topic! I certainly am having a wonderful time researching how to exterminate disgusting—"
"Don't," Lupin said quietly. His eyes flew fearfully to Lily for a split second before returning to Snape.
Harry couldn't tell if she noticed or not. Lily looked up at both of them uncertainly from her spot on the floor, the first year still in her arms.
Snape's wand, already out, was now pointing towards Lupin. "You should be locked away somewhere—" he growled, advancing on him slightly.
Lupin backed up a fraction of an inch, both their eyes still locked. "Don't be an idiot, Severus—" he said tensely.
"Don't tell me what to do you filthy half—"
"That's enough," said Lily sharply, standing up. She looked angry and obviously—slightly confused. The first year had stopped crying outright and was now sniffling and holding her hand.
"Git," Harry said to Snape, who couldn't hear him anyway. "Slimy git," he added sportingly, directly to Snape's face, feeling some satisfaction that Snape couldn't punish him for it.
She moved closer to Lupin. "We are going to take Alex back to the Hufflepuff common room," she said firmly. "And you—" She looked angrily at Snape's wand. "Put that away and go patrol somewhere else, why don't you?" Snape didn't respond, but he whirled around and stalked off, muttering furiously about mud-bloods and half-breeds as he went. Lupin took Alex's other hand and he and Lily led him down the corridor.
"What was that about?" she asked Lupin.
"Dunno," he lied in a mumbling voice. Harry wondered how much of that conversation his mother had picked up on. Apparently Lupin was wondering the same thing, because he seemed a tiny bit shaken. But then again, he was under quite a bit of stress as of late.
"Right then," Lily sighed, apparently not believing him. They both ushered Alex to the entrance to the Hufflepuff dormitories, a painting of a rather plump, smiling wizard in a feathered hat and cape, and made Alex promise not to leave his dormitory after curfew ever again. He agreed, tearfully, and disappeared behind the portrait hole.
"Why don't you meet me in the common room after lunch?" offered Lily, as they walked back. "I'll help you go over everything you missed last week. It was rather a lot, and if you're not talking to any of your friends, Charms isn't the only thing you missed…"
"Really?" said Lupin, his tired eyes lighting up. "Thank you, so much—I—if you don't have time I understand—"
"Nonsense, Remus," she said. "It's no trouble at all."
Lupin looked elated and extremely relieved. "Thanks, Lily."
She smiled. "What are friends for?"
000
Lupin was still going through Snape's memories. He felt somewhat guilty about this, but that guilt was vastly overwhelmed by curiosity. Besides, he just wasn't very good at navigating in Pensieves and this whole mess wasn't entirely his fault. Yes. Precisely. A complete accident, and not his fault in the least.
He followed Snape down a dark tunnel.. He was wearing flowing black robes (which wasn't entirely unusual) and was near the front of a long procession of masked, black robed figures.
The figures marched slowly down the hall for a very long time. No one spoke. About a dozen of the masked figures were carrying green torches above their heads, filling the gloomy tunnel with dim, creepy light.
The procession finally spilled out into a large, circular room. The walls were high and carved solidly out of grayish rock. The masked figures spread around and stood against the walls, leaving a few figures standing in the center. At the opposite end of the room, a pale figure swathed in flowing black robes rose slowly from his throne.
"He has a throne?" thought Lupin incredulously. Arrogant, soulless, filthy, murderous bastard…what kind of mental complex drove him to construct a throne in his headquarters?
"Welcome…" he hissed, standing before his assembled followers. "Tonight, we assimilate new brethren into our midst." There was a subdued, but politely excited muttering among the gathered Death Eaters. "Lucius, step forward with your candidate,"
"Yes, my Lord," muttered one of the masked figures. He approached the throne, steering the masked figure Lupin had pegged as Snape forward as well. They both knelt down and kissed the hem of his robes.
"Arise," he commanded. That cruel voice was so unsettling. Lupin knew for a fact that it was much, much worse having to hear it in person, but the lingering memory was still enough to make his skin crawl. "Show your face," he commended, glaring regally at Snape. Snape obediently removed his mask and respectfully turned his gaze to the floor.
"Kneel," commanded Voldemort. Snape bent down onto one knee. He pulled up his sleeve and held up his forearm. Voldemort accepted it into his long, spindly white fingers. He ran a finger along Snape's pale skin before wrapping the palm of his hand around the lower part of the arm in a vice-like grip.
"You will follow all orders," he said, squeezing Snape's arm even harder.
"Yes, my Lord."
"You will obey without question."
"Yes, my Lord."
The skin on Snape's arm was emiting a hissing sound like it was being branded with a hot iron. Lupin could swear there were wisps of smoke slipping out from between Voldemort's white fingers. It looked rather painfully, but Snape did not flinch.
"You will serve our noble cause, to destroy the weak and impure."
""Yes, my Lord."
"You will serve until your death."
"Yes, my Lord."
"Arise, now, Snape, Knight of Walpurgis."
Snape stood up and faced the assembled "knights." Lupin made a disgusted noise. Then again, it was sort his fault for watching this in the first place.
"And now, the final test," said Voldemort, smiling. "Lucius?" Malfoy nodded and flicked his wand. Snape looked slightly surprised, but concealed it quickly. Apparently, he wasn't expecting whatever was about to happen. A tiny shivering figure, wrapped in tattered grey blankets, appeared in the center of the floor. It was a little girl. She couldn't have been more than six or seven. She looked around the room in terror with huge, tearstained brown eyes.
"W—where am I?" She burst into tears once more. "I want to go home," she sobbed.
"Crucio!" said Malfoy. The girl arched backwards and rolled on the stone floor, twitching and screaming in agony. The assembled crowd laughed at the spectacle. Horrified, Lupin stepped forward instinctively. He quickly realized that there wasn't anything he could do. These were only shadows of the past, nothing more. Nothing could be changed. He backed away, appalled.
Snape looked at the little girl, his expression unreadable. Malfoy finally pulled his wand back. The girl stopped screaming but continued crying. It was a terrible sound that made Lupin feel sick inside.
"Severus?" said Lucius, gesturing towards the girl with a mock bow. His face was hidden, but it was obvious he was smiling sadistically.
Snape paused for a split second probably weighing his options. Lupin tried to imagine his position. On the one hand—if he didn't kill the girl, they would kill him. Also—the girl was probably dead anyway. If she survived this, she could only look forward to more torture most, likely from Malfoy. Lupin mentally swore at Malfoy for being a perverted and disgusting excuse for a human being. On the other hand, this entire affair hinged on murdering a little girl, which Lupin did not find appealing in the least. He wasn't sure how Snape felt about it.
Snape raised his wand and quietly sent the killing curse towards the small girl. She crumpled to the floor, lifeless, he tearful eyes open in shock. The Death Eaters began clapping. The green torches were extinguished and they began milling about the room as if they were at a dinner party, stepping unceremoniously over the body in the center of the room. Voldemort disappeared mysteriously into another chamber.
"Congratulations, my friend," said Lucius pompously. "Welcome."
"Thank you, Lucius," replied Snape. "I am honored." Lucius walked away. The crowd was slowly filing out of the room in small groups. Another Death Eater walked up behind Snape and removed his mask, revealing an older man.
"Well done," said the older Death Eater approvingly. "My son. You have finally proven yourself. My true son…." He smiled grimly. "No longer plagued by weakness, perhaps…."
"Thank you, father," said Snape quietly. He did not look pleased to see him. Septimus left with another small cluster of people. A few minutes later, Snape followed a younger couple out of the chamber. They walked in silence down the passageway and onto the quiet, dark streets. It was a bright, clear night. The three of them tucked their masks into the pocket of their robes, revealing a young Bellatrix Black and Rabastan Lestrage, hanging all over each other like sexually depraved teenagers. Well—actually they were sexually depraved teenagers—so it wasn't that unexpected.
"Excellent kill, Snape," remarked Lestrage. "Not even a tremble. The knights were impressed."
Snape nodded appreciatively.
"Knights," scoffed Bellatrix, her arms snaked scandalously around Lestrage's body. "What a stupid name." Snape stared at her, uncertain.
Lestrage snorted. "Tell him your name, Bella."
Bellatrix smiled in her depraved, insane way, staring out at Snape from behind somewhat excessive amounts of jet black eyeliner.
"The Death Eaters." She ran her finger seductively across her boyfriend's chest. "We are the Death Eaters."
Apparently overcome with sadistic desire, they began violently kissing under a street lamp, oblivious to the outside world. Snape hurried past them. Lupin turned away, trying to repress the urge to gag. There were something that should not be done on a public street corner, no matter how late it was.
Snape hurried down several blocks, finally turning a street corner and cutting across some Muggle lawns. He paused, looking at his own reflection in on of the darkened windows of a house.
"This is what you wanted," he told his reflection. He stared at himself for a while, perhaps not entirely convinced that was true. He gingerly raised his sleeve, looking down at his forearm for what Lupin was fairly sure was the first time that night. There was a large red welt of scarred skin. In the center was the dark mark—a snake, a skull, and stars—burned deep within the flesh of his arm.
He looked at the mark intensely. He moved with his other hand to touch the mark, but paused and replaced his sleeve instead. Then, he knelt down and proceeded to be violently sick into someone's wilting flower-bed. After a few moments of gagging, he stood up and hastily Disapperated, his face quite a bit paler than usual.
000
AN: I'm not really a Remus/Lily shipper, but I do like the idea of them being friends. Also, my sister told me I'm obsessed with angst (hey, I never denied it) so I've decided to write something funny next chapter. It will be totally awkward to juxtapose it against some hideous Snape angst. Doesn't that sound awesome? ANGST! (And pure fluffy humor, coming soon.)
Quote of the Day:
"The crown is mine, b-tch!" – Clark Kent, Smallville